A TRIBUTE TO JERRY SEINFELD向杰瑞.宋飞致敬

写在前面：这是一部拍了9年（10年）的剧集，整个剧集是关于琐事（nothing）的。在看之前你是无法想象这样的戏居然也可以成为经典，看完175集后，我认为这是一部伟大的剧集。鉴于目前国内翻译版本的不尽如人意，我于是打算翻译一下 ，175集不是开玩笑的事情，以我做事的习惯来说，基本上是不可能的，算作挑战自己的一种行为吧——2009年，”宋飞传“20年了。

另：这在老美心中是一部必看的戏，而在国内属于典型的小众剧集，因此版权的问题无所谓，反正这翻译也没什么特别的精彩之处，只是工作量较大罢了。英文版来自于http://www.seinfeldscripts.com

1989年6月5日
第一季第一集
宋飞纪（又名：Good News Bad News好事儿、坏事儿）
Plot summary for
"Seinfeld" The Seinfeld Chronicles

In this episode, the predecessor to "Seinfeld" (1990), Jerry is expecting a woman that he met in

Michigan to come and visit him in New York. Throughout the first part of the show Jerry and George are

discussing the situation. Later we meet "Kessler" who comes in to Jerry's apartment to borrow some

meat and uncharacteristically knocks on the door before entering. Written by Seinfeld Fan

{onlyjoex@earthlink.net}
情节概要：
这集是“宋飞传”的试播（1989年播出，1990年本剧集正式播出），杰瑞正在期待着一位他曾在密歇根认识的女人来

纽约拜访他。剧中，杰瑞和乔治先讨论了这一状况，然后，剧中另一主角“凯斯勒”闯入了杰瑞的居所，并借走了一

些肉，在进门之前，他异常的先敲门了。
注：“凯斯勒”就是后来的“克雷默”，在试播中原名凯斯勒，他是杰瑞的邻居，之后的9年里，他再也没有在进入

杰瑞的房间之前敲门。

The Seinfeld Chronicles

[Scene: Comedy club]
场景：喜剧俱乐部
JERRY: You know, why we're here? [he means: here in the "Comedy club"] To be out, this is out...and

out is one of the single most enjoyable experiences of life. People...did you ever hear people talking

about "We should go out"? This is what they're talking about...this whole thing, we're all out now, no

one is home. Not one person here is home, we're all out! There are people tryin' to find us, they

don't know where we are. [imitates one of these people "tryin' to find us"; pretends his hand is a

phone] "Did you ring?, I can't find him." [imitates other person on phone] "Where did he go?" [the

first person again] "He didn't tell me where he was going". He must have gone out. You wanna go out:

you get ready, you pick out the clothes, right? You take the shower, you get all ready, get the cash,

get your friends, the car, the spot, the reservation...There you're staring around, whatta you do? You

go: "We gotta be getting back". Once you're out, you wanna get back! You wanna go to sleep, you wanna

get up, you wanna go out again tomorrow, right? Where ever you are in life, it's my feeling, you've

gotta go.
杰瑞：你知道为什么我们会在这里（这个俱乐部）？（因为）外出，这就是出来混，这是人生最令人愉悦的经验之一

。人们……你曾经听到过人们谈论“我们应该出去”吗？这就是他们所谈论的……这些全部的话，我们现在就在“外

面”，没人在家。没有一个人在家，我们都在外面！总会有人想找到我们，他们不知道我们在哪儿。（模仿对话）
——“喂，我找不到他。”
——“他会去哪儿呢？”
——“他没有告诉我他要去哪里。”
那他一定是出去了。你想出去：你做好准备，挑好衣服，洗个澡，你全都准备好了，带上现金，叫上朋友，上车、找

个地儿，预约……然后你就四处张望，你该做什么？你说：“我们该回去了。”每当你出门在外的时候，你总想要回

去！你想要睡觉、想要起床，你想要明天再出去，对吧？我的感觉是：无论你在人生的何处，你总是想要走。
 

[Scene: Pete's luncheonette. Jerry and George are sitting at a table.]
场景：彼得的小餐馆（貌似永远都在这家餐馆里），杰瑞和乔治坐在餐桌旁。
JERRY: Seems to me, that button is in the worst possible spot. [talking about George's shirt] The

second button literally makes or brakes the shirt, look at it: it's too high! It's in no-man's-land,

you look like you live with your mother.
杰瑞：在我看来，那粒纽扣处在最糟糕的位置。（谈到乔治的衬衫）第二粒纽扣差不多就决定了一件衬衫的生死，你

看看：这（粒扣子）太高了！好像在无人区一样，你看起来像还和你妈住一起的样子。
GEORGE: Are you through? [kind of irritated]
乔治：（有点恼怒）你说够了没？
JERRY: You do of course try on, when you buy?
杰瑞：你确定买之前有试穿过？
GEORGE: Yes, it was purple, I liked it, I don't actually recall considering the buttons.
乔治：是的！这是紫色的，我喜欢，我不记得试穿的时候考虑过纽扣的问题。
JERRY: Oh, you don't recall?
杰瑞：哦，你不记得了？
GEORGE: [pretends he's talking into a microphone] Uh, no, not at this time.
乔治：（假装对着麦克风说话）哦，不，这次就是不记得了！
JERRY: Well, senator, I just like to know, what you knew and when you knew it. [a waitress approaches

the table]
杰瑞：那好，参议院先生，我只想了解，你知道什么和你何时知道的。（服务生上前至桌边）
WAITRESS: Mister Seinfeld. [she pours coffee in his cup] Mister Costanza. [she wants to pour coffee,

but George stops her]
服务生：宋飞先生。（她给宋飞倒咖啡）康斯坦茨先生。（她想给乔治倒咖啡，被阻止）
GEORGE: Are, are you sure this is decaf? Where's the orange indicator?
乔治：你，你确定这是无咖啡因的？橙色指示器跑哪儿去了？
WAITRESS: It's missing, I have to do it in my head: decaf left, regular right, decaf left, regular

right...it's very challenging work. [ironically]
服务生：哦，它失踪了，我只好用脑子来记了：无咖啡因的在左边，普通的在右边，无咖啡因的在左边，普通的在右

