1990年6月7日
第一季第三集
抢劫
Plot summary for "Seinfeld" The Robbery
After Jerry's apartment is robbed, Jerry starts to look for other apartments. But Jerry and George both want the same apartment, and Elaine wants the apartment of whomever loses out.

情节概要：
杰瑞的公寓遭劫，想找新住所，但杰瑞和乔治都想要同一个公寓，依莲想要他们其中一个留下的房子。

[Scene: Comedy club]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: So I move into the centre lane, now I get ahead of this women, who felt for some reason I guess, that she thought that I cut her off. So, she pulls up along side of me, gives me... the finger. It seems like such an... arbitrary, ridiculous thing to just pick a finger and you show it to the person.[shows several fingers to the audience] It's a finger, what does it mean? Someone shows me one of their fingers and I'm supposed to feel bad. Is that the way it's supposed to work? I mean, you could just give someone the toe, really, couldn't you? I would feel worse if I got the toe, than if I got the finger. 'Cause it's not easy to give someone the toe, you've gotta get the shoe off, the sock of and drive, get it up and uh [pretends to drive with one foot in the air and speaks to person driving next to him] look at that toe, buddy. [puts his foot down] I mean, that's really insulting to get the toe, isn't it ?
杰瑞：我挤进中间的车道时，超过了一个女人（的车），她觉得我超车了，于是她经过我边上时对我竖中指了！随便选根手指“展示”给人看在我看来真是专横而可笑啊。（向观众展示几根手指）这是根手指，这有什么意义？某人向我竖起某根手指，我就应该感觉很糟糕。是这意思吗？我是说，你也可以向人展示你的脚趾头，你行吗？如果你向我展示脚趾头，我是不是应该感觉更糟糕啊？不过向人展示脚趾头有点难度啊，你需要脱鞋、脱袜子，把脚抬起来（身体语言展示）看看我的脚趾头，伙计。（把脚放下）被人竖“脚趾头”可真是种侮辱啊，不是嘛！

[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry is packing. Elaine is sitting at the table watching Jerry]
（场景：杰瑞的公寓，杰瑞在打包，依莲坐在桌边看着杰瑞）
JERRY: Is that it? Got the cue tips, got the mini-umbrella, something boring to read on the plane. [zips his bag with exaggerated motions] That's it. Done!
杰瑞：就这些了吗？台球杆皮头（不确定），折叠伞，在飞机上看的消遣读物（拉上包，表情夸张）就这样了，收工。
ELAINE: [claps her hands] That is the single greatest packing performance I have ever seen.
依莲：（鼓掌）这是我见过的最牛X的打包表演了！
JERRY: [proudly] I am...the master packer.
杰瑞：（自豪的）我是……打包专家。
ELAINE: [laughs] Yeah, right, you're the master packer.
依莲：（笑）是，没错，你是打包专家。
JERRY: What you must understand, Elaine, [picks up the umbrella] packing is no different than leading men into battle: you've gotta know the strengths and weaknesses [hits his bag rhythmically with his umbrella] of every soldier in that platoon. From a collapsible toothbrush to a pair of ordinary black socks.
杰瑞：依莲，你该理解（拿出雨伞），打包就像带领弟兄们去战场一样：你得了解队伍里每位士兵的长处和弱点（有节奏的用伞敲击包包），无论是折叠牙刷还是一双普通的袜子。
ELAINE: 'Scuse me...master packer!
依莲：不好意思……打包专家！（估计是笑得不行了）
JERRY: ...Yes.
杰瑞：……怎么。
ELAINE: Just gimme your keys.
依莲：给我你的钥匙就好。
JERRY: Alright, sir. [tosses Elaine his keys; apartment buzzer goes of, Jerry speaks over the intercom] George?
杰瑞：好的，老大。（给依莲钥匙，门铃响起，杰瑞问）乔治吗？
GEORGE: [outside over the intercom] Yeah
乔治：（门铃另一端）是
ELAINE: [Jerry opens the door] OK, so, now, is there anything else I need to know 'bout this place?
依莲：（杰瑞开门）好了，那现在，关于这间公寓我还需要了解些什么吗？
JERRY: uh, yeah, the uuhh, hot water takes a little while to come on. So, the best thing to do is to turn it on, do all your shopping, you...come back and take a shower.
杰瑞：哦，是的，热水要等一会儿才会出来，所以最佳做法是打开热水，出去购物……然后回家淋浴。
ELAINE: OK, this is quite a place.
依莲：哦，这地方可真“不错”啊！
JERRY: There's more, the refrigerator. [Opens it] Deduct a minimum of two days of all expiration dates. [uses the umbrella to point to certain compartments in the refrigerator] No meat, no leftovers, no butter. [closes the refrigerator] And I cannot overstate this: no soft cheeses of any kind. Is that clear?
杰瑞：哦，还有……冰箱。（打开）别给我放过期货，（用伞指着冰箱）别放肉，不要放剩饭剩菜，别放黄油。（关上冰箱门）最重要的：任何奶酪或相关食品都不要放！清楚了没？
ELAINE: I'll eat out.
依莲：我会把冰箱吃空的。
JERRY: One more thing, Benes, regarding sexual activity: strictly prohibited, but if you absolutely must, do us all a big favour: do it in the tub.
杰瑞：还有一件事，贝尼斯，有关“性活动”：严格禁止，但是你觉得必须要“做”，麻烦你行行好：在浴缸里做吧。
GEORGE: [walks in] Ready?
乔治：（进门）好了没？
JERRY: Yeah, one sec.
