注：这集的剧本提供者很有意思，经常会冒出一点自己的想法，所以翻译的时候有时候碰到点雾水。因为看了这么久，第一季的一些细节也许记不清楚了，不好意思。

1990年5月31日
第一季第二集
监视
Plot summary for
"Seinfeld" The Stakeout
Jerry and George stake out the lobby of an office building to find a woman Jerry met at a party but whose name and phone number he didn't get.

情节概要：
杰瑞和乔治在一幢大楼的大堂里监视，想要找到一个杰瑞在派对上认识却不知道对方名字和号码的女人。

Opening monologue
Jerry: So, I'm on line at the supermarket. Two women in front of me. One of them, her total was eight dollars, the other three dollars. They both of course choose to pay by the use of the (pause and stare to audience for response)
杰瑞：我在超市的收银台前排队，我前头有两个女的，一个买了8块钱的东西，一个则是3块钱的。她们都选择用……

（等观众回应）
Audience: Cheque
观众：支票
Jerry: Cheque. Now, the fact is, if it's a woman in front of you that's writing the cheque, you will not be waiting long. I have noticed that women are very *fast* with cheques, y'know, 'cuz they write out so many cheques. The keys, they can never find in their purse, they don't know where that is, but the cheque book they got that. They never fumble for the cheque book-- the cheque book comes out of a holster: ["draws" imaginary book from an imaginary holster] ``Who do I make it out to?... There's my ID...''. There's something about a cheque that, to a man, is not masculine. I don't know exactly what it is... I think to a man, a cheque is like a note from your mother that says ``I don't have any money, but if you'll contact these people, I'm sure they'll stick up for me... If you just trust me this one time I don't have any money but I have these... I wrote on these; is this of any value at all?''
杰瑞：支票付款。不过还好，如果写支票的那个女人够熟练，你不用等太久的。我见识过那些女人写支票速度飞快，因为她们每天要写好多支票。虽然她们经常找不到在皮包中的钥匙，而支票簿，根本不需要去摸索，就好像从枪套中掏出手枪一样熟练。（肢体表演）“这钱是给谁的？……这是我的身份证号……”不过对于一个男人来说，支票包含了一定的阴柔成分。我不确定那些成分究竟是什么……我认为对一个男人来说，一张支票就像一张妈妈的纸条，上书：我没钱，不过如果你联系这些人，我肯定他们会为我挺身而出……相信我就算我没钱我也有这些……我写这些支票……这到底有个P价值啊？

Open at a video store where Jerry and some woman named "Elaine" are apparently looking to rent a movie for the night.
杰瑞和依莲在音像店租碟。
Jerry: What's that one?
杰瑞：那是什么片子？
Elaine: "Cocoon II: The Return". I guess they didn't like it up there...
依莲：茧II：回归。我猜它们不喜欢那里的生活……
Jerry: Maybe they came back for Chinese food. Y'know Maureen Stapleton, if she gets a craving, she's probably screamin' at those aliens, "I gotta have a Lo mein!"
杰瑞：也许它们为了中餐而回来的。如果毛灵.斯塔普顿好这口的话，她说不定会冲着外星人嚷嚷：我非得吃到捞面不可！
Elaine: Okay, what're we doing here? I have seen *everything*.
依莲：好吧，我们在这儿干嘛？我啥片子没见过呀。
Jerry: Oh yeah? I don't believe you've seen... this.
杰瑞：是吗？我就不信你看过这个……

Jerry shows Elaine some movie from the Adult section that's probably called "The Sperminator", or something...
（杰瑞给她看成人区的片子“终精者”）
Elaine: Oh, lovely...
依莲：哦……爽
Jerry: Yeah...
杰瑞：是啊……
Elaine: What do you think their parents think?
依莲：你认为他们的父母会怎么想？
Jerry: "So, uh, what's your son doing now, Dr. Stevens?"
杰瑞：“斯蒂文斯博士，你儿子在做什么呢？”
"Oh, he's a public fornicator. Yes, he's a fine boy..."
“哦，他是个公开的私通家，是的，他是个好孩子……”
Elaine: Y'know what? This would be a really funny gift for Pamela's birthday.
依莲：唉，你别说，帕梅拉要生日了，这一定会真是个有趣的礼物。
Jerry: Pamela? Do I know her?
杰瑞：帕梅拉？我认识她吗？
Elaine: Yeah, you met her when we were going out.
依莲：嗯，你和我交往那会儿见过她。
Jerry: Oh yeah, right...
杰瑞：哦，好吧……
Elaine: You have *no* idea who I'm talking about, do you?
依莲：你对我说的一点印象都没有，对吧？
Jerry: [quickly] No.
杰瑞：没错。
Elaine: Blonde hair remember? Glasses? [pause] Have you *totally* blocked out the entire time we were a couple?
依莲：金发美女？记得不？眼镜妹？想起来没？你是不是把我们是一对儿时的所有记忆都清空了呀？
 Bing!

