1990年6月14日
第一季第四集
男人的分手
Plot summary for "Seinfeld" Male Unbonding
Jerry tries various excuses to avoid meeting with an old friend with whom he no longer shares any interests.
情节概要：
杰瑞用尽各种借口，只为避免与一个已经没有共同语言的老朋友见面。

[Setting: Nightclub]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: Most men like working on things, tools, objects, fixing things. This is what men enjoy doing. Have you ever noticed a guy's out in his driveway working on something with tools, how all the other men in the neighborhood are magnetically drawn to this activity. They just come wandering out of the house like zombies. Men, it's true, men hear a drill, it's like a dog whistle. Just.. you know, they go running up to that living room curtain, "Honey, I think Jim's working on something over there." So they run over to the guy. Now they don't actually help the guy. No, they just want to hang around the area where work is being done. That's what men want to do. We want to watch the guy, we want to talk to him, we want to ask him dumb questions. You know, "What are you using, the Philips head?" You know, we feel involved. That's why when they have construction sites, they have to have those wood panel fences around it, that's just to keep the men out. They cut those little holes for us so we can see what the hell is going on. But if they don't cut those holes - we are climbing those fences. Right over there. "What are you using the steel girders down there? Yeah, that'll hold."
杰瑞：绝大多数男人都喜欢摆弄“东西”——工具啊、物件啊，或修缮什么。这就是男人乐于做的事。你有没有注意到，当一个男人在自家车道上用工具做事的时候，就像有种神奇的魔力般的，邻里的一些男人都会被吸引过来。他们就像僵尸般，从房子里走出到那里。这是千真万确的，男人听到电钻声就像狗听到哨子声一样。就像这样……他们跑到起居室的窗口，对妻子说“亲爱的，好像吉姆在那儿做什么呢。”然后他们就跑出去看那个在“做事”的男人。他们不是真的要去帮忙做些什么，他们只是想在那些事情发生的地方附近晃悠。这就是男人想做的事儿，我们喜欢看着那个男人，和他说话，问一些很蠢的问题。比如：你用的是啥？飞利浦的钻头？这样让我们感觉很融入这个场景。这就是为什么建筑工地的周围都有木栅栏，就是为了防止这些男人进来。他们钻点洞眼，就能窥探里面发生的事情；或者就干脆翻墙进来了。这个钢梁是干啥的？哦，那很坚固的样子。

[Setting: Jerry's apartment building](Jerry and George are waiting for the elevator)
（场景：杰瑞的房间，杰瑞和乔治在等电梯）
GEORGE: I had to say something. I had to say something. Everything was going so well; I had to say something.
乔治：我有话要说。非说不可。什么事情都这么顺利，我必须得说点什么。
JERRY: I don't think you did anything wrong.
杰瑞：我不认为你做错什么了呀。
GEORGE: I told her I liked her. Why? Why did I tell her I like her? I have this sick compulsion to tell women how I feel. I like you I don't tell you.
乔治：我告诉她我喜欢她。为什么？为什么我要对她说我喜欢她！我有种变态的强迫症非得告诉女人们我在想什么不可。我喜欢你，我就不告诉你。
JERRY: We can only thank God for that.
杰瑞：感谢上帝。
(Elevator opens, they get on)
（进电梯）
GEORGE: I'm outta the picture. I am outta the picture. (laughs) It's only a matter of time now.
乔治：我要被清扫了！我要被排除了！（哈哈哈）只是个时间问题了。
JERRY: You're imagining this. Really.
杰瑞：你只是在想象罢了！真的。
GEORGE: Oh no. No, no, no, no.
乔治：不，不，不……
(elevator doors close)

GEORGE(cont.): I'll tell you when it happened. When that floss came flying out of my pocket.
乔治：发生的时候我就会告诉你的。当牙缝拉线从我的皮包里飞出的时候。
JERRY: What floss? When?
杰瑞：什么牙线？什么时候？
GEORGE: We were in the lobby during the intermission of the play. I was buying her one of those containers of orange drink, for five dollars. I reached into my pocket to pay for it, I looked down; there's this piece of green floss hanging from my fingers.
乔治：表演中场休息时我们在大厅，我正在为她买一种灌装橘汁，5块钱。从钱包里掏钱的时候，一看，我手指上挂着一根绿色的牙线！
JERRY: Ah, mint.
杰瑞：嗯，要口香糖吗？
GEORGE: Of course. So, I'm looking at it, I look up, I see she's looking at it. Our eyes lock. It was a horrible moment. I just..
乔治：当然。当我看着它的时候，我往上看，我看见她也在看着那个。我们眼神锁住了，真是个恐怖的时刻。我真是……
(eleveator doors open, they get off)
（出电梯）
JERRY: So let me get this straight: she saw the floss, you panicked and you told her you liked her.
杰瑞：我来给你理一理：她看见了牙线，你恐慌了然后你告诉她你喜欢她。
GEORGE: If I didn't put that floss in my pocket, I'd be crawling around her bedroom right now looking for my glasses.
乔治：要是我不把那牙线放到我的钱包里，我现在早就在她的闺房里鱼水交欢了。
JERRY: And you're sure the floss was the catalyst?
杰瑞：你确定那牙线就是催化剂？
GEORGE: Yes, I am.
