1990年6月14日
第一季第四集
男人的分手
Plot summary for "Seinfeld" Male Unbonding
Jerry tries various excuses to avoid meeting with an old friend with whom he no longer shares any interests.
情节概要：
杰瑞用尽各种借口，只为避免与一个已经没有共同语言的老朋友见面。

[Setting: Nightclub]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: Most men like working on things, tools, objects, fixing things. This is what men enjoy doing. Have you ever noticed a guy's out in his driveway working on something with tools, how all the other men in the neighborhood are magnetically drawn to this activity. They just come wandering out of the house like zombies. Men, it's true, men hear a drill, it's like a dog whistle. Just.. you know, they go running up to that living room curtain, "Honey, I think Jim's working on something over there." So they run over to the guy. Now they don't actually help the guy. No, they just want to hang around the area where work is being done. That's what men want to do. We want to watch the guy, we want to talk to him, we want to ask him dumb questions. You know, "What are you using, the Philips head?" You know, we feel involved. That's why when they have construction sites, they have to have those wood panel fences around it, that's just to keep the men out. They cut those little holes for us so we can see what the hell is going on. But if they don't cut those holes - we are climbing those fences. Right over there. "What are you using the steel girders down there? Yeah, that'll hold."
杰瑞：绝大多数男人都喜欢摆弄“东西”——工具啊、物件啊，或修缮什么。这就是男人乐于做的事。你有没有注意到，当一个男人在自家车道上用工具做事的时候，就像有种神奇的魔力般的，邻里的一些男人都会被吸引过来。他们就像僵尸般，从房子里走出到那里。这是千真万确的，男人听到电钻声就像狗听到哨子声一样。就像这样……他们跑到起居室的窗口，对妻子说“亲爱的，好像吉姆在那儿做什么呢。”然后他们就跑出去看那个在“做事”的男人。他们不是真的要去帮忙做些什么，他们只是想在那些事情发生的地方附近晃悠。这就是男人想做的事儿，我们喜欢看着那个男人，和他说话，问一些很蠢的问题。比如：你用的是啥？飞利浦的钻头？这样让我们感觉很融入这个场景。这就是为什么建筑工地的周围都有木栅栏，就是为了防止这些男人进来。他们钻点洞眼，就能窥探里面发生的事情；或者就干脆翻墙进来了。这个钢梁是干啥的？哦，那很坚固的样子。

[Setting: Jerry's apartment building](Jerry and George are waiting for the elevator)
（场景：杰瑞的房间，杰瑞和乔治在等电梯）
GEORGE: I had to say something. I had to say something. Everything was going so well; I had to say something.
乔治：我有话要说。非说不可。什么事情都这么顺利，我必须得说点什么。
JERRY: I don't think you did anything wrong.
杰瑞：我不认为你做错什么了呀。
GEORGE: I told her I liked her. Why? Why did I tell her I like her? I have this sick compulsion to tell women how I feel. I like you I don't tell you.
乔治：我告诉她我喜欢她。为什么？为什么我要对她说我喜欢她！我有种变态的强迫症非得告诉女人们我在想什么不可。我喜欢你，我就不告诉你。
JERRY: We can only thank God for that.
杰瑞：感谢上帝。
(Elevator opens, they get on)
（进电梯）
GEORGE: I'm outta the picture. I am outta the picture. (laughs) It's only a matter of time now.
乔治：我要被清扫了！我要被排除了！（哈哈哈）只是个时间问题了。
JERRY: You're imagining this. Really.
杰瑞：你只是在想象罢了！真的。
GEORGE: Oh no. No, no, no, no.
乔治：不，不，不……
(elevator doors close)

GEORGE(cont.): I'll tell you when it happened. When that floss came flying out of my pocket.
乔治：发生的时候我就会告诉你的。当牙缝拉线从我的皮包里飞出的时候。
JERRY: What floss? When?
杰瑞：什么牙线？什么时候？
GEORGE: We were in the lobby during the intermission of the play. I was buying her one of those containers of orange drink, for five dollars. I reached into my pocket to pay for it, I looked down; there's this piece of green floss hanging from my fingers.
乔治：表演中场休息时我们在大厅，我正在为她买一种灌装橘汁，5块钱。从钱包里掏钱的时候，一看，我手指上挂着一根绿色的牙线！
JERRY: Ah, mint.
杰瑞：嗯，要口香糖吗？
GEORGE: Of course. So, I'm looking at it, I look up, I see she's looking at it. Our eyes lock. It was a horrible moment. I just..
乔治：当然。当我看着它的时候，我往上看，我看见她也在看着那个。我们眼神锁住了，真是个恐怖的时刻。我真是……
(eleveator doors open, they get off)
（出电梯）
JERRY: So let me get this straight: she saw the floss, you panicked and you told her you liked her.
杰瑞：我来给你理一理：她看见了牙线，你恐慌了然后你告诉她你喜欢她。
GEORGE: If I didn't put that floss in my pocket, I'd be crawling around her bedroom right now looking for my glasses.
乔治：要是我不把那牙线放到我的钱包里，我现在早就在她的闺房里鱼水交欢了。
JERRY: And you're sure the floss was the catalyst?
杰瑞：你确定那牙线就是催化剂？
GEORGE: Yes, I am.
乔治：是，我肯定。
JERRY: (looks at a carrying pouch George is wearing) You don't think it might've had anything to do with that?
杰瑞：（看看乔治的肚袋）你不认为这个地方也会影响？
GEORGE: What? You don't like this?
乔治：什么？你不喜欢这个？
JERRY: It looks like your belt is digesting a small animal.
杰瑞：看起来像是你的腰带正在消化一头小动物。
(they go into Jerry's apartment to find Kramer talking on the phone)
（进屋，克雷默在电话中）
KRAMER: Oh, they've got a cure for cancer. See, it's all big business.. Oh hey, Jerry just walked in. Hi, George. (resumes talking on the phone) Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, take my number - 555-8643. Okay, here he is. (hands phone to Jerry.)
克雷默：哦，他们找到了治愈癌症的妙方。看，真是笔大买卖。是的，杰瑞刚进屋。嗨，乔治。（继续电话）是的，是，是的。记下我的电话——5558643，好的，他来了。（把电话给杰瑞）
JERRY: (to Kramer) Who is it?
杰瑞：（问克雷默）是谁？
KRAMER: Take it.
克雷默：接就是了。
JERRY: Who is it?
杰瑞：到底是谁？
KRAMER: It's for you.
克雷默：是打给你的。
JERRY: (into phone) Hello? Oh, hi Joel. (Jerry hits Kramer with a magazine.) .. No. I was out of town. I just got back.. Kramer doesn't know anything.. He's just my next-door neighbor. Uh.. nothing much.. Tuesday? Uh, Tuesday, no. I'm meeting somebody.. Uh, Wednesday? Wednesday's okay.. Alright. Uh, I'm a little busy right now. Can we talk Wednesday morning? .. Okay.. yeah.. right.. thanks.. bye. (hangs up, then addresses Kramer) Why did you put me on the phone with him? I hate just being handed a phone.
杰瑞：（接电话）喂？哦，嗨乔尔。（杰瑞用杂志打克雷默）不，我出城了，刚回来呢。克雷默啥都不知道，只是我的邻居，哦……没什么……周二？哦，周二，不，我要见什么人……哦，周三？周三可以，行，嗯，我现在有点事儿，我们周三早上再说？好的，行，嗯，谢谢，再见。（挂起电话，质问克雷默）你为什么要让我接他的电话？我讨厌这样被架上电话机。
KRAMER: Well, it's your phone. He wanted to talk to you
克雷默：嗯，这是你的电话啊，他想跟你说话。
JERRY: Maybe I didn't want to talk to him.
杰瑞：你就不想想可能我不想跟他说话啊！
KRAMER: Well, why not?
克雷默：哦，为啥？
JERRY: He bothers me. I don't even answer the phone anymore because of him. He's turned me into a screener. Now I gotta go see him on Wednesday.
杰瑞：我烦他。因为他我都不太接任何电话了。他把我变成了一个过滤机，可现在我得在周三见他！
GEORGE: What do you mean Wednesday? I though we had tickets to the Knick game Wednesday. We got seats behind the bench! What happened? We're not going?
乔治：你说周三是什么意思？我记得我们有周三尼克斯队的球票，座位就在板凳席后面！你这算什么？难道我们不去了？！
JERRY: We're going. That's next Wednesday.
杰瑞：当然去。下个周三。
GEORGE: Oh. Who is this guy?
乔治：哦，这个人是谁？
JERRY: His name is Joel Horneck. He lived like three houses down from me when I grew up. He had a Ping Pong table. We were friends. Should I suffer the rest of my life because I like to play Ping Pong? I was ten. I would've been friends with Stalin if he had a Ping Pong table.. he's so self-involved.
杰瑞：他叫乔尔.霍耐克，我小时候他住在离我3栋房子远的地方，他有张乒乓球台，我们是朋友。难道我的余生就该为我喜欢打乒乓而受难吗？要是斯大林有乒乓球台的话我都愿意和他做朋友……乔尔太自私了。
(phone rings, Kramer pulls his phone out of his pocket)
（电话铃响，克雷默从兜里拿出电话）
KRAMER: That's for me. (into phone) Kramerica Industries.. Oh, hi, Mark.. No, no, no. Forget that. I got a better idea. A pizza place where you make your own pie.
克雷默：我的电话。（电话中）克雷默企业……哦，嗨，马克，不，不，没事，我有个更好的点子。一间自助式的披萨餐厅。
JERRY: Can you conduct your business elsewhere?
杰瑞：您就不能到别处去经营您的企业？
KRAMER: (ignoring Jerry) No, no, no. I'm talking about a whole chain of 'em. Yeah. (Kramer leaves Jerry's apartment while still on the phone.)
克雷默：（无视杰瑞）不，不，我说的可是联锁产业，是的！（克雷默离开杰瑞的房间，电话中）
GEORGE: I don't know why you even bother with this ping pong guy, I'll tell you that.
乔治：不是我说你啊，我就不明白你干嘛去搭理那个乒乓男人。
JERRY: I don't bother with him. He's been calling me for seven years. I've never called him once! He's got the attention span of a five-year-old. Sometimes I sit there and I make up things just to see if he's paying attention.
杰瑞：你以为我想啊。他给我打电话都有七年了。我从来没有给他打过一次！他的注意力大概像5岁孩子一样。有时我坐在那里，随便捣腾点什么，只是为了看看他有没有注意到。
GEORGE: I don't understand why you spend time with this guy.
乔治：我不知道你为什么要和这个人在一起。
JERRY: What can I do? Break up with him? Tell him "I Don't think we're right for each other.." He's a guy. At least with a woman, there's a precendent. You know, the relationship goes sour, you end it.
杰瑞：我能怎么办？和他“分手”？告诉他：我认为我们两个不合适。他是个爷们儿！至少和女人的关系是可以依循先例的，你也知道，当一段关系变得不堪了，结束就是了。
GEORGE: No, no, no,no you have to approach this as if he was a woman.
乔治：不，不，你就得像处理和女人的关系一样对待他。
JERRY: Just break up with him?
杰瑞：就是和他分手？
GEORGE: Absolutely. You just tell him the truth.
乔治：没错！你告诉他实话就得了。
(scene ends)

[Setting: Nightclub]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: As a guy I don't know how I can break up with another guy. You know what I mean? I don't know how to say, "Bill, I feel I need to see other men." Do you know what I mean? There's nothing I can do. I have to wait for someone to die. I think that's the only way out of this relationship. It could be a long time. See, the great thing about guys is that we can become friends based on almost nothing. Just two guys will just become friends just because they're two guys. That's almost all we need to have in common. 'Cause sports - sports and women - is really all we talk about. If there was no sports and no women the only thing guys would ever say is "So, what's in the refrigerator?"
杰瑞：作为一个男人，我不知道要怎样去和另一个男人“分手”。你听懂我说的吧？我不知道该怎么说：“老王，我想我想和另外一个男人交往了。”听懂了吧？我对此无能为力。我只能等那个男人死掉。我想那样才算是为这段关系画上终止符了，那可能要等很长时间。男人们可以很容易就成为朋友，不需要任何理由。只是两个男人就可以成为朋友，只是因为他们是男人。“是男人”也许是我们唯一的共同点。因为体育和女人就是我们讨论的所有话题。除掉这些，男人剩下的话也许就类似于：那么，冰箱里都有啥？
[Setting: Coffee Shop] (Jerry and Joel are sitting at a table)
（场景：咖啡馆，杰瑞和乔尔坐着）
JOEL: ..so my shrink wants me to bring my mother in for a session. This guy is a brilliant man. Lenny Bruce used to go to him.. and I think, uh, Geraldo.
乔尔：我的心理咨询师要我把我妈妈带去共同咨询，那家伙很聪明。兰妮.布鲁斯也去过他那里……我认为，嗯，吉拉尔多……
JERRY: You know, I read the Lenny Bruce biography, I thought it was really - interesting.. he would-
杰瑞：听我说，我看过兰妮的传记，我认为那真是很有趣……他能……
JOEL: (interrupting) Hey, hey, hey, hey we're starving here! We've been waiting here for ten minutes already!
乔尔：（打断）嗨嗨嗨，嗨我们都快饿死了！我们已经在这儿等了10分钟了吧！
JERRY: (testing Joel) So, I'm thinking about going to Iran this summer.
杰瑞：（试验一下乔尔）那么，我在想我们这个夏天去伊朗的事情。
JOEL: I have to eat! I mean, I'm hypoglycemic.
乔尔：我要吃东西！我是说，我有低血糖。
JERRY: Anyway, the Hizballah has invited me to perform. You know, it's their annual terrorist luncheon. I'm gonna do it is Farsi.
杰瑞：不管怎样，真主党邀请我去演出。你知道的，在他们的恐怖主义年会上，我将用波斯语表演。
JOEL: Do you think I need a haircut?
乔尔：你认为我该去理个发吗？
(waitress comes to their table)
（服务生过来）
WAITRESS: Are you ready?
服务生：你们要点单了吗？
JERRY: Yeah, I'll have the egg salad on whole wheat.
杰瑞：是的，我要个全麦鸡蛋沙拉。
JOEL: Let me ask you a question. This, uh, this turkey sandwich here, is that real turkey, or is it a turkey roll? I don't want that processed turkey. I hate it.
乔尔：让我来问你，嗯，这个火鸡三明治，是真的火鸡，还是火鸡肉卷？我不想要加工后的火鸡，我讨厌这个。
WAITRESS: I think it's real turkey.
服务生：我想这是真的火鸡。
JOEL: Is there a real bird in the back?
乔尔：你是说那儿真有只“鸟”？
WAITRESS: No, there's not bird but-
服务生：不，那里没有鸟但是……
JOEL: Well, how do you know for sure? Look, why don't you do me a favor. Why don't you go in the back and find out, okay?
乔尔：那么，你怎么知道真的有火鸡？看看，你行行好吧，你为什么不进去查实一下呢，好吗？
(waitress leaves)
（服务生离开）
JOEL: (cont.) Unbelievable..
乔尔：不可思议……
JERRY: How can you talk to someone like that?
杰瑞：你怎么能这样跟人说话？
JOEL: What are you saying? What, you like turkey roll?
乔尔：你在说什么呢！难道你喜欢火鸡肉卷不成？
JERRY: Listen, Joel. There's something I have to tell you.
杰瑞：听着！乔尔，有些事我必须告诉你！
JOEL: Wait, you'll never guess who I ran into.
乔尔：等等，你怎么也想不到我遇见了谁。
JERRY AND JOEL: Howard metro.
杰瑞和乔尔：地铁的霍华德。
JOEL: He asked me if I still saw you. I said, "Sure, I see him all the time. We're great friends." Anyway, Howard says hello.
乔尔：他问我是不是我还和你有来往，我说：当然，我一直见他，我们是很好的朋友。霍华德要我带好。
JERRY: ..listen, Joel.. I don't think we should see each other anymore.
杰瑞：听着，乔尔……我认为我们以后都不要见面了。
JOEL: what?
乔尔：什么？
JERRY: This friendship.. it's not working.
杰瑞：这份友谊……不会有结果的。
JOEL: Not working? What are you talking about?
乔尔：不会有结果？你在胡扯什么呢？
JERRY: We're just not suited to be friends.
杰瑞：我们就是不适合做朋友。
JOEL: How can you say that?
乔尔：你怎么能这么说？！
JERRY: Look, you're a nice guy, it's just that - we don't have anything in common.
杰瑞：听着，你是个很不错的人，这只是……我们没有任何交集。
JOEL: (starting to cry) Wait. Wat did I do? Tell me.. I want to know.
乔尔：（开始哭）等等，我做了什么了？告诉我，我想知道。
JERRY: You didn't do anything. It's not you, it's me. It's.. this is very difficult.
杰瑞：你没有做任何事情。这与你无关，是因为我。这……这很难说。
JOEL: Look, I know I call you too much, right? I mean, I know you're a very busy guy.
乔尔：我知道我给你打太多电话了，是吗？我是说，我知道你很忙。
JERRY: No, it's not that.
杰瑞：不，不是因为这个。
JOEL: (crying) You're one of the few people I can talk to.
乔尔：（哭）你是极少数的几个我能说话的人。
JERRY: Oh, come on. That's not true.
杰瑞：哦，别这样，这不是真的。
JOEL: I always tell everybody about you; tell everybody to go see your show. I mean, I'm your biggest fan!
乔尔：我一直跟大家谈起你，要大家去看你的演出，我是你最铁的粉丝！
JERRY: I know, I know.
杰瑞：我知道，知道。
JOEL: I mean, you're my best friend.
乔尔：要知道你是我最好的朋友。
JERRY: Best friend? I've never been to your apartment.
杰瑞：最好的朋友？我连你家都没去过。
JOEL: I cannot believe that this is happening. I can't believe it.
乔尔：无法相信这一切！我不能接受。
JERRY: Okay, okay. Forget it. It's okay. Id didn't mean it.
杰瑞：好了，好了，算了。好吗？我没那个意思。
JOEL: Didn't mean what?
乔尔：没什么意思？
JERRY: What I said. I've been under a lot of stress.
杰瑞：我说的话。我最近面临太多压力。
JOEL: Oh, you've been under a lot of stress.
乔尔：哦，你面临太多压力。
JERRY: Just, can we just forget the whole thing ever happend? I'm sorry. I din't mean it. I took it out on you. We're still friends. We're still friends. Still friends. Okay? Look, I'll tell you what. I've got Knick tickets this Wednesday. Great seats behind the bench.  You want to come with me? Come on.
杰瑞：只是，就当这一切没发生过好不好？对不起，我不是那个意思。我把气都撒到你身上。我们还是朋友，还是朋友，好吗？听我说，我有周三尼克斯队比赛的球票，座位棒极了！你想和我一起去吗？好了。
JOEL: Tonight?
乔尔：今晚？
JERRY: No, next Wednesday. If it was tonight, I would've said tonight.
杰瑞：不，下周三。要是今晚，我就不会说“周三”了。
JOEL: Do you really want me to go?
乔尔：你真的要我去？
JERRY: (faking) Yes.
杰瑞：（伪装）是的。
JOEL: Okay. yeah, okay. Great! That would be, that'd be great.. so, next Wednesday.
乔尔：好的，好的，棒极了！那真是好极了！那么，下周三……
JERRY: Next Wednesday.
杰瑞：下周三。
JOEL: Where is that waitress?! Hey! ..
乔尔：服务生在哪儿？嗨……
(scene ends)