边……（讽刺的）这项工作还真是有挑战性啊！
JERRY: Can you relax, it's a cup of coffee, Claire is a professional waitress.
杰瑞：你就不能放松一下嘛！只不过一倍咖啡而已，克莱尔是位职业的服务生。
WAITRESS: Trust me George: no one has any interest in seeing you on caffeine. [she pours the coffee

and walks away]
服务生：相信我，乔治：没人有兴趣看你摄入咖啡因的样子。（她倒上咖啡，走人）
GEORGE: How come you're not doin' the second show tomorrow?
乔治：你明天为什么不做第二场演出了？
JERRY: Well, there's this uh, woman might be comin' in.
杰瑞：嗯，因为有个女人可能会过来。
GEORGE: Wait a second, wait a second, what coming in, what woman is coming in?
乔治：等等，等等，什么“过来”，什么女人要过来？
JERRY: I told you about Laura, the girl I met in Michigan?
杰瑞：我跟你说起过的，劳拉，那个我在密歇根认识的女孩。
GEORGE: No, you didn't!
乔治：你压根没有说起过！
JERRY: I thought I told you about it, yes, she teaches political science? I met her the night I did

the show in Lansing...[looks in the milk can] There's no milk in here, what...
杰瑞：我以为我曾告诉过你的，她教政治的，我在兰辛演出的晚上见到她的……（看看牛奶罐）没有牛奶了……
GEORGE: Wait wait wait, what is she, [takes the milk can from Jerry and puts it on the table] what is

she like?
乔治：等等，她是个……（把牛奶罐从杰瑞手中拿开，放到桌上）她是个什么人啊？
JERRY: Oh, she's really great. I mean, she's got like a real warmth about her and she's really bright

and really pretty and uh...the conversation though, I mean, it was...talking with her is like talking

with you, but, ya know, obviously much better.
杰瑞：哦，她很不错。我是说，她很热情，她很聪明又漂亮，还有……和她聊天，就像……和你说话一样，当然，你

知道，显然（和她）要更好。
GEORGE: [with a big smile] So, ya know, what, what happened?
乔治：（以为杰瑞是说和自己聊天更好，笑得美美的）那么，有发生什么吗？
JERRY: Oh, nothing happened, ya know, but is was great.
杰瑞：哦，啥都没发生，但还是很美好的。
GEORGE: Oh, nothing happened, but it was...
乔治：哦，什么都没发生，但是……
JERRY: Yeah.
杰瑞：是的。
GEORGE: This is great!
乔治：这真是太棒了！
JERRY: Yeah.
杰瑞：是啊。
GEORGE: So, ya know, she calls and says she wants to go out with you tomorrow night? God bless! Devil

you!
乔治：那么，她联系你说她想明天晚上和你约会？额滴神啊！你这个家伙！
JERRY: Yeah, well...not exactly. I mean, she said, you know, she called this morning and said she had

to come in for a seminar and maybe we'll get together.
杰瑞：是，嗯，不过，她说的是，事实上，她今天早上给我打电话说她不得不过来参加一个研讨会，我们也许能聚一

下。
GEORGE: [whistles disapproving] Ho ho ho, "Had to"? "Had to come in"?
乔治：（不同意）呵呵，“不得不”？“不得不过来”？
JERRY: Yeah, but...
杰瑞：是啊，不过……
GEORGE: "Had to come in" and "maybe we'll get together"? "Had to" and "Maybe"?
乔治：“不得不过来”和“我们也许能聚一下”——不得不，也许？
JERRY: Yeah!
杰瑞：是啊！
GEORGE: No...no...no, I hate to tell you this: you're not gonna see this woman.
乔治：不……不……不，我真不愿意告诉你这个啊：你是见不着这位女士的。
JERRY: [indignant] What, are you serious...why, why did she call?
杰瑞：（愤慨的）什么？你是说真的吗……为什么，那她为什么要打电话给我？
GEORGE: How do I know, maybe, ya know, maybe she wanted to be polite.
乔治：我怎么知道，可能，也许她只是出于礼貌。
JERRY: To be polite? You are insane!
杰瑞：出于礼貌？你疯了你！
GEORGE: All right, all right, I didn't want to tell you this, you wanna know why she called you?
乔治：好吧，好吧，我不想告诉你这些的，你想知道她为什么给你打电话吗？
JERRY: Yes!
杰瑞：是的！
GEORGE: You're a back-up, you're a second-line, a just-in-case, a B-plan of contingency!
乔治：你是备胎，你是二线商品，一个偶然的以防万一的B计划！
JERRY: Oh, I get it, this is about the button.
杰瑞：哦，我知道了，你还在为纽扣跟我过不去呢！
GEORGE: [The waitress(Claire) passes the table; George stops her and writes something on his note-

block] Claire, Claire, you're a woman, right?
乔治：（服务生经过桌子，乔治喊她过来并在她的记事本上写了点什么）克莱尔，克莱尔，你是个女人对吧？
CLAIRE: What gave it away, George?
克莱尔：哦，是什么暴露了我的（女性）身份，乔治？
GEORGE: Uhm...I'd like to ask you...ask you to analyze a hypothetical phone call, ya know, from a

female point of view.
乔治：嗯……我想问你……想请你站在一个女性的立场来分析一个电话。
JERRY: [to George] Oh, come on now, what are you asking her? Now, how is she gonna know?
杰瑞：（对乔治）哦，省省吧，干嘛要问她？现在连她也要知道这事儿啦？
GEORGE: [to Claire] Now, a woman calls me, all right? She says she has to [makes some gestures to