乔治：是，我肯定。
JERRY: (looks at a carrying pouch George is wearing) You don't think it might've had anything to do with that?
杰瑞：（看看乔治的肚袋）你不认为这个地方也会影响？
GEORGE: What? You don't like this?
乔治：什么？你不喜欢这个？
JERRY: It looks like your belt is digesting a small animal.
杰瑞：看起来像是你的腰带正在消化一头小动物。
(they go into Jerry's apartment to find Kramer talking on the phone)
（进屋，克雷默在电话中）
KRAMER: Oh, they've got a cure for cancer. See, it's all big business.. Oh hey, Jerry just walked in. Hi, George. (resumes talking on the phone) Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, take my number - 555-8643. Okay, here he is. (hands phone to Jerry.)
克雷默：哦，他们找到了治愈癌症的妙方。看，真是笔大买卖。是的，杰瑞刚进屋。嗨，乔治。（继续电话）是的，是，是的。记下我的电话——5558643，好的，他来了。（把电话给杰瑞）
JERRY: (to Kramer) Who is it?
杰瑞：（问克雷默）是谁？
KRAMER: Take it.
克雷默：接就是了。
JERRY: Who is it?
杰瑞：到底是谁？
KRAMER: It's for you.
克雷默：是打给你的。
JERRY: (into phone) Hello? Oh, hi Joel. (Jerry hits Kramer with a magazine.) .. No. I was out of town. I just got back.. Kramer doesn't know anything.. He's just my next-door neighbor. Uh.. nothing much.. Tuesday? Uh, Tuesday, no. I'm meeting somebody.. Uh, Wednesday? Wednesday's okay.. Alright. Uh, I'm a little busy right now. Can we talk Wednesday morning? .. Okay.. yeah.. right.. thanks.. bye. (hangs up, then addresses Kramer) Why did you put me on the phone with him? I hate just being handed a phone.
杰瑞：（接电话）喂？哦，嗨乔尔。（杰瑞用杂志打克雷默）不，我出城了，刚回来呢。克雷默啥都不知道，只是我的邻居，哦……没什么……周二？哦，周二，不，我要见什么人……哦，周三？周三可以，行，嗯，我现在有点事儿，我们周三早上再说？好的，行，嗯，谢谢，再见。（挂起电话，质问克雷默）你为什么要让我接他的电话？我讨厌这样被架上电话机。
KRAMER: Well, it's your phone. He wanted to talk to you
克雷默：嗯，这是你的电话啊，他想跟你说话。
JERRY: Maybe I didn't want to talk to him.
杰瑞：你就不想想可能我不想跟他说话啊！
KRAMER: Well, why not?
克雷默：哦，为啥？
JERRY: He bothers me. I don't even answer the phone anymore because of him. He's turned me into a screener. Now I gotta go see him on Wednesday.
杰瑞：我烦他。因为他我都不太接任何电话了。他把我变成了一个过滤机，可现在我得在周三见他！
GEORGE: What do you mean Wednesday? I though we had tickets to the Knick game Wednesday. We got seats behind the bench! What happened? We're not going?
乔治：你说周三是什么意思？我记得我们有周三尼克斯队的球票，座位就在板凳席后面！你这算什么？难道我们不去了？！
JERRY: We're going. That's next Wednesday.
杰瑞：当然去。下个周三。
GEORGE: Oh. Who is this guy?
乔治：哦，这个人是谁？
JERRY: His name is Joel Horneck. He lived like three houses down from me when I grew up. He had a Ping Pong table. We were friends. Should I suffer the rest of my life because I like to play Ping Pong? I was ten. I would've been friends with Stalin if he had a Ping Pong table.. he's so self-involved.
杰瑞：他叫乔尔.霍耐克，我小时候他住在离我3栋房子远的地方，他有张乒乓球台，我们是朋友。难道我的余生就该为我喜欢打乒乓而受难吗？要是斯大林有乒乓球台的话我都愿意和他做朋友……乔尔太自私了。
(phone rings, Kramer pulls his phone out of his pocket)
（电话铃响，克雷默从兜里拿出电话）
KRAMER: That's for me. (into phone) Kramerica Industries.. Oh, hi, Mark.. No, no, no. Forget that. I got a better idea. A pizza place where you make your own pie.
克雷默：我的电话。（电话中）克雷默企业……哦，嗨，马克，不，不，没事，我有个更好的点子。一间自助式的披萨餐厅。
JERRY: Can you conduct your business elsewhere?
杰瑞：您就不能到别处去经营您的企业？
KRAMER: (ignoring Jerry) No, no, no. I'm talking about a whole chain of 'em. Yeah. (Kramer leaves Jerry's apartment while still on the phone.)
克雷默：（无视杰瑞）不，不，我说的可是联锁产业，是的！（克雷默离开杰瑞的房间，电话中）
GEORGE: I don't know why you even bother with this ping pong guy, I'll tell you that.
乔治：不是我说你啊，我就不明白你干嘛去搭理那个乒乓男人。
JERRY: I don't bother with him. He's been calling me for seven years. I've never called him once! He's got the attention span of a five-year-old. Sometimes I sit there and I make up things just to see if he's paying attention.