[Setting: Bank] (Jerry is at the counter, filling out a slip; George is carrying a jug full of pennies.)
（场景：银行，杰瑞在柜台填单子；乔治拿着一个零钱罐）
GEORGE: ..she calls me up at my office, she says, "We have to talk."
乔治：她给我办公室打电话，她说：我们得谈谈。
JERRY: Uh, the four worst words in the English language.
杰瑞：哦，最恐怖的一句话了！
GEORGE: That, or "Who's bra is this?"
乔治：哦是这句话还是“那是谁的胸罩？”
JERRY: That is worse.
杰瑞：那句更糟。
GEORGE: So we order lunch, and we're talking. Finally, she blurts out how it's "not working".
乔治：我们点了午餐，开始聊天。终于，她说出了我们是“不可能的”之类的话。
JERRY: Really.
杰瑞：真的？
GEORGE: So, I'm thinking, as she's saying this, I'm thinking: great, the relationship's over. But the egg salad's on the way. So now I have a decision - do I walk or do I eat?
乔治：然后我就在想啊，就是她在说这些的时候我在想：好极了，这段关系结束了，但是鸡蛋沙拉已经要上菜了，我该走人呢还是该吃东西？
JERRY: Hm? You ate.
杰瑞：嗯，你吃了。
GEORGE: We sat there for twenty minutes, chewing, staring at each other in a defunct relationship.
乔治：我们在那儿坐了20分钟，咀嚼，作为已经结束的感情的当事人，盯着对方看。
JERRY: Someone says, "Get out of my life!" and that doesn't affect your appetite?
杰瑞：有人冲你说：滚出我的生活！居然这都不能影响你的食欲？
GEORGE: Have you ever had their egg salad?
乔治：你没有尝过他们的鸡蛋沙拉吧？
JERRY: It is unbelievable.
杰瑞：真是离奇。
GEORGE: It's unbelievable. You know what else is unbelievable? I picked up the check. She didn't even offer. She ended it. The least she could do is send me off with a sandwich.
乔治：这离奇？还有更诡异的呢！我付了账单。她甚至提都不提一下。她结束的关系，她至少能用一块三明治送我离开吧？！
JERRY: (looking at George's penny jug) How much could you possibly have in there?
杰瑞：（看着乔治的零钱罐）你那罐子里能有多少钱？
GEORGE: It's my money. What should I do? Throw it out the window? I know guy who took his vacation on change.
乔治：这是我的钱。我能干什么？扔出窗外？我认识个家伙用零钱就出去度假了。
JERRY: Yeah? Where'd he go? To and arcade?
杰瑞：什么？他能去哪儿？娱乐厅？
GEORGE: (sarcastic) That's funny. You're a funny guy.
乔治：（讽刺的）很好玩是吧。你这个滑稽的家伙。
JERRY: C'mon, move up.
杰瑞：得了，快走。
(George moves up in the bank line)
（乔治在队列中前行）
CUSTOMER: Oh great, Ewing's hurt.
顾客：哦，真好，尤因受伤了。
GEORGE: Ewing's hurt? How long is he going to be out?
乔治：尤因受伤了？他多久不能上场？
CUSTOMER: A couple of days at the most but..
顾客：最多几天但是……
GEORGE: Geez.
乔治：天……
JERRY: Oh, God.
杰瑞：哦，天啊。
GEORGE: I got scared there for a second. The Knicks without Ewing.
乔治：我都快懵了，没有尤因的尼克斯！
JERRY: Listen, George, little problem with the game.
杰瑞：听着，乔治，关于比赛还有点小问题。
GEORGE: What about it?
乔治：什么问题？
JERRY: The thing is, yesterday, I kind of.. uh..
杰瑞：事情是这样的……昨天，我好像……
GEORGE: What?
乔治：什么？
JERRY: I geve your ticket to Horneck.
杰瑞：我把你的票给了霍耐克。
GEORGE: You what?!
乔治：你什么！？
JERRY: Yeah, I'm sorry. I had to give it to Horneck.
杰瑞：是的，不好意思，我必须把票给他。
GEORGE: No! My ticket?! You gave my ticket to Horneck?
乔治：不！我的票？！你把我的票给了霍耐克？
JERRY: (talking about the line) C'mon, c'mon, go ahead, move up.
杰瑞：（转移话题到排队上）快点快点，往前挪一点啊！
GEORGE: Why did you give him my ticket for?
乔治：你把我的票给他是什么意思？
JERRY: You didn't see him. It was horrible.
杰瑞：你是没看见他那个样子啊，那真是恐怖。
GOERGE: Oh, c'mon, Jerry. I can't believe this.
乔治：哦，得了吧，杰瑞，鬼才信你。
JERRY: I had to do it.
杰瑞：我非得这样做不可。
(George is up to the teller, Jerry goes to another one.)
（乔治到柜台前，杰瑞去另外一个）
GEORGE: Oh, please. (to the teller) Can you change this into bills?
乔治：哦算了吧。（对出纳）能把这些换成纸币吗？
TELLER: I'm sorry, sir. We can't do that.
出纳：对不起，先生，我们做不了。
JERRY: Do you want to go with him? You go. I don't mind.
杰瑞：你想和他一起去吗？你去好了，我不介意的。
GEORGE: I'm not going with him. I don't even know the guy. (to the teller) Look, they did this for me before.
乔治：我才不和他去呢。我根本不认识他。（对出纳）听着，他们以前也按我的要求做过。
TELLER: Look, I can give you these and you can roll them yourself.
出纳：听着，不如我给你这些你自己卷去吧。
GEORGE: You want me to roll six thousand of these?! What, should I quit my job?!
乔治：你让我自己兑换6000块？什么？难道要我辞职不成？
(Scene ends.)

[Setting: Nightclub]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: I do not like the bank. I've heard the expression "Laughing all the way to the bank." I have never seen anyone actually doing it. And those bank lines. I hate it when there's nobody on the line at all, you know that part, you go to the bank, it's empty and you still have to go through the little maze. "Can you get a little piece of cheese for me? I'm almost at the front. I'd like a reward for this please."
杰瑞：我不喜欢银行。我听过这样的形容：一路笑着去银行。可我从来没见过真有人这样做。还有那些银行的长龙，我讨厌根本没有人好好站队。你知道的，当你去银行，那里根本空空如也可你还得像钻迷宫一样走。你能给我一小块奶酪不？我快要到前面了，我想要点奖励。
[Setting: Jerry's apartment] (George is stuffing pennies into rolls.)
（场景：杰瑞家，乔治将小面额钞票卷起来）
GEORGE: ..Thirty-two, thirty-three-
乔治：……32，33……
JERRY: George.
杰瑞：乔治。
GEORGE: (raises his hand) Not now.. (counts to himself).
乔治：（举手）靠……（自己数数）
JERRY: Could you stop the counting?
杰瑞：你就不能停止数数吗？
GEORGE: Nnnnnnnninngaaa! (Dumping out roll) What?!
乔治：不……行！（扔开钱卷）什么事？
JERRY: Can I make it up to you? I'll give you fifty bucks for the jug.
杰瑞：我能做点什么补偿你吗？我给你50块换你的零钱罐。
GEORGE: Oh, yeah, sure. Keep your money.
乔治：哦，是的，当然，不要你的臭钱。
JERRY: Well, then I'm not going to the game either. Okay? I'll give him both tickets.
杰瑞：好吧，那我也不去看比赛了，行吧。我把两张票都给他。
GEORGE: (pantomimes sticking an imaginary knife in his heart, and twists it) Oh geeeee.. Go, go!
乔治：（假装一把小刀刺进胸口，还转上一圈）额滴神……滚，滚！
JERRY: I.. no, I don't want to go.
杰瑞：我……不，我不想去。
GEORGE: He was really crying?
乔治：他真的哭了？
JERRY: I had to give him a tissue. In fact, let me call his machine now and I'll just make up some excuse why I can't go to the game either.
杰瑞：泪流满面。事实上，我只要给他的答录机留言编造点借口说我去不了就行了。
GEORGE: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. As long as you're going to lie to the guy, why don't you tell him that you lost both of the tickets, then we could go?
乔治：等等，等等，与其你这样骗他，还不如骗得彻底点说两张票都丢了，那样我们不就可以去了？
JERRY: George, the man wept.
杰瑞：乔治，那人都哭成那样了。
(Kramer enters.)
（克雷默进屋）
KRAMER: Oh, hey guys. Man, I'm telling you. This pizza idea, is really going to happen.
克雷默：哦，伙计们。我得告诉你们，那个自助式披萨的主意，马上就要实施了。
GEORGE: This is the thing where you go and you have to make your own pizza?
乔治：就是你所谓的那个你吃自己做的披萨的地方？
KRAMER: Yeah, we give you the dough, you smash it, you pound it, you fling it in the air; and then you get to put your sauce and you get to sprinkle your cheese, and they - you slide it into the oven.
克雷默：是啊，我们给你个生面团，你自己拍打、揉捏，然后在空中旋转、飞舞，然后自己加点调味料，撒在披萨上，然后自己放入烤箱。
GOERGE: You know, you have to know how to do that. You can't have people shoving their arms into a six-hundred degree oven.
乔治：你要知道，你也得知道怎么做才行啊。搞不好有人会把自己的手放到600度高温的烤炉里烤了。
KRAMER: It's all supervised.
克雷默：我们有人监控的。
GEORGE: Oh, well.
乔治：好吧。
KRAMER: All of it. You want to invest?
克雷默：全程监控。你想投资不？
GEORGE: My money's all tied up in change right now.
乔治：我的钱现在都是小钞票。
KRAMER: No, I'm tellin' ya, people, they really want to make their own pizza pie.
克雷默：不，我告诉你，人们，他们真的很想自制披萨。
JERRY: I have to say something. With all due respect, I just never.. I can't imagine anyone in any walk of life, under any circumstance, wanting to make their own pizza pie.. but that's me.
杰瑞：有些话我非说不可了，我没别的意思，就是……我觉得吧，任何人在任何情况下都不会想要自己去做披萨自己吃……当然只是我的想法。
KRAMER: That's you.
克雷默：当然只是你的想法。
JERRY: I'm just saying..
杰瑞：我只是说……
KRAMER: Okay, okay. I just wanted to check with you guys.
克雷默：好吧好吧，我只是想跟大家伙儿说一声。
JERRY: Okay.
杰瑞：好吧。
KRAMER: You know, this business is going to be big. I just wanted .. okay. (he exits quickly, then sticks his head back through the door) One day, you'll beg me to make your own pie. (he leaves)
克雷默：你们看着吧，这生意一定会红火。我只是想……算了……（招牌式离开，然后探头进来）会有那么一天，你们会求我让你们自制披萨。（离开）
(Jerry dials up Joel)
（杰瑞给乔尔电话）
JERRY: Hi, Joel. This is Jerry. I hope you get this before you - Oh, Hi. Joel.. oh, you just came in.. listen, I can't amke it to the game tonight. I, uh, have to tutor my nephew - Yeah, he's got an exam tomarrow.. geometry.. you know, trapezoids, rhombus.. Anyway, listen, you take the tickets. They're at the Will-Call window..And I'm really sorry.. Have a good time. We'll talk next week. Okay.. yeah, I don't.. fine.. fine.. bye. (he hangs up).
杰瑞：嗨，乔尔，我是杰瑞啊。我希望你能在走之前听到——哦，嗨，乔尔，听我说，我今晚不能去看比赛了。我，嗯……要辅导我的侄子，是的，他明天要考试了……几何……你知道的，梯形啦，菱形啦。不管怎么说，听着，票都给你吧，在威尔的窗边，我真是抱歉……祝你玩得开心。我们下周再聊。好吗……我不……好了……好了……再见。（挂断电话）
GEORGE: Trapezoid?
乔治：梯形？
JERRY: I know. I'm really running out of excuses with this guy. I need some kind of excuse Rolodex.
杰瑞：我知道，我真是找不出任何借口来应付这个家伙了，我需要点“借口万宝全书”的帮忙。
(Scene ends.)