accent "has to"] come to New York on business...
乔治：（对克莱尔）现在，有个女人打电话给我，她说她不得不（肢体语言强调“不得不”）因公来纽约……
JERRY: Oh you are beautiful! [ironically]
杰瑞：（讽刺的）哦，你真好！
GEORGE: and, and maybe [again some gestures] she'll see me when she gets there, does this woman intend

to spend time with me?
乔治：然后，也许（再一次肢体语言）她到纽约时会来见我，请问这个女人是打算要和我一起分享时光吗？
CLAIRE: I'd have to say: uuhh, no. [George shows his note-block to Jerry, it says very largely: NO]
克莱尔：我不得不说：嗯，不。（乔治给杰瑞看记事本，大大的“不”字）
GEORGE: [to Claire] So why did she call?
乔治：（对克莱尔）那她为什么打电话？
CLAIRE: To be polite.
克莱尔：出于礼貌。
GEORGE: To be polite, I rest my case.
乔治：出于礼貌。听见了吧，还用我再说什么吗？
JERRY: Good. Did you have fun? You have no idea, what you're talking about, now, come on, come with me

[stands up], I, I gotta go get my stuff out of the dryer anyway.
杰瑞：很好。你们很开心吧？你们压根连你们在说什么都不知道，现在，跟我走吧（起身），我，我反正要去取我的

衣服。
GEORGE: I'm not gonna watch you do laundry.
乔治：我可不想取看你洗衣服。
JERRY: Oh, come on, be a "come-with-guy".
杰瑞：哦，算了吧，就做一下我的“跟班小弟”吧。
GEORGE: Come on, I'm tired.
乔治：省省吧，我累了。
CLAIRE: [to Jerry] Don't worry, I gave him a little caffeine: he'll perk up.
克莱尔：（对杰瑞）别担心，我给了他一点咖啡因：他会精神抖擞的。
GEORGE: [takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes; panics] Right, I knew I felt something...! [Jerry is

laughing, Claire walks away with a smile]
乔治：（摘下眼镜，揉眼睛，恐慌）好吧，我就知道！我有感觉……！（杰瑞大笑，克莱尔微笑的走开）
 

[Scene: Laundry. Jerry and George are there; George is staring at one of the dryers]
场景：洗衣房。杰瑞和乔治；乔治盯着一台烘干机
GEORGE: Jerry? I have to tell ya somethin':...this is the dullest moment I've ever experienced. [walks

away from the dryer; a man passes George and Jerry]
乔治：杰瑞？我非得跟你说件事不可：这是我经历过的最愚蠢的时刻。（从烘干机前走开，一个人从两人身边经过）
JERRY: Well, look at this guy! Look, he's got everything, he's got: detergents, sprays, fabric

softeners; this is not his first load.
杰瑞：好吧，看看这个人！他拥有一切，他有：清洁剂，喷雾，衣物柔软剂；这不是他的第一箱（衣物）。
GEORGE: I need a brake, Jerry, ya know, I gotta get out of the city, I feel so cramped...
乔治：我晕！杰瑞，你知道吗，我必须离开这座城市，我感觉很压抑……
JERRY: And you didn't even hear how she sounded.
杰瑞：你甚至都没有听过她（电话）的语气。
GEORGE: What?!
乔治：什么？！
JERRY: Laura.
杰瑞：劳拉。
GEORGE: I can't believe: [falls on his knees] WE ALREADY DISCUSSED THIS!
乔治：难以置信：（跪倒下来）我们已经讨论过这个啦！
JERRY: Yeah, but how could you be so sure?
杰瑞：是啊，但你怎么能这么肯定呢？
GEORGE: [gets up] 'Cause it's signals, Jerry [starts snapping his fingers], it's signals! Don't

you....all right. Did she even ask you, what you were doin' tomorrow night, if you were busy?
乔治：（起身）因为这些都是信号，杰瑞（指节喀哒响）都是信号！难道你……好吧，她是不是甚至都问你，你明晚

干啥，你是不是有空？
JERRY: No.
杰瑞：没有。
GEORGE: She calls you today and she doesn't make a plan for tomorrow? What is that? It's Saturday

night!
乔治：她今天给你打电话却没有做明天的计划？这算什么？这可是周末的夜晚啊！
JERRY: Yeah.
杰瑞：是啊。
GEORGE: What is that? It's ridiculous! [Jerry bobs agreeingly] You don't even know, what hotel she's

staying at, you can't call her. That's a signal, Jerry, that's a signal! [snaps his fingers again]

Signal!
乔治：这算什么？这真是可笑！（杰瑞认可状）你甚至都不知道，她打算住哪间酒店，你不能联系她。这些都是信号

，杰瑞，都是信号！
JERRY: Maybe you're right.
杰瑞：可能你是对的。
GEORGE: Maybe I'm right? Of course I'm right.
乔治：可能我是对的？我当然是对的。
JERRY: This is insane. You know, I don't even know where she's staying! She, she's not gonna call me,

this is unbelievable.
杰瑞：这太离谱了，我甚至不知道她住哪儿！她，她不会给我打电话了，难以置信。
GEORGE: [puts an arm around Jerry and whispers] I know, I know. [normal voice] Listen, your stuff has

to be done by know, why don't you just see if it's dried?
乔治：（搂着杰瑞低语）我知道，我知道。（正常声音）听着，你的东西应该已经完事儿了，为什么你不去看看衣服

烘干了没？
JERRY: No no no, don't interrupt the cycle. The machine is working, it, it knows what it's doing, just

let it finish.
杰瑞：不不不，不要打断我。机器在工作呢，它知道它在干什么，让它自己完工吧。
GEORGE: You're gonna "overdry" it.
乔治：你会把衣服烘得太干的。
JERRY: You, you can't "overdry".
杰瑞：不，哪来什么“烘得太干”。
GEORGE: Why not?
乔治：为什么不？
JERRY: Same as you can't "overwet". [George looks puzzled] You see, once something is wet, it's wet.