Jerry: Riverside Drive.
杰瑞：河畔大道。
Elaine: Right! In fact... No, never mind...
依莲：没错！实际上……哦，别提了……
Jerry: Well, what is it?
杰瑞：嗯？怎么啦？
Elaine: Well, a bunch of people are getting together tomorrow night at some bar for her birthday, but... you don't want to go to... that... no.
依莲：一群人明晚要到酒吧去聚聚，为她庆生，但……你不会想去的……不。
Jerry: Wait a second, wait a second. We could work out a little deal here.
杰瑞：你等等，我想我们能做个小交易。
Elaine: What little deal?
依莲：什么交易？
Jerry: I will go to that, if you go with me to a little family wedding I have on Saturday.
杰瑞：我陪你去她的生日派对，不过你得答应周末陪我去一个婚宴。
Elaine: A *wedding*!? Have you *lost* it, man?
依莲：婚礼？你疯了吗？
Jerry: Y'know, my parents are coming in for this...
杰瑞：你知道，我父母也会过来……
Elaine: They're coming in?
依莲：他们要过来？
Jerry: Yeah, tomorrow.
杰瑞：是啊，明天。
Elaine: Hey, did your father ever get that hair weave?
依莲：嘿！你老爸还戴这那个假发？
Jerry: No, no... Still doin' the big *sweep* across.
杰瑞：不，不……长河落日圆了。
Elaine: Why does he do that?
依莲：他干嘛这样？
Jerry: Doesn't think anyone can tell?
杰瑞：鬼才知道。
Jerry: So c'mon, do we have a deal?
杰瑞：好了好了，成交不？
Elaine: A *wedding*?
依莲：婚礼？
Jerry: There's a lot of people to mock...
杰瑞：有很多人可以给你嘲弄哦……
Elaine: Alright, what the Hell.
依莲：好吧，管他娘的。
Jerry: Great!
杰瑞：太好了！

at the bar the next night...
（次日夜，酒吧）
Elaine: C'mon lets go, c'mon...
依莲：来吧，我们走……
Jerry: Was I supposed to bring something?
杰瑞：我是不是该带点啥？
Elaine: You could have.
依莲：你是可以带点啥嘛。
Jerry: I met her *one* time...
杰瑞：我只不过见过她一面罢了……
Elaine: It is not necessary.
依莲：也不是非得带不可。
Jerry: What did you say then?
杰瑞：你刚才还说……
Elaine: Sssshhhhhh!!!
依莲：嘘……
Pamela: Hi
帕梅拉：嗨！
Elaine: Hi Pamela, you remember Jerry.
依莲：嗨，帕梅拉，记得杰瑞嘛？
Pamela: Yes, we met.
帕梅拉：是，我们见过。
Jerry: Hi, happy birthday.
杰瑞：嗨，生日快乐。
Pamela: Ahh, everybody, this is Elaine and Jerry.
帕梅拉：哦，朋友们，这是依莲与杰瑞。
Guests: Hi
宾客：嗨
Jerry: I didn't bring anything.
杰瑞：我啥也没带。
Pamela: Ahh, I put you two right here.
帕梅拉：哦，你们俩就坐这儿吧。
Jerry: Oh, Okay (turns to rest of table) I'm sorry, I didn't know what to bring, nobody told me.
杰瑞：哦，好（对同桌宾客）不好意思，我不知道带啥好，也没人告诉我啊。

They sit down at a table next to each other. The piano man plays your basic "one-step-up-from-elevator-music" (simply 'cuz you're not stuck in an elevator while listening to it). Across from Jerry is a strikingly beautiful woman. She speaks:
他们相邻而坐。钢琴奏起一些通俗音乐的片段。杰瑞对面坐着是个漂亮的女人。

Vanessa: How big a tip do you think it'd take to get him to stop?
凡妮莎：真想拿钱砸死那个弹钢琴的，拜托，别弹了！
Jerry: I'm in for five...
杰瑞：支持你，给你五块……
Vanessa: I'll supply the hat.
凡妮莎：我提供帽子。
Jerry: [To himself] Uh-oh... What do we have here...
杰瑞：（自说自话）哦……真是牛头不对马嘴……
Vanessa: Why don't you relax and take your jacket off?
凡妮莎：你干嘛不放松点呢？把外套脱了。
Jerry: Oh, I can't-- I have a tendency to get chilly.
杰瑞：哦，我不能——我怕着凉。
Vanessa: How masculine...
凡妮莎：你还真是……
Jerry: Plus I'm wearing short sleeves, I don't want to expose my tattoos.
杰瑞：另外，我里面穿着短袖呢，不想露出我的纹身。
[To himself] She's unbelievable!（自说自话）这妞儿真灵……