[Setting: Jerry's apartment, night time]
（场景：杰瑞住所，夜间）
ELAINE: Come on, let's go do something. I don't want to just sit around here.
依莲：来吧，让我们找点啥事儿做，我可不想就这么坐着。
JERRY: Okay.
杰瑞：好吧。
ELAINE: Want to go get something to eat?
依莲：想吃点啥？
JERRY: Where do you want to go?
杰瑞：你想去哪儿？
ELAINE: I don't care, I'm not hungry.
依莲：无所谓，我不饿。
JERRY: We could go to one of those cappuccino places. They let you just sit there.
杰瑞：我们可以去咖啡馆。他们会让我们在那儿待一会儿。
ELAINE: What are we gonna do there? Talk?
依莲：我们去那里干什么？聊天？
JERRY: We'll just sit there.
杰瑞：可以只是坐在那里。
ELAINE: Okay. I'm gonna check my machine first.
依莲：好吧，看看我的答录机先。
(Elaine sees a pad by the phone, and starts reading it.)
（依莲看到电话旁的记事本，开始看）
ELAINE: (cont.) "Picking someone up at the airport." "Jury Duty." "Waiting for cable guy."
依莲：“去机场接人”、“去参加陪审”、“等有线电视维修工”。
JERRY: Okay, just ahnd that over, please.
杰瑞：好吧，让我看看。
ELAINE: Oh, what is this?
依莲：哦，这是什么？
JERRY: It's a list of excuses, it's for that guy, Horneck, who's at the game tonight with my tickets. I have that list now so in case he calls, I just consult it and i don't have to see him. (Elaine laughs.) I need it. (Elaine starts writing on the list.) What are you doing?
杰瑞：这不正是个借口清单嘛，我可以用来对付霍耐克那家伙，就是今晚要拿我的球票去看比赛的人。以后他来电话，我只要从这个清单上找个借口就可以应付他了，不用去见他。（依莲笑）我需要这个。（依莲继续在单子上写）你在干嘛？
ELAINE: I got some for you.
依莲：我再给你加点料。
JERRY: I don't need anymore.
杰瑞：够多了。
ELAINE: No, no, no, no, no, these are good. Listen, listen: "You ran out of underwear, you can't leave the house."
依莲：不，不，不，这些很好的，听听：你内衣用完了，你不能离开房间。
JERRY: (sarcastic) Very funny.
杰瑞：（讽刺的）真好笑啊。
ELAINE: How about: "You've been diagnosed as a multiple personality, you're not even you, you're Dan."
依莲：再听听这个“你被诊断为多重人格障碍，你甚至都不是你自己了，你是丹”。
JERRY: I'm Dan. Can I have my list back, please?
杰瑞：我是丹。麻烦你把我的清单给我吧。
ELAINE: (gives Jerry the list) Here, here. Jerry Seinfeld, I cannot believe you're doing this. This is absolutely infantile.
依莲：（把清单给杰瑞）给你，给你。杰瑞.宋飞，真不敢相信你这么做，这也太幼稚点了。
JERRY: What can I do?
杰瑞：我能怎么办！
ELAINE: Deal with it. Be a man!
依莲：面对他，解决他啊！像个男人好不好！
JERRY: Oh no. That's impossible. I'd rather lie to him for the rest of my life that go through that again. He was crying, tears accompanied by mucus.
杰瑞：哦，不。那不可能。我宁可余生都来骗他也不要再见他一次。他居然在哭，眼泪鼻涕的。
ELAINE: You made a man cry? I've never made a man cry. I even kicked a guy in the groin once and he didn't cry.. I got the cab.
依莲：你把一个男人搞哭了？我都从来没让男人哭过。我踢过一个男人的腹股沟他都没哭……我抢到了出租车。
JERRY: A couple of touch monkeys.
杰瑞：一群捣蛋鬼。
(Elaine laughs, Kramer enters.)
（依莲笑，克雷默进屋）
KRAMER: Oh, hi Elaine, hey. (to Jerry) Hey, you missed a great game tonight, buddy!
克雷默：哦，嗨依莲，嗨，（对杰瑞）嗨，你错过了一场精彩的比赛，朋友！
JERRY: Game?
杰瑞：比赛？
KRAMER: Knock game. Horneck took me. We were sitting two rows behind the bench. We were getting hit by sweat!
克雷默：尼克斯的比赛啊。霍耐克带我去的。我们就坐在板凳席后面两排，甚至都能闻到球员身上的汗味。
JERRY: Wait. How does Horneck know you?
杰瑞：等等，霍耐克怎么认识你的？
KRAMER: Last week. When I, you know, game you the phone. He's really into my pizza place idea!
克雷默：上周，你知道的，就是我在接他打给你的电话的时候，他是真喜欢我那个自制披萨店的想法啊。
JERRY: This is too much.
杰瑞：我要崩溃了！
ELAINE: Wait, what pizza place idea?
依莲：等等，什么披萨店？
JERRY: Oh, no.
杰瑞：哦，求你了……
KRAMER: You make your own pie!
克雷默：你可以制作你自己的披萨。
ELAINE: Oh, that sounds like a great idea. It would be fun.
依莲：哦，听起来蛮不错的嘛，可能会很有意思。
JOEL: (from the hallway.)Kramer..
乔尔：（过道传来）克雷默……
KRAMER: Yeah.
克雷默：在这。
JERRY: Perfect.
杰瑞：这下死翘翘了。
(Horneck enters.)
（霍耐克进来）
JOEL: Hey..
乔尔：嗨……
KRAMER: Okay, who wants meatloaf?
克雷默：谁想要肉卷？
JERRY AND ELAINE: No thanks.
杰瑞和依莲：不了，谢谢。
KRAMER: (to Joel) It's gonna be hot in a minute. (exits)
克雷默：（对乔尔）马上就热好了。（离开）
JOEL: So, I though you were tutoring your nephew?
乔尔：那么，你不是说要辅导你侄子嘛？
JERRY: Oh, we finished early.
杰瑞：哦，我们已经结束了。
JOEL: Uhm, I'll bet. So, are you going to introduce me to your - nephew?
乔尔：哦，是吗。那么，你不打算给我介绍一下你的侄子（侄女）？
JERRY: Elaine Benes, this is Joel Horneck.
杰瑞：依莲.贝尼斯，这是乔尔.霍耐克。
ELAINE: Hi.
依莲：嗨。
JOEL: Whoa, Nelson! This is Elaine? I though you guys split?
乔尔：哦，尼尔森！这是依莲？我以为你们两个分手了呢！
JERRY: We're still friends.
杰瑞：我们还是朋友啊。
JOEL: So, thanks again for those tickets. But next week, I'm going to take you. You about next Tuesday night? (to Elaine) And why don't you come along?
乔尔：哦，再次感谢你的球票。不过下周，我可以带上你哦。下周二如何？（对依莲）你也一块儿来吧！
ELAINE: Oh, no, no. Tuesday's no good becasue we've got choir practice.
依莲：哦，不，不，我周二还有合唱团的排练，不好意思。
JERRY: Right. I forgot about choir.
杰瑞：是的，我忘了合唱团。
ELAINE: We're doing that evening of Eastern European National Anthems.
依莲：我们那晚要排一些东欧国家的国歌。
JERRY: Right. You know, the wall being down and everything.
杰瑞：是的，你知道的，柏林墙倒了……什么什么的。
JOEL: (to Jerry) What about Thursday night? I mean they're playing the Sonics.
乔尔：（对杰瑞）周四晚上呢？我是说对超音速的比赛。
(Jerry shakes his head.)
（杰瑞摇头）
ELAINE: Huh... Thursday is not good because we've got to get to the hospital to see if we qualify as those organ donors.
依莲：哦……周四不行是因为……我们要去医院检查身体，看看我们是不是能成为合格的器官捐赠者。
JOEL: You know, I should really try something like that.
乔尔：是吗，我也想试试去做这个。
JERRY: You really should.
杰瑞：你是该去。
JOEL: Well, let's just take a look here. (looks at his schedule) Forty-one home games. Saturday night we've got the mavericks. If you don't like the Mavericks, next Tuesday - Lakers. I mean, you gotta like Magic, right? Let's see, on the road, on the road, on the road, on the road, back on the fourteenth. They play the Bulls. You can't miss Air Jordan..
乔尔：好吧，我们再看看。（看日程表）41场主场比赛。周六晚对小牛队，你不喜欢的化，下周二湖人队，你总该喜欢魔术师约翰逊吧！再看看，客场，客场，客场，客场，14号回到主场，打公牛！你肯定不想错过飞人乔丹吧！
(Scene ends.)

[Setting: Nightclub]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: You know, I really.. I've come to the conclusion that there are certain friends in you life that they're just always your friends and you have to accept it. You see them, you don't really want to see them. You don't call them. They call you. You don't call back. They call again. The only way to get through talking with people that you don't really have anything in common with is to pretend you're hosting your own little talk show. This is what I do. You pretend there's a little desk around you. The only problem with this is there's no way you can say, "Hey, it's been great having you on the show. Were out of time."
杰瑞：你知道嘛，我真的……我得出结论了：人这一生总有些朋友，他们一辈子都当定你的朋友了，你得接受这个现实。你不想见他们也得见，你不给他们打电话，他们给你打。你不回电，他们继续打。唯一可以避免和这种和你毫无共同语言的人见面、聊天的办法就只有谎称你要做一场小型的脱口秀。这也正是我现在做的。假装周围有一圈小桌子围着你，唯一的问题就是，你永远也不能说：嗨，很高兴你来上我们的节目，我们时间快到了。

注：这集的剧本提供者很有意思，经常会冒出一点自己的想法，所以翻译的时候有时候碰到点雾水。因为看了这么久，第一季的一些细节也许记不清楚了，不好意思。

1990年5月31日
第一季第二集
监视
Plot summary for
"Seinfeld" The Stakeout
Jerry and George stake out the lobby of an office building to find a woman Jerry met at a party but whose name and phone number he didn't get.

情节概要：
杰瑞和乔治在一幢大楼的大堂里监视，想要找到一个杰瑞在派对上认识却不知道对方名字和号码的女人。

Opening monologue
Jerry: So, I'm on line at the supermarket. Two women in front of me. One of them, her total was eight dollars, the other three dollars. They both of course choose to pay by the use of the (pause and stare to audience for response)
杰瑞：我在超市的收银台前排队，我前头有两个女的，一个买了8块钱的东西，一个则是3块钱的。她们都选择用……

（等观众回应）
Audience: Cheque
观众：支票
Jerry: Cheque. Now, the fact is, if it's a woman in front of you that's writing the cheque, you will not be waiting long. I have noticed that women are very *fast* with cheques, y'know, 'cuz they write out so many cheques. The keys, they can never find in their purse, they don't know where that is, but the cheque book they got that. They never fumble for the cheque book-- the cheque book comes out of a holster: ["draws" imaginary book from an imaginary holster] ``Who do I make it out to?... There's my ID...''. There's something about a cheque that, to a man, is not masculine. I don't know exactly what it is... I think to a man, a cheque is like a note from your mother that says ``I don't have any money, but if you'll contact these people, I'm sure they'll stick up for me... If you just trust me this one time I don't have any money but I have these... I wrote on these; is this of any value at all?''
杰瑞：支票付款。不过还好，如果写支票的那个女人够熟练，你不用等太久的。我见识过那些女人写支票速度飞快，因为她们每天要写好多支票。虽然她们经常找不到在皮包中的钥匙，而支票簿，根本不需要去摸索，就好像从枪套中掏出手枪一样熟练。（肢体表演）“这钱是给谁的？……这是我的身份证号……”不过对于一个男人来说，支票包含了一定的阴柔成分。我不确定那些成分究竟是什么……我认为对一个男人来说，一张支票就像一张妈妈的纸条，上书：我没钱，不过如果你联系这些人，我肯定他们会为我挺身而出……相信我就算我没钱我也有这些……我写这些支票……这到底有个P价值啊？

Open at a video store where Jerry and some woman named "Elaine" are apparently looking to rent a movie for the night.
杰瑞和依莲在音像店租碟。
Jerry: What's that one?
杰瑞：那是什么片子？
Elaine: "Cocoon II: The Return". I guess they didn't like it up there...
依莲：茧II：回归。我猜它们不喜欢那里的生活……
Jerry: Maybe they came back for Chinese food. Y'know Maureen Stapleton, if she gets a craving, she's probably screamin' at those aliens, "I gotta have a Lo mein!"
杰瑞：也许它们为了中餐而回来的。如果毛灵.斯塔普顿好这口的话，她说不定会冲着外星人嚷嚷：我非得吃到捞面不可！
Elaine: Okay, what're we doing here? I have seen *everything*.
依莲：好吧，我们在这儿干嘛？我啥片子没见过呀。
Jerry: Oh yeah? I don't believe you've seen... this.
杰瑞：是吗？我就不信你看过这个……

Jerry shows Elaine some movie from the Adult section that's probably called "The Sperminator", or something...
（杰瑞给她看成人区的片子“终精者”）
Elaine: Oh, lovely...
依莲：哦……爽
Jerry: Yeah...
杰瑞：是啊……
Elaine: What do you think their parents think?
依莲：你认为他们的父母会怎么想？
Jerry: "So, uh, what's your son doing now, Dr. Stevens?"
杰瑞：“斯蒂文斯博士，你儿子在做什么呢？”
"Oh, he's a public fornicator. Yes, he's a fine boy..."
“哦，他是个公开的私通家，是的，他是个好孩子……”
Elaine: Y'know what? This would be a really funny gift for Pamela's birthday.
依莲：唉，你别说，帕梅拉要生日了，这一定会真是个有趣的礼物。
Jerry: Pamela? Do I know her?
杰瑞：帕梅拉？我认识她吗？
Elaine: Yeah, you met her when we were going out.
依莲：嗯，你和我交往那会儿见过她。
Jerry: Oh yeah, right...
杰瑞：哦，好吧……
Elaine: You have *no* idea who I'm talking about, do you?
依莲：你对我说的一点印象都没有，对吧？
Jerry: [quickly] No.
杰瑞：没错。
Elaine: Blonde hair remember? Glasses? [pause] Have you *totally* blocked out the entire time we were a couple?
依莲：金发美女？记得不？眼镜妹？想起来没？你是不是把我们是一对儿时的所有记忆都清空了呀？
 Bing!

Jerry: Riverside Drive.
杰瑞：河畔大道。
Elaine: Right! In fact... No, never mind...
依莲：没错！实际上……哦，别提了……
Jerry: Well, what is it?
杰瑞：嗯？怎么啦？
Elaine: Well, a bunch of people are getting together tomorrow night at some bar for her birthday, but... you don't want to go to... that... no.
依莲：一群人明晚要到酒吧去聚聚，为她庆生，但……你不会想去的……不。
Jerry: Wait a second, wait a second. We could work out a little deal here.
杰瑞：你等等，我想我们能做个小交易。
Elaine: What little deal?
依莲：什么交易？
Jerry: I will go to that, if you go with me to a little family wedding I have on Saturday.
杰瑞：我陪你去她的生日派对，不过你得答应周末陪我去一个婚宴。
Elaine: A *wedding*!? Have you *lost* it, man?
依莲：婚礼？你疯了吗？
Jerry: Y'know, my parents are coming in for this...
杰瑞：你知道，我父母也会过来……
Elaine: They're coming in?
依莲：他们要过来？
Jerry: Yeah, tomorrow.
杰瑞：是啊，明天。
Elaine: Hey, did your father ever get that hair weave?
依莲：嘿！你老爸还戴这那个假发？
Jerry: No, no... Still doin' the big *sweep* across.
杰瑞：不，不……长河落日圆了。
Elaine: Why does he do that?
依莲：他干嘛这样？
Jerry: Doesn't think anyone can tell?
杰瑞：鬼才知道。
Jerry: So c'mon, do we have a deal?
杰瑞：好了好了，成交不？
Elaine: A *wedding*?
依莲：婚礼？
Jerry: There's a lot of people to mock...
杰瑞：有很多人可以给你嘲弄哦……
Elaine: Alright, what the Hell.
依莲：好吧，管他娘的。
Jerry: Great!
杰瑞：太好了！

at the bar the next night...
（次日夜，酒吧）
Elaine: C'mon lets go, c'mon...
依莲：来吧，我们走……
Jerry: Was I supposed to bring something?
杰瑞：我是不是该带点啥？
Elaine: You could have.
依莲：你是可以带点啥嘛。
Jerry: I met her *one* time...
杰瑞：我只不过见过她一面罢了……
Elaine: It is not necessary.
依莲：也不是非得带不可。
Jerry: What did you say then?
杰瑞：你刚才还说……
Elaine: Sssshhhhhh!!!
依莲：嘘……
Pamela: Hi
帕梅拉：嗨！
Elaine: Hi Pamela, you remember Jerry.
依莲：嗨，帕梅拉，记得杰瑞嘛？
Pamela: Yes, we met.
帕梅拉：是，我们见过。
Jerry: Hi, happy birthday.
杰瑞：嗨，生日快乐。
Pamela: Ahh, everybody, this is Elaine and Jerry.
帕梅拉：哦，朋友们，这是依莲与杰瑞。
Guests: Hi
宾客：嗨
Jerry: I didn't bring anything.
杰瑞：我啥也没带。
Pamela: Ahh, I put you two right here.
帕梅拉：哦，你们俩就坐这儿吧。
Jerry: Oh, Okay (turns to rest of table) I'm sorry, I didn't know what to bring, nobody told me.
杰瑞：哦，好（对同桌宾客）不好意思，我不知道带啥好，也没人告诉我啊。