Same thing with dead: like once you die you're dead, right? Let's say you drop dead and I shoot you:

you're not gonna die again, you're already dead. You can't "overdie", you can't "overdry".
杰瑞：就像你不会“太湿”一样。（乔治迷惑状）就是，当某样东西是湿的，它就是湿的。就像死亡一样：当你死的

时候，你就是死了，对吗？打比方说吧，你倒毙了，我再开枪打你：你不可能再死一次吧，你已经死了。你不可能“

太死”，就像没有“太干了（过于干了）”一样。
GEORGE: [looks at the other persons in the laundry and says to them pointing to Jerry] Any questions?
乔治：（看着洗衣房内的其他人，指着杰瑞，和他们说些什么）还有问题吗？
JERRY: How could she not tell me where she was staying? [George stands by the dryer again and secretly

opens it: the dryer stops working and George closes the lid]
杰瑞：她怎么能不告诉我她住哪里呢？（乔治站在烘干机旁，悄悄打开：机器停转了，乔治盖上盖子）
GEORGE: [points to the dryer] Look at that: they're done! It's a miracle! [Jerry looks surprised]
乔治：（指着烘干机）看看吧：完工了！这真是个奇迹！（杰瑞惊奇状）
 

[Scene: Comedy club]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: "Laundry-day" is the only exciting day in the live of clothes. It is...no, think about it: the

washing machine is the nightclub of clothes. Ya know, it's dark, there's bubbles happening, they're

all kind a dancing around in there...shirt grabs the underwear: "C'mon babe, let's gather". You come

by, you open up the lid and they'll: [shows how clothes are acting when you open the lid]...Socks are

the most amazing article of clothing. They hate their lives, they're in the shoes with stinky feet,

the boring drawers...the dryer is their only chance to escape and they all know it. They knew a escape

from the dryer. They plan it in the hamper, the night before: [sock's voice] "Tomorrow, the dryer, I'm

goin'...you wait here!" The dryer-door swings open and the sock is waiting up against the side wall.

They hope you don't see him and then he goes down the road [shows how the sock is going down the

road]. They got buttons sowed on their faces: join the puppet show...So they're showing me on

television the detergent for getting out blood-stains...Is this a violent image to anybody? Blood-

stains? I mean, I, come on, you got a T-shirt with blood-stains all over it, maybe laundry isn't your

biggest problem right now...Maybe you oughtta get the harpoon out your chest first.
杰瑞：“洗衣日”对衣服来说是唯一激动人心的日子。这是……不，试想一下：洗衣机就像是衣服们的夜店。那里很

暗，那里有泡泡，那里有各样的舞蹈……衬衫抓住了内衣：来吧宝贝儿，和我玩玩儿。你经过，你打开舱盖门它们就

都……（表现出打开洗衣机舱盖时衣服的样子）……袜子是衣物中最奇妙的一样。它们厌恶它们的生活，它们与臭脚

一起生活在鞋子里，或是在无聊的抽屉里……它们心知肚明：烘干机是它们逃离现实唯一的出路。它们知道烘干机有

个出口。它们打昨晚在篮子里时就开始计划。（袜子的声音）“明天，烘干机，我要走了……你在这里等着！”烘干

机的门缓缓打开，袜子在边角上等待机会，它们希望你对它们视而不见，它们就能走到大路上（表现出袜子走在路上

）。搞两粒纽扣缝在脸上，加入木偶剧团……电视上有在播清洁剂除去血渍的情景，这画面不曾令你反感吗？血渍？

我是说……天啊，你有件沾满血渍的T恤衫的话，也许洗衣服对你来说就不算啥大问题了……可能你先要考虑的是把

鱼叉从你的胸口拔出来。
 

[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry is watching TV]
（场景：杰瑞的房间，杰瑞在看电视）
JERRY: [The phone rings. He picks it up and says:] If you know what happened in the Mets-game, don't

say anything, I taped it, hello... Yeah, no, I'm sorry, you have the wrong number...Yeah, no [somebody

knocks at the door] Yeah? [to the door, while still at the phone]
杰瑞：（电话铃响起。他接听：）如果你想知道大都会的球赛发生了什么，啥都别说了，我录下来了，喂……是的，

不，对不起，你打错电话了……是，不……（有人敲门）哪位？（应门，仍在电话中）
KRAMER: [enters] Are you up?
克雷默：（进入）你没睡吧？
JERRY: [To Kramer] Yeah...[in the phone] Yeah, people do move! Have you ever seen the big trucks out

on the street? Yeah, no problem [hangs up the phone].
杰瑞：（对克雷默）是……（电话中）是的，人是会搬家的！难道你没有见过路上的搬运卡车吗？是的，没问题。（

挂断电话）
KRAMER: Boy, the Mets blew it tonight, huh?
克雷默：乖乖，大都会今晚打得真棒，不是嘛！
JERRY: [upset] Ooohhhh, what are you doing? Kramer, it's a tape! [actually I can't understand the

name; maybe "Kramer" wasn't named "Kramer" in the pilot!] I taped the game, it's one o'clock in the

morning! I avoided human contact all night to watch this.
杰瑞：（不安状）哦，你在干什么？克雷默，这是录像！我录下了比赛，现在是凌晨1点钟！我想不受干扰看比赛都

不行！
KRAMER: Hey, I'm sorry, I...ya know, I, I thought you knew...[takes two loaves of bread out of his

pockets] You got any meat?
克雷默：嘿，不好意思，我……我以为你知道……（从口袋中掏出面包）你有肉吗？
JERRY: [a little irritated] Meat? I don't, I don't know, go...hunt! [Kramer walks to the refrigerator

and sticks his head in] Well what, what happened in the game anyway?
杰瑞：（有点不悦）肉？我没有，我不知道……要不你去打猎！（克雷默走到冰箱前，指了指）好吧，那场比赛究竟