The guy beside Venus, er, I mean Vanessa interrupts to tell her about this unseen guy next to him.
（凡妮莎身旁的男人打断了他们的谈话，说起他身边那个没见过的男人。）
Roger: [To Vanessa] Hey, this guy says he knows Bricker...
罗杰：（对凡妮莎）嗨，这人说他认识布里克……
Vanessa: Oh, you know Bricker! From where?
凡妮莎：哦，你认识布里克？在哪儿？
With their conversation interrupted, Jerry ponders to himself...
（谈话被打断，杰瑞自己开始猜想……）
Jerry: [To himself] What's going on here? Gotta be her boyfriend, she's too good to be alone... What's the difference, I can't maneuver anyway with Elaine next to me...
杰瑞：（自说自话）这是啥破事儿！一定是她的男朋友，她这么优秀……有什么好多想的，就连依莲这样的货色我都不能驾驭……
Vanessa: [To Jerry] How do you know Pamela?
凡妮莎：（对杰瑞）你是怎么认识帕梅拉的？
Jerry: Friend of a friend. And you?
杰瑞：朋友的朋友，你呢？
Vanessa: We went to law school together.
凡妮莎：我们一起读的法学院。
Elaine: Oh, Jerry!
依莲：哦，杰瑞！
Jerry: [To himself] Oh no, not *now*...
杰瑞：哦，不是吧，不要现在……
Elaine: I had this dream last night and you were in it.
依莲：我昨晚做了个梦，梦里有你哦。
Jerry: Oh really... [To himself] Oh God, I gotta get out of this...
杰瑞：哦真的吗……（自说自话）额滴神，我得喘口气……
Elaine: You were you, but, you weren't you...
依莲：（在梦里）你是你，不过你又不是你……
Jerry: No kidding... [To himself] Why is this happening? Please, make her stop!
杰瑞：不是吧……（自说自话）为什么会发生这个？求你了，打住！
Elaine: I think, I think we were in my house where I grew up, and you were standing there, you were looking out the window--
依莲：我想我是在我的那个屋子里，你站在窗外看我……
Jerry: [To himself] This is *brutal*...
杰瑞：（自说自话）真是要命了……
Elaine: You turned around and you had these wooden teeth...
依莲：你转过来，居然你有一口木头牙齿……
Jerry: How do you like that... [To himself] Can I turn now? Is this over? No, I can't, I can't... I'm stuck...
杰瑞：你对这个怎么看……（自说自话）我能转过去吗？依莲结束了吗？不……不行……我被困住了……
Elaine: Jerry? Are you listening to me?
依莲：杰瑞？你有没有听我讲话？
Jerry: Yes, I *heard* you.
杰瑞：是的，我听着呢。
Pamela: Elaine, what's the name of that jewelry store you took me to that time?
帕梅拉：依莲，你上次带我去的那家珠宝店叫啥名儿来着？
Jerry: [To himself] Thank *you*, Pamela!
杰瑞：（自说自话）谢谢你一家门了，帕梅拉！
Jerry: [To Vanessa] So, you're a lawyer...
杰瑞：（对凡妮莎）那么……你是位律师……
Vanessa: Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
凡妮莎：萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特。
Jerry: [To himself, quickly] Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
杰瑞：（自言自语）萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特。
Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft...
萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特……
[To Vanessa] Of course, they handled my tattoo removal lawsuit!
（对凡妮莎）当然，他们处理了我除去纹身的案子！
Vanessa: Oh, that was you!
凡妮莎：哦，那是你？
Jerry: Imagine, spelling "Mom" with two O's...
杰瑞：无法想像，居然有人把“妈妈”写成了“马嘛”……
Vanessa: Very funny! What do you do?
凡妮莎：真有趣！你是干啥的？
Jerry: Comedian.
杰瑞：喜剧演员。
Vanessa: Really... That explains it...
凡妮莎：哦……难怪你这么风趣……
Jerry: [To himself, quickly] Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
杰瑞：（自言自语）萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特。
Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特。
Roger: Are you ready?
罗杰：你好了嘛？
Vanessa: We gotta run. Happy birthday!
凡妮莎：我们该走了。生日快乐！
The two of them get up an leave. Jerry panics n his own mind...
（他们俩起身离开，杰瑞脑子里在打转。）
Jerry: [To himself] I can't believe it-- I got *nothing*! I don't even know her name!
杰瑞：（自说自话）难以置信……我啥都没探听到！连她的名字都不知道！
Jerry: [To himself, *very* quickly] Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft. Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppen... Sagman... Sag...
杰瑞：（自言自语）萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特……
A grim stare from Elaine knocks his concentration. After the party, in the cab home...
（在杰瑞和依莲回去的出租车上）
Jerry: That wasn't so bad, really...
杰瑞：不算太坏……
Elaine: Y'know, uh, you could use a little work on your manners.
依莲：你能不能改进一下你的举止呀。
Jerry: Why? What did I do? You mean besides not bringing anything?
杰瑞：为什么？我做什么啦？你意思是除了我没准备生日礼物之外？
Elaine: Well, I just don't appreciate these little "courtesy responses", like I'm selling you aluminum siding.
依莲：好吧，我只是看不惯你那些“礼节性的回复”，好像我在兜售铝制建材一样。
Jerry: I was listening!
杰瑞：我有听你说话！
Elaine: No! You couldn't wait to get back to your little... "conversation".
依莲：不！你迫不及待的想要回到你那个小小的“谈话”中。
Okay Jerry. Bottom of the ninth. Two on, down by one. Two strikes on you. Let's see how you do in the clutch...
（好像是编辑剧本的网友说的话：看看杰瑞老兄有多少斤两，九局下半，两人出局，最后一次投球机会，看看你在紧要关头的表现……）
Jerry: No, you were talking about the, the um, the dream you had.
杰瑞：不，你在谈你的梦。
Elaine: Uh-huh...So far, so good.
依莲：哦……还不错。
Jerry: Where you had, uh, wooden teeth.
杰瑞：你……你有木头牙齿。