They sit down at a table next to each other. The piano man plays your basic "one-step-up-from-elevator-music" (simply 'cuz you're not stuck in an elevator while listening to it). Across from Jerry is a strikingly beautiful woman. She speaks:
他们相邻而坐。钢琴奏起一些通俗音乐的片段。杰瑞对面坐着是个漂亮的女人。

Vanessa: How big a tip do you think it'd take to get him to stop?
凡妮莎：真想拿钱砸死那个弹钢琴的，拜托，别弹了！
Jerry: I'm in for five...
杰瑞：支持你，给你五块……
Vanessa: I'll supply the hat.
凡妮莎：我提供帽子。
Jerry: [To himself] Uh-oh... What do we have here...
杰瑞：（自说自话）哦……真是牛头不对马嘴……
Vanessa: Why don't you relax and take your jacket off?
凡妮莎：你干嘛不放松点呢？把外套脱了。
Jerry: Oh, I can't-- I have a tendency to get chilly.
杰瑞：哦，我不能——我怕着凉。
Vanessa: How masculine...
凡妮莎：你还真是……
Jerry: Plus I'm wearing short sleeves, I don't want to expose my tattoos.
杰瑞：另外，我里面穿着短袖呢，不想露出我的纹身。
[To himself] She's unbelievable!（自说自话）这妞儿真灵……

The guy beside Venus, er, I mean Vanessa interrupts to tell her about this unseen guy next to him.
（凡妮莎身旁的男人打断了他们的谈话，说起他身边那个没见过的男人。）
Roger: [To Vanessa] Hey, this guy says he knows Bricker...
罗杰：（对凡妮莎）嗨，这人说他认识布里克……
Vanessa: Oh, you know Bricker! From where?
凡妮莎：哦，你认识布里克？在哪儿？
With their conversation interrupted, Jerry ponders to himself...
（谈话被打断，杰瑞自己开始猜想……）
Jerry: [To himself] What's going on here? Gotta be her boyfriend, she's too good to be alone... What's the difference, I can't maneuver anyway with Elaine next to me...
杰瑞：（自说自话）这是啥破事儿！一定是她的男朋友，她这么优秀……有什么好多想的，就连依莲这样的货色我都不能驾驭……
Vanessa: [To Jerry] How do you know Pamela?
凡妮莎：（对杰瑞）你是怎么认识帕梅拉的？
Jerry: Friend of a friend. And you?
杰瑞：朋友的朋友，你呢？
Vanessa: We went to law school together.
凡妮莎：我们一起读的法学院。
Elaine: Oh, Jerry!
依莲：哦，杰瑞！
Jerry: [To himself] Oh no, not *now*...
杰瑞：哦，不是吧，不要现在……
Elaine: I had this dream last night and you were in it.
依莲：我昨晚做了个梦，梦里有你哦。
Jerry: Oh really... [To himself] Oh God, I gotta get out of this...
杰瑞：哦真的吗……（自说自话）额滴神，我得喘口气……
Elaine: You were you, but, you weren't you...
依莲：（在梦里）你是你，不过你又不是你……
Jerry: No kidding... [To himself] Why is this happening? Please, make her stop!
杰瑞：不是吧……（自说自话）为什么会发生这个？求你了，打住！
Elaine: I think, I think we were in my house where I grew up, and you were standing there, you were looking out the window--
依莲：我想我是在我的那个屋子里，你站在窗外看我……
Jerry: [To himself] This is *brutal*...
杰瑞：（自说自话）真是要命了……
Elaine: You turned around and you had these wooden teeth...
依莲：你转过来，居然你有一口木头牙齿……
Jerry: How do you like that... [To himself] Can I turn now? Is this over? No, I can't, I can't... I'm stuck...
杰瑞：你对这个怎么看……（自说自话）我能转过去吗？依莲结束了吗？不……不行……我被困住了……
Elaine: Jerry? Are you listening to me?
依莲：杰瑞？你有没有听我讲话？
Jerry: Yes, I *heard* you.
杰瑞：是的，我听着呢。
Pamela: Elaine, what's the name of that jewelry store you took me to that time?
帕梅拉：依莲，你上次带我去的那家珠宝店叫啥名儿来着？
Jerry: [To himself] Thank *you*, Pamela!
杰瑞：（自说自话）谢谢你一家门了，帕梅拉！
Jerry: [To Vanessa] So, you're a lawyer...
杰瑞：（对凡妮莎）那么……你是位律师……
Vanessa: Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
凡妮莎：萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特。
Jerry: [To himself, quickly] Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
杰瑞：（自言自语）萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特。
Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft...
萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特……
[To Vanessa] Of course, they handled my tattoo removal lawsuit!
（对凡妮莎）当然，他们处理了我除去纹身的案子！
Vanessa: Oh, that was you!
凡妮莎：哦，那是你？
Jerry: Imagine, spelling "Mom" with two O's...
杰瑞：无法想像，居然有人把“妈妈”写成了“马嘛”……
Vanessa: Very funny! What do you do?
凡妮莎：真有趣！你是干啥的？
Jerry: Comedian.
杰瑞：喜剧演员。
Vanessa: Really... That explains it...
凡妮莎：哦……难怪你这么风趣……
Jerry: [To himself, quickly] Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
杰瑞：（自言自语）萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特。
Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特。
Roger: Are you ready?
罗杰：你好了嘛？
Vanessa: We gotta run. Happy birthday!
凡妮莎：我们该走了。生日快乐！
The two of them get up an leave. Jerry panics n his own mind...
（他们俩起身离开，杰瑞脑子里在打转。）
Jerry: [To himself] I can't believe it-- I got *nothing*! I don't even know her name!
杰瑞：（自说自话）难以置信……我啥都没探听到！连她的名字都不知道！
Jerry: [To himself, *very* quickly] Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft. Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppen... Sagman... Sag...
杰瑞：（自言自语）萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特……
A grim stare from Elaine knocks his concentration. After the party, in the cab home...
（在杰瑞和依莲回去的出租车上）
Jerry: That wasn't so bad, really...
杰瑞：不算太坏……
Elaine: Y'know, uh, you could use a little work on your manners.
依莲：你能不能改进一下你的举止呀。
Jerry: Why? What did I do? You mean besides not bringing anything?
杰瑞：为什么？我做什么啦？你意思是除了我没准备生日礼物之外？
Elaine: Well, I just don't appreciate these little "courtesy responses", like I'm selling you aluminum siding.
依莲：好吧，我只是看不惯你那些“礼节性的回复”，好像我在兜售铝制建材一样。
Jerry: I was listening!
杰瑞：我有听你说话！
Elaine: No! You couldn't wait to get back to your little... "conversation".
依莲：不！你迫不及待的想要回到你那个小小的“谈话”中。
Okay Jerry. Bottom of the ninth. Two on, down by one. Two strikes on you. Let's see how you do in the clutch...
（好像是编辑剧本的网友说的话：看看杰瑞老兄有多少斤两，九局下半，两人出局，最后一次投球机会，看看你在紧要关头的表现……）
Jerry: No, you were talking about the, the um, the dream you had.
杰瑞：不，你在谈你的梦。
Elaine: Uh-huh...So far, so good.
依莲：哦……还不错。
Jerry: Where you had, uh, wooden teeth.
杰瑞：你……你有木头牙齿。

Elaine: No! No! *You* had wooden teeth! *You* had wooden teeth! *I* didn't have wooden teeth, *you* did!
依莲：不！不！是“你”有木头牙齿！你有！不是我……
Jerry: Alright, so *I* had wooden teeth, so what?
杰瑞：好吧，我有木头牙齿，那又怎样？
Elaine: So nothing... Nothing...
依莲：没什么……没什么……
 Cut to Jerry in a nightclub somewhere, doing another monologue...
（喜剧俱乐部，杰瑞的表演）
Jerry: Apparently Plato, who came up with the concept of the platonic relationship, was pretty excited about it. He named it after himself. He said ``Yeah, I got this new thing-- "platonic". My idea, my name, callin' it after myself... What I do is, I go *out*with the girls, I *talk* with them-- don't *do* anything... and go right home. What'dya think? I think it's going to be *big*!''I bet you there were other guys in history that tried to get relationships named after them, but it didn't work. Y'know, I bet you there were guys who tried to do it, just went: ``Hi, my name's Rico. Would you like to go to bed immediately? Hey, it's a *"Riconic"* relationship...''
杰瑞：柏拉图，就是那个想出“柏拉图式的关系”的家伙，肯定对此很兴奋，所以才用自己的名字命名。他说：我有个新想法——柏拉图式。我的想法，我的名字，用我的名字命名……你们怎么认为？我想这想法会搞大！我敢说历史上一定还有不少家伙都想以自己的名字命名一种关系，但都没成功。比方说，有个家伙想这么做，他会说：嗨！我叫里克”，你想跟我上床嘛？嗨！这可是“里克式”的感情啊……
Jerry gets home after the party. His place is characteristically not vacant, but it's not Kramer inside-- it's his folks.
（杰瑞回家，他的房间里自然不会空荡，但是居然不是克雷默，而是杰瑞的父母）
Jerry: Hey!
杰瑞：嗨！
Morty: Ah, there he is!
莫迪：哦，他终于回来了！
Jerry: This is what I like, see? You come home and your parents are in your bed!
杰瑞：这真是我的最爱，你看？你回到家里，然后你父母在你床上！
Helen: Y'know, Jerry, we don't have to do this...
海伦：杰瑞，你不用说反话……
Jerry: What are you talkin' about? It's fine, I love having you here...
杰瑞：说什么呢！没事儿，很高兴你们能来……
Helen: Tomorrow we'll go to a hotel.
海伦：明天我们就去旅馆。
Jerry: Ma, will you stop?
杰瑞：老妈，打住！
Helen: No, why should we take over your apartment?
海伦：不，我们干嘛要抢你的公寓呢！
Jerry: I don't care-- I'm sleeping next door.
杰瑞：没事，我住隔壁好了。
Helen: Your friend Kramer doesn't mind?
海伦：你朋友克雷默不介意？
Jerry: No, he's making a bouillabaisse.
杰瑞：没事，他在做浓味鱼肉汤。
Jerry: So Dad, lemme ask you a question. How many people work at these big law offices?
杰瑞：老爹，问你个事儿：那些大的律所里一般有多少员工啊？
Morty: Depends on the firm.
莫迪：哦，那得看啥律所啦。
Jerry: Yeah, but if you called up and described someone, do you think they would know who it was?
杰瑞：哦，那么你过去向他们打听个人，你觉得他们会找得出来嘛？
Morty: What's the matter? You need a lawyer?
莫迪：怎么回事？你要个律师？
Jerry: No, I met someone at this party, and I know where she works, but I don't know her name.
杰瑞：不是，我在派对上认识个人，我知道她在哪儿工作，但不知道她的名字。
Morty: So why don't you ask someone who was at the party?
莫迪：那你干嘛不问也在派对上的其他人呢？
Jerry: Nah, the only one I could ask is Elaine, and I can't ask her.
杰瑞：不行，我唯一能问的人是依莲，所以我不能问她。
Helen: Why not?
海伦：为什么不能？
Jerry: Because it's complicated-- there's some tension there.
杰瑞：这很复杂——有点麻烦。
Helen: He used to go with her...
海伦：他们以前是一对儿。
Helen: Which one is she?
海伦：哪个是她？
Morty: From Maryland. The one who brought you the chocolate covered cherries you didn't like.
莫迪：马里兰来的。那个给你不爱吃的樱桃巧克力的。
Morty: Oh yeah, very alert. Warm person.
莫迪：哦是的，很警觉、很热心的人。
Jerry: Oh yeah, she's great.
杰瑞：是，她很不错。
Helen: So, how come nothing materialized there?
海伦：那为什么你们俩没成？
Jerry: Well, it's a tough thing to talk about... I dunno...
杰瑞：这，这个很难说清楚……我不知道……
Helen: I know what it was...
海伦：我知道这是怎么回事……
Jerry: You don't know what it was...
杰瑞：你不知道……
Helen: So, what was it?
海伦：好吧，那到底是怎么回事？
Jerry: Well, we fight a lot for some reason...
杰瑞：好吧，我们经常闹别扭……
Both his parents respond in that "You know so little son, that's to be expected", sarcastic, know-it-all tone...
（两位老人家一副了然于胸的态势，咱啥没见过啊）
H + M: Oh, well...
二老：哦，好吧……
Jerry: And there was a little problem with the physical chemistry...
杰瑞：当然，我们在亲密关系上也有点小问题……
Oops. Cat got your collective tongue, folks? They occupy themselves for a few seconds, not knowing how to respond to *that*...
（吓到你们了吧，老人家？二老呆了一下，不知道该如何回应……）
Helen: Well, I think she's a very attractive girl.
海伦：我认为她是个很迷人的姑娘。
Jerry: Oh, she is, she absolutely is.
杰瑞：哦，她是，她当然是。
Helen: I can see if there was a *weight* problem...
海伦：那是不是有点体重的问题……
Jerry: No, it's not that. It wasn't all one-sided.
杰瑞：不，不是这样的。这也不全是单方面的问题。