杰瑞：马上。
GEORGE: [closes the door] Hey, Elaine
乔治：（关门）嗨，依莲
ELAINE: Hi.
依莲：嗨。
GEORGE: Coming to the airport with us?
乔治：和我们一块儿去机场吗？
ELAINE: No, I'm staying here for the weekend. I'm getting a break from my roommate.
依莲：不，我周末都待在这里。我想和我的室友分开一段。
GEORGE: Oh, the actress-waitress.
乔治：哦，那个演员－服务生。
ELAINE: No, the waitress-actress. She just got some part in some dinner-theater production of a Chorus Line. So, now all day long she's walking around the apartment singing: [singing] "God, I hope I get it, I hope I get it". She's gonna get it right in her...
依莲：不，是服务生－演员，她刚刚在一个餐厅剧场的和声队伍里得到一个角色。所以现在她每天在公寓里边走边唱：神啊，让我得到这个吧！她会得到……
GEORGE: You just kick her out.
乔治：你把她赶出去不就得了。
ELAINE: She's on the lease!...George you have got to find an other place for me.
依莲：合同上有她！乔治求你帮我换个住处吧！
GEORGE: Yeah, well...a little ruff finding something good in your price-range. [looks like he remembers something and turns to Jerry] But you, my friend, may be in luck.
乔治：嗯，好……按你的价位找个好地方有点难度（想起什么，对杰瑞说）不过你，我的朋友，你就好运了。
JERRY: I'm not looking.
杰瑞：我没有在找住所啊。
GEORGE: No no no, this one's different, this one's a beauty!
乔治：不不不，这可不一样啊，这间可是“尤物”！
JERRY: Yeah, what's it like?
杰瑞：是吗，长什么样？
GEORGE: I haven't seen it yet, but it's a "two-bedroom", it's on the uh, west 83rd, 'bout a half block from the park?
乔治：我还没见过呢，但这可是“双卧”，在西街83号，离公园只有半个街区。
JERRY: How much?
杰瑞：多少钱？
GEORGE: Uh, twice what you pay in here, but it's a great building, it's two bedrooms!
乔治：你这间房的双倍，但那是多好的房子啊，双卧！
JERRY: Two bedrooms? Why do I need two bedrooms? I got enough trouble maintaining activity in one. [George looks at Elaine with a "he's-crazy-look"; Jerry turns around] I saw that.
杰瑞：双卧？我要双卧干嘛？一间房间都“忙”不过来呢。（乔治）
ELAINE: You oughtta least take a look at it.
依莲：你至少去看一眼吧。
JERRY: Really? Why?
杰瑞：哦？为什么？
ELAINE: 'Cause then I could move in here.
依莲：那样我就可以搬到这里来了啊。
JERRY: Ooohhhh
杰瑞：哦……
ELAINE: It's time you got out a here anyway.
依莲：你反正是要离开这里的。
GEORGE: Yeah, tell'm, but quickly, I'm double parked here.
乔治：是，叫他快点，我违章停车了。
ELAINE: Listen, Jerry, this place is falling apart. You have no hot water, you can't have soft cheese...
依莲：听着杰瑞，这破地儿烂得一塌糊涂，没热水，不能放松软的奶酪……
GEORGE: Let's not forget the radiator, the steam has been on here for ten years; no human can turn this off.
乔治：你还忘了散热片呢，那里散发蒸气都有十年了，没人能关上。
ELAINE: Jerry, come on, you're doin' OK now, you should at least take a look at this place. You shouldn't have to live like this.
依莲：杰瑞，得了吧，你至少去看看那间房嘛，你不能住得像现在这样。
JERRY: Like this? You just said, you wanted to live here.
杰瑞：像这样？你刚才还说，你要搬过来呢。
ELAINE: Well, for me it's a step up. It's like moving from Island to Finland.
依莲：对我来说这是前进了一小步啊，就好像从冰岛搬到芬兰。（感觉应该是ICELAND而不是Island，个人意见）
GEORGE: Jerry, what do ya...you wanna...you wanna see the place or not?
乔治：杰瑞，你想……你到底还看不看那间房啦！
JERRY: I can't think about it now. Come on, I'm going to Minneapolis. I got four shows this weekend.
杰瑞：我现在不能想这个，得了吧，我要去明尼阿波利斯。这周有四场演出呢。
 

[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry enters his apartment with his bags.]
（场景：杰瑞的公寓，杰瑞进门）
JERRY: Elaine! [puts his bags down, sits down on the couch, picks up the remote control and tries to turn on his TV]
杰瑞：依莲！（放下包，坐下，拿起遥控器想要打开电视）
JERRY: [notices the TV is missing] ELAINE!
杰瑞：（发现电视不见了）依莲！
ELAINE: [from the bathroom] JERRY! [enters the living-room] Jerry, oh, hi, welcome back. How were the shows?
依莲：（浴室里）杰瑞！（进入客厅）杰瑞，哦，嗨，欢迎回来。演出怎么样？
JERRY: Great, I had fun, where's the TV, where's the VCR. [Elaine looks guilty] What?
杰瑞：很好，我玩得挺开心，电视上哪儿去了，还有录像机。（依莲做贼心虚）什么？
ELAINE: They were stolen.
依莲：都被偷了。
JERRY: Stolen? When?
杰瑞：被偷？什么时候？
ELAINE: A couple a hours ago, the police are coming right over.
依莲：几小时前吧，警察就要来了。
JERRY: Stolen?
杰瑞：被偷了？？
ELAINE: [Kramer enters the apartment] Someone left the door open. [it's clear that she means Kramer; she walks to the bathroom]
依莲：（克雷默进门）有人忘了关门。（她暗指克雷默；她走进浴室）
JERRY: [to Kramer] You left the door open?!