杰瑞：你以为我想啊。他给我打电话都有七年了。我从来没有给他打过一次！他的注意力大概像5岁孩子一样。有时我坐在那里，随便捣腾点什么，只是为了看看他有没有注意到。
GEORGE: I don't understand why you spend time with this guy.
乔治：我不知道你为什么要和这个人在一起。
JERRY: What can I do? Break up with him? Tell him "I Don't think we're right for each other.." He's a guy. At least with a woman, there's a precendent. You know, the relationship goes sour, you end it.
杰瑞：我能怎么办？和他“分手”？告诉他：我认为我们两个不合适。他是个爷们儿！至少和女人的关系是可以依循先例的，你也知道，当一段关系变得不堪了，结束就是了。
GEORGE: No, no, no,no you have to approach this as if he was a woman.
乔治：不，不，你就得像处理和女人的关系一样对待他。
JERRY: Just break up with him?
杰瑞：就是和他分手？
GEORGE: Absolutely. You just tell him the truth.
乔治：没错！你告诉他实话就得了。
(scene ends)

[Setting: Nightclub]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: As a guy I don't know how I can break up with another guy. You know what I mean? I don't know how to say, "Bill, I feel I need to see other men." Do you know what I mean? There's nothing I can do. I have to wait for someone to die. I think that's the only way out of this relationship. It could be a long time. See, the great thing about guys is that we can become friends based on almost nothing. Just two guys will just become friends just because they're two guys. That's almost all we need to have in common. 'Cause sports - sports and women - is really all we talk about. If there was no sports and no women the only thing guys would ever say is "So, what's in the refrigerator?"
杰瑞：作为一个男人，我不知道要怎样去和另一个男人“分手”。你听懂我说的吧？我不知道该怎么说：“老王，我想我想和另外一个男人交往了。”听懂了吧？我对此无能为力。我只能等那个男人死掉。我想那样才算是为这段关系画上终止符了，那可能要等很长时间。男人们可以很容易就成为朋友，不需要任何理由。只是两个男人就可以成为朋友，只是因为他们是男人。“是男人”也许是我们唯一的共同点。因为体育和女人就是我们讨论的所有话题。除掉这些，男人剩下的话也许就类似于：那么，冰箱里都有啥？
[Setting: Coffee Shop] (Jerry and Joel are sitting at a table)
（场景：咖啡馆，杰瑞和乔尔坐着）
JOEL: ..so my shrink wants me to bring my mother in for a session. This guy is a brilliant man. Lenny Bruce used to go to him.. and I think, uh, Geraldo.
乔尔：我的心理咨询师要我把我妈妈带去共同咨询，那家伙很聪明。兰妮.布鲁斯也去过他那里……我认为，嗯，吉拉尔多……
JERRY: You know, I read the Lenny Bruce biography, I thought it was really - interesting.. he would-
杰瑞：听我说，我看过兰妮的传记，我认为那真是很有趣……他能……
JOEL: (interrupting) Hey, hey, hey, hey we're starving here! We've been waiting here for ten minutes already!
乔尔：（打断）嗨嗨嗨，嗨我们都快饿死了！我们已经在这儿等了10分钟了吧！
JERRY: (testing Joel) So, I'm thinking about going to Iran this summer.
杰瑞：（试验一下乔尔）那么，我在想我们这个夏天去伊朗的事情。
JOEL: I have to eat! I mean, I'm hypoglycemic.
乔尔：我要吃东西！我是说，我有低血糖。
JERRY: Anyway, the Hizballah has invited me to perform. You know, it's their annual terrorist luncheon. I'm gonna do it is Farsi.
杰瑞：不管怎样，真主党邀请我去演出。你知道的，在他们的恐怖主义年会上，我将用波斯语表演。
JOEL: Do you think I need a haircut?
乔尔：你认为我该去理个发吗？
(waitress comes to their table)
（服务生过来）
WAITRESS: Are you ready?
服务生：你们要点单了吗？
JERRY: Yeah, I'll have the egg salad on whole wheat.
杰瑞：是的，我要个全麦鸡蛋沙拉。
JOEL: Let me ask you a question. This, uh, this turkey sandwich here, is that real turkey, or is it a turkey roll? I don't want that processed turkey. I hate it.
乔尔：让我来问你，嗯，这个火鸡三明治，是真的火鸡，还是火鸡肉卷？我不想要加工后的火鸡，我讨厌这个。
WAITRESS: I think it's real turkey.
服务生：我想这是真的火鸡。
JOEL: Is there a real bird in the back?
乔尔：你是说那儿真有只“鸟”？
WAITRESS: No, there's not bird but-
服务生：不，那里没有鸟但是……
JOEL: Well, how do you know for sure? Look, why don't you do me a favor. Why don't you go in the back and find out, okay?
乔尔：那么，你怎么知道真的有火鸡？看看，你行行好吧，你为什么不进去查实一下呢，好吗？
(waitress leaves)
（服务生离开）
JOEL: (cont.) Unbelievable..
乔尔：不可思议……
JERRY: How can you talk to someone like that?
杰瑞：你怎么能这样跟人说话？
JOEL: What are you saying? What, you like turkey roll?
乔尔：你在说什么呢！难道你喜欢火鸡肉卷不成？
JERRY: Listen, Joel. There's something I have to tell you.