如何了？
KRAMER: [still with his head in the refrigerator] What happened? Well, they STUNK, that's what

happened! [takes some meat from the refrigerator and closes it] Ya know, I almost wound up going to

that game.
克雷默：（仍然在冰箱里搜索）发生什么了？好吧，他们很菜就是了！（从冰箱中取出一块肉）我差点就去看这场比

赛了。
JERRY: [cynical] Yeah you almost went to the game. You haven't been out of the building in ten years!
杰瑞：（嘲讽的）是啊，你差点去看比赛了。你十年来都没离开过这幢楼！
KRAMER: Yeah. [Jerry sits down on the couch. Kramer sits down next to him and starts turning over the

pages of a magazine. Suddenly he spots an article he likes and tears it out. Jerry looks at him with a

"what-the-h...-are-you-doing-look" and Kramer asks:] Are you done with this?
克雷默：是。（杰瑞坐下，克雷默坐在他身边，翻开杂志，突然他指着一篇他喜欢的文章并撕了下来。杰瑞目瞪口呆

的看着他，克雷默说）你看完了对吧？
JERRY: No.
杰瑞：没有。
KRAMER: [glues the article back with his own saliva and puts the magazine back on the table] When

you're done, let me know.
克雷默：（用口水把撕下来的重新粘到杂志上，放回桌子）你看完后告诉我一声。
JERRY: Yeah, yeah...you can have it tomorrow.
杰瑞：好，好……你明天就能拿到了。
KRAMER: I thought I wasn't allowed to be in here this weekend.
克雷默：我还以为这个礼拜我都“禁止入内”呢。
JERRY: No, it's OK now, that, that girl is not comin' uh, I, I misread the whole thing.
杰瑞：不，没事。那个女孩不会来了，我误解了整个事情。
KRAMER: You want me to talk to her?
克雷默：你想要我跟她说说不？
JERRY: I don't think so.
杰瑞：你少来。
KRAMER: Oh, I can be very persuasive. Do you know that I was almost... a lawyer. [shows with his

fingers how close it was]
克雷默：哦，我可是很有说服力的。你知道我差一点就是个……律师了。（用手指表现“差一点”）
JERRY: That close, huh?
杰瑞：哦，差那么一点啊？
KRAMER: You better believe it. [The phone rings. Jerry picks it up]
克雷默：你最好相信我。（电话响起，杰瑞接听）
JERRY: Hello...Oh, hi, Laura.
杰瑞：喂，哦，你好，劳拉。
KRAMER: Give me it...let me talk to her [continues this way].
克雷默：把电话给我……让我对她说。
JERRY: [gestures Kramer to shut up] No believe me, I'm always up at this hour. How are

you?...great...sure...What time does the plane get in?...I got my friend George to take me...[Kramer

suddenly notices something in the Mets-game on TV]...
杰瑞：（示意克雷默闭嘴）不，相信我，这个时间我一般都还没睡觉呢。你怎么样？……很好……当然……飞机几点

到？我朋友乔治会开车带我过去的……（克雷默突然注意到了电视上的比赛）
KRAMER: A SLIDE!...Wow!
克雷默：好一个滑垒……喔！
JERRY: ...No, it's, it's just my neighbour...uhm...yeah, I got it [takes a pencil and a cereal box to

write on] ten-fifteen...No, don't be silly, go ahead and ask...Yeah, sure...OK, great, no no, it's no

trouble at all...I'll see you tomorrow...great, bye. [hangs up the phone; to Kramer:] I, I don't

believe it...That, that was her. She wants to stay here!
杰瑞：不，那是我邻居……嗯，是，我记下了。10:15，不，别傻了，尽管问……是，当然……好的，好的，不，不

，一点都不麻烦……那明天见……好的，再见。（挂断电话，对克雷默）我，不敢相信，那是她，她想要住在我这里

！
 

[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry and George enter, lifting a heavy mattress]
（场景：杰瑞的公寓，杰瑞和乔治进门，抬着很重的床垫）
JERRY: If my father was moving this he'd had to have a cigarette in his mouth the whole way. [talks

from now on like he has a cigarette in his mouth] Have you got your end?...Your end's got to come down

first, easy now, drop it down...drop it down, your end's got to come down.
杰瑞：要是我爸搬这家伙的话，那他一路上都得叼着香烟。你抓到你那边了没？你那边要先放下来，放下……放下，

你那边要放下来。
GEORGE: Ya know, I can't believe you're bringin' in an extra bed for woman, that wants to sleep with

you. Why don't you bring in an extra guy too? [sits down]
乔治：不敢相信你为那个想要和你睡的女人加了张床。你干嘛不干脆再给她找个床伴？
JERRY: [hands George a beer] Look, it's a very awkward situation, I, I don't wanna be presumptuous.
杰瑞：你看，这个状况好尴尬啊，我，我不想显得太冒昧。
GEORGE: All right, all right, one more time, one more time! What was the EXACT phrasing of the

request?
乔治：好，好吧，再一次，再来一次！她的原话到底是什么？
JERRY: All right, she said she couldn't find a decent hotel- room...
杰瑞：她说，她找不到一间雅致的旅馆……
GEORGE: A decent hotel-room...
乔治：雅致的旅馆……
JERRY: Yeah, a decent hotel-room, would it be terribly inconvenient if she staid at my place.
杰瑞：是啊，一间雅致的旅馆房间，她住在我这里是不是很不方便。
GEORGE: You can't be serious. This is New York city: there must be eleven million decent hotel-rooms!