杰瑞：（对克雷默）你让门打开着？
KRAMER: Uh, Jer, well ya know, I was cookin' and I, I uh, I came in to get this spatula...and I left the door open, 'cause I was gonna bring the spatula right back!
克雷默：嗯，你想啊，我正在炒菜，我到你家来拿把锅铲，然后让门开着，因为我还要把它还回来啊！
JERRY: Wait, you left the lock open or the door open?
杰瑞：等等，你是忘了锁门还是大门敞开着？
KRAMER: [bobs his head guiltily] The door.
克雷默：（晃头晃脑）城门大开。
JERRY: The door? You left the door open?
杰瑞：门？！你让门开着？！
KRAMER: Yeah, well, I was gonna bring the spatula right back.
克雷默：是啊，我正想把锅铲还回来呢。
JERRY: Yeah, and?
杰瑞：是吗，然后呢？
KRAMER: Well, I got caught up... watching a soap opera...[with a broken voice] The Bold and the Beautiful
克雷默：嗯，我被一出肥皂剧吸引了（声音颤抖）勇士与美人。
JERRY: So the door was wide open?
杰瑞：所以门就敞开着！
KRAMER: Wide open!
克雷默：开得大大的！
JERRY: [Elaine enters the living-room] And where were you?
杰瑞：（依莲进入起居室）你当时在哪儿？
ELAINE: I was at Bloomingdale's...waiting for the shower to heat up.
依莲：我正在布鲁明代尔血拼呢，等着水变热呀。
KRAMER: Look, Jerry, I'm sorry, I'm uh, you have insurance, right buddy?
克雷默：杰瑞，实在抱歉，我……嗯，你有保险的对吧？兄弟。
JERRY: No.
杰瑞：没有。
KRAMER: [looks shocked] How can you not have insurance?
克雷默：（震惊状）你居然没上保险？
JERRY: Because...I spent my money on the Clapgo D. 29, it's the most impenetrable lock on the market today...it has only one design flaw: the door...[shuts the door] must be CLOSED.
杰瑞：因为……我花巨资买了D29防盗门，号称是无法穿越的铜墙铁壁……不过我想这种门有一个设计上的瑕疵：这门……（关门）必须关上。
Kramer: Jerry! I'm gonna find your stuff. I'm gonna solve it, I'm on the case, buddy, I'm on the case!
克雷默：杰瑞！我一定会找到你被盗的东西的，我会搞定的，这事儿归我管了，兄弟，我管定了！
JERRY: Yeah, don't investigate, don't pay me back, it was an accident.
杰瑞：是啊，别调查了，别还我了，只不过是个事故。
KRAMER: [theatrical] I made a mistake.
克雷默：（戏剧化的）我做错事了。
ELAINE: [idem] These things happen
依莲：木已成舟。
KRAMER: [idem] I'm human
克雷默：我也是个正常人。
JERRY: In your way.
杰瑞：你这个非主流。
[Scene: Jerry's apartment. A policeman is filling out a report. Jerry and Elaine are there.]
（场景：杰瑞住处，警察在写报告，杰瑞和依莲在场）
POLICEMAN: Let's see, that's uh, one TV, a stereo, one leather jacket, a VCR and a computer...is that 'bout it?
警察：让我瞧瞧，哦，电视、音响，一件皮夹克，摄像机还有电脑……就这些？
ELAINE: Answering machine.
依莲：电话答录机。
JERRY: [disappointed] Answering machine. Oh, I hate the idea of somebody out there returning my calls.
杰瑞：（失望状）答录机，哦，我讨厌有人回复我的电话。
POLICEMAN: What do ya mean?
警察：你啥意思啊？
JERRY: It's a joke.
杰瑞：只是个笑话啦。
POLICEMAN: I see...Well, mister Seinfeld uh, we'll look into it and uh, we'll let you know if we uh, you know, if we find anything.
警察：了解……那么，宋飞先生，我们会调查的，一旦找到啥就会通知你的。
JERRY: You ever find anything?
杰瑞：你们找到过任何东西没？
POLICEMAN: No. [hands Jerry his copy of the report]
警察：没有。（给杰瑞一份报告副本）
JERRY: Well, thanks anyway.
杰瑞：那就谢谢你了。
POLICEMAN: You bet.
警察：无所谓啦。
ELAINE: [Policeman leaves the apartment, while George enters] I didn't get that joke either.
依莲：（警察离开，乔治进门）我也没理解你那个笑话。
JERRY: The crook has the machine. The messages aren't for him. He's the crook: why would he answer...[turns around and sees George standing behind him] How did you get in here?
杰瑞：哪个无赖得到了我的答录机，那些留言不是给他的，他是个无赖：他干嘛要回答……（回头发现乔治站在屋里）你怎么进来的？
GEORGE: [makes some weird motions] I walked in, your lobby door is broken again.
乔治：（怪模怪样）大踏步走进来的啊，你们大堂的门又坏了。
JERRY: Again.
杰瑞：又坏了？
GEORGE: I don't know how you put up with this.
乔治：我不知道你怎么忍受这个。
ELAINE: Yeah, tell'm George.
依莲：是啊，教育教育他，乔治。
JERRY: [to Elaine] You would still wanna move in here?
杰瑞：（对依莲）你还想搬进这里？？
ELAINE: Yes! You don't understand. I'm living with Ethel Merman without the talent.