杰瑞：听着！乔尔，有些事我必须告诉你！
JOEL: Wait, you'll never guess who I ran into.
乔尔：等等，你怎么也想不到我遇见了谁。
JERRY AND JOEL: Howard metro.
杰瑞和乔尔：地铁的霍华德。
JOEL: He asked me if I still saw you. I said, "Sure, I see him all the time. We're great friends." Anyway, Howard says hello.
乔尔：他问我是不是我还和你有来往，我说：当然，我一直见他，我们是很好的朋友。霍华德要我带好。
JERRY: ..listen, Joel.. I don't think we should see each other anymore.
杰瑞：听着，乔尔……我认为我们以后都不要见面了。
JOEL: what?
乔尔：什么？
JERRY: This friendship.. it's not working.
杰瑞：这份友谊……不会有结果的。
JOEL: Not working? What are you talking about?
乔尔：不会有结果？你在胡扯什么呢？
JERRY: We're just not suited to be friends.
杰瑞：我们就是不适合做朋友。
JOEL: How can you say that?
乔尔：你怎么能这么说？！
JERRY: Look, you're a nice guy, it's just that - we don't have anything in common.
杰瑞：听着，你是个很不错的人，这只是……我们没有任何交集。
JOEL: (starting to cry) Wait. Wat did I do? Tell me.. I want to know.
乔尔：（开始哭）等等，我做了什么了？告诉我，我想知道。
JERRY: You didn't do anything. It's not you, it's me. It's.. this is very difficult.
杰瑞：你没有做任何事情。这与你无关，是因为我。这……这很难说。
JOEL: Look, I know I call you too much, right? I mean, I know you're a very busy guy.
乔尔：我知道我给你打太多电话了，是吗？我是说，我知道你很忙。
JERRY: No, it's not that.
杰瑞：不，不是因为这个。
JOEL: (crying) You're one of the few people I can talk to.
乔尔：（哭）你是极少数的几个我能说话的人。
JERRY: Oh, come on. That's not true.
杰瑞：哦，别这样，这不是真的。
JOEL: I always tell everybody about you; tell everybody to go see your show. I mean, I'm your biggest fan!
乔尔：我一直跟大家谈起你，要大家去看你的演出，我是你最铁的粉丝！
JERRY: I know, I know.
杰瑞：我知道，知道。
JOEL: I mean, you're my best friend.
乔尔：要知道你是我最好的朋友。
JERRY: Best friend? I've never been to your apartment.
杰瑞：最好的朋友？我连你家都没去过。
JOEL: I cannot believe that this is happening. I can't believe it.
乔尔：无法相信这一切！我不能接受。
JERRY: Okay, okay. Forget it. It's okay. Id didn't mean it.
杰瑞：好了，好了，算了。好吗？我没那个意思。
JOEL: Didn't mean what?
乔尔：没什么意思？
JERRY: What I said. I've been under a lot of stress.
杰瑞：我说的话。我最近面临太多压力。
JOEL: Oh, you've been under a lot of stress.
乔尔：哦，你面临太多压力。
JERRY: Just, can we just forget the whole thing ever happend? I'm sorry. I din't mean it. I took it out on you. We're still friends. We're still friends. Still friends. Okay? Look, I'll tell you what. I've got Knick tickets this Wednesday. Great seats behind the bench.  You want to come with me? Come on.
杰瑞：只是，就当这一切没发生过好不好？对不起，我不是那个意思。我把气都撒到你身上。我们还是朋友，还是朋友，好吗？听我说，我有周三尼克斯队比赛的球票，座位棒极了！你想和我一起去吗？好了。
JOEL: Tonight?
乔尔：今晚？
JERRY: No, next Wednesday. If it was tonight, I would've said tonight.
杰瑞：不，下周三。要是今晚，我就不会说“周三”了。
JOEL: Do you really want me to go?
乔尔：你真的要我去？
JERRY: (faking) Yes.
杰瑞：（伪装）是的。
JOEL: Okay. yeah, okay. Great! That would be, that'd be great.. so, next Wednesday.
乔尔：好的，好的，棒极了！那真是好极了！那么，下周三……
JERRY: Next Wednesday.
杰瑞：下周三。
JOEL: Where is that waitress?! Hey! ..
乔尔：服务生在哪儿？嗨……
(scene ends)

[Setting: Bank] (Jerry is at the counter, filling out a slip; George is carrying a jug full of pennies.)
（场景：银行，杰瑞在柜台填单子；乔治拿着一个零钱罐）
GEORGE: ..she calls me up at my office, she says, "We have to talk."
乔治：她给我办公室打电话，她说：我们得谈谈。
JERRY: Uh, the four worst words in the English language.
杰瑞：哦，最恐怖的一句话了！
GEORGE: That, or "Who's bra is this?"
乔治：哦是这句话还是“那是谁的胸罩？”
JERRY: That is worse.
杰瑞：那句更糟。
GEORGE: So we order lunch, and we're talking. Finally, she blurts out how it's "not working".
乔治：我们点了午餐，开始聊天。终于，她说出了我们是“不可能的”之类的话。
JERRY: Really.
杰瑞：真的？
GEORGE: So, I'm thinking, as she's saying this, I'm thinking: great, the relationship's over. But the egg salad's on the way. So now I have a decision - do I walk or do I eat?