Elaine: No! No! *You* had wooden teeth! *You* had wooden teeth! *I* didn't have wooden teeth, *you* did!
依莲：不！不！是“你”有木头牙齿！你有！不是我……
Jerry: Alright, so *I* had wooden teeth, so what?
杰瑞：好吧，我有木头牙齿，那又怎样？
Elaine: So nothing... Nothing...
依莲：没什么……没什么……
 Cut to Jerry in a nightclub somewhere, doing another monologue...
（喜剧俱乐部，杰瑞的表演）
Jerry: Apparently Plato, who came up with the concept of the platonic relationship, was pretty excited about it. He named it after himself. He said ``Yeah, I got this new thing-- "platonic". My idea, my name, callin' it after myself... What I do is, I go *out*with the girls, I *talk* with them-- don't *do* anything... and go right home. What'dya think? I think it's going to be *big*!''I bet you there were other guys in history that tried to get relationships named after them, but it didn't work. Y'know, I bet you there were guys who tried to do it, just went: ``Hi, my name's Rico. Would you like to go to bed immediately? Hey, it's a *"Riconic"* relationship...''
杰瑞：柏拉图，就是那个想出“柏拉图式的关系”的家伙，肯定对此很兴奋，所以才用自己的名字命名。他说：我有个新想法——柏拉图式。我的想法，我的名字，用我的名字命名……你们怎么认为？我想这想法会搞大！我敢说历史上一定还有不少家伙都想以自己的名字命名一种关系，但都没成功。比方说，有个家伙想这么做，他会说：嗨！我叫里克”，你想跟我上床嘛？嗨！这可是“里克式”的感情啊……
Jerry gets home after the party. His place is characteristically not vacant, but it's not Kramer inside-- it's his folks.
（杰瑞回家，他的房间里自然不会空荡，但是居然不是克雷默，而是杰瑞的父母）
Jerry: Hey!
杰瑞：嗨！
Morty: Ah, there he is!
莫迪：哦，他终于回来了！
Jerry: This is what I like, see? You come home and your parents are in your bed!
杰瑞：这真是我的最爱，你看？你回到家里，然后你父母在你床上！
Helen: Y'know, Jerry, we don't have to do this...
海伦：杰瑞，你不用说反话……
Jerry: What are you talkin' about? It's fine, I love having you here...
杰瑞：说什么呢！没事儿，很高兴你们能来……
Helen: Tomorrow we'll go to a hotel.
海伦：明天我们就去旅馆。
Jerry: Ma, will you stop?
杰瑞：老妈，打住！
Helen: No, why should we take over your apartment?
海伦：不，我们干嘛要抢你的公寓呢！
Jerry: I don't care-- I'm sleeping next door.
杰瑞：没事，我住隔壁好了。
Helen: Your friend Kramer doesn't mind?
海伦：你朋友克雷默不介意？
Jerry: No, he's making a bouillabaisse.
杰瑞：没事，他在做浓味鱼肉汤。
Jerry: So Dad, lemme ask you a question. How many people work at these big law offices?
杰瑞：老爹，问你个事儿：那些大的律所里一般有多少员工啊？
Morty: Depends on the firm.
莫迪：哦，那得看啥律所啦。
Jerry: Yeah, but if you called up and described someone, do you think they would know who it was?
杰瑞：哦，那么你过去向他们打听个人，你觉得他们会找得出来嘛？
Morty: What's the matter? You need a lawyer?
莫迪：怎么回事？你要个律师？
Jerry: No, I met someone at this party, and I know where she works, but I don't know her name.
杰瑞：不是，我在派对上认识个人，我知道她在哪儿工作，但不知道她的名字。
Morty: So why don't you ask someone who was at the party?
莫迪：那你干嘛不问也在派对上的其他人呢？
Jerry: Nah, the only one I could ask is Elaine, and I can't ask her.
杰瑞：不行，我唯一能问的人是依莲，所以我不能问她。
Helen: Why not?
海伦：为什么不能？
Jerry: Because it's complicated-- there's some tension there.
杰瑞：这很复杂——有点麻烦。
Helen: He used to go with her...
海伦：他们以前是一对儿。
Helen: Which one is she?
海伦：哪个是她？
Morty: From Maryland. The one who brought you the chocolate covered cherries you didn't like.
莫迪：马里兰来的。那个给你不爱吃的樱桃巧克力的。
Morty: Oh yeah, very alert. Warm person.
莫迪：哦是的，很警觉、很热心的人。
Jerry: Oh yeah, she's great.
杰瑞：是，她很不错。
Helen: So, how come nothing materialized there?
海伦：那为什么你们俩没成？
Jerry: Well, it's a tough thing to talk about... I dunno...
杰瑞：这，这个很难说清楚……我不知道……
Helen: I know what it was...
海伦：我知道这是怎么回事……
Jerry: You don't know what it was...
杰瑞：你不知道……
Helen: So, what was it?
海伦：好吧，那到底是怎么回事？
Jerry: Well, we fight a lot for some reason...
杰瑞：好吧，我们经常闹别扭……
Both his parents respond in that "You know so little son, that's to be expected", sarcastic, know-it-all tone...
（两位老人家一副了然于胸的态势，咱啥没见过啊）
H + M: Oh, well...
二老：哦，好吧……
Jerry: And there was a little problem with the physical chemistry...
杰瑞：当然，我们在亲密关系上也有点小问题……
Oops. Cat got your collective tongue, folks? They occupy themselves for a few seconds, not knowing how to respond to *that*...
（吓到你们了吧，老人家？二老呆了一下，不知道该如何回应……）
Helen: Well, I think she's a very attractive girl.
海伦：我认为她是个很迷人的姑娘。
Jerry: Oh, she is, she absolutely is.
杰瑞：哦，她是，她当然是。
Helen: I can see if there was a *weight* problem...
海伦：那是不是有点体重的问题……
Jerry: No, it's not that. It wasn't all one-sided.
杰瑞：不，不是这样的。这也不全是单方面的问题。