依莲：当然！你不理解。我和一个没有天份的歌手住一块儿。
JERRY: [to George] Is that uh, other apartment still available. [George shows him the keys]
杰瑞：（对乔治）那间公寓还能租嘛？（乔治给他看钥匙）
 

[Scene: Comedy club.]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: I got ripped off for about the...18th time? And now, the first couple a times you go through it, it's very upsetting and your first reaction or one of your friends will say: "Call the police. You really should call the police." So you think to yourself, ya know, you watch TV, you think:
"Yeah, I'm calling the police. Stakeouts, manhunts...I'm gonna see some real action." Right, you think that. So, the police come over to your house...they fill out: the report...they give you: your copy. Now...unless they give the crook his copy, I don't really think we're gonna crack this case, do
you?...It's not like Batman, where there's three crooks in the city and everybody pretty much knows, who they are. Very few crooks even go to the trouble to come up with a theme for their careers anymore. It makes them a lot tougher to spot. "Did you lose a sony? It could be the Penguin...I think we can round him up, he's dressed like a PENGUIN! We can find him, he's a PENGUIN!
杰瑞：我大概被劫过18次……当你前几次经历这些时，你的第一反应或是你某个朋友的谏言是：叫警察，你真的需要叫警察，这很令人烦恼。你对自己说，你知道的，你看着电视，你想：是啊，我叫警察，监视、抓人……我想看到点真正的行动。没错，你这么想，警察来到你的房子，他们填表，那些报告，他们给你复印件，现在……我想除非他们也给那个无赖一张复印件，不然是破不了这个案子的。这不像是蝙蝠侠，整个城市就仨无赖，全世界的人都知道他们在哪儿。你很难找到他们。你丢了一台索尼？可能是企鹅干的……我想我们能把他包起来，让他穿成企鹅的样子。我们就能抓到他，他是只企鹅！
 
[Scene: The apartment on 83rd street. George, Elaine and Jerry are entering the apartment.]
（场景：83街的公寓，乔治、依莲和杰瑞进门）
ELAINE: [looks around] Oh, well, come on...this is an apartment, this is a home! This is a place to live...Oohhh, a fireplace, are you kidding me! Does this work? [takes a closer look at the fireplace]
依莲：（看看周围）哦，不错嘛，这是公寓，这是个家！这是个可以生活的地方……哦，一个围炉，不是开玩笑吧！这个能用嘛？（凑近去看围炉）
GEORGE: I didn't know there was a fireplace. A fireplace, this is incredible.
乔治：我不知道那里有个围炉，围炉……太美妙了！
JERRY: How do you get all that wood in here?
杰瑞：你哪来那些木头啊？
ELAINE: They deliver it.
依莲：他们会送上门的。
JERRY: They deliver wood?
杰瑞：他们送木头？
ELAINE: Yeah.
依莲：是啊。
JERRY: Whatta ya tip a "wood guy"?
杰瑞：那你给“送木头的”什么小费？
GEORGE: [looking intensively at the form with the apartment description] I didn't know there was a fireplace?
乔治：（仔细看公寓介绍文件）我不知道这有个围炉。
ELAINE: Look! Look at...look at this! There's a garden.
依莲：看啊！看看这个……那是座花园！
GEORGE: A garden! I can't believe there's a garden!
乔治：一座花园！居然有座花园！
JERRY: Would I have to get a gardener?
杰瑞：我是不是还得雇个花匠？
ELAINE: Yeah, you can get a gardener.
依莲：是，你可以请个花匠。
JERRY: You tip him?
杰瑞：你也给他小费？
ELAINE: You can.
依莲：你可以啊。
GEORGE: [to Elaine] You don't tip a gardener!
乔治：（对依莲）没人给花匠小费！
ELAINE: You can tip a gardener.
依莲：你可以给花匠小费的。
GEORGE: You don't need a gardener.
乔治：你不需要一个花匠。
ELAINE: Jerry, you can barbecue back here [points to garden].
依莲：杰瑞，你可以在那儿搞野餐。（指着花园）
JERRY: They deliver the coal?
杰瑞：他们还送木炭？
ELAINE: Sure, it's...probably the same guy, who delivers the wood.
依莲：当然，说不定送木头的人也送木炭。
JERRY: Oh, than I gotta tip him.
杰瑞：哦，那我一定得给他小费了。
ELAINE: Oh damn, this place is incredible, look at all this great light!
依莲：哦，这地方实在太棒了，看看这些漂亮的灯！
JERRY: I don't have any plants.
杰瑞：我没有装饰植物。
GEORGE: I have plants.
乔治：我有。
ELAINE: Jerry, look at this closet! Look at this! I'm walking in it! [walks in the closet] It's a "walk-in". Can you believe it? I'm nuts about this, what do you think?!
依莲：杰瑞，看看衣橱！看看这！我能走进去！（走进衣橱）这大得能让人走进去！你能相信嘛！我快疯了，你怎么看？
JERRY: [closes the closet with Elaine still in it]...I like that. [opens the closet, Elaine walks out with an angry look] What do ya think, George?
杰瑞：（依莲在衣橱里就把门关了）……我喜欢这个。（打开衣橱门，依莲带着怒气走出来）你怎么看，乔治？
GEORGE: It's your decision.
乔治：这取决于你。
JERRY: [walks around with Elaine walking next to him, copying his every move. Suddenly Jerry stops walking; Elaine is not able to copy this "move"; they look at each other laughing] I'm takin' it, I'm takin' the place, I'm gonna take it, this is gonna be my new place, I'm livin' here...I'm movin'.