乔治：然后我就在想啊，就是她在说这些的时候我在想：好极了，这段关系结束了，但是鸡蛋沙拉已经要上菜了，我该走人呢还是该吃东西？
JERRY: Hm? You ate.
杰瑞：嗯，你吃了。
GEORGE: We sat there for twenty minutes, chewing, staring at each other in a defunct relationship.
乔治：我们在那儿坐了20分钟，咀嚼，作为已经结束的感情的当事人，盯着对方看。
JERRY: Someone says, "Get out of my life!" and that doesn't affect your appetite?
杰瑞：有人冲你说：滚出我的生活！居然这都不能影响你的食欲？
GEORGE: Have you ever had their egg salad?
乔治：你没有尝过他们的鸡蛋沙拉吧？
JERRY: It is unbelievable.
杰瑞：真是离奇。
GEORGE: It's unbelievable. You know what else is unbelievable? I picked up the check. She didn't even offer. She ended it. The least she could do is send me off with a sandwich.
乔治：这离奇？还有更诡异的呢！我付了账单。她甚至提都不提一下。她结束的关系，她至少能用一块三明治送我离开吧？！
JERRY: (looking at George's penny jug) How much could you possibly have in there?
杰瑞：（看着乔治的零钱罐）你那罐子里能有多少钱？
GEORGE: It's my money. What should I do? Throw it out the window? I know guy who took his vacation on change.
乔治：这是我的钱。我能干什么？扔出窗外？我认识个家伙用零钱就出去度假了。
JERRY: Yeah? Where'd he go? To and arcade?
杰瑞：什么？他能去哪儿？娱乐厅？
GEORGE: (sarcastic) That's funny. You're a funny guy.
乔治：（讽刺的）很好玩是吧。你这个滑稽的家伙。
JERRY: C'mon, move up.
杰瑞：得了，快走。
(George moves up in the bank line)
（乔治在队列中前行）
CUSTOMER: Oh great, Ewing's hurt.
顾客：哦，真好，尤因受伤了。
GEORGE: Ewing's hurt? How long is he going to be out?
乔治：尤因受伤了？他多久不能上场？
CUSTOMER: A couple of days at the most but..
顾客：最多几天但是……
GEORGE: Geez.
乔治：天……
JERRY: Oh, God.
杰瑞：哦，天啊。
GEORGE: I got scared there for a second. The Knicks without Ewing.
乔治：我都快懵了，没有尤因的尼克斯！
JERRY: Listen, George, little problem with the game.
杰瑞：听着，乔治，关于比赛还有点小问题。
GEORGE: What about it?
乔治：什么问题？
JERRY: The thing is, yesterday, I kind of.. uh..
杰瑞：事情是这样的……昨天，我好像……
GEORGE: What?
乔治：什么？
JERRY: I geve your ticket to Horneck.
杰瑞：我把你的票给了霍耐克。
GEORGE: You what?!
乔治：你什么！？
JERRY: Yeah, I'm sorry. I had to give it to Horneck.
杰瑞：是的，不好意思，我必须把票给他。
GEORGE: No! My ticket?! You gave my ticket to Horneck?
乔治：不！我的票？！你把我的票给了霍耐克？
JERRY: (talking about the line) C'mon, c'mon, go ahead, move up.
杰瑞：（转移话题到排队上）快点快点，往前挪一点啊！
GEORGE: Why did you give him my ticket for?
乔治：你把我的票给他是什么意思？
JERRY: You didn't see him. It was horrible.
杰瑞：你是没看见他那个样子啊，那真是恐怖。
GOERGE: Oh, c'mon, Jerry. I can't believe this.
乔治：哦，得了吧，杰瑞，鬼才信你。
JERRY: I had to do it.
杰瑞：我非得这样做不可。
(George is up to the teller, Jerry goes to another one.)
（乔治到柜台前，杰瑞去另外一个）
GEORGE: Oh, please. (to the teller) Can you change this into bills?
乔治：哦算了吧。（对出纳）能把这些换成纸币吗？
TELLER: I'm sorry, sir. We can't do that.
出纳：对不起，先生，我们做不了。
JERRY: Do you want to go with him? You go. I don't mind.
杰瑞：你想和他一起去吗？你去好了，我不介意的。
GEORGE: I'm not going with him. I don't even know the guy. (to the teller) Look, they did this for me before.
乔治：我才不和他去呢。我根本不认识他。（对出纳）听着，他们以前也按我的要求做过。
TELLER: Look, I can give you these and you can roll them yourself.
出纳：听着，不如我给你这些你自己卷去吧。
GEORGE: You want me to roll six thousand of these?! What, should I quit my job?!
乔治：你让我自己兑换6000块？什么？难道要我辞职不成？
(Scene ends.)

[Setting: Nightclub]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: I do not like the bank. I've heard the expression "Laughing all the way to the bank." I have never seen anyone actually doing it. And those bank lines. I hate it when there's nobody on the line at all, you know that part, you go to the bank, it's empty and you still have to go through the little maze. "Can you get a little piece of cheese for me? I'm almost at the front. I'd like a reward for this please."