Whatta ya need? A flag? [waves with his handkerchief] This is the signal, Jerry, this is the signal!
乔治：不会吧！这可是纽约！城里大概有1100万间雅致的旅馆房间！你想要啥？一面旗帜？这是信号，杰瑞，这是信

号！
 

JERRY: [cynical] This is the signal. Thank you, mister Signal, where were you yesterday?
杰瑞：（嘲讽的）这又是信号啦。谢谢！信号先生，你昨天说的话又算啥？
GEORGE: I think I was affected by the caffeine. [suddenly a dog enters the apartment and jumps George

at the couch] HO, HO, HO, GOOD DOG [etc.]
乔治：我想我是被咖啡因给搞的。（突然一条狗扑了上来）哦，乖乖，好狗。
KRAMER: [walks in behind the dog and closes the door] He really likes you, George.
克雷默：它真的好喜欢你，乔治。
GEORGE: [ironically] Well, that's flattering.
乔治：（讽刺的）好吧，承蒙您夸奖。
KRAMER: [the dog runs to the bathroom and apparently starts drinking from the toilet] Oh, he's

getting' a drink of water. [sees the mattress on the floor] Is this for that girl?
克雷默：（狗去卫生间，喝马桶里的水）哦，它显然是去喝水了。（看着床垫）为那个女孩准备的？
JERRY: Yeah.
杰瑞：是的。
KRAMER: Why even give her an option?
克雷默：为什么不让她自己选择？
JERRY: This is a person I like, it's not: "How to score on spring break".
杰瑞：这是我喜欢的人，这不是：“如何利用春假搞定一个小妞”。
GEORGE: Right, can we go? 'Cause I'm double-parked, I'm gonna get a ticket.
乔治：好吧，我们可以走了吗？我违章停车了，怕是要被开罚单了。
JERRY: Yeah, OK. Oh, wait a second. Oh, I, I forgot to clean the bathroom.
杰瑞：好，哦，等一会儿。哦，我，我忘了清扫卫生间。
GEORGE: So what? That's good.
乔治：那又怎样？那样很好。
JERRY: Now, how could that be good?
杰瑞：为什么很好？
GEORGE: Because filth is good...Whatta you think: rock stars have sponges and ammonia lyin' around the

bathroom? They, they have a woman comin' over: "I've gotta tidy up? Yeah right, in these matters you

never do what your instincts tell you. Always, ALWAYS do the opposite.
乔治：因为污秽是好的……你以为呢：摇滚明星们的卫生间里都是棉球、氨水？他们，他们有的是女人，我应该做好

清洁工作？在这类事情上，永远不要做那些你自然而然认为该做的。永远，永远做相反的事儿。
JERRY: This is how you operate?
杰瑞：这就是你的做法？
GEORGE: Yeah, I wish.
乔治：我倒是想啊。
JERRY: Let me just wipe the sink.
杰瑞：至少让我擦一下水槽。
KRAMER: [stands up from the couch and yells.] WHY EVEN GIVE HER AN OPTION FOR? [Jerry walks to the

bathroom and closes the door; to George, while pointing to the mattress] It's unbelievable.
克雷默：（从沙发中起身并咆哮）为什么不给她一个选择的机会？不可思议。
GEORGE: Yeah.
乔治：是的。
KRAMER: ...How's the real estate-business?
克雷默：……你的地产生意如何了？
GEORGE:...[surprised he asked] It's uh, not bad, it's comin' along...Why? Did you need something.
乔治：嗯，这个，不算坏……问这干啥？你有什么需要的？
KRAMER: Do you handle any of that commercial...real estate?
克雷默：你有没有运作一些商业……地产？
GEORGE: Well, I might be getting in to that.
乔治：嗯，我可以涉足这个领域。
KRAMER: [slaps George on the arm] You keep me posted!
克雷默：那你得经常告诉我消息！
GEORGE: I'm aware of you, all right, let's go [opens the bathroom door], let's go! [Jerry and the dog

come out] You're on stage in 25 minutes.
乔治：了解，好吧，我们走。走啦！你还有25分钟将登场。
 

[Scene: Comedy club.]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: The dating world is not a fun world...it's a pressure world, it's a world of tension, it's a

world of pain...and ya know, if a woman comes over to my house, I gotta get that bathroom ready,

'cause she needs things. Women need equipment. I don't know what they need. I know I don't have it, I

know that...Ya know what they need, women seem to need a lot of cotton-balls. This is the one I'm,

always has been one of the amazing things to me...I have no cotton-balls, we're all human beings, what

is the story? I've never had one...I never bought one, I never needed one, I've never been in a

situation, when I thought to myself: "I could use a cotton-ball right now"...I can certainly get out

of this mess...Women need them and they don't need one or two, they need thousands of them, they need

bags, they're like peat-moss(?) bags, have you ever seen these giant bags? They're huge and two days

later, they're out, they're gone, the, the bag is empty, where are the cotton-balls, ladies? What are

you doin' with them? The only time I ever see'em is in the bottom of your little waste basket, there's

two of three, that look like they've been through some horrible experience... tortured, interrogated,

I don't know what happened to them...I once went out with a girl who's left a little zip-lock-baggy of

cotton-balls over my house. I don't know what to do with them, I took them out, I put them on my

kitchen floor like little tumbleweeds. I thought maybe the cockroaches would see it, figure this is a

dead town: "Let's move on"... The dating world is a world of pressure. Let's face it: a date is a job