杰瑞：（和依莲一起绕圈子，依莲模仿他的一举一动，突然杰瑞停了，依莲不动了；他们相视大笑）我要了，我要这个地方，我就住这儿了，这就是我的新家，我要住这儿……我要搬家。
ELAINE: [laughing with joy] Your movin'? That means I'm movin'. [hugs Jerry] Gheeeeee [runs to George] isn't that incredible!
依莲：（乐开怀）你要搬家？也就是说我也要搬家咯。（拥抱杰瑞）呵呵（跑向乔治）真是太爽了！
GEORGE: Congratulations. [obviously not so thrilled by the fact]
乔治：恭喜你。（很明显不为所动）
 

[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry and Elaine are there.]
（场景：杰瑞的住所，杰瑞和依莲在那里）
ELAINE: What about the couch?
依莲：沙发咋办？
JERRY: You like the couch? I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do.
杰瑞：你喜欢这个沙发？我告诉你我将拿它怎么着。
ELAINE: What?
依莲：怎么？
JERRY: You're movin' in, you're a good friend, I wanna start you off on the right foot. Give me...$150 dollars. [Elaine looks shocked, Jerry opens the door to the hall] Get it out a here right now, take it out the door, I don't even wanna see it, go, get it out.
杰瑞：你要搬进来，你是我的好友，我想你有个美好的开始……给我150块钱吧。（依莲震惊状，杰瑞开门）马上给我滚，把这个拿出我的屋子，我不想再看见它啦，滚。
ELAINE: A $150 dollars? A $150 dollars for what? For this couch?
依莲：150块？150块什么？为这个沙发？
JERRY: Yeah!
杰瑞：是啊。
ELAINE: For this couch?!
依莲：这个沙发？！
JERRY: [shuts the door] OK, you tell me, what is it worth?
杰瑞：（关门）好吧，那你告诉我这值多少？
ELAINE: OK, uuhh...I'll tell you what...I could go as high as uh... [takes a closer look at couch] I don't know, maybe...$20 dollars?
依莲：好……我来告诉你吧，我能接受的价格是……（仔细看看沙发）我不知道，可能20块钱！
JERRY: [has a "you-can't-be-serious-look" on his face; the apartment buzzer goes off; Jerry speaks over the intercom] Yeah?
杰瑞：（不可思议状，门铃响起，杰瑞对着对讲器）哪位？
GEORGE: [outside over the intercom] Yeah, it's George.
乔治：（回答）是我，乔治。
JERRY: Come on up. [opens the door; walks back to the couch] Oh, all right, forget it, I'm gonna take it with me now... [picks up the cushions] I'm just gonna pack up the cushions right now...
杰瑞：上来吧。（开门，走回沙发）哦，好吧，算了算了，我把这沙发带走……（拿起靠垫）我把靠垫打包先。
ELAINE: OK ok ok ok, you win: $40 dollars.
依莲：好好好好，你赢了：40块！
JERRY: You wanna get the other end, 'cause I wanna get it in the hall. [acts like he's going to lift up the couch]
杰瑞：你想帮我搬沙发吗？我想把这搬到过道去。（装作要抬沙发的样子）
ELAINE: $50 dollars, OK? $50 dollars, is that all right?
依莲：50块，好了吧，50块还不够嘛！！！
JERRY: $50 dollars?
杰瑞：50块？
ELAINE: Uh-huh.
依莲：嗯。
JERRY: Thank you very much.
杰瑞：那就谢谢你啦。
ELAINE: Thank you very much.
依莲：谢谢你。
GEORGE: [walks in and closes the door] Hey, what's goin' on?
乔治：（走近门口）嗨，你在干嘛？
ELAINE: I just bought Jerry's couch for $50 dollars.
依莲：我花50块钱买了杰瑞的沙发。
JERRY: [to George] So did you bring the lease? [George takes the lease from his inside pocket and hands it to Jerry] All right, ghee, three years, that kinda seems like a long time.
杰瑞：（对乔治）你把契约带来了嘛？（乔治拿出契约交给杰瑞）好了，天，三年，很长的时光啊。
GEORGE: Oh, Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry [said very quickly], listen, if, if you are feeling uncomfortable about this at all, at all: do not feel like you have to take it.
乔治：哦，杰瑞杰瑞……听着，如果你觉得不是很满意这个，不要觉得你非得接受这个不可。
JERRY: Why?
杰瑞：为什么？
GEORGE: If you're having second thoughts, if you didn't want it, don't worry about it because uh, ya know, I, I...I could take it, ya know. [said with a "for-instance-look" on his face]
乔治：如果你有新的想法，比如你不想要那房子了，不要担心，你知道，我……我可以接受那套房子。（满脸诡异）
JERRY: You could take it? You want it?
杰瑞：你也能接受？你想要那房子？
GEORGE: No, I don't want it. I want it, if you don't want it.
乔治：不，我不想要。你不想要的话，我就想要。
JERRY: So you do want it.
杰瑞：那么说你是真的想要啦。
GEORGE: No I, I want it if you don't want it!
乔治：不，我，你不要我才会要！
JERRY: You just said, you wanted it!
杰瑞：你刚才说了你想要它！
GEORGE: No, I'm saying, if a situation arose in which you didn't want it, I might take it.
乔治：不，我说：当你不想要那房子的情况出现时，我可能会接受。
JERRY: [picks up the lease and hands it to George] So take it.
杰瑞：（给他协议）那你收下房子吧。
GEORGE: [refuses to take the lease from Jerry; Elaine looks worried] How can I take it?!
乔治：（拒绝接受，依莲担忧状）我怎么能接受呢？
JERRY: How can I take it?
杰瑞：那我怎么能接受呢？
GEORGE: It's your apartment!