杰瑞：我不喜欢银行。我听过这样的形容：一路笑着去银行。可我从来没见过真有人这样做。还有那些银行的长龙，我讨厌根本没有人好好站队。你知道的，当你去银行，那里根本空空如也可你还得像钻迷宫一样走。你能给我一小块奶酪不？我快要到前面了，我想要点奖励。
[Setting: Jerry's apartment] (George is stuffing pennies into rolls.)
（场景：杰瑞家，乔治将小面额钞票卷起来）
GEORGE: ..Thirty-two, thirty-three-
乔治：……32，33……
JERRY: George.
杰瑞：乔治。
GEORGE: (raises his hand) Not now.. (counts to himself).
乔治：（举手）靠……（自己数数）
JERRY: Could you stop the counting?
杰瑞：你就不能停止数数吗？
GEORGE: Nnnnnnnninngaaa! (Dumping out roll) What?!
乔治：不……行！（扔开钱卷）什么事？
JERRY: Can I make it up to you? I'll give you fifty bucks for the jug.
杰瑞：我能做点什么补偿你吗？我给你50块换你的零钱罐。
GEORGE: Oh, yeah, sure. Keep your money.
乔治：哦，是的，当然，不要你的臭钱。
JERRY: Well, then I'm not going to the game either. Okay? I'll give him both tickets.
杰瑞：好吧，那我也不去看比赛了，行吧。我把两张票都给他。
GEORGE: (pantomimes sticking an imaginary knife in his heart, and twists it) Oh geeeee.. Go, go!
乔治：（假装一把小刀刺进胸口，还转上一圈）额滴神……滚，滚！
JERRY: I.. no, I don't want to go.
杰瑞：我……不，我不想去。
GEORGE: He was really crying?
乔治：他真的哭了？
JERRY: I had to give him a tissue. In fact, let me call his machine now and I'll just make up some excuse why I can't go to the game either.
杰瑞：泪流满面。事实上，我只要给他的答录机留言编造点借口说我去不了就行了。
GEORGE: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. As long as you're going to lie to the guy, why don't you tell him that you lost both of the tickets, then we could go?
乔治：等等，等等，与其你这样骗他，还不如骗得彻底点说两张票都丢了，那样我们不就可以去了？
JERRY: George, the man wept.
杰瑞：乔治，那人都哭成那样了。
(Kramer enters.)
（克雷默进屋）
KRAMER: Oh, hey guys. Man, I'm telling you. This pizza idea, is really going to happen.
克雷默：哦，伙计们。我得告诉你们，那个自助式披萨的主意，马上就要实施了。
GEORGE: This is the thing where you go and you have to make your own pizza?
乔治：就是你所谓的那个你吃自己做的披萨的地方？
KRAMER: Yeah, we give you the dough, you smash it, you pound it, you fling it in the air; and then you get to put your sauce and you get to sprinkle your cheese, and they - you slide it into the oven.
克雷默：是啊，我们给你个生面团，你自己拍打、揉捏，然后在空中旋转、飞舞，然后自己加点调味料，撒在披萨上，然后自己放入烤箱。
GOERGE: You know, you have to know how to do that. You can't have people shoving their arms into a six-hundred degree oven.
乔治：你要知道，你也得知道怎么做才行啊。搞不好有人会把自己的手放到600度高温的烤炉里烤了。
KRAMER: It's all supervised.
克雷默：我们有人监控的。
GEORGE: Oh, well.
乔治：好吧。
KRAMER: All of it. You want to invest?
克雷默：全程监控。你想投资不？
GEORGE: My money's all tied up in change right now.
乔治：我的钱现在都是小钞票。
KRAMER: No, I'm tellin' ya, people, they really want to make their own pizza pie.
克雷默：不，我告诉你，人们，他们真的很想自制披萨。
JERRY: I have to say something. With all due respect, I just never.. I can't imagine anyone in any walk of life, under any circumstance, wanting to make their own pizza pie.. but that's me.
杰瑞：有些话我非说不可了，我没别的意思，就是……我觉得吧，任何人在任何情况下都不会想要自己去做披萨自己吃……当然只是我的想法。
KRAMER: That's you.
克雷默：当然只是你的想法。
JERRY: I'm just saying..
杰瑞：我只是说……
KRAMER: Okay, okay. I just wanted to check with you guys.
克雷默：好吧好吧，我只是想跟大家伙儿说一声。
JERRY: Okay.
杰瑞：好吧。
KRAMER: You know, this business is going to be big. I just wanted .. okay. (he exits quickly, then sticks his head back through the door) One day, you'll beg me to make your own pie. (he leaves)
克雷默：你们看着吧，这生意一定会红火。我只是想……算了……（招牌式离开，然后探头进来）会有那么一天，你们会求我让你们自制披萨。（离开）
(Jerry dials up Joel)
（杰瑞给乔尔电话）
JERRY: Hi, Joel. This is Jerry. I hope you get this before you - Oh, Hi. Joel.. oh, you just came in.. listen, I can't amke it to the game tonight. I, uh, have to tutor my nephew - Yeah, he's got an exam tomarrow.. geometry.. you know, trapezoids, rhombus.. Anyway, listen, you take the tickets. They're at the Will-Call window..And I'm really sorry.. Have a good time. We'll talk next week. Okay.. yeah, I don't.. fine.. fine.. bye. (he hangs up).