-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job-interview is: not many

job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it...ya know: "Well, Bill, the boss

thinks you're the man for the position, why don't you strip down and meet some of the people you'll be

workin' with?".
杰瑞：约会可一点儿都不好玩……压力可大了，充满着紧张的情绪和痛苦的感觉……还有，你知道的，要是有个女的

来我家，我需要使我的卫生间准备就绪，因为她需要“东西”，女人需要很多装备。我不知道她们需要什么，我知道

我没有这些，我知道……你知道她们都需要什么吗？她们似乎需要很多棉花球。这事儿我一直觉得很好奇……我没有

棉花球，人和人的差距咋就那么大涅？我从来没有过一个（棉花球），从来没买过，从来不需要，从来没有处在这种

情况：我会对自己说“我现在想用个棉花球”……我能立马摆脱这些……女人们需要棉花球，不是一个两个，而是需

要成千上万个，她们需要一袋一袋的，见过那么大的袋子吗？非常巨大的袋子，两天后，袋子都空了……女士们，棉

花球上哪儿去了？你们把它们怎么着啦！我唯一见到它们的时候是在垃圾桶里，看那两三个，看起来它们经历了一些

很可怕的事情……被折磨，被审讯，我不知道它们到底怎么啦……曾经有个女孩落下了一小包棉花球在我家。我不知

道如何处置它们，我把它们取出来，放在我厨房的地板上。我想也许小强会看见它们，以为这是座死城，让我们进驻

吧……约会是件有压力的事儿。让我们直面它吧：一场约会就像一次持续整晚的面试。唯一的不同就是：大部分面试

结束的时候你不会光溜溜的……难不成这样：好啦，比尔，老板认为你是这个职位的不二人选！你干嘛不脱光光，见

见你以后的同事们呢？
 

[Scene: Airport. Jerry and George are waiting for Laura]
（场景：机场。杰瑞和乔治在等劳拉）
JERRY: Wouldn't it be great if you could ask a woman what she's thinking?
杰瑞：你能问一个女人她在想什么——那该多好。
GEORGE: What a world that would be, if you just could ask a woman what she's thinkin'.
乔治：那将是怎样一个世界呀，要是你能“问”一个女人她在想什么的话。
JERRY: Ya know, instead, I'm like a detective: I've gotta pick up clues, the whole thing is a murder

investigation.
杰瑞：不然我就只有像现在这样，像个侦探：我得寻觅、拼凑线索，整一个凶案现场调查。
GEORGE: Listen, listen, don't get worked up, 'cause you're gonna know the whole story the minute she

steps off the plane.
乔治：听着，听我说，别激动，她一走出飞机你就能了解整个事情啦。
JERRY: Really? How?
杰瑞：真的吗？怎样就能看出来？
GEORGE: 'Cause it's all in the greeting.
乔治：因为在问候中就揭示一切了。
JERRY: Uh-huh.
杰瑞：嗯……嗯。
GEORGE: All right, if she puts the bags down before she greets you, that's a good sign.
乔治：好吧，如果他在打招呼前先放下包包，那是个好的信号。
JERRY: Right.
杰瑞：好吧。
GEORGE: Ya know, anything in the, in the "lip-area" is good.
乔治：要知道，任何“嘴唇部位”总是好的。
JERRY: "Lip-area".
杰瑞：“嘴唇部位”？
GEORGE: Ya know a hug: definitely good.
乔治：知道拥抱吧：一定是好的。
JERRY: Hug is definitely good.
杰瑞：拥抱一定是好的。
GEORGE: Sure.
乔治：当然。
JERRY: Although what if it's one of those hugs where the shoulders are touching, the hips are eight

feet apart?
杰瑞：即使是那种——肩并肩可是臀部还远隔重洋的——也是好的？
GEORGE: That's so brutal, I hate that.
乔治：你太过分了，我讨厌那样。
JERRY: Ya know how they do that?
杰瑞：你知道他们怎么做吗？
GEORGE: That's why, ya know, a shake is bad.
乔治：握手是不好的。
JERRY: Shake is bad, but what if it's the "two-hander"? The hand on the bottom, the hand on the top,

the warm look in the eyes?
杰瑞：握手不好，那么如果是那种“双手相握”呢？两只手覆盖着你的手，眼中温情脉脉。
GEORGE: Hand-sandwich.
乔治：三明治手！
JERRY: Right.
杰瑞：对啊。
GEORGE: I see, well, that's open to interpretation. Because so much depends on the layering and the

quality of the wetness in the eyes...[suddenly a woman approaches Jerry from behind and puts her hands

over Jerry's eyes]
乔治：看出来了，好吧，那就见仁见智了。有太多内容都取决于眼神里包含的层次和质量了……
LAURA: Guess who?
劳拉：猜猜我是谁？
JERRY: Hey, hey.
杰瑞：嘿，嘿。
LAURA and JERRY: Heeeey! [they take each others hands like they're planning to do a folk dance; George

is looking puzzled]
劳拉和杰瑞：嘿！
JERRY: It's good to see you.
杰瑞：见到你真好。
LAURA: Hi.
劳拉：嗨。
JERRY: This is my friend George.
杰瑞：我朋友，乔治。
LAURA: [shakes George's hand] Hi, how nice to meet you.
劳拉：（握手）嗨，见到你真高兴。
GEORGE: Hi, how are you?
乔治：嗨，你好。
JERRY: This is Laura.
杰瑞：这是劳拉。
GEORGE: Laura, sure.
乔治：劳拉，当然……
JERRY: [to Laura] I can't believe you're here.
杰瑞：不敢相信你来了。
GEORGE and JERRY: Ooh yeah, the bags, sure. [they pick up the bags]
乔治和杰瑞：哦，是啊，大包小包，当然。
LAURA: Oh, thank you.
劳拉：哦，谢谢。
JERRY: [privately to George] Now that was an interesting greeting, did you notice that, George?
杰瑞：这算是有趣的见面吧，你注意到了吗？乔治。
GEORGE: Yes, the "surprise-blindfold-greeting". That wasn't in the manual, I don't know.
乔治：是的，“我悄悄的蒙上你的眼睛”。“手册”里没有提到这条，我不知道。
 

[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry shows Laura the apartment]
（场景：杰瑞的公寓）
JERRY: So uh, what do ya think?
杰瑞：你觉得这儿怎么样？
LAURA: Ooohhh, wow! This place isn't so bad.
劳拉：哦，喔！这地方还不算太差。
JERRY: Yeah, it kind a motivates me to work on the road...So uh, make yourself at home. [Laura sits

down on the couch, takes off her shoes and opens some buttons of her shirt] So uh, can I get you

anything? Uuhhh, bread, water...salad-dressing?
杰瑞：是啊，这也算激励我继续努力工作……别客气，把这儿当自个儿家一样。那么，你要点啥吃的喝的？嗯，面包