Helen: You know, you can't be so particular. Nobody's perfect.
海伦：你知道的，你也不可能那么特殊，人无完人。
Jerry: I know, I know...
杰瑞：我知道，我知道滴……
Morty: Y'know Jerry, it's a good thing I wasn't so particular.
莫迪：杰瑞，好在我不那么特别。
Helen: Idiot... [To Jerry] So who're you looking for, Sophia Loren?
海伦：白痴……（对杰瑞）那你想找啥样的，索菲亚.劳伦？
Jerry: That's got *nothin'* to do with it.
杰瑞：这是哪儿跟哪儿呀！
Morty: How about Loni Anderson?
莫迪：那隆尼.安德森咋样？
Helen: Where do you get Loni Anderson?
海伦：你上哪儿去找隆尼.安德森？
Morty: Why, what's wrong with Loni Anderson?
莫迪：找隆尼.安德森有问题嘛？
Helen: I like *Elaine* more than Loni Anderson...
海伦：比起隆尼.安德森来，我更喜欢依莲。
Jerry: What are you two talking about? Look, Elaine just wasn't "the one".
杰瑞：你们俩在搞什么飞机！听我说，反正依莲不是我要的那一个。
Helen: And this other one's "the one"?
海伦：那这个（派对女）就是你的“那一个”啦？
Jerry: I dunno, maybe...
杰瑞：我不知道，可能……
Morty: So ask Elaine there for the number.
莫迪：那就去问依莲要那女的号码。
Jerry: I can't-- she'll get upset. I never talk about other women with her,especially this one tonight.
杰瑞：我不能——她会不爽的，我从来不跟她谈其他的女人，更不要说今晚这个了。
Helen: How could you still see her if your not interested?
海伦：如果你对她没兴趣的话为什么嗨要见她？！
Jerry: We're *friends*.
杰瑞：我们是朋友啊。
Morty: Doesn't sound like you're friends to me. If you were friends you'd ask her for the number. Do you know where this other one works?
莫迪：听起来你们可不是“朋友”。如果你们是朋友那问个号码有啥难的，你知道这个女人在哪儿上班嘛？
Jerry: Oh yeah...
杰瑞：哦，是的……
Morty: Well, go up to the office.
莫迪：好，那就去她的办公室。
Helen: Up to her office?
海伦：直接去她的办公室？
Morty: Go to the building. She goes out to lunch, doesn't she?
莫迪：去他们的写字楼，她会去吃午餐的，不是吗？
Jerry: I guess...
杰瑞：应该会……
Morty: So, you stand in the lobby, by the elevator, and wait for her to come down for lunch.
莫迪：那你就站在大堂，守在电梯口，等她下来吃饭。
Jerry: You mean "stakeout" the lobby?
杰瑞：你意思是在大堂“监控”？
Helen: Morty, that's ridiculous. Just ask Elaine for the number!
海伦：莫迪，太可笑了！就去找依莲要号码！
Morty: He doesn't want to ask Elaine for the number.
莫迪：他不想去问依莲要号码。
Helen: So you've got him standing by the elevator like a *dope*! What happens when he sees her?
海伦：你就想要他像个蠢驴一样守在电梯口？他见着人家了又能怎么样！
Morty: He pretends he *bumped* into her!
莫迪：他假装只是偶遇！
Jerry: Y'know what? This is *not* that *bad* an idea...
杰瑞：仔细想想，这也不算个很差的主意……
At the building, G+J start to plot their strategy.
（大厦大堂，乔治与杰瑞在商量他们的策略。）
George: What does she look like?
乔治：她长啥样？
Jerry: I dunno. Hard to say.
杰瑞：不知道，很难说。
George: What actress does she remind you of?
乔治：那像哪个影星？
Jerry: Loni Anderson.
杰瑞：隆尼.安德森。
George: Loni Anderson?!
乔治：隆尼.安德森？！
Jerry: What, there's something wrong with Loni Anderson?
杰瑞：怎么啦，隆尼.安德森有啥问题？
Jerry: Hey listen, thanks again for running over here. I appreciate it.
杰瑞：听着，再次感谢你陪我过来，我很感激。
George: Yeah, sure. I was showing a condo on 48th st. Besides, you think I wanna miss this?
乔治：当然。我本来在48大街看一个房子的。不过，你认为我会错过这出？
Jerry: I'm a little nervous.
杰瑞：我有点紧张。
George: Yeah, me too...
乔治：我也是……
Jerry: If I see her, what do I say that I'm doing here in the building?
杰瑞：见到她的时候，我该怎么解释我会在这里？
George: You came to see me; I work in the building.
乔治：你过来见我，我在这里上班。
Jerry: What do you do?
杰瑞：你是干啥的？
George: I'm an *architect*.
乔治：我是个建筑师。
Jerry: You're an *architect*?
杰瑞：你是建筑师？
George: I'm not?
乔治：我不是吗？
Jerry: I don't see architecture comin from you...
杰瑞：看不出啥建筑师的特质……
George: I suppose *you* could be an architect...
乔治：我想你可以做个建筑师……
Jerry: I never said that I was the architect. Just somethin' else...
杰瑞：我从来没说我是个建筑师，只是其他什么……
George: Alright, she's not even gonna ask, if we *see* her, which is remote.
乔治：好吧，她甚至都不会问，我们见到她是很遥远的事情。
Jerry: Well what'dya want me to say, that I just wandered in here?!
杰瑞：你要我说啥涅，我只是在这里晃荡？！
George: We're having lunch with a friend-- he works in the building.
乔治：我们来与朋友聚餐——他在这里工资。
Jerry: What is *his* name?
杰瑞：他的名字是？
George: Bert... Har... bin... son. Bert Har-bin-son.
乔治：伯特……哈宾迅。伯特.哈宾迅。
Jerry: Bert Harbinson? It sounds made up.
杰瑞：伯特.哈宾迅？听起来像是编的。
George: No good? Alright, how about Art... Corr.....
乔治：不好？好吧，那亚特……
Jerry: Art Corr...
杰瑞：亚特.科……
George: ...velay...
乔治：瓦雷……
Jerry: Corvelay?
杰瑞：科弗雷？
George: Yeah, right.
乔治：是的。
Jerry: Well, what does *he* do?
杰瑞：好吧，那“他”是干啥的？
George: He's an importer.
乔治：他是个进口商。
Jerry: Just imports, no exports?
杰瑞：只是“进口”，不做“出口”？
George: He's an importer/exporter, okay?
乔治：他是个进出口商人，行了吧？
George: Say, did Elaine ever call you back?
乔治：话说回来，依莲给你打过电话不？
Jerry: No, I guess she's still mad.
杰瑞：不，我想她还在生气呢。
George: I don't understand, you never talk to her about other women?
乔治：我不知道，你从来不和她说起其他女人？
Jerry: Never.
杰瑞：从不。
 Bing! The elevator opens up and...
（电梯门打开……）
Jerry: Wait a second... That's her... on the right.
杰瑞：等等……那就是她……右边那个。
George: I forgot who I am! Who am I?!
乔治：我忘了我是谁！我是谁？！
Jerry: You're you. We're having lunch with Art Corvelay.
杰瑞：你是你。你要与亚特.科弗雷聚餐。
George: Vandelay!
乔治：范德雷？
Jerry: Corvelay!
杰瑞：科弗雷！
George: Let me be the architect, I can do it!
乔治：让我做“建筑师”吧，我行的！
 Jerry ignores George and approaches Vanessa.
（杰瑞忽略乔治，接近凡妮莎）
Jerry: Hey, hey... Pamela's birthday party, didn't I see you there... Jerry.
杰瑞：嗨……帕梅拉的生日派对，我是不是见过你……杰瑞。
Vanessa: Sure! Hi!
凡妮莎：当然！嗨！
Jerry: This is George. ["Grasps" for her name] I'm sorry...
杰瑞：这是乔治。不好意思……
Vanessa: Vanessa.
凡妮莎：凡妮莎。
George: Nice to meet you.
乔治：见到你很高兴。
Jerry: Ah, Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
杰瑞：哦，萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特。
Vanessa: That's right! What're you doing here?
凡妮莎：没错！你们在这儿干啥？
Jerry: Oh, were meeting a friend of ours for lunch. He works here in the building.
杰瑞：我们来见以为朋友，一起吃个饭。他在这里上班。
George: Yeah, Art *Vandelay*.
乔治：是，亚特.范德雷。
Vanessa: Really? Which company?
凡妮莎：是吗？哪家公司？
Jerry: I don't know. He's an importer.
杰瑞：不知道，他是个进口商。
Vanessa: Importer?
凡妮莎：进口商？
George: ...And exporter.
乔治：……还有出口商。
Jerry: He's an importer/exporter.
杰瑞：他是个进出口商人。
George: I'm, uh, I'm an architect.
乔治：我，嗯，我是个建筑师。
Vanessa: Really. What do you design?
凡妮莎：真的嘛，你都设计点啥？
George: Uh, railroads, uh...
乔治：嗯，铁路，嗯……
Vanessa: I thought engineers do that.
凡妮莎：我还以为是工程师做这个呢。
George: They can...
乔治：他们……
Jerry: Y'know I'm sorry you had to leave so early the other night.
杰瑞：我想说那晚走得太急不好意思啊。
Vanessa: Oh, me too. My cousin had to go back to Boston.
凡妮莎：哦，我也是，我表兄必须回波士顿。
Jerry: Oh, that guy was your *cousin*!
杰瑞：哦，那个男生是你表兄！
Vanessa: Yeah, and that woman was your--
凡妮莎：是的，那个女生是你……
Jerry: Friend!
杰瑞：朋友！
George: I'll just, uh, get a paper...
乔治：我，嗯，拿张纸……
Jerry: So, um, do you date immature men?
杰瑞：那么，你会和不成熟的男人约会嘛？
Vanessa: Almost exclusively...
凡妮莎：哦，我就好这口……
After yours truly goes through a reality check, we cut to Jerry's apartment where mother and son engage in a friendly game of Scrabble.
（杰瑞和他老妈玩拼字游戏）
Jerry's Mom sings to herself while she apparently tries to make words out of a meaningless string of letters.
（杰瑞老妈在瞎哼哼，编不出词儿来了）
Helen: Bum bum bum bum... I have no letters... Bum bum bum bum...
海伦：哒哒……叭叭……我没词儿啦……叭叭……哒哒……
Jerry: Ma, will you go already?
杰瑞：老妈，行了吧你！
Helen: Bum bum bum bum...
海伦：叭叭……哒哒……
She picks up a nearby dictionary...
（她拿起一本字典……）
Jerry: What are you doing?!
杰瑞：你在干啥！
Helen: Wait, I just want to see something...
海伦：等等，我只是想看看……
Jerry: You can't look in there, we're playing!
杰瑞：你不能往字典里看呀，我们在比赛呢！
 The K-Man cometh...
（克雷默进场）
Morty: Evening, Mr. Kramer!
莫迪：晚上好，克雷默君！
Kramer: Hey Morty! [To Jerry] Salad dressing?
克雷默：嗨莫迪！（对杰瑞）色拉调料？
Jerry: Look.
杰瑞：看看。
Helen: "Quo"? Is that a word?
海伦：斨？这也算个字儿？
Jerry: Maybe!
杰瑞：也许！
Helen: Will you challenge it?
海伦：你确认嘛？
Jerry: Ma, you can't look up words in the dictionary! Dad, she's cheating!
杰瑞：老妈，你不能翻字典！老爸，她在作弊呢！
Kramer: "Quo"? That's not a word.
克雷默：斨？那不是个字儿。
Helen: [To Jerry] You're such a stickler...
海伦：（对杰瑞）你真费劲！
Jerry: Well put *something* down, you're taking twenty minutes on this. So is Uncle Mac, and Artie, they're all coming over here before the wedding?
杰瑞：好吧，你已经花了20分钟在这个字上面了。那么，麦克叔、阿尔第，在婚礼前他们都来这儿？
Helen: They'll be here at two o'clock... Oh, Elaine called. She said she'd be here at 2:30. Oh, and she says ``Hope your meeting went well with Art... "Vandelay"?''
海伦：他们两点到……哦，依莲打过电话来。她说她2点半到，她还说“希望你和亚特.范德雷的见面愉快。”
Jerry: She said *what*?
杰瑞：她说啥？
Helen: Just what I said, here.
海伦：她就是这么说的，你瞧。
 She hands Jerry the note. He reads it.
（她给杰瑞即时贴，他看了看）
Jerry: She knows! Oh, I am *such* a *jackass*...
杰瑞：她知道了！哦，我真是个蠢驴……
Helen: She knows what?
海伦：她知道啥啦？
Jerry: She knows the whole stupid thing... Vanessa and the elevator...
杰瑞：她知道整件荒唐的事儿了……凡妮莎还有电梯……