杰瑞：嗨，乔尔，我是杰瑞啊。我希望你能在走之前听到——哦，嗨，乔尔，听我说，我今晚不能去看比赛了。我，嗯……要辅导我的侄子，是的，他明天要考试了……几何……你知道的，梯形啦，菱形啦。不管怎么说，听着，票都给你吧，在威尔的窗边，我真是抱歉……祝你玩得开心。我们下周再聊。好吗……我不……好了……好了……再见。（挂断电话）
GEORGE: Trapezoid?
乔治：梯形？
JERRY: I know. I'm really running out of excuses with this guy. I need some kind of excuse Rolodex.
杰瑞：我知道，我真是找不出任何借口来应付这个家伙了，我需要点“借口万宝全书”的帮忙。
(Scene ends.)

[Setting: Jerry's apartment, night time]
（场景：杰瑞住所，夜间）
ELAINE: Come on, let's go do something. I don't want to just sit around here.
依莲：来吧，让我们找点啥事儿做，我可不想就这么坐着。
JERRY: Okay.
杰瑞：好吧。
ELAINE: Want to go get something to eat?
依莲：想吃点啥？
JERRY: Where do you want to go?
杰瑞：你想去哪儿？
ELAINE: I don't care, I'm not hungry.
依莲：无所谓，我不饿。
JERRY: We could go to one of those cappuccino places. They let you just sit there.
杰瑞：我们可以去咖啡馆。他们会让我们在那儿待一会儿。
ELAINE: What are we gonna do there? Talk?
依莲：我们去那里干什么？聊天？
JERRY: We'll just sit there.
杰瑞：可以只是坐在那里。
ELAINE: Okay. I'm gonna check my machine first.
依莲：好吧，看看我的答录机先。
(Elaine sees a pad by the phone, and starts reading it.)
（依莲看到电话旁的记事本，开始看）
ELAINE: (cont.) "Picking someone up at the airport." "Jury Duty." "Waiting for cable guy."
依莲：“去机场接人”、“去参加陪审”、“等有线电视维修工”。
JERRY: Okay, just ahnd that over, please.
杰瑞：好吧，让我看看。
ELAINE: Oh, what is this?
依莲：哦，这是什么？
JERRY: It's a list of excuses, it's for that guy, Horneck, who's at the game tonight with my tickets. I have that list now so in case he calls, I just consult it and i don't have to see him. (Elaine laughs.) I need it. (Elaine starts writing on the list.) What are you doing?
杰瑞：这不正是个借口清单嘛，我可以用来对付霍耐克那家伙，就是今晚要拿我的球票去看比赛的人。以后他来电话，我只要从这个清单上找个借口就可以应付他了，不用去见他。（依莲笑）我需要这个。（依莲继续在单子上写）你在干嘛？
ELAINE: I got some for you.
依莲：我再给你加点料。
JERRY: I don't need anymore.
杰瑞：够多了。
ELAINE: No, no, no, no, no, these are good. Listen, listen: "You ran out of underwear, you can't leave the house."
依莲：不，不，不，这些很好的，听听：你内衣用完了，你不能离开房间。
JERRY: (sarcastic) Very funny.
杰瑞：（讽刺的）真好笑啊。
ELAINE: How about: "You've been diagnosed as a multiple personality, you're not even you, you're Dan."
依莲：再听听这个“你被诊断为多重人格障碍，你甚至都不是你自己了，你是丹”。
JERRY: I'm Dan. Can I have my list back, please?
杰瑞：我是丹。麻烦你把我的清单给我吧。
ELAINE: (gives Jerry the list) Here, here. Jerry Seinfeld, I cannot believe you're doing this. This is absolutely infantile.
依莲：（把清单给杰瑞）给你，给你。杰瑞.宋飞，真不敢相信你这么做，这也太幼稚点了。
JERRY: What can I do?
杰瑞：我能怎么办！
ELAINE: Deal with it. Be a man!
依莲：面对他，解决他啊！像个男人好不好！
JERRY: Oh no. That's impossible. I'd rather lie to him for the rest of my life that go through that again. He was crying, tears accompanied by mucus.
杰瑞：哦，不。那不可能。我宁可余生都来骗他也不要再见他一次。他居然在哭，眼泪鼻涕的。
ELAINE: You made a man cry? I've never made a man cry. I even kicked a guy in the groin once and he didn't cry.. I got the cab.
依莲：你把一个男人搞哭了？我都从来没让男人哭过。我踢过一个男人的腹股沟他都没哭……我抢到了出租车。
JERRY: A couple of touch monkeys.
杰瑞：一群捣蛋鬼。
(Elaine laughs, Kramer enters.)
（依莲笑，克雷默进屋）
KRAMER: Oh, hi Elaine, hey. (to Jerry) Hey, you missed a great game tonight, buddy!
克雷默：哦，嗨依莲，嗨，（对杰瑞）嗨，你错过了一场精彩的比赛，朋友！
JERRY: Game?
杰瑞：比赛？
KRAMER: Knock game. Horneck took me. We were sitting two rows behind the bench. We were getting hit by sweat!
克雷默：尼克斯的比赛啊。霍耐克带我去的。我们就坐在板凳席后面两排，甚至都能闻到球员身上的汗味。
JERRY: Wait. How does Horneck know you?