，水……色拉调料？
LAURA: [laughs] Actually uhm, do you have any wine?
劳拉：嗯，你这儿有酒吗？
JERRY; Uh, yeah, I think I do.
杰瑞：哦，有，我想有的。
LAURA: Oh, do, do you mind if I turn this down? [points to the lamp]
劳拉：哦，你介意我把灯关了吗？
JERRY: Uh, no, yeah, go right ahead. [she turns down the lamp]
杰瑞：哦，不，是的，关了吧。
LAURA: Uh, Jerry, uh, I was wandering: would it be possible, and if it's not, fine, for me to stay

here tomorrow night too?
劳拉：哦，杰瑞，我想啊：你说可能不可能，你是否介意，我明晚还待在这里呢？
JERRY: Uh, yeah, yeah, sure, why don't you stay? Yeah, uhm...What is your, what is your schedule for

tomorrow? Are you, are you doin' anything?
杰瑞：哦，是，是，当然，干嘛不呢？是啊……你明天有啥安排？你，你有啥事儿没？
LAURA: No, I'd love to do something, uh, I have my seminar in the morning, then after that I'm right

open.
劳拉：不，我当然想做点啥，我明早有个研讨会，然后我就有的是时间了。
JERRY: Really? What would you like to do?
杰瑞：是吗？那你想干什么？
LAURA: Well...now I know this sounds touristy, but I'd just love to go on one of those five-hour-boat

-rides around Manhattan.
劳拉：嗯……我知道这有点像游客的口吻，我想去乘坐那种环曼哈顿的游船。
JERRY: [doubtfully] Yeah, we could do that...why not, why not. [pours the wine] I'm just, I'm really

glad you're here. [the phone rings; he picks it up] Yeah, hello...yes...yes, she is, hold on. [to

Laura] Uhm, it's for you.
杰瑞：是，我们可以去……为什么不呢。我只是，很高兴你来这儿。（电话响起）喂，是的，是的，她在，稍等。（

对劳拉）嗯，你的电话。
LAURA: [she takes the phone] Hello?...Hi!...no no it was great, right on time...no, I, I'm gonna stay

here tomorrow...yes, yes it's fine..no, we're goin' on a boat-ride...don't be silly...I'm not gonna

have this conversation...look I, I'll call you tomorrow...OK, bye [she hangs up the phone]. Never get

engaged.
劳拉：喂？嗨！不，没事，刚刚好，我明天也待在这儿，是的，没事，不，我们回去乘游船，别傻了……我不跟你说

这些了……嗯，我明天再联系你……好，再见。（挂断后）千万别陷在婚姻里。
JERRY: You're engaged?
杰瑞：你订婚了？
LAURA: You, you really have no idea what it's like until you actually do it and I'm on this emotional

roller coaster.
劳拉：不置身其中你是无法体会的，这种情感上过山车的感觉。
JERRY: You're engaged? [still can't believe it]
杰瑞：你订婚了？
LAURA: Ya know, I can't believe it myself sometimes. You have to start thinking in terms of "we", uh,

it's a very stressful situation.
劳拉：有时候我自己也不相信。你得开始站在“我们”的角度来思考，这真是充满压力的事儿。
JERRY: You're engaged! [like he's answering his own question]
杰瑞：你订婚了！
LAURA: Yeah...yeah, he's a great guy...
劳拉：是……是，他是个很棒的人。
JERRY: Yeah.
杰瑞：是的。
LAURA: You'd really like him...ya know, I can't wait to get on that boat.
劳拉：你会喜欢他的……你知道吗，我迫不及待想要上那艘船了。
JERRY: Me too!
杰瑞：我也是！
 

[Scene: Comedy club.]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, OK? I, I, I admit,

I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their

little...everything they do is subtle...men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want,

men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it!...It's the only thing we know for

sure, it really is: we want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know.

The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from

construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far...The car-horn-honk, is that a beauty?

Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the

car, he honks: [imitates horn]
杰瑞：我发誓，我对女人的想法一点头绪都没有，我完全不理解！我……我承认，我，我不解风情。我就是不懂！女

人，她们太微妙了，她们所作的一切小事都那么微妙……男人可没那么微妙，我们是明确的。女人知道男人要什么，

男人知道男人要什么，我们要什么？我们要女人，无非如此！这是我唯一确信的事儿：我们要女人。我们怎么得到她

们呢？哦，我们可不知道，我们不知道。下一步该怎么做，我们毫不知情。那也就是为什么你能看到男人不停的按喇

叭，在工地上叫嚣。那些是我们唯一能做的……按喇叭，多美妙啊！看到过男人这样吗？那个男人在车里，女人在面

前经过，男人按喇叭：
e-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh, this man is out of ideas. How does it...? [imitates horn again] e-e-e-eeeehhhh,

"I don't think she likes me"...The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we. Men, I mean,

men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell

you a little bit about our organization. "Where ever women are?", we have a man working on the

situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, OK, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone

from our staff is on the scene...That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading

articles, like: "Where to meet men?". We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve

you better.
嘀嘀……吧吧……那男人疯了。这是怎么回事……“我认为她不喜欢我”……奇妙的是，我们仍然能得到女人，不是

嘛！男人，我是说，男人就是该和女人在一起。你看到男人、女人在一起，很多人不解男人是如何得到女人的呢？让

我告诉你一点点“组织”里的内幕吧。有女人的地方，都有个男人在现场。他未必是最佳先生，我们有太多区域要布

点，但总有个人在现场……那也正是男人沮丧的地方，女人们总是看这样的文章“哪里能遇见男人”。我们就在这里

呢！我们在任何地方！我们按喇叭，时刻准备着给你提供更好的服务！