乔治：这是你的公寓！
JERRY: How can I want it now, if you want it?
杰瑞：如果你想要的话，我现在怎么能要呢！
ELAINE: Excuse me, uuhh, I don't mean to cause any trouble here, but George, if you take it, can I take your place?
依莲：不好意思，嗯，我不想引起任何麻烦，但是乔治，如果你要那房子，我能不能要你的住处？
GEORGE: Yes, but I am not taking it.
乔治：可以，但是我不接受这房子。
JERRY: I...am not taking it. [drops the lease demonstratively]
杰瑞：我……我不接受。（示威般的放下合约）
ELAINE: Well, one of you better damn well take it!
依莲：好吧，你们两个家伙至少有一个得要了那该死的公寓！
JERRY: Well, whatta you wanna do here?
杰瑞：好吧，你打算怎么办？
GEORGE: I, I don't know. [makes a gesture, that he doesn't know]
乔治：我，我不知道。（表示不理解的姿态）
JERRY: Do you wanna flip a coin?
杰瑞：你想抛硬币不？
GEORGE: ...Who flips?...You'll flip, I'll call.
乔治：……谁来扔？你扔的话，我来猜。
JERRY: OK, fine...[takes a coin from his pocket] This is the official flip! No crying, no guilt, winner takes all and that's it, agreed?
杰瑞：好……（拿出一枚硬币）这是正式的扔了哦！不许哭，也不必愧疚，胜者住新房，同意不？
GEORGE: I'm good.
乔治：没问题。
ELAINE: I don't know, who to rune for, George's place has carpeting.
依莲：不知道，我该去哪家呢？乔治的住处有地毯。
JERRY: All right, now you call it in the air.
杰瑞：好吧，在空中的时候就猜。
GEORGE: No catchin'.
乔治：不许接。
JERRY: No no.
杰瑞：不，不。
GEORGE: Flip it. [Jerry flips the coin] Heads! [the coin hits the table. It falls on the floor; they all look intently at the coin]
乔治：扔吧。（杰瑞扔硬币）正面！（硬币落地，大家都找寻）
JERRY: Tails!
杰瑞：是反面！
GEORGE: No, it hit the table, it hit the table.
乔治：不，这碰到桌子啦，碰到桌子啦！
JERRY: So what?
杰瑞：那又怎样？
GEORGE: INTERFERENCE! YOU CAN'T COUNT THAT. COME ON, ARE YOU CRAZY?!! THE COIN CAN NOT TOUCH ANYTHING, it affects it.
乔治：干扰！这不能算数。得了吧，你疯了嘛！这枚硬币不能碰到任何东西，这会影响到结果的。
JERRY: You didn't call no interference!
杰瑞：你之前也没说不许干扰啊！
GEORGE: YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL THAT. THAT'S A RULE!!
乔治：你不需要申明，这本来就是规矩！
JERRY: I don't believe this.
杰瑞：鬼才信你。
GEORGE: Oh oh oh, all right, fine, Jerry, you win. Take it, just take it!
乔治：哦，好吧，没问题，杰瑞，你赢了。拿走吧，拿走！
JERRY: I don't wanna win it like this! Elaine, what do ya think?
杰瑞：我才不想这种方式赢你呢！依莲，你发表一下意见？
ELAINE: I'd better not...
依莲：我不太想……
JERRY: ...Well, I'll tell ya what: I'll choose you for it. Straight choose, three takes it, no disputes...that's it, you gotta win three.
杰瑞：好……我这么说吧：就依你，五局三胜。
GEORGE: OK [they walk around each other]...OK. I'll choose you...whatta ya want?
乔治：好。（他们对峙状），好，我来选……你选啥？
JERRY: Odds
杰瑞：单数。
GEORGE: I want evens.
乔治：我要双数。
JERRY: Good.
杰瑞：好。
GEORGE: You got odds.
乔治：给你单数。
GEORGE: Right, ready.
乔治：好，开始。
JERRY: For the apartment. [they take their "choose positions"]
杰瑞：为了公寓。
BOTH: Once, twice, three, shoot!
一起：1，2，3，开始！
JERRY: Mine!
杰瑞：我赢了！
BOTH: Once, twice, three, shoot!
一起：1，2，3，开始！
JERRY: Mine! [George walks to the table to take a break]
杰瑞：我赢了！
BOTH: [they take their positions again] Once, twice, three, shoot!
一起：1，2，3，开始！
GEORGE: Mine!
乔治：我赢了！
BOTH: Once, twice, three, shoot!
一起：1，2，3，开始！
GEORGE: [Jerry wins, Elaine starts measuring up Jerry's couch] Congratulations...congratulations.
乔治：（杰瑞赢了，依莲开始检查杰瑞的沙发）恭喜……恭喜。
JERRY: Thanks. [George walks to the bathroom]
杰瑞：谢谢。（乔治走向洗手间）
GEORGE: [screaming in bathroom] WHAT DID I PUT UP TO? WHAT DID I PUT UP TO?
乔治：（在洗手间怒吼）我把这么好的东西拱手让人啦！！！
KRAMER: [enters the apartment "Kramer-style"] Jerry, I think I'm on to something. I think I found your stuff. You know the Englishman, who lives down the hall?
克雷默：（闯进房间）杰瑞，我想，我在想些事情。我想我找到了你的东西。你知道那个英国人，住在过道底端的？
JERRY: Yeah.
杰瑞：是。
KRAMER: The last couple a days he's been acting very strange; I think he's avoiding me.