杰瑞：等等，霍耐克怎么认识你的？
KRAMER: Last week. When I, you know, game you the phone. He's really into my pizza place idea!
克雷默：上周，你知道的，就是我在接他打给你的电话的时候，他是真喜欢我那个自制披萨店的想法啊。
JERRY: This is too much.
杰瑞：我要崩溃了！
ELAINE: Wait, what pizza place idea?
依莲：等等，什么披萨店？
JERRY: Oh, no.
杰瑞：哦，求你了……
KRAMER: You make your own pie!
克雷默：你可以制作你自己的披萨。
ELAINE: Oh, that sounds like a great idea. It would be fun.
依莲：哦，听起来蛮不错的嘛，可能会很有意思。
JOEL: (from the hallway.)Kramer..
乔尔：（过道传来）克雷默……
KRAMER: Yeah.
克雷默：在这。
JERRY: Perfect.
杰瑞：这下死翘翘了。
(Horneck enters.)
（霍耐克进来）
JOEL: Hey..
乔尔：嗨……
KRAMER: Okay, who wants meatloaf?
克雷默：谁想要肉卷？
JERRY AND ELAINE: No thanks.
杰瑞和依莲：不了，谢谢。
KRAMER: (to Joel) It's gonna be hot in a minute. (exits)
克雷默：（对乔尔）马上就热好了。（离开）
JOEL: So, I though you were tutoring your nephew?
乔尔：那么，你不是说要辅导你侄子嘛？
JERRY: Oh, we finished early.
杰瑞：哦，我们已经结束了。
JOEL: Uhm, I'll bet. So, are you going to introduce me to your - nephew?
乔尔：哦，是吗。那么，你不打算给我介绍一下你的侄子（侄女）？
JERRY: Elaine Benes, this is Joel Horneck.
杰瑞：依莲.贝尼斯，这是乔尔.霍耐克。
ELAINE: Hi.
依莲：嗨。
JOEL: Whoa, Nelson! This is Elaine? I though you guys split?
乔尔：哦，尼尔森！这是依莲？我以为你们两个分手了呢！
JERRY: We're still friends.
杰瑞：我们还是朋友啊。
JOEL: So, thanks again for those tickets. But next week, I'm going to take you. You about next Tuesday night? (to Elaine) And why don't you come along?
乔尔：哦，再次感谢你的球票。不过下周，我可以带上你哦。下周二如何？（对依莲）你也一块儿来吧！
ELAINE: Oh, no, no. Tuesday's no good becasue we've got choir practice.
依莲：哦，不，不，我周二还有合唱团的排练，不好意思。
JERRY: Right. I forgot about choir.
杰瑞：是的，我忘了合唱团。
ELAINE: We're doing that evening of Eastern European National Anthems.
依莲：我们那晚要排一些东欧国家的国歌。
JERRY: Right. You know, the wall being down and everything.
杰瑞：是的，你知道的，柏林墙倒了……什么什么的。
JOEL: (to Jerry) What about Thursday night? I mean they're playing the Sonics.
乔尔：（对杰瑞）周四晚上呢？我是说对超音速的比赛。
(Jerry shakes his head.)
（杰瑞摇头）
ELAINE: Huh... Thursday is not good because we've got to get to the hospital to see if we qualify as those organ donors.
依莲：哦……周四不行是因为……我们要去医院检查身体，看看我们是不是能成为合格的器官捐赠者。
JOEL: You know, I should really try something like that.
乔尔：是吗，我也想试试去做这个。
JERRY: You really should.
杰瑞：你是该去。
JOEL: Well, let's just take a look here. (looks at his schedule) Forty-one home games. Saturday night we've got the mavericks. If you don't like the Mavericks, next Tuesday - Lakers. I mean, you gotta like Magic, right? Let's see, on the road, on the road, on the road, on the road, back on the fourteenth. They play the Bulls. You can't miss Air Jordan..
乔尔：好吧，我们再看看。（看日程表）41场主场比赛。周六晚对小牛队，你不喜欢的化，下周二湖人队，你总该喜欢魔术师约翰逊吧！再看看，客场，客场，客场，客场，14号回到主场，打公牛！你肯定不想错过飞人乔丹吧！
(Scene ends.)

[Setting: Nightclub]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: You know, I really.. I've come to the conclusion that there are certain friends in you life that they're just always your friends and you have to accept it. You see them, you don't really want to see them. You don't call them. They call you. You don't call back. They call again. The only way to get through talking with people that you don't really have anything in common with is to pretend you're hosting your own little talk show. This is what I do. You pretend there's a little desk around you. The only problem with this is there's no way you can say, "Hey, it's been great having you on the show. Were out of time."
杰瑞：你知道嘛，我真的……我得出结论了：人这一生总有些朋友，他们一辈子都当定你的朋友了，你得接受这个现实。你不想见他们也得见，你不给他们打电话，他们给你打。你不回电，他们继续打。唯一可以避免和这种和你毫无共同语言的人见面、聊天的办法就只有谎称你要做一场小型的脱口秀。这也正是我现在做的。假装周围有一圈小桌子围着你，唯一的问题就是，你永远也不能说：嗨，很高兴你来上我们的节目，我们时间快到了。