Helen: You know, you can't be so particular. Nobody's perfect.
海伦：你知道的，你也不可能那么特殊，人无完人。
Jerry: I know, I know...
杰瑞：我知道，我知道滴……
Morty: Y'know Jerry, it's a good thing I wasn't so particular.
莫迪：杰瑞，好在我不那么特别。
Helen: Idiot... [To Jerry] So who're you looking for, Sophia Loren?
海伦：白痴……（对杰瑞）那你想找啥样的，索菲亚.劳伦？
Jerry: That's got *nothin'* to do with it.
杰瑞：这是哪儿跟哪儿呀！
Morty: How about Loni Anderson?
莫迪：那隆尼.安德森咋样？
Helen: Where do you get Loni Anderson?
海伦：你上哪儿去找隆尼.安德森？
Morty: Why, what's wrong with Loni Anderson?
莫迪：找隆尼.安德森有问题嘛？
Helen: I like *Elaine* more than Loni Anderson...
海伦：比起隆尼.安德森来，我更喜欢依莲。
Jerry: What are you two talking about? Look, Elaine just wasn't "the one".
杰瑞：你们俩在搞什么飞机！听我说，反正依莲不是我要的那一个。
Helen: And this other one's "the one"?
海伦：那这个（派对女）就是你的“那一个”啦？
Jerry: I dunno, maybe...
杰瑞：我不知道，可能……
Morty: So ask Elaine there for the number.
莫迪：那就去问依莲要那女的号码。
Jerry: I can't-- she'll get upset. I never talk about other women with her,especially this one tonight.
杰瑞：我不能——她会不爽的，我从来不跟她谈其他的女人，更不要说今晚这个了。
Helen: How could you still see her if your not interested?
海伦：如果你对她没兴趣的话为什么嗨要见她？！
Jerry: We're *friends*.
杰瑞：我们是朋友啊。
Morty: Doesn't sound like you're friends to me. If you were friends you'd ask her for the number. Do you know where this other one works?
莫迪：听起来你们可不是“朋友”。如果你们是朋友那问个号码有啥难的，你知道这个女人在哪儿上班嘛？
Jerry: Oh yeah...
杰瑞：哦，是的……
Morty: Well, go up to the office.
莫迪：好，那就去她的办公室。
Helen: Up to her office?
海伦：直接去她的办公室？
Morty: Go to the building. She goes out to lunch, doesn't she?
莫迪：去他们的写字楼，她会去吃午餐的，不是吗？
Jerry: I guess...
杰瑞：应该会……
Morty: So, you stand in the lobby, by the elevator, and wait for her to come down for lunch.
莫迪：那你就站在大堂，守在电梯口，等她下来吃饭。
Jerry: You mean "stakeout" the lobby?
杰瑞：你意思是在大堂“监控”？
Helen: Morty, that's ridiculous. Just ask Elaine for the number!
海伦：莫迪，太可笑了！就去找依莲要号码！
Morty: He doesn't want to ask Elaine for the number.
莫迪：他不想去问依莲要号码。
Helen: So you've got him standing by the elevator like a *dope*! What happens when he sees her?
海伦：你就想要他像个蠢驴一样守在电梯口？他见着人家了又能怎么样！
Morty: He pretends he *bumped* into her!
莫迪：他假装只是偶遇！
Jerry: Y'know what? This is *not* that *bad* an idea...
杰瑞：仔细想想，这也不算个很差的主意……
At the building, G+J start to plot their strategy.
（大厦大堂，乔治与杰瑞在商量他们的策略。）
George: What does she look like?
乔治：她长啥样？
Jerry: I dunno. Hard to say.
杰瑞：不知道，很难说。
George: What actress does she remind you of?
乔治：那像哪个影星？
Jerry: Loni Anderson.
杰瑞：隆尼.安德森。
George: Loni Anderson?!
乔治：隆尼.安德森？！
Jerry: What, there's something wrong with Loni Anderson?
杰瑞：怎么啦，隆尼.安德森有啥问题？
Jerry: Hey listen, thanks again for running over here. I appreciate it.
杰瑞：听着，再次感谢你陪我过来，我很感激。
George: Yeah, sure. I was showing a condo on 48th st. Besides, you think I wanna miss this?
乔治：当然。我本来在48大街看一个房子的。不过，你认为我会错过这出？
Jerry: I'm a little nervous.
杰瑞：我有点紧张。
George: Yeah, me too...
乔治：我也是……
Jerry: If I see her, what do I say that I'm doing here in the building?
杰瑞：见到她的时候，我该怎么解释我会在这里？
George: You came to see me; I work in the building.
乔治：你过来见我，我在这里上班。
Jerry: What do you do?
杰瑞：你是干啥的？
George: I'm an *architect*.
乔治：我是个建筑师。
Jerry: You're an *architect*?
杰瑞：你是建筑师？
George: I'm not?
乔治：我不是吗？
Jerry: I don't see architecture comin from you...
杰瑞：看不出啥建筑师的特质……
George: I suppose *you* could be an architect...
乔治：我想你可以做个建筑师……
Jerry: I never said that I was the architect. Just somethin' else...
杰瑞：我从来没说我是个建筑师，只是其他什么……
George: Alright, she's not even gonna ask, if we *see* her, which is remote.
乔治：好吧，她甚至都不会问，我们见到她是很遥远的事情。
Jerry: Well what'dya want me to say, that I just wandered in here?!
杰瑞：你要我说啥涅，我只是在这里晃荡？！
George: We're having lunch with a friend-- he works in the building.
乔治：我们来与朋友聚餐——他在这里工资。
Jerry: What is *his* name?
杰瑞：他的名字是？
George: Bert... Har... bin... son. Bert Har-bin-son.
乔治：伯特……哈宾迅。伯特.哈宾迅。
Jerry: Bert Harbinson? It sounds made up.
杰瑞：伯特.哈宾迅？听起来像是编的。
George: No good? Alright, how about Art... Corr.....
乔治：不好？好吧，那亚特……
Jerry: Art Corr...
杰瑞：亚特.科……
George: ...velay...
乔治：瓦雷……
Jerry: Corvelay?
杰瑞：科弗雷？
George: Yeah, right.
乔治：是的。
Jerry: Well, what does *he* do?
杰瑞：好吧，那“他”是干啥的？
George: He's an importer.
乔治：他是个进口商。
Jerry: Just imports, no exports?
杰瑞：只是“进口”，不做“出口”？
George: He's an importer/exporter, okay?
乔治：他是个进出口商人，行了吧？
George: Say, did Elaine ever call you back?
乔治：话说回来，依莲给你打过电话不？
Jerry: No, I guess she's still mad.
杰瑞：不，我想她还在生气呢。
George: I don't understand, you never talk to her about other women?
乔治：我不知道，你从来不和她说起其他女人？
Jerry: Never.
杰瑞：从不。
 Bing! The elevator opens up and...
（电梯门打开……）
Jerry: Wait a second... That's her... on the right.
杰瑞：等等……那就是她……右边那个。
George: I forgot who I am! Who am I?!
乔治：我忘了我是谁！我是谁？！
Jerry: You're you. We're having lunch with Art Corvelay.
杰瑞：你是你。你要与亚特.科弗雷聚餐。
George: Vandelay!
乔治：范德雷？
Jerry: Corvelay!
杰瑞：科弗雷！
George: Let me be the architect, I can do it!
乔治：让我做“建筑师”吧，我行的！
 Jerry ignores George and approaches Vanessa.
（杰瑞忽略乔治，接近凡妮莎）
Jerry: Hey, hey... Pamela's birthday party, didn't I see you there... Jerry.
杰瑞：嗨……帕梅拉的生日派对，我是不是见过你……杰瑞。
Vanessa: Sure! Hi!
凡妮莎：当然！嗨！
Jerry: This is George. ["Grasps" for her name] I'm sorry...
杰瑞：这是乔治。不好意思……
Vanessa: Vanessa.
凡妮莎：凡妮莎。
George: Nice to meet you.
乔治：见到你很高兴。
Jerry: Ah, Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
杰瑞：哦，萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特。
Vanessa: That's right! What're you doing here?
凡妮莎：没错！你们在这儿干啥？
Jerry: Oh, were meeting a friend of ours for lunch. He works here in the building.
杰瑞：我们来见以为朋友，一起吃个饭。他在这里上班。
George: Yeah, Art *Vandelay*.
乔治：是，亚特.范德雷。
Vanessa: Really? Which company?
凡妮莎：是吗？哪家公司？
Jerry: I don't know. He's an importer.
杰瑞：不知道，他是个进口商。
Vanessa: Importer?
凡妮莎：进口商？
George: ...And exporter.
乔治：……还有出口商。
Jerry: He's an importer/exporter.
杰瑞：他是个进出口商人。
George: I'm, uh, I'm an architect.
乔治：我，嗯，我是个建筑师。
Vanessa: Really. What do you design?
凡妮莎：真的嘛，你都设计点啥？
George: Uh, railroads, uh...
乔治：嗯，铁路，嗯……
Vanessa: I thought engineers do that.
凡妮莎：我还以为是工程师做这个呢。
George: They can...
乔治：他们……
Jerry: Y'know I'm sorry you had to leave so early the other night.
杰瑞：我想说那晚走得太急不好意思啊。
Vanessa: Oh, me too. My cousin had to go back to Boston.
凡妮莎：哦，我也是，我表兄必须回波士顿。
Jerry: Oh, that guy was your *cousin*!
杰瑞：哦，那个男生是你表兄！
Vanessa: Yeah, and that woman was your--
凡妮莎：是的，那个女生是你……
Jerry: Friend!
杰瑞：朋友！
George: I'll just, uh, get a paper...
乔治：我，嗯，拿张纸……
Jerry: So, um, do you date immature men?
杰瑞：那么，你会和不成熟的男人约会嘛？
Vanessa: Almost exclusively...
凡妮莎：哦，我就好这口……
After yours truly goes through a reality check, we cut to Jerry's apartment where mother and son engage in a friendly game of Scrabble.
（杰瑞和他老妈玩拼字游戏）
Jerry's Mom sings to herself while she apparently tries to make words out of a meaningless string of letters.
（杰瑞老妈在瞎哼哼，编不出词儿来了）
Helen: Bum bum bum bum... I have no letters... Bum bum bum bum...
海伦：哒哒……叭叭……我没词儿啦……叭叭……哒哒……
Jerry: Ma, will you go already?
杰瑞：老妈，行了吧你！
Helen: Bum bum bum bum...
海伦：叭叭……哒哒……
She picks up a nearby dictionary...
（她拿起一本字典……）
Jerry: What are you doing?!
杰瑞：你在干啥！
Helen: Wait, I just want to see something...
海伦：等等，我只是想看看……
Jerry: You can't look in there, we're playing!
杰瑞：你不能往字典里看呀，我们在比赛呢！
 The K-Man cometh...
（克雷默进场）
Morty: Evening, Mr. Kramer!
莫迪：晚上好，克雷默君！
Kramer: Hey Morty! [To Jerry] Salad dressing?
克雷默：嗨莫迪！（对杰瑞）色拉调料？
Jerry: Look.
杰瑞：看看。
Helen: "Quo"? Is that a word?
海伦：斨？这也算个字儿？
Jerry: Maybe!
杰瑞：也许！
Helen: Will you challenge it?
海伦：你确认嘛？
Jerry: Ma, you can't look up words in the dictionary! Dad, she's cheating!
杰瑞：老妈，你不能翻字典！老爸，她在作弊呢！
Kramer: "Quo"? That's not a word.
克雷默：斨？那不是个字儿。
Helen: [To Jerry] You're such a stickler...
海伦：（对杰瑞）你真费劲！
Jerry: Well put *something* down, you're taking twenty minutes on this. So is Uncle Mac, and Artie, they're all coming over here before the wedding?
杰瑞：好吧，你已经花了20分钟在这个字上面了。那么，麦克叔、阿尔第，在婚礼前他们都来这儿？
Helen: They'll be here at two o'clock... Oh, Elaine called. She said she'd be here at 2:30. Oh, and she says ``Hope your meeting went well with Art... "Vandelay"?''
海伦：他们两点到……哦，依莲打过电话来。她说她2点半到，她还说“希望你和亚特.范德雷的见面愉快。”
Jerry: She said *what*?
杰瑞：她说啥？
Helen: Just what I said, here.
海伦：她就是这么说的，你瞧。
 She hands Jerry the note. He reads it.
（她给杰瑞即时贴，他看了看）
Jerry: She knows! Oh, I am *such* a *jackass*...
杰瑞：她知道了！哦，我真是个蠢驴……
Helen: She knows what?
海伦：她知道啥啦？
Jerry: She knows the whole stupid thing... Vanessa and the elevator...
杰瑞：她知道整件荒唐的事儿了……凡妮莎还有电梯……

Helen: No, no, no, that won't do. He may have a "Z"...
海伦：不，不，不，那样不对，应该有个“Z”……
Morty: So, how did she find out?
莫迪：她是怎么知道的？
Jerry: Because, Vanessa probably told Pamela, and Pamela probably told Elaine.
杰瑞：因为，凡妮莎可能告诉帕梅拉了，帕梅拉可能告诉依莲啦。
While, they talk, Kramer has covertly scoped Jerry's tiles to confirm that Jer doesn't have a "Z". This goes unnoticed by Jerry, who continues to talk with his Pop...
（克雷默动了杰瑞的拼字，杰瑞没发现）
Morty: So, what are you? Afraid of her?
莫迪：难道你还怕了她了不成？
Jerry: Yes. *Yes* *I* *am*!
杰瑞：是的。我是怕他！
Jerry: What else did she say on the phone?
杰瑞：她还说了点啥？
Helen: Whatever I wrote down.
海伦：有啥我都记下来了啊。
Jerry: Yeah, but what was the tone in her voice? How did she sound?
杰瑞：是，但是她的语气是怎么样的？听起来如何？
Helen: Who am I, Rich Little?
海伦：你以为我是谁？！顺风耳？
Morty: Well, she can't be too mad-- she's still coming to the wedding.
莫迪：好吧，她不会很生气的——她还是陪你去婚礼的不是嘛。
Jerry: Yeah, but now I'm nervous.
杰瑞：是，但是我很紧张。
Helen: Oh, stop it.
海伦：哦，省省吧。
 She makes her move and tallies the points...
（她继续她的游戏）
Jerry: "Quone"?
杰瑞：“囧”？
Helen: ...30...31...
海伦：……30……31……
Jerry: "Quone"? No, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to challenge that.
杰瑞：“囧”？不，我要挑战这个词儿！
Helen: ...32...
海伦：……32……
Kramer: No, you don't have to challenge that. That's a word. That's a *definite* word.
克雷默：不，你没必要去挑战这个词儿，这是个词儿，是个定义词。
Jerry: I am challenging...
杰瑞：我要挑战……
Kramer: Quone: to quone something.
克雷默：囧：今天你囧了没？
Jerry: Uh-huh...
杰瑞：哦……
Helen: I'm not playing with you anymore...
海伦：我不要再跟你玩了……
Morty: Quone's not a word...
莫迪：囧不是个词儿……
Jerry: No good. Sorry. There it is. Get it off...
杰瑞：好吧。不好意思。就这样吧，闪……
Helen: Why did you make me put that down?
海伦：你为什么要我放下那个？
Kramer: Nah, we need a *medical* dictionary! If a patient gets difficult, you *quone* him...
克雷默：不，我们需要本医学词典，有个病人有问题了，你“囧”他……

End Act II. Open at Jerry's apartment with a few people mingling about, waiting to go to the wedding. Jerry is talking to Carol <I miss the first few seconds here. Sorry>
（杰瑞家很多人，等着去婚礼。杰瑞与卡罗尔交谈；原剧本错过前几秒）
Carol: You want some funny material, you oughta come down to where I work, now that's a sitcom!
卡罗尔：你想要点搞笑的素材不是嘛，你应该来我工作的地方来看看，那就是个情景剧！
Jerry: You must have quite a time down there. [Checks his watch]
杰瑞：看起来你很空的样子。（看看手表）
Carol: We got plenty of time...
卡罗尔：我们的确很闲……
Jerry: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just waiting for someone...
杰瑞：哦，不好意思，我在等人……
Mac: Watch what you say to this guy-- he'll put it in his next act!
麦克：小心你对这个家伙说的话——他会把这些放到下次的演出中的！
Jerry: Yeah, yeah...
杰瑞：是的，是的……
Mac: Jerry, did I tell you that I'm writing a book? An autobiography.
麦克：杰瑞，我跟你说起过我写书的事情不？一本自传。
Jerry: Yeah, Uncle Mac, you mentioned it...
杰瑞：是的，麦克叔，你说起过……
Mac: It's based on all my experiences!
麦克：全都是我的个人经历！
Jerry: That's perfect. [Elaine enters] Could you excuse me one second. I'm sorry.
杰瑞：好极了！（依莲进屋）抱歉我得走开一下，不好意思。
 Jerry goes over and greets Elaine.
（杰瑞过去问候依莲）
Jerry: How do you do, Jerry Seinfeld.
杰瑞：你好，我是杰瑞.宋飞。
Elaine: Oh, how do you do. Elaine Benes.
依莲：哦，你好，我是依莲.贝尼斯。
Jerry: Um, do you want to do this now, or do you want to wait until we get in the car?
杰瑞：你想现在就谈呢，还是等到上车后再谈？
Elaine: Oh no, let's do it now.
依莲：哦，不，现在就谈吧！
Jerry: Alright, the whole elevator business, let me just explain--
杰瑞：好吧，整个电梯事件，让我解释一下——
Elaine: Okay...
依莲：好吧……
Artie: Jerry, were you goin' with us?
阿尔第：杰瑞，你跟我们一起走不？
Jerry: No, I'm gonna take my car.
杰瑞：不，我会开自己的车。
Artie: That's why I brought the wagon. Why the Hell did I bring the wagon?
阿尔第：所以我要开自己的车，我为啥要带自己的车？
Jerry: Anyway, you know why I didn't ask you, I mean I felt so uncomfortable, and you were *so* annoyed in the cab.
杰瑞：不管怎么说，要知道我不告诉你，我是说我觉得不爽还有当时在出租里面你也很烦躁。
Elaine: Well, Jerry, I never saw you flirt with anyone before. It was quite the spectacle.
依莲：好吧，杰瑞，以前从没见你和人调情过，这真是壮观！
Carol: Jerry, we'll see you there. Bye, Elaine.
卡罗尔：杰瑞，待会儿见。再见，依莲。
Elaine: Oh, bye. Good to see you.
依莲：哦，再见，很高兴见到你。
Artie: Oh, we didn't meet.
阿尔第：哦，我们没见过。
Jerry: Oh, I'm sorry. Elaine, this is my cousin Artie Levine.
杰瑞：哦，不好意思，依莲，这是我兄弟阿尔第.列夫。
Artie: Le*vine*.
阿尔第：列文。
He leaves with Carol.
（他和卡罗尔离开）
Jerry: Yeah, "Le*vine*". And I'm Jerry Cougar Mellencamp... Anyway, I admit it was a fairly ridiculous thing to do, but I mean, I mean, obviously we have a little problem here.
杰瑞：是，列文。我还是杰瑞.酷格尔.米伦坎普……嗯，我承认那是件很蠢的事情，但是我的意思是我们有点状况了