克雷默：最近几天他表现得很异常，我想他在有意躲避我。
JERRY: Hard to imagine. [ironically]
杰瑞：哦，还真看不出啊。（讽刺的）
KRAMER: Yeah! And get this: I just got of the elevator with him and I tested him, I tested him, like I...this is what I said to him, like I, I was like this [shows how he was acting in the elevator], I went: "Oh, by the way, I now about the stuff."
克雷默：是啊！还有呢：我和他在电梯里我试了试他……我这么做（表演电梯里的动作）我说：哦，不好意思，那些东西……
JERRY: Right.
杰瑞：没错。
KRAMER: Ya know, very casually, so that he was gonna take me in to his confidence.
克雷默：你知道，很随意的，他会开始信任我。
ELAINE: So what did he say?
依莲：他又说什么了？
KRAMER: "What stuff?".
克雷默：“什么东西？”
JERRY: Ooh, case closed! [ironically]
杰瑞：哦，结案啦！（嘲讽的）
KRAMER: No, you don't understand, you see, he swallowed...see, the guy, he swallowed. Oh, he was nervous about something! Now, I'm gonna go over there, I'm gonna borrow some tee...if I don't get back in five minutes, maybe you'd better call the police.
克雷默：不，你不知道，你看，他在咽口水呢！明显紧张了！现在，我要去那里，问他借点茶叶……如果5分钟内我回不来，你最好叫警察。
JERRY: OK, starting [looks at his watch]...NOW!
杰瑞：好，5分钟倒计时（看看手表）……开始！
KRAMER: Yeah! [said in his own typical way and he runs off]
克雷默：好！（飞奔出门）
 

[Scene: Comedy club]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: One of the problems in life is that when you're a kid, you have a certain way of working out disagreements...and those laws do not work in the adult world. One of the main way that kids resolve any dispute is by calling it. One of them say: "I got the front seat" [other kid's voice] "I wanted the front seat!" [first kid again] "I called it". And the other kid knows he's got nothing to say: [other kid's voice] "He called it, what can I do?". If there was a "kid-court of law" it holds up: [lawyer's voice] "Your Honour, my client did ask for the front seat"...and the judge would go: "Did he call it?" [lawyer's voice again] "Well no, he didn't call..." BANG! [imitating a hammer being hit by the judge]; [judges voice again] "He has to call it, case closed...objection overruled".
注：这段翻译完全失败，一点精神都无法体会。
杰瑞：人生的一个问题是，你儿时的那些处理争端的方式在成人世界里是无法运用的。孩子们处理争端的一个主要手段就是猜硬币。一个孩子说：我要坐前座。另一个也说：我要坐前座。当一个人说我说过了。另一个就觉得无话可说。他说了，我能怎么办。如果有个儿童法庭，会是这样的情况，一个说：庭上，我的委托人要求前座啦，法官会说：他说过吗？律师答：没有，他没有说……砰！他没有说，结案……反对无效。

[Scene: Coffee house, called Monk's; Jerry is sitting at a table, George is returning from the bathroom]
（场景：咖啡馆，杰瑞在桌旁，乔治从洗手间回来）
GEORGE: [walks towards the table] I love the mirror in that bathroom! I don't know what in the hell it is: I look terrific in that mirror. [sits down] I don't know if it's the tile or the lighting...I feel like Robert Wagner.
乔治：（走向桌子）我爱死那间洗手间的镜子啦！我不知道那是什么魔镜：我在那镜子看起来帅呆了。（坐下）不知道是材质还是光线……我看起来像罗伯特.瓦格纳。
JERRY: [bobs his head] It's a good mirror...[both look at their menus] So, what are ya gettin'?
杰瑞：（脑中浮想）真是面好镜子……（看菜单）那么我们点什么？
GEORGE: I don't know, I can't eat, ya, ya can't have anything anymore. Look at this, look at this: eggs: out, coffee: out, french fries: out, BLT: out!...I go to visit my grandparents: three big brisket sandwiches, I'm sittin' here with a carrot! They're closing in on a hundred, I'm sayin' to them: "How can you eat that stuff?!"...[they look at their menus again] I'm so sick about losin' that choose, you don't know.
乔治：我不知道，我不能吃，你不能再要什么了。看看这个，看看这个：鸡蛋，缺货；咖啡，缺货；炸土豆条，缺货；火腿、莴苣、番茄三明治，缺货。我去看我的爷爷奶奶都能收到三大筐的三明治，在这只有胡萝卜！他们就要关门啦！我要去跟他们讲：你能吃点啥？你是不知道，我恨死了没有选择。
JERRY: Oh, right, forget it, forget it, I'm not taking the place!
杰瑞：哦，对，算了吧算了吧，我不要那公寓了。
GEORGE: What?!
乔治：什么？
JERRY: How can I live there?
杰瑞：我怎么能住那里！
GEORGE: Why not?!
乔治：为什么不？
JERRY: Look at you, you're still thinking about it, I'll never feel comfortable.
杰瑞：看看你，你还在为那事困扰呢，我永远都不会安心的。
GEORGE: Oh, get out a here.
乔治：哦，省省吧你。
JERRY: How can I ever have you over? You'll sit there moping.
杰瑞：我怎么能这样对你呢，你在那里闷闷不乐呢。
GEORGE: Mope?
乔治：闷闷不乐？
JERRY: You're already moping!...Would you take the place?
杰瑞：你就是在闷闷不乐啊，你会接受那公寓吗？
GEORGE: No, impossible! It's your apartment.
乔治：不，不可能！那是你的！
JERRY: You found the place.
杰瑞：你找到的那个地方啊。
GEORGE: You won the choose.