Helen: No, no, no, that won't do. He may have a "Z"...
海伦：不，不，不，那样不对，应该有个“Z”……
Morty: So, how did she find out?
莫迪：她是怎么知道的？
Jerry: Because, Vanessa probably told Pamela, and Pamela probably told Elaine.
杰瑞：因为，凡妮莎可能告诉帕梅拉了，帕梅拉可能告诉依莲啦。
While, they talk, Kramer has covertly scoped Jerry's tiles to confirm that Jer doesn't have a "Z". This goes unnoticed by Jerry, who continues to talk with his Pop...
（克雷默动了杰瑞的拼字，杰瑞没发现）
Morty: So, what are you? Afraid of her?
莫迪：难道你还怕了她了不成？
Jerry: Yes. *Yes* *I* *am*!
杰瑞：是的。我是怕他！
Jerry: What else did she say on the phone?
杰瑞：她还说了点啥？
Helen: Whatever I wrote down.
海伦：有啥我都记下来了啊。
Jerry: Yeah, but what was the tone in her voice? How did she sound?
杰瑞：是，但是她的语气是怎么样的？听起来如何？
Helen: Who am I, Rich Little?
海伦：你以为我是谁？！顺风耳？
Morty: Well, she can't be too mad-- she's still coming to the wedding.
莫迪：好吧，她不会很生气的——她还是陪你去婚礼的不是嘛。
Jerry: Yeah, but now I'm nervous.
杰瑞：是，但是我很紧张。
Helen: Oh, stop it.
海伦：哦，省省吧。
 She makes her move and tallies the points...
（她继续她的游戏）
Jerry: "Quone"?
杰瑞：“囧”？
Helen: ...30...31...
海伦：……30……31……
Jerry: "Quone"? No, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to challenge that.
杰瑞：“囧”？不，我要挑战这个词儿！
Helen: ...32...
海伦：……32……
Kramer: No, you don't have to challenge that. That's a word. That's a *definite* word.
克雷默：不，你没必要去挑战这个词儿，这是个词儿，是个定义词。
Jerry: I am challenging...
杰瑞：我要挑战……
Kramer: Quone: to quone something.
克雷默：囧：今天你囧了没？
Jerry: Uh-huh...
杰瑞：哦……
Helen: I'm not playing with you anymore...
海伦：我不要再跟你玩了……
Morty: Quone's not a word...
莫迪：囧不是个词儿……
Jerry: No good. Sorry. There it is. Get it off...
杰瑞：好吧。不好意思。就这样吧，闪……
Helen: Why did you make me put that down?
海伦：你为什么要我放下那个？
Kramer: Nah, we need a *medical* dictionary! If a patient gets difficult, you *quone* him...
克雷默：不，我们需要本医学词典，有个病人有问题了，你“囧”他……