，是吧。
Elaine: Yeah, obviously.
依莲：是的，很明显。
Jerry: I mean, if we're gonna be friends, we gotta be able to talk about other people...
杰瑞：我是说，如果我们做朋友的话，我们应该能谈论其他什么人吧……
Elaine: Couldn't agree more.
依莲：双手双脚赞同。
Jerry: Good.
杰瑞：好的。
Elaine: Good.
依莲：好的。
Jerry: Good.
杰瑞：好。
Elaine: Great!
依莲：很好！
Jerry: Great? Where do you get "great"?
杰瑞：很好？“很好”是什么意思？
Elaine: It's great to... talk about... other people...
依莲：很好就是……谈论其他人很好……
Jerry: ...Guys.
杰瑞：……什么人。
Elaine: Yeah.
依莲：是。
Jerry: Uh-huh... Yeah... So, anybody specific?
杰瑞：哦……是……那么，你有啥特别的人了？
Elaine: No. A general guy.
依莲：不，只是个普通的家伙。
Jerry: Oh *really*... Elaine Marie Benes...
杰瑞：哦，真的嘛……依莲.玛丽.贝尼斯……
Elaine: What? No, it's not a big deal.
依莲：什么？不，没啥大不了的。
Jerry: No, that's great! That's terrific!
杰瑞：不，那很好！那棒极了！
Elaine: No, we just met...
依莲：不，我们只是刚认识……
Jerry: Doesn't matter. What's the young man's name? I would like to meet him.
杰瑞：那无关紧要，那位先生叫啥？我很想会会他。
Elaine: I don't think so...
依莲：我不认为……
Jerry: Well, what does he do? Is he an artisan, a craftsman, a labourer of some sort?
杰瑞：那他是干啥的？艺术家、手艺人，还是民工？
Elaine: Wall street.
依莲：华尔街的。
Jerry: Ahh, high finance: bulls... bears... people from Conneticut.
杰瑞：哦，金融界的……熊市……牛市……沪市或深市。
Elaine: And he happens to be pretty good lookin'
依莲：而且，他还很有“姿色”呢。
Jerry: [pause] Alright, sir.
杰瑞：好吧，阁下。
Elaine: And... he's *hilarious*.
依莲：还有……他还超搞笑。
Jerry: Now that's not fair! So where did you meet this guy?
杰瑞：有天理没有！你是怎么认识这家伙的？
Elaine: I "staked" out his health club.
依莲：我去他的健康俱乐部监视他的。

Jerry: When you're on a stakeout, do you find it's better to stand up against the wall, or kinda

crouch down behind a big plant?...
杰瑞：当你在监视的时候，你是觉得紧贴一堵墙站着好呢还是躲在某株巨型植物的后面好呢？
 Closing monologue
（闭幕相声）
Jerry: Y'know I think that even if you've had a relationship with someone, or let's say, *especially* if you've had a relationship with someone and you try to become friends afterwards, it's very difficult. Isn't this? It's hard. Because, you know each other so well, you know all of each others tricks. It's like two magicians, trying to entertain each other. The one goes, "Look, a rabbit."The other goes, "So? ... I believe this is your card." "Look, why don't we just saw each other in half and call it a night? Okay?"
杰瑞：我想当你与某人有段韵事后你还想和他做朋友，这将是相当艰苦的。可不是嘛！很艰难！因为，你们都太了解对方了，你们了解对方所有的小伎俩。这就好似两位魔术师，想要娱乐对方。

一个说“看啊，小兔子”
另一个说：“那又如何……我想这是你刚才那张牌吧”
要按我说呢，我们看对方的时候都“雾里看花”一点，今晚就到这儿吧，如何？

A TRIBUTE TO JERRY SEINFELD向杰瑞.宋飞致敬

写在前面：这是一部拍了9年（10年）的剧集，整个剧集是关于琐事（nothing）的。在看之前你是无法想象这样的戏居然也可以成为经典，看完175集后，我认为这是一部伟大的剧集。鉴于目前国内翻译版本的不尽如人意，我于是打算翻译一下 ，175集不是开玩笑的事情，以我做事的习惯来说，基本上是不可能的，算作挑战自己的一种行为吧——2009年，”宋飞传“20年了。

另：这在老美心中是一部必看的戏，而在国内属于典型的小众剧集，因此版权的问题无所谓，反正这翻译也没什么特别的精彩之处，只是工作量较大罢了。英文版来自于http://www.seinfeldscripts.com

1989年6月5日
第一季第一集
宋飞纪（又名：Good News Bad News好事儿、坏事儿）
Plot summary for
"Seinfeld" The Seinfeld Chronicles

In this episode, the predecessor to "Seinfeld" (1990), Jerry is expecting a woman that he met in

Michigan to come and visit him in New York. Throughout the first part of the show Jerry and George are

discussing the situation. Later we meet "Kessler" who comes in to Jerry's apartment to borrow some

meat and uncharacteristically knocks on the door before entering. Written by Seinfeld Fan

{onlyjoex@earthlink.net}
情节概要：
这集是“宋飞传”的试播（1989年播出，1990年本剧集正式播出），杰瑞正在期待着一位他曾在密歇根认识的女人来

纽约拜访他。剧中，杰瑞和乔治先讨论了这一状况，然后，剧中另一主角“凯斯勒”闯入了杰瑞的居所，并借走了一

些肉，在进门之前，他异常的先敲门了。
注：“凯斯勒”就是后来的“克雷默”，在试播中原名凯斯勒，他是杰瑞的邻居，之后的9年里，他再也没有在进入

杰瑞的房间之前敲门。

The Seinfeld Chronicles

[Scene: Comedy club]
场景：喜剧俱乐部
JERRY: You know, why we're here? [he means: here in the "Comedy club"] To be out, this is out...and

out is one of the single most enjoyable experiences of life. People...did you ever hear people talking

about "We should go out"? This is what they're talking about...this whole thing, we're all out now, no

one is home. Not one person here is home, we're all out! There are people tryin' to find us, they

don't know where we are. [imitates one of these people "tryin' to find us"; pretends his hand is a

phone] "Did you ring?, I can't find him." [imitates other person on phone] "Where did he go?" [the

first person again] "He didn't tell me where he was going". He must have gone out. You wanna go out:

you get ready, you pick out the clothes, right? You take the shower, you get all ready, get the cash,

get your friends, the car, the spot, the reservation...There you're staring around, whatta you do? You

go: "We gotta be getting back". Once you're out, you wanna get back! You wanna go to sleep, you wanna

get up, you wanna go out again tomorrow, right? Where ever you are in life, it's my feeling, you've

gotta go.
杰瑞：你知道为什么我们会在这里（这个俱乐部）？（因为）外出，这就是出来混，这是人生最令人愉悦的经验之一

。人们……你曾经听到过人们谈论“我们应该出去”吗？这就是他们所谈论的……这些全部的话，我们现在就在“外

面”，没人在家。没有一个人在家，我们都在外面！总会有人想找到我们，他们不知道我们在哪儿。（模仿对话）
——“喂，我找不到他。”
——“他会去哪儿呢？”
——“他没有告诉我他要去哪里。”
那他一定是出去了。你想出去：你做好准备，挑好衣服，洗个澡，你全都准备好了，带上现金，叫上朋友，上车、找

个地儿，预约……然后你就四处张望，你该做什么？你说：“我们该回去了。”每当你出门在外的时候，你总想要回

去！你想要睡觉、想要起床，你想要明天再出去，对吧？我的感觉是：无论你在人生的何处，你总是想要走。
 

[Scene: Pete's luncheonette. Jerry and George are sitting at a table.]
场景：彼得的小餐馆（貌似永远都在这家餐馆里），杰瑞和乔治坐在餐桌旁。
JERRY: Seems to me, that button is in the worst possible spot. [talking about George's shirt] The

second button literally makes or brakes the shirt, look at it: it's too high! It's in no-man's-land,

you look like you live with your mother.
杰瑞：在我看来，那粒纽扣处在最糟糕的位置。（谈到乔治的衬衫）第二粒纽扣差不多就决定了一件衬衫的生死，你

看看：这（粒扣子）太高了！好像在无人区一样，你看起来像还和你妈住一起的样子。
GEORGE: Are you through? [kind of irritated]
乔治：（有点恼怒）你说够了没？
JERRY: You do of course try on, when you buy?
杰瑞：你确定买之前有试穿过？
GEORGE: Yes, it was purple, I liked it, I don't actually recall considering the buttons.
乔治：是的！这是紫色的，我喜欢，我不记得试穿的时候考虑过纽扣的问题。
JERRY: Oh, you don't recall?
杰瑞：哦，你不记得了？
GEORGE: [pretends he's talking into a microphone] Uh, no, not at this time.
乔治：（假装对着麦克风说话）哦，不，这次就是不记得了！
JERRY: Well, senator, I just like to know, what you knew and when you knew it. [a waitress approaches

the table]
杰瑞：那好，参议院先生，我只想了解，你知道什么和你何时知道的。（服务生上前至桌边）
WAITRESS: Mister Seinfeld. [she pours coffee in his cup] Mister Costanza. [she wants to pour coffee,

but George stops her]
服务生：宋飞先生。（她给宋飞倒咖啡）康斯坦茨先生。（她想给乔治倒咖啡，被阻止）
GEORGE: Are, are you sure this is decaf? Where's the orange indicator?
乔治：你，你确定这是无咖啡因的？橙色指示器跑哪儿去了？
WAITRESS: It's missing, I have to do it in my head: decaf left, regular right, decaf left, regular

right...it's very challenging work. [ironically]
服务生：哦，它失踪了，我只好用脑子来记了：无咖啡因的在左边，普通的在右边，无咖啡因的在左边，普通的在右

边……（讽刺的）这项工作还真是有挑战性啊！
JERRY: Can you relax, it's a cup of coffee, Claire is a professional waitress.
杰瑞：你就不能放松一下嘛！只不过一倍咖啡而已，克莱尔是位职业的服务生。
WAITRESS: Trust me George: no one has any interest in seeing you on caffeine. [she pours the coffee

and walks away]
服务生：相信我，乔治：没人有兴趣看你摄入咖啡因的样子。（她倒上咖啡，走人）
GEORGE: How come you're not doin' the second show tomorrow?
乔治：你明天为什么不做第二场演出了？
JERRY: Well, there's this uh, woman might be comin' in.
杰瑞：嗯，因为有个女人可能会过来。
GEORGE: Wait a second, wait a second, what coming in, what woman is coming in?
乔治：等等，等等，什么“过来”，什么女人要过来？
JERRY: I told you about Laura, the girl I met in Michigan?
杰瑞：我跟你说起过的，劳拉，那个我在密歇根认识的女孩。
GEORGE: No, you didn't!
乔治：你压根没有说起过！
JERRY: I thought I told you about it, yes, she teaches political science? I met her the night I did

the show in Lansing...[looks in the milk can] There's no milk in here, what...
杰瑞：我以为我曾告诉过你的，她教政治的，我在兰辛演出的晚上见到她的……（看看牛奶罐）没有牛奶了……
GEORGE: Wait wait wait, what is she, [takes the milk can from Jerry and puts it on the table] what is

she like?
乔治：等等，她是个……（把牛奶罐从杰瑞手中拿开，放到桌上）她是个什么人啊？
JERRY: Oh, she's really great. I mean, she's got like a real warmth about her and she's really bright

and really pretty and uh...the conversation though, I mean, it was...talking with her is like talking

with you, but, ya know, obviously much better.
杰瑞：哦，她很不错。我是说，她很热情，她很聪明又漂亮，还有……和她聊天，就像……和你说话一样，当然，你

知道，显然（和她）要更好。
GEORGE: [with a big smile] So, ya know, what, what happened?
乔治：（以为杰瑞是说和自己聊天更好，笑得美美的）那么，有发生什么吗？
JERRY: Oh, nothing happened, ya know, but is was great.
杰瑞：哦，啥都没发生，但还是很美好的。
GEORGE: Oh, nothing happened, but it was...
乔治：哦，什么都没发生，但是……
JERRY: Yeah.
杰瑞：是的。
GEORGE: This is great!
乔治：这真是太棒了！
JERRY: Yeah.
杰瑞：是啊。
GEORGE: So, ya know, she calls and says she wants to go out with you tomorrow night? God bless! Devil

you!
乔治：那么，她联系你说她想明天晚上和你约会？额滴神啊！你这个家伙！
JERRY: Yeah, well...not exactly. I mean, she said, you know, she called this morning and said she had

to come in for a seminar and maybe we'll get together.
杰瑞：是，嗯，不过，她说的是，事实上，她今天早上给我打电话说她不得不过来参加一个研讨会，我们也许能聚一

下。
GEORGE: [whistles disapproving] Ho ho ho, "Had to"? "Had to come in"?
乔治：（不同意）呵呵，“不得不”？“不得不过来”？
JERRY: Yeah, but...
杰瑞：是啊，不过……
GEORGE: "Had to come in" and "maybe we'll get together"? "Had to" and "Maybe"?
乔治：“不得不过来”和“我们也许能聚一下”——不得不，也许？
JERRY: Yeah!
杰瑞：是啊！
GEORGE: No...no...no, I hate to tell you this: you're not gonna see this woman.
乔治：不……不……不，我真不愿意告诉你这个啊：你是见不着这位女士的。
JERRY: [indignant] What, are you serious...why, why did she call?
杰瑞：（愤慨的）什么？你是说真的吗……为什么，那她为什么要打电话给我？
GEORGE: How do I know, maybe, ya know, maybe she wanted to be polite.
乔治：我怎么知道，可能，也许她只是出于礼貌。
JERRY: To be polite? You are insane!
杰瑞：出于礼貌？你疯了你！
GEORGE: All right, all right, I didn't want to tell you this, you wanna know why she called you?
乔治：好吧，好吧，我不想告诉你这些的，你想知道她为什么给你打电话吗？
JERRY: Yes!
杰瑞：是的！
GEORGE: You're a back-up, you're a second-line, a just-in-case, a B-plan of contingency!
乔治：你是备胎，你是二线商品，一个偶然的以防万一的B计划！
JERRY: Oh, I get it, this is about the button.
杰瑞：哦，我知道了，你还在为纽扣跟我过不去呢！
GEORGE: [The waitress(Claire) passes the table; George stops her and writes something on his note-

block] Claire, Claire, you're a woman, right?
乔治：（服务生经过桌子，乔治喊她过来并在她的记事本上写了点什么）克莱尔，克莱尔，你是个女人对吧？
CLAIRE: What gave it away, George?
克莱尔：哦，是什么暴露了我的（女性）身份，乔治？
GEORGE: Uhm...I'd like to ask you...ask you to analyze a hypothetical phone call, ya know, from a

female point of view.
乔治：嗯……我想问你……想请你站在一个女性的立场来分析一个电话。
JERRY: [to George] Oh, come on now, what are you asking her? Now, how is she gonna know?
杰瑞：（对乔治）哦，省省吧，干嘛要问她？现在连她也要知道这事儿啦？
GEORGE: [to Claire] Now, a woman calls me, all right? She says she has to [makes some gestures to

accent "has to"] come to New York on business...
乔治：（对克莱尔）现在，有个女人打电话给我，她说她不得不（肢体语言强调“不得不”）因公来纽约……
JERRY: Oh you are beautiful! [ironically]
杰瑞：（讽刺的）哦，你真好！
GEORGE: and, and maybe [again some gestures] she'll see me when she gets there, does this woman intend

to spend time with me?
乔治：然后，也许（再一次肢体语言）她到纽约时会来见我，请问这个女人是打算要和我一起分享时光吗？
CLAIRE: I'd have to say: uuhh, no. [George shows his note-block to Jerry, it says very largely: NO]
克莱尔：我不得不说：嗯，不。（乔治给杰瑞看记事本，大大的“不”字）
GEORGE: [to Claire] So why did she call?
乔治：（对克莱尔）那她为什么打电话？
CLAIRE: To be polite.
克莱尔：出于礼貌。
GEORGE: To be polite, I rest my case.
乔治：出于礼貌。听见了吧，还用我再说什么吗？
JERRY: Good. Did you have fun? You have no idea, what you're talking about, now, come on, come with me

[stands up], I, I gotta go get my stuff out of the dryer anyway.
杰瑞：很好。你们很开心吧？你们压根连你们在说什么都不知道，现在，跟我走吧（起身），我，我反正要去取我的

衣服。
GEORGE: I'm not gonna watch you do laundry.
乔治：我可不想取看你洗衣服。
JERRY: Oh, come on, be a "come-with-guy".
杰瑞：哦，算了吧，就做一下我的“跟班小弟”吧。
GEORGE: Come on, I'm tired.
乔治：省省吧，我累了。
CLAIRE: [to Jerry] Don't worry, I gave him a little caffeine: he'll perk up.
克莱尔：（对杰瑞）别担心，我给了他一点咖啡因：他会精神抖擞的。
GEORGE: [takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes; panics] Right, I knew I felt something...! [Jerry is

laughing, Claire walks away with a smile]
乔治：（摘下眼镜，揉眼睛，恐慌）好吧，我就知道！我有感觉……！（杰瑞大笑，克莱尔微笑的走开）
 