乔治：你赢得了游戏啊。
JERRY: All right, forget it, it's over, I'm not moving.
杰瑞：好吧，忘了它吧，结束了，我不搬。
GEORGE: Well, me neither.
乔治：好啊，我也不搬。
JERRY: Definitely?
杰瑞：肯定？
GEORGE: Definitely.
乔治：肯定。
JERRY: Oh, than just get rid of it. You won't have any problem.
杰瑞：哦，那就这样吧，你不会有任何问题的。
GEORGE: No, it's not a problem, I can get rid of the apartment this afternoon. [a waitress approaches]
乔治：不，这不是个问题，我可以这个下午就处理好。（服务生过来）
WAITRESS: What apartment?
服务生：什么公寓？
GEORGE: Oh, it's a great place, it's uh "two-bedroom" uh, west 83rd 'bout half block from the park.
乔治：哦，一个很棒的地方，“双卧”，西街83号，离公园半个街区。
WAITRESS: What's the rent?
服务生：租金多少？
[Scene: The apartment on 83rd street. The waitress bought it; Jerry, Elaine and George are invited, they're sitting on a couch, all three moping]
（场景：西街83号，服务生租了；杰瑞、依莲和乔治在场，坐在沙发上，都很郁闷）
GEORGE: I don't know, what we're doin' here, this is ridiculous.
乔治：我不知道，我们在这干嘛？真TMD可笑！
JERRY: She wanted to thank us for the apartment. [very irritated]
杰瑞：她想要感谢我们。（非常愤怒）
ELAINE: I can't believe I lost the deposit on that u-hall. [I can't quite understand what she'd saying here]And I threw out my couch. [She slaps Jerry on the leg]
依莲：难以置信我没地儿住了！我还失去了我的沙发。（打杰瑞）
JERRY: If only the coin hadn't hit the table.
杰瑞：要是硬币没有碰到桌子就好了。
GEORGE: The table is interference, you know it!
乔治：桌子是个干扰，你承认了吧！
JERRY: It is not!
杰瑞：这不是！
GEORGE: It is too!
乔治：这是！
ELAINE: My roommate starts rehearsal tonight on Carrousel. [irritated]
依莲：我的室友又要排练了。（抓狂）
WAITRESS(CAROL): Hi.
服务生（卡罗尔）：嗨！
GEORGE: Hi, Carol.
乔治：嗨，卡罗尔。
CAROL: I just wanted to introduce you to my husband, this is Larry [points to her husband; Jerry, Elaine and George get up]. This is George, Elaine and Jerry [points to them] [to Larry] These are the guys who got us the apartment.
卡罗尔：我只是想让你们见见我老公，拉里。这是乔治、依莲、杰瑞，这些就是给我们介绍公寓的朋友们。
LARRY: Oh, you don't know how grateful I am, if there's anything I can ever do to repay you, I, I mean, we're just so thrilled with this place.
拉里：哦，你们无法想象我有多感激，不知道该怎么回报你们，我是说这公寓让我们兴奋极了。
CAROL: It's a dream.
卡罗尔：像梦一样。
LARRY: I'm running in the park now, I've lost weight, we're barbecuing every night and the rent is unbelievable.
拉里：我现在可以去公园跑步，我减肥了不少，
GEORGE: We're really glad for ya. [very sadly]
乔治：我们也为你高兴。（非常悲伤的）
ELAINE: Couldn't be happier. [idem]
依莲：是啊，再高兴不过了。（同样悲伤的）
JERRY: It's wonderful. [idem; they sit down again]
杰瑞：美妙极了！（悲伤，他们都坐下）
CAROL: Diane, Diane, come here. [she beckons a women; she comes to the couch] This is my new next door neighbour, Diane. [Jerry, Elaine and George get up; Diane appears to be very attractive] [to Diane] These are the guys, who turned this place down, can you believe it? [to Jerry, George and Elaine] Diane gave me the greatest backrub today, she's a masseuse!
卡罗尔：黛安，黛安，过来。这是我的新邻居，黛安。（杰瑞、依莲和乔治起身，黛安非常漂亮）（对黛安）这些就是不要这房子的人，你能相信吗？（对杰瑞们）黛安给我做了很好的背部按摩，她是个按摩师。
DIANE: How, how could you guys have turned this place down, it's such a great location and it's...so close to the park.
黛安：你们怎么会不要这公寓呢？这地段这么好……离公园又那么近！
GEORGE: We're aware of the proximity to the park, yes.
乔治：我们有考虑过公园的因素，是的。
DIANE: Well, it was nice to meet you. [she walks away]
黛安：那么，很高兴见到你们。（她走开）
GEORGE: Nice meeting you. [shakes Carol's hand; they sit down again; Carol walks away]
乔治：很高兴见到你。
JERRY: How late are the stores open? I'm thinking of maybe uh, buying a new TV and smash it over my head. [two men are standing behind the couch talking]
杰瑞：商店什么时候关门？我在想，也许我可以去买台新电视，在我头上砸烂！（两个男人站在沙发后说话）
RIGHT MAN: I get a call from Gilmore this morning and get this: they're restructuring the organization in Atlanta and I gotta be there on the first of the month.
右边的人：在哦啊上基尔默跟我说：他们在亚特兰大的地方要重组，我们下月一号就要到那儿。
LEFT MAN: Really? What are you gonna 'bout the apartment?
左边的人：真的？那我们该拿这房子怎么办？
RIGHT GUY: Well, what can I do? Give it up.
右边的人：我们能怎么办？只能放手了。
JERRY, ELAINE and GEORGE: What's the rent?
杰瑞、依莲、乔治：租金多少？！