End Act II. Open at Jerry's apartment with a few people mingling about, waiting to go to the wedding. Jerry is talking to Carol <I miss the first few seconds here. Sorry>
（杰瑞家很多人，等着去婚礼。杰瑞与卡罗尔交谈；原剧本错过前几秒）
Carol: You want some funny material, you oughta come down to where I work, now that's a sitcom!
卡罗尔：你想要点搞笑的素材不是嘛，你应该来我工作的地方来看看，那就是个情景剧！
Jerry: You must have quite a time down there. [Checks his watch]
杰瑞：看起来你很空的样子。（看看手表）
Carol: We got plenty of time...
卡罗尔：我们的确很闲……
Jerry: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just waiting for someone...
杰瑞：哦，不好意思，我在等人……
Mac: Watch what you say to this guy-- he'll put it in his next act!
麦克：小心你对这个家伙说的话——他会把这些放到下次的演出中的！
Jerry: Yeah, yeah...
杰瑞：是的，是的……
Mac: Jerry, did I tell you that I'm writing a book? An autobiography.
麦克：杰瑞，我跟你说起过我写书的事情不？一本自传。
Jerry: Yeah, Uncle Mac, you mentioned it...
杰瑞：是的，麦克叔，你说起过……
Mac: It's based on all my experiences!
麦克：全都是我的个人经历！
Jerry: That's perfect. [Elaine enters] Could you excuse me one second. I'm sorry.
杰瑞：好极了！（依莲进屋）抱歉我得走开一下，不好意思。
 Jerry goes over and greets Elaine.
（杰瑞过去问候依莲）
Jerry: How do you do, Jerry Seinfeld.
杰瑞：你好，我是杰瑞.宋飞。
Elaine: Oh, how do you do. Elaine Benes.
依莲：哦，你好，我是依莲.贝尼斯。
Jerry: Um, do you want to do this now, or do you want to wait until we get in the car?
杰瑞：你想现在就谈呢，还是等到上车后再谈？
Elaine: Oh no, let's do it now.
依莲：哦，不，现在就谈吧！
Jerry: Alright, the whole elevator business, let me just explain--
杰瑞：好吧，整个电梯事件，让我解释一下——
Elaine: Okay...
依莲：好吧……
Artie: Jerry, were you goin' with us?
阿尔第：杰瑞，你跟我们一起走不？
Jerry: No, I'm gonna take my car.
杰瑞：不，我会开自己的车。
Artie: That's why I brought the wagon. Why the Hell did I bring the wagon?
阿尔第：所以我要开自己的车，我为啥要带自己的车？
Jerry: Anyway, you know why I didn't ask you, I mean I felt so uncomfortable, and you were *so* annoyed in the cab.
杰瑞：不管怎么说，要知道我不告诉你，我是说我觉得不爽还有当时在出租里面你也很烦躁。
Elaine: Well, Jerry, I never saw you flirt with anyone before. It was quite the spectacle.
依莲：好吧，杰瑞，以前从没见你和人调情过，这真是壮观！
Carol: Jerry, we'll see you there. Bye, Elaine.
卡罗尔：杰瑞，待会儿见。再见，依莲。
Elaine: Oh, bye. Good to see you.
依莲：哦，再见，很高兴见到你。
Artie: Oh, we didn't meet.
阿尔第：哦，我们没见过。
Jerry: Oh, I'm sorry. Elaine, this is my cousin Artie Levine.
杰瑞：哦，不好意思，依莲，这是我兄弟阿尔第.列夫。
Artie: Le*vine*.
阿尔第：列文。
He leaves with Carol.
（他和卡罗尔离开）
Jerry: Yeah, "Le*vine*". And I'm Jerry Cougar Mellencamp... Anyway, I admit it was a fairly ridiculous thing to do, but I mean, I mean, obviously we have a little problem here.
杰瑞：是，列文。我还是杰瑞.酷格尔.米伦坎普……嗯，我承认那是件很蠢的事情，但是我的意思是我们有点状况了