[Scene: Laundry. Jerry and George are there; George is staring at one of the dryers]
场景：洗衣房。杰瑞和乔治；乔治盯着一台烘干机
GEORGE: Jerry? I have to tell ya somethin':...this is the dullest moment I've ever experienced. [walks

away from the dryer; a man passes George and Jerry]
乔治：杰瑞？我非得跟你说件事不可：这是我经历过的最愚蠢的时刻。（从烘干机前走开，一个人从两人身边经过）
JERRY: Well, look at this guy! Look, he's got everything, he's got: detergents, sprays, fabric

softeners; this is not his first load.
杰瑞：好吧，看看这个人！他拥有一切，他有：清洁剂，喷雾，衣物柔软剂；这不是他的第一箱（衣物）。
GEORGE: I need a brake, Jerry, ya know, I gotta get out of the city, I feel so cramped...
乔治：我晕！杰瑞，你知道吗，我必须离开这座城市，我感觉很压抑……
JERRY: And you didn't even hear how she sounded.
杰瑞：你甚至都没有听过她（电话）的语气。
GEORGE: What?!
乔治：什么？！
JERRY: Laura.
杰瑞：劳拉。
GEORGE: I can't believe: [falls on his knees] WE ALREADY DISCUSSED THIS!
乔治：难以置信：（跪倒下来）我们已经讨论过这个啦！
JERRY: Yeah, but how could you be so sure?
杰瑞：是啊，但你怎么能这么肯定呢？
GEORGE: [gets up] 'Cause it's signals, Jerry [starts snapping his fingers], it's signals! Don't

you....all right. Did she even ask you, what you were doin' tomorrow night, if you were busy?
乔治：（起身）因为这些都是信号，杰瑞（指节喀哒响）都是信号！难道你……好吧，她是不是甚至都问你，你明晚

干啥，你是不是有空？
JERRY: No.
杰瑞：没有。
GEORGE: She calls you today and she doesn't make a plan for tomorrow? What is that? It's Saturday

night!
乔治：她今天给你打电话却没有做明天的计划？这算什么？这可是周末的夜晚啊！
JERRY: Yeah.
杰瑞：是啊。
GEORGE: What is that? It's ridiculous! [Jerry bobs agreeingly] You don't even know, what hotel she's

staying at, you can't call her. That's a signal, Jerry, that's a signal! [snaps his fingers again]

Signal!
乔治：这算什么？这真是可笑！（杰瑞认可状）你甚至都不知道，她打算住哪间酒店，你不能联系她。这些都是信号

，杰瑞，都是信号！
JERRY: Maybe you're right.
杰瑞：可能你是对的。
GEORGE: Maybe I'm right? Of course I'm right.
乔治：可能我是对的？我当然是对的。
JERRY: This is insane. You know, I don't even know where she's staying! She, she's not gonna call me,

this is unbelievable.
杰瑞：这太离谱了，我甚至不知道她住哪儿！她，她不会给我打电话了，难以置信。
GEORGE: [puts an arm around Jerry and whispers] I know, I know. [normal voice] Listen, your stuff has

to be done by know, why don't you just see if it's dried?
乔治：（搂着杰瑞低语）我知道，我知道。（正常声音）听着，你的东西应该已经完事儿了，为什么你不去看看衣服

烘干了没？
JERRY: No no no, don't interrupt the cycle. The machine is working, it, it knows what it's doing, just

let it finish.
杰瑞：不不不，不要打断我。机器在工作呢，它知道它在干什么，让它自己完工吧。
GEORGE: You're gonna "overdry" it.
乔治：你会把衣服烘得太干的。
JERRY: You, you can't "overdry".
杰瑞：不，哪来什么“烘得太干”。
GEORGE: Why not?
乔治：为什么不？
JERRY: Same as you can't "overwet". [George looks puzzled] You see, once something is wet, it's wet.

Same thing with dead: like once you die you're dead, right? Let's say you drop dead and I shoot you:

you're not gonna die again, you're already dead. You can't "overdie", you can't "overdry".
杰瑞：就像你不会“太湿”一样。（乔治迷惑状）就是，当某样东西是湿的，它就是湿的。就像死亡一样：当你死的

时候，你就是死了，对吗？打比方说吧，你倒毙了，我再开枪打你：你不可能再死一次吧，你已经死了。你不可能“

太死”，就像没有“太干了（过于干了）”一样。
GEORGE: [looks at the other persons in the laundry and says to them pointing to Jerry] Any questions?
乔治：（看着洗衣房内的其他人，指着杰瑞，和他们说些什么）还有问题吗？
JERRY: How could she not tell me where she was staying? [George stands by the dryer again and secretly

opens it: the dryer stops working and George closes the lid]
杰瑞：她怎么能不告诉我她住哪里呢？（乔治站在烘干机旁，悄悄打开：机器停转了，乔治盖上盖子）
GEORGE: [points to the dryer] Look at that: they're done! It's a miracle! [Jerry looks surprised]
乔治：（指着烘干机）看看吧：完工了！这真是个奇迹！（杰瑞惊奇状）
 

[Scene: Comedy club]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: "Laundry-day" is the only exciting day in the live of clothes. It is...no, think about it: the

washing machine is the nightclub of clothes. Ya know, it's dark, there's bubbles happening, they're

all kind a dancing around in there...shirt grabs the underwear: "C'mon babe, let's gather". You come

by, you open up the lid and they'll: [shows how clothes are acting when you open the lid]...Socks are

the most amazing article of clothing. They hate their lives, they're in the shoes with stinky feet,

the boring drawers...the dryer is their only chance to escape and they all know it. They knew a escape

from the dryer. They plan it in the hamper, the night before: [sock's voice] "Tomorrow, the dryer, I'm

goin'...you wait here!" The dryer-door swings open and the sock is waiting up against the side wall.

They hope you don't see him and then he goes down the road [shows how the sock is going down the

road]. They got buttons sowed on their faces: join the puppet show...So they're showing me on

television the detergent for getting out blood-stains...Is this a violent image to anybody? Blood-

stains? I mean, I, come on, you got a T-shirt with blood-stains all over it, maybe laundry isn't your

biggest problem right now...Maybe you oughtta get the harpoon out your chest first.
杰瑞：“洗衣日”对衣服来说是唯一激动人心的日子。这是……不，试想一下：洗衣机就像是衣服们的夜店。那里很

暗，那里有泡泡，那里有各样的舞蹈……衬衫抓住了内衣：来吧宝贝儿，和我玩玩儿。你经过，你打开舱盖门它们就

都……（表现出打开洗衣机舱盖时衣服的样子）……袜子是衣物中最奇妙的一样。它们厌恶它们的生活，它们与臭脚

一起生活在鞋子里，或是在无聊的抽屉里……它们心知肚明：烘干机是它们逃离现实唯一的出路。它们知道烘干机有

个出口。它们打昨晚在篮子里时就开始计划。（袜子的声音）“明天，烘干机，我要走了……你在这里等着！”烘干

机的门缓缓打开，袜子在边角上等待机会，它们希望你对它们视而不见，它们就能走到大路上（表现出袜子走在路上

）。搞两粒纽扣缝在脸上，加入木偶剧团……电视上有在播清洁剂除去血渍的情景，这画面不曾令你反感吗？血渍？

我是说……天啊，你有件沾满血渍的T恤衫的话，也许洗衣服对你来说就不算啥大问题了……可能你先要考虑的是把

鱼叉从你的胸口拔出来。
 

[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry is watching TV]
（场景：杰瑞的房间，杰瑞在看电视）
JERRY: [The phone rings. He picks it up and says:] If you know what happened in the Mets-game, don't

say anything, I taped it, hello... Yeah, no, I'm sorry, you have the wrong number...Yeah, no [somebody

knocks at the door] Yeah? [to the door, while still at the phone]
杰瑞：（电话铃响起。他接听：）如果你想知道大都会的球赛发生了什么，啥都别说了，我录下来了，喂……是的，

不，对不起，你打错电话了……是，不……（有人敲门）哪位？（应门，仍在电话中）
KRAMER: [enters] Are you up?
克雷默：（进入）你没睡吧？
JERRY: [To Kramer] Yeah...[in the phone] Yeah, people do move! Have you ever seen the big trucks out

on the street? Yeah, no problem [hangs up the phone].
杰瑞：（对克雷默）是……（电话中）是的，人是会搬家的！难道你没有见过路上的搬运卡车吗？是的，没问题。（

挂断电话）
KRAMER: Boy, the Mets blew it tonight, huh?
克雷默：乖乖，大都会今晚打得真棒，不是嘛！
JERRY: [upset] Ooohhhh, what are you doing? Kramer, it's a tape! [actually I can't understand the

name; maybe "Kramer" wasn't named "Kramer" in the pilot!] I taped the game, it's one o'clock in the

morning! I avoided human contact all night to watch this.
杰瑞：（不安状）哦，你在干什么？克雷默，这是录像！我录下了比赛，现在是凌晨1点钟！我想不受干扰看比赛都

不行！
KRAMER: Hey, I'm sorry, I...ya know, I, I thought you knew...[takes two loaves of bread out of his

pockets] You got any meat?
克雷默：嘿，不好意思，我……我以为你知道……（从口袋中掏出面包）你有肉吗？
JERRY: [a little irritated] Meat? I don't, I don't know, go...hunt! [Kramer walks to the refrigerator

and sticks his head in] Well what, what happened in the game anyway?
杰瑞：（有点不悦）肉？我没有，我不知道……要不你去打猎！（克雷默走到冰箱前，指了指）好吧，那场比赛究竟

如何了？
KRAMER: [still with his head in the refrigerator] What happened? Well, they STUNK, that's what

happened! [takes some meat from the refrigerator and closes it] Ya know, I almost wound up going to

that game.
克雷默：（仍然在冰箱里搜索）发生什么了？好吧，他们很菜就是了！（从冰箱中取出一块肉）我差点就去看这场比

赛了。
JERRY: [cynical] Yeah you almost went to the game. You haven't been out of the building in ten years!
杰瑞：（嘲讽的）是啊，你差点去看比赛了。你十年来都没离开过这幢楼！
KRAMER: Yeah. [Jerry sits down on the couch. Kramer sits down next to him and starts turning over the

pages of a magazine. Suddenly he spots an article he likes and tears it out. Jerry looks at him with a

"what-the-h...-are-you-doing-look" and Kramer asks:] Are you done with this?
克雷默：是。（杰瑞坐下，克雷默坐在他身边，翻开杂志，突然他指着一篇他喜欢的文章并撕了下来。杰瑞目瞪口呆

的看着他，克雷默说）你看完了对吧？
JERRY: No.
杰瑞：没有。
KRAMER: [glues the article back with his own saliva and puts the magazine back on the table] When

you're done, let me know.
克雷默：（用口水把撕下来的重新粘到杂志上，放回桌子）你看完后告诉我一声。
JERRY: Yeah, yeah...you can have it tomorrow.
杰瑞：好，好……你明天就能拿到了。
KRAMER: I thought I wasn't allowed to be in here this weekend.
克雷默：我还以为这个礼拜我都“禁止入内”呢。
JERRY: No, it's OK now, that, that girl is not comin' uh, I, I misread the whole thing.
杰瑞：不，没事。那个女孩不会来了，我误解了整个事情。
KRAMER: You want me to talk to her?
克雷默：你想要我跟她说说不？
JERRY: I don't think so.
杰瑞：你少来。
KRAMER: Oh, I can be very persuasive. Do you know that I was almost... a lawyer. [shows with his

fingers how close it was]
克雷默：哦，我可是很有说服力的。你知道我差一点就是个……律师了。（用手指表现“差一点”）
JERRY: That close, huh?
杰瑞：哦，差那么一点啊？
KRAMER: You better believe it. [The phone rings. Jerry picks it up]
克雷默：你最好相信我。（电话响起，杰瑞接听）
JERRY: Hello...Oh, hi, Laura.
杰瑞：喂，哦，你好，劳拉。
KRAMER: Give me it...let me talk to her [continues this way].
克雷默：把电话给我……让我对她说。
JERRY: [gestures Kramer to shut up] No believe me, I'm always up at this hour. How are

you?...great...sure...What time does the plane get in?...I got my friend George to take me...[Kramer

suddenly notices something in the Mets-game on TV]...
杰瑞：（示意克雷默闭嘴）不，相信我，这个时间我一般都还没睡觉呢。你怎么样？……很好……当然……飞机几点

到？我朋友乔治会开车带我过去的……（克雷默突然注意到了电视上的比赛）
KRAMER: A SLIDE!...Wow!
克雷默：好一个滑垒……喔！
JERRY: ...No, it's, it's just my neighbour...uhm...yeah, I got it [takes a pencil and a cereal box to

write on] ten-fifteen...No, don't be silly, go ahead and ask...Yeah, sure...OK, great, no no, it's no

trouble at all...I'll see you tomorrow...great, bye. [hangs up the phone; to Kramer:] I, I don't

believe it...That, that was her. She wants to stay here!
杰瑞：不，那是我邻居……嗯，是，我记下了。10:15，不，别傻了，尽管问……是，当然……好的，好的，不，不

，一点都不麻烦……那明天见……好的，再见。（挂断电话，对克雷默）我，不敢相信，那是她，她想要住在我这里

！
 

[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry and George enter, lifting a heavy mattress]
（场景：杰瑞的公寓，杰瑞和乔治进门，抬着很重的床垫）
JERRY: If my father was moving this he'd had to have a cigarette in his mouth the whole way. [talks

from now on like he has a cigarette in his mouth] Have you got your end?...Your end's got to come down

first, easy now, drop it down...drop it down, your end's got to come down.
杰瑞：要是我爸搬这家伙的话，那他一路上都得叼着香烟。你抓到你那边了没？你那边要先放下来，放下……放下，

你那边要放下来。
GEORGE: Ya know, I can't believe you're bringin' in an extra bed for woman, that wants to sleep with

you. Why don't you bring in an extra guy too? [sits down]
乔治：不敢相信你为那个想要和你睡的女人加了张床。你干嘛不干脆再给她找个床伴？
JERRY: [hands George a beer] Look, it's a very awkward situation, I, I don't wanna be presumptuous.
杰瑞：你看，这个状况好尴尬啊，我，我不想显得太冒昧。
GEORGE: All right, all right, one more time, one more time! What was the EXACT phrasing of the

request?
乔治：好，好吧，再一次，再来一次！她的原话到底是什么？
JERRY: All right, she said she couldn't find a decent hotel- room...
杰瑞：她说，她找不到一间雅致的旅馆……
GEORGE: A decent hotel-room...
乔治：雅致的旅馆……
JERRY: Yeah, a decent hotel-room, would it be terribly inconvenient if she staid at my place.
杰瑞：是啊，一间雅致的旅馆房间，她住在我这里是不是很不方便。
GEORGE: You can't be serious. This is New York city: there must be eleven million decent hotel-rooms!