，是吧。
Elaine: Yeah, obviously.
依莲：是的，很明显。
Jerry: I mean, if we're gonna be friends, we gotta be able to talk about other people...
杰瑞：我是说，如果我们做朋友的话，我们应该能谈论其他什么人吧……
Elaine: Couldn't agree more.
依莲：双手双脚赞同。
Jerry: Good.
杰瑞：好的。
Elaine: Good.
依莲：好的。
Jerry: Good.
杰瑞：好。
Elaine: Great!
依莲：很好！
Jerry: Great? Where do you get "great"?
杰瑞：很好？“很好”是什么意思？
Elaine: It's great to... talk about... other people...
依莲：很好就是……谈论其他人很好……
Jerry: ...Guys.
杰瑞：……什么人。
Elaine: Yeah.
依莲：是。
Jerry: Uh-huh... Yeah... So, anybody specific?
杰瑞：哦……是……那么，你有啥特别的人了？
Elaine: No. A general guy.
依莲：不，只是个普通的家伙。
Jerry: Oh *really*... Elaine Marie Benes...
杰瑞：哦，真的嘛……依莲.玛丽.贝尼斯……
Elaine: What? No, it's not a big deal.
依莲：什么？不，没啥大不了的。
Jerry: No, that's great! That's terrific!
杰瑞：不，那很好！那棒极了！
Elaine: No, we just met...
依莲：不，我们只是刚认识……
Jerry: Doesn't matter. What's the young man's name? I would like to meet him.
杰瑞：那无关紧要，那位先生叫啥？我很想会会他。
Elaine: I don't think so...
依莲：我不认为……
Jerry: Well, what does he do? Is he an artisan, a craftsman, a labourer of some sort?
杰瑞：那他是干啥的？艺术家、手艺人，还是民工？
Elaine: Wall street.
依莲：华尔街的。
Jerry: Ahh, high finance: bulls... bears... people from Conneticut.
杰瑞：哦，金融界的……熊市……牛市……沪市或深市。
Elaine: And he happens to be pretty good lookin'
依莲：而且，他还很有“姿色”呢。
Jerry: [pause] Alright, sir.
杰瑞：好吧，阁下。
Elaine: And... he's *hilarious*.
依莲：还有……他还超搞笑。
Jerry: Now that's not fair! So where did you meet this guy?
杰瑞：有天理没有！你是怎么认识这家伙的？
Elaine: I "staked" out his health club.
依莲：我去他的健康俱乐部监视他的。

Jerry: When you're on a stakeout, do you find it's better to stand up against the wall, or kinda

crouch down behind a big plant?...
杰瑞：当你在监视的时候，你是觉得紧贴一堵墙站着好呢还是躲在某株巨型植物的后面好呢？
 Closing monologue
（闭幕相声）
Jerry: Y'know I think that even if you've had a relationship with someone, or let's say, *especially* if you've had a relationship with someone and you try to become friends afterwards, it's very difficult. Isn't this? It's hard. Because, you know each other so well, you know all of each others tricks. It's like two magicians, trying to entertain each other. The one goes, "Look, a rabbit."The other goes, "So? ... I believe this is your card." "Look, why don't we just saw each other in half and call it a night? Okay?"
杰瑞：我想当你与某人有段韵事后你还想和他做朋友，这将是相当艰苦的。可不是嘛！很艰难！因为，你们都太了解对方了，你们了解对方所有的小伎俩。这就好似两位魔术师，想要娱乐对方。

一个说“看啊，小兔子”
另一个说：“那又如何……我想这是你刚才那张牌吧”
要按我说呢，我们看对方的时候都“雾里看花”一点，今晚就到这儿吧，如何？