Whatta ya need? A flag? [waves with his handkerchief] This is the signal, Jerry, this is the signal!
乔治：不会吧！这可是纽约！城里大概有1100万间雅致的旅馆房间！你想要啥？一面旗帜？这是信号，杰瑞，这是信

号！
 

JERRY: [cynical] This is the signal. Thank you, mister Signal, where were you yesterday?
杰瑞：（嘲讽的）这又是信号啦。谢谢！信号先生，你昨天说的话又算啥？
GEORGE: I think I was affected by the caffeine. [suddenly a dog enters the apartment and jumps George

at the couch] HO, HO, HO, GOOD DOG [etc.]
乔治：我想我是被咖啡因给搞的。（突然一条狗扑了上来）哦，乖乖，好狗。
KRAMER: [walks in behind the dog and closes the door] He really likes you, George.
克雷默：它真的好喜欢你，乔治。
GEORGE: [ironically] Well, that's flattering.
乔治：（讽刺的）好吧，承蒙您夸奖。
KRAMER: [the dog runs to the bathroom and apparently starts drinking from the toilet] Oh, he's

getting' a drink of water. [sees the mattress on the floor] Is this for that girl?
克雷默：（狗去卫生间，喝马桶里的水）哦，它显然是去喝水了。（看着床垫）为那个女孩准备的？
JERRY: Yeah.
杰瑞：是的。
KRAMER: Why even give her an option?
克雷默：为什么不让她自己选择？
JERRY: This is a person I like, it's not: "How to score on spring break".
杰瑞：这是我喜欢的人，这不是：“如何利用春假搞定一个小妞”。
GEORGE: Right, can we go? 'Cause I'm double-parked, I'm gonna get a ticket.
乔治：好吧，我们可以走了吗？我违章停车了，怕是要被开罚单了。
JERRY: Yeah, OK. Oh, wait a second. Oh, I, I forgot to clean the bathroom.
杰瑞：好，哦，等一会儿。哦，我，我忘了清扫卫生间。
GEORGE: So what? That's good.
乔治：那又怎样？那样很好。
JERRY: Now, how could that be good?
杰瑞：为什么很好？
GEORGE: Because filth is good...Whatta you think: rock stars have sponges and ammonia lyin' around the

bathroom? They, they have a woman comin' over: "I've gotta tidy up? Yeah right, in these matters you

never do what your instincts tell you. Always, ALWAYS do the opposite.
乔治：因为污秽是好的……你以为呢：摇滚明星们的卫生间里都是棉球、氨水？他们，他们有的是女人，我应该做好

清洁工作？在这类事情上，永远不要做那些你自然而然认为该做的。永远，永远做相反的事儿。
JERRY: This is how you operate?
杰瑞：这就是你的做法？
GEORGE: Yeah, I wish.
乔治：我倒是想啊。
JERRY: Let me just wipe the sink.
杰瑞：至少让我擦一下水槽。
KRAMER: [stands up from the couch and yells.] WHY EVEN GIVE HER AN OPTION FOR? [Jerry walks to the

bathroom and closes the door; to George, while pointing to the mattress] It's unbelievable.
克雷默：（从沙发中起身并咆哮）为什么不给她一个选择的机会？不可思议。
GEORGE: Yeah.
乔治：是的。
KRAMER: ...How's the real estate-business?
克雷默：……你的地产生意如何了？
GEORGE:...[surprised he asked] It's uh, not bad, it's comin' along...Why? Did you need something.
乔治：嗯，这个，不算坏……问这干啥？你有什么需要的？
KRAMER: Do you handle any of that commercial...real estate?
克雷默：你有没有运作一些商业……地产？
GEORGE: Well, I might be getting in to that.
乔治：嗯，我可以涉足这个领域。
KRAMER: [slaps George on the arm] You keep me posted!
克雷默：那你得经常告诉我消息！
GEORGE: I'm aware of you, all right, let's go [opens the bathroom door], let's go! [Jerry and the dog

come out] You're on stage in 25 minutes.
乔治：了解，好吧，我们走。走啦！你还有25分钟将登场。
 

[Scene: Comedy club.]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: The dating world is not a fun world...it's a pressure world, it's a world of tension, it's a

world of pain...and ya know, if a woman comes over to my house, I gotta get that bathroom ready,

'cause she needs things. Women need equipment. I don't know what they need. I know I don't have it, I

know that...Ya know what they need, women seem to need a lot of cotton-balls. This is the one I'm,

always has been one of the amazing things to me...I have no cotton-balls, we're all human beings, what

is the story? I've never had one...I never bought one, I never needed one, I've never been in a

situation, when I thought to myself: "I could use a cotton-ball right now"...I can certainly get out

of this mess...Women need them and they don't need one or two, they need thousands of them, they need

bags, they're like peat-moss(?) bags, have you ever seen these giant bags? They're huge and two days

later, they're out, they're gone, the, the bag is empty, where are the cotton-balls, ladies? What are

you doin' with them? The only time I ever see'em is in the bottom of your little waste basket, there's

two of three, that look like they've been through some horrible experience... tortured, interrogated,

I don't know what happened to them...I once went out with a girl who's left a little zip-lock-baggy of

cotton-balls over my house. I don't know what to do with them, I took them out, I put them on my

kitchen floor like little tumbleweeds. I thought maybe the cockroaches would see it, figure this is a

dead town: "Let's move on"... The dating world is a world of pressure. Let's face it: a date is a job

-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job-interview is: not many

job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it...ya know: "Well, Bill, the boss

thinks you're the man for the position, why don't you strip down and meet some of the people you'll be

workin' with?".
杰瑞：约会可一点儿都不好玩……压力可大了，充满着紧张的情绪和痛苦的感觉……还有，你知道的，要是有个女的

来我家，我需要使我的卫生间准备就绪，因为她需要“东西”，女人需要很多装备。我不知道她们需要什么，我知道

我没有这些，我知道……你知道她们都需要什么吗？她们似乎需要很多棉花球。这事儿我一直觉得很好奇……我没有

棉花球，人和人的差距咋就那么大涅？我从来没有过一个（棉花球），从来没买过，从来不需要，从来没有处在这种

情况：我会对自己说“我现在想用个棉花球”……我能立马摆脱这些……女人们需要棉花球，不是一个两个，而是需

要成千上万个，她们需要一袋一袋的，见过那么大的袋子吗？非常巨大的袋子，两天后，袋子都空了……女士们，棉

花球上哪儿去了？你们把它们怎么着啦！我唯一见到它们的时候是在垃圾桶里，看那两三个，看起来它们经历了一些

很可怕的事情……被折磨，被审讯，我不知道它们到底怎么啦……曾经有个女孩落下了一小包棉花球在我家。我不知

道如何处置它们，我把它们取出来，放在我厨房的地板上。我想也许小强会看见它们，以为这是座死城，让我们进驻

吧……约会是件有压力的事儿。让我们直面它吧：一场约会就像一次持续整晚的面试。唯一的不同就是：大部分面试

结束的时候你不会光溜溜的……难不成这样：好啦，比尔，老板认为你是这个职位的不二人选！你干嘛不脱光光，见

见你以后的同事们呢？
 

[Scene: Airport. Jerry and George are waiting for Laura]
（场景：机场。杰瑞和乔治在等劳拉）
JERRY: Wouldn't it be great if you could ask a woman what she's thinking?
杰瑞：你能问一个女人她在想什么——那该多好。
GEORGE: What a world that would be, if you just could ask a woman what she's thinkin'.
乔治：那将是怎样一个世界呀，要是你能“问”一个女人她在想什么的话。
JERRY: Ya know, instead, I'm like a detective: I've gotta pick up clues, the whole thing is a murder

investigation.
杰瑞：不然我就只有像现在这样，像个侦探：我得寻觅、拼凑线索，整一个凶案现场调查。
GEORGE: Listen, listen, don't get worked up, 'cause you're gonna know the whole story the minute she

steps off the plane.
乔治：听着，听我说，别激动，她一走出飞机你就能了解整个事情啦。
JERRY: Really? How?
杰瑞：真的吗？怎样就能看出来？
GEORGE: 'Cause it's all in the greeting.
乔治：因为在问候中就揭示一切了。
JERRY: Uh-huh.
杰瑞：嗯……嗯。
GEORGE: All right, if she puts the bags down before she greets you, that's a good sign.
乔治：好吧，如果他在打招呼前先放下包包，那是个好的信号。
JERRY: Right.
杰瑞：好吧。
GEORGE: Ya know, anything in the, in the "lip-area" is good.
乔治：要知道，任何“嘴唇部位”总是好的。
JERRY: "Lip-area".
杰瑞：“嘴唇部位”？
GEORGE: Ya know a hug: definitely good.
乔治：知道拥抱吧：一定是好的。
JERRY: Hug is definitely good.
杰瑞：拥抱一定是好的。
GEORGE: Sure.
乔治：当然。
JERRY: Although what if it's one of those hugs where the shoulders are touching, the hips are eight

feet apart?
杰瑞：即使是那种——肩并肩可是臀部还远隔重洋的——也是好的？
GEORGE: That's so brutal, I hate that.
乔治：你太过分了，我讨厌那样。
JERRY: Ya know how they do that?
杰瑞：你知道他们怎么做吗？
GEORGE: That's why, ya know, a shake is bad.
乔治：握手是不好的。
JERRY: Shake is bad, but what if it's the "two-hander"? The hand on the bottom, the hand on the top,

the warm look in the eyes?
杰瑞：握手不好，那么如果是那种“双手相握”呢？两只手覆盖着你的手，眼中温情脉脉。
GEORGE: Hand-sandwich.
乔治：三明治手！
JERRY: Right.
杰瑞：对啊。
GEORGE: I see, well, that's open to interpretation. Because so much depends on the layering and the

quality of the wetness in the eyes...[suddenly a woman approaches Jerry from behind and puts her hands

over Jerry's eyes]
乔治：看出来了，好吧，那就见仁见智了。有太多内容都取决于眼神里包含的层次和质量了……
LAURA: Guess who?
劳拉：猜猜我是谁？
JERRY: Hey, hey.
杰瑞：嘿，嘿。
LAURA and JERRY: Heeeey! [they take each others hands like they're planning to do a folk dance; George

is looking puzzled]
劳拉和杰瑞：嘿！
JERRY: It's good to see you.
杰瑞：见到你真好。
LAURA: Hi.
劳拉：嗨。
JERRY: This is my friend George.
杰瑞：我朋友，乔治。
LAURA: [shakes George's hand] Hi, how nice to meet you.
劳拉：（握手）嗨，见到你真高兴。
GEORGE: Hi, how are you?
乔治：嗨，你好。
JERRY: This is Laura.
杰瑞：这是劳拉。
GEORGE: Laura, sure.
乔治：劳拉，当然……
JERRY: [to Laura] I can't believe you're here.
杰瑞：不敢相信你来了。
GEORGE and JERRY: Ooh yeah, the bags, sure. [they pick up the bags]
乔治和杰瑞：哦，是啊，大包小包，当然。
LAURA: Oh, thank you.
劳拉：哦，谢谢。
JERRY: [privately to George] Now that was an interesting greeting, did you notice that, George?
杰瑞：这算是有趣的见面吧，你注意到了吗？乔治。
GEORGE: Yes, the "surprise-blindfold-greeting". That wasn't in the manual, I don't know.
乔治：是的，“我悄悄的蒙上你的眼睛”。“手册”里没有提到这条，我不知道。
 

[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry shows Laura the apartment]
（场景：杰瑞的公寓）
JERRY: So uh, what do ya think?
杰瑞：你觉得这儿怎么样？
LAURA: Ooohhh, wow! This place isn't so bad.
劳拉：哦，喔！这地方还不算太差。
JERRY: Yeah, it kind a motivates me to work on the road...So uh, make yourself at home. [Laura sits

down on the couch, takes off her shoes and opens some buttons of her shirt] So uh, can I get you

anything? Uuhhh, bread, water...salad-dressing?
杰瑞：是啊，这也算激励我继续努力工作……别客气，把这儿当自个儿家一样。那么，你要点啥吃的喝的？嗯，面包

，水……色拉调料？
LAURA: [laughs] Actually uhm, do you have any wine?
劳拉：嗯，你这儿有酒吗？
JERRY; Uh, yeah, I think I do.
杰瑞：哦，有，我想有的。
LAURA: Oh, do, do you mind if I turn this down? [points to the lamp]
劳拉：哦，你介意我把灯关了吗？
JERRY: Uh, no, yeah, go right ahead. [she turns down the lamp]
杰瑞：哦，不，是的，关了吧。
LAURA: Uh, Jerry, uh, I was wandering: would it be possible, and if it's not, fine, for me to stay

here tomorrow night too?
劳拉：哦，杰瑞，我想啊：你说可能不可能，你是否介意，我明晚还待在这里呢？
JERRY: Uh, yeah, yeah, sure, why don't you stay? Yeah, uhm...What is your, what is your schedule for

tomorrow? Are you, are you doin' anything?
杰瑞：哦，是，是，当然，干嘛不呢？是啊……你明天有啥安排？你，你有啥事儿没？
LAURA: No, I'd love to do something, uh, I have my seminar in the morning, then after that I'm right

open.
劳拉：不，我当然想做点啥，我明早有个研讨会，然后我就有的是时间了。
JERRY: Really? What would you like to do?
杰瑞：是吗？那你想干什么？
LAURA: Well...now I know this sounds touristy, but I'd just love to go on one of those five-hour-boat

-rides around Manhattan.
劳拉：嗯……我知道这有点像游客的口吻，我想去乘坐那种环曼哈顿的游船。
JERRY: [doubtfully] Yeah, we could do that...why not, why not. [pours the wine] I'm just, I'm really

glad you're here. [the phone rings; he picks it up] Yeah, hello...yes...yes, she is, hold on. [to

Laura] Uhm, it's for you.
杰瑞：是，我们可以去……为什么不呢。我只是，很高兴你来这儿。（电话响起）喂，是的，是的，她在，稍等。（

对劳拉）嗯，你的电话。
LAURA: [she takes the phone] Hello?...Hi!...no no it was great, right on time...no, I, I'm gonna stay

here tomorrow...yes, yes it's fine..no, we're goin' on a boat-ride...don't be silly...I'm not gonna

have this conversation...look I, I'll call you tomorrow...OK, bye [she hangs up the phone]. Never get

engaged.
劳拉：喂？嗨！不，没事，刚刚好，我明天也待在这儿，是的，没事，不，我们回去乘游船，别傻了……我不跟你说

这些了……嗯，我明天再联系你……好，再见。（挂断后）千万别陷在婚姻里。
JERRY: You're engaged?
杰瑞：你订婚了？
LAURA: You, you really have no idea what it's like until you actually do it and I'm on this emotional

roller coaster.
劳拉：不置身其中你是无法体会的，这种情感上过山车的感觉。
JERRY: You're engaged? [still can't believe it]
杰瑞：你订婚了？
LAURA: Ya know, I can't believe it myself sometimes. You have to start thinking in terms of "we", uh,

it's a very stressful situation.
劳拉：有时候我自己也不相信。你得开始站在“我们”的角度来思考，这真是充满压力的事儿。
JERRY: You're engaged! [like he's answering his own question]
杰瑞：你订婚了！
LAURA: Yeah...yeah, he's a great guy...
劳拉：是……是，他是个很棒的人。
JERRY: Yeah.
杰瑞：是的。
LAURA: You'd really like him...ya know, I can't wait to get on that boat.
劳拉：你会喜欢他的……你知道吗，我迫不及待想要上那艘船了。
JERRY: Me too!
杰瑞：我也是！
 

[Scene: Comedy club.]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, OK? I, I, I admit,

I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their

little...everything they do is subtle...men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want,

men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it!...It's the only thing we know for

sure, it really is: we want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know.

The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from

construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far...The car-horn-honk, is that a beauty?

Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the

car, he honks: [imitates horn]
杰瑞：我发誓，我对女人的想法一点头绪都没有，我完全不理解！我……我承认，我，我不解风情。我就是不懂！女

人，她们太微妙了，她们所作的一切小事都那么微妙……男人可没那么微妙，我们是明确的。女人知道男人要什么，

男人知道男人要什么，我们要什么？我们要女人，无非如此！这是我唯一确信的事儿：我们要女人。我们怎么得到她

们呢？哦，我们可不知道，我们不知道。下一步该怎么做，我们毫不知情。那也就是为什么你能看到男人不停的按喇

叭，在工地上叫嚣。那些是我们唯一能做的……按喇叭，多美妙啊！看到过男人这样吗？那个男人在车里，女人在面

前经过，男人按喇叭：
e-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh, this man is out of ideas. How does it...? [imitates horn again] e-e-e-eeeehhhh,

"I don't think she likes me"...The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we. Men, I mean,

men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell

you a little bit about our organization. "Where ever women are?", we have a man working on the

situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, OK, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone

from our staff is on the scene...That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading

articles, like: "Where to meet men?". We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve

you better.
嘀嘀……吧吧……那男人疯了。这是怎么回事……“我认为她不喜欢我”……奇妙的是，我们仍然能得到女人，不是

嘛！男人，我是说，男人就是该和女人在一起。你看到男人、女人在一起，很多人不解男人是如何得到女人的呢？让

我告诉你一点点“组织”里的内幕吧。有女人的地方，都有个男人在现场。他未必是最佳先生，我们有太多区域要布

点，但总有个人在现场……那也正是男人沮丧的地方，女人们总是看这样的文章“哪里能遇见男人”。我们就在这里

呢！我们在任何地方！我们按喇叭，时刻准备着给你提供更好的服务！