1991年2月13日
第二季第四集
电话留言

The plot is based on a real-life experience of Larry David's.
这集是根据拉里.大卫（制片人之一）的真实经历改编的。
The Nielsen ratings for this episode were so low that the show was put on hiatus and considered for cancellation. It would return two months later.
这集的收视率实在太低，导致整个剧集面临被砍的危险。

Plot summary for "Seinfeld" The Phone Message
George leaves several nasty messages on a girlfriend's answering machine, then decides to steal the tape.
情节概要：
乔治在一个女朋友的答录机里留下了几条恶心的留言，然后决定去偷磁带。

Jerry's opening monologue:
The bad thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. Did you ever see anybody on TV like just sliding off the front of the sofa with potato chip crumbs on their face? Some people have a little too much fun on television: the soda
commercial people - where do they summon this enthusiasm? Have you seen them? "We have soda, we have soda, we have soda", jumping, laughing, flying through the air - it's a can of soda. Have you ever been standing there and you're watching TV and you're drinking the exact same product that they're advertising right there on TV, and it's like, you know, they're spiking volleyballs, jetskiing, girls in bikinis and I'm standing there - "Maybe I'm putting too much ice in mine."
杰瑞的开场秀：
关于电视不好的一点是因为电视上的家伙做什么看起来都比你自己做得好。你肯定看不到电视里的人会滑下沙发，然后薯片洒了出来到自己脸上。还有些电视里的家伙，他们怎么就那么开心：那个苏打水广告的演员，他们哪来那么多激情？你看到吗？“我们有苏打水，我们有苏打水，我们有苏打水”，蹦蹦跳跳、欢乐无边，在半空中飞翔——一罐苏打水。你有没有站在那儿，看着电视里头和你手中一样的饮料，画面里尽是排球扣杀、水上摩托艇、比基尼女郎；而你站在那里没有任何这种感觉：（你会想，可能我放太多冰了）

Monk's Diner, day. George and Jerry enter. George is excited:
（餐厅，乔治、杰瑞进，乔治很兴奋。）
George: So then, as we were leaving, we were just kind of standing there, and she was sort of smiling at me, and I wasn't sure if she wanted me to ask her out, because when women smile at me I don't know what it means. Sometimes I interpret it like they're Psychotic or something and I don't know if I'm
supposed to smile back, I don't know what to do. So I just stood there like - remember how Quayle looked when Benson gave him that Kennedy line? - that's what I looked like.
乔治：嗯当时，我们要离开，我们就站在那里，她好像在对我微笑，我不确定她是不是想我约她出去，因为每当有女人对我微笑我都不知道这意味着什么。有时我会理解为她们是不是疯了还是怎么着，反正我就不确定我是不是应该也回敬一个微笑，不知道该怎么办。所以我就站在那里——（这段有点背景，我不清楚）就好像本森要抛出他的肯尼迪问题时奎耶尔看他的表情——就是我看起来的样子。
Jerry: So you didn't ask?
杰瑞：也就是说你没有约她？
George: No, I froze.
乔治：没有，我傻了。
Jerry: (Points to counter) Counter.
杰瑞：（指着柜台）柜台。
George: Oh yeah. So wait, wait. A half-hour later I'm back in the office, I tell Lloyd the whole story. He says "So why don't you call her". I says "I can't." I couldn't, I couldn't do it right then. For me to ask a woman out I gotta get into a mental state like the karate guys before they break the bricks. So Lloyd calls me a wuss.
乔治：哦，是的。等等，等等。半小时后我回到办公室，我把这事告诉劳伊德了。他说：“你干嘛不给她电话呢？”。我说“我不能，我不能马上这么办。对我来说，要约个女生出来，就好像练空手道的人要劈砖前一样，要凝神静气的准备一番。所以劳伊德骂我是个怂人。”
Jerry: He said wuss?
杰瑞：他说“怂人”？
George: Yeah. Anyway, he shamed me into it.
乔治：是啊，反正他让我很羞愧。
Jerry: So you called. (They sit at counter)
杰瑞：那你打电话了。（他们坐下）
George: Right. And, and to cover my nervousness I started eating an apple, because I think if they hear you chewing on the other end of the phone, it makes you sound casual.
乔治：是的。而且为了掩饰我的不安，我开始吃苹果，因为我认为如果人家听到你在电话这头咀嚼的声音，他们会认为你听起来很随意。
Jerry: Yeah, like a farm boy.
杰瑞：可不是吗，就像个农家男孩。
George: Right. So I call her up, I tell her it's me, she gives me an enthusiastic 'Hi!'
乔治：是的。所以我给她电话啦，我说是我，她给了我一句热情四溢的“嗨”。
Jerry: Wow. Enthusiastic 'Hi!', that's beautiful.
杰瑞：喔！热情四溢的“嗨”，美死你啦。
George: Oh, I don't get the enthusiastic 'Hi!', I'm outta there.
乔治：哦，要不是这声“嗨”，我才不搭理呢。
Jerry: Alright, so you're chewing your apple, you got your enthusiastic 'Hi!' Go ahead.
杰瑞：那好吧，你就嚼着你的苹果，听到一声热情的“嗨”，继续说……
George: So, we're talking, and I don't like to go too long before I ask them out, I wanna get it over with right away, so I just blurt out "What are you doing Saturday night?"
乔治：所以我们开始聊，我不想在约她出来之前罗嗦太久，我想马上处理完，我就脱口而出“你周六晚上有啥安排没有？”
Jerry: And?
杰瑞：然后呢？
George: She bought.
乔治：她答应了。
Jerry: Great day in the morning.
杰瑞：可真是清新美好的一天。
George: Then I got off the phone right away.
乔治：然后我就立马挂断电话啦。
Jerry: Sure, it's like robbing a bank: you don't loiter around in front of the teller holding that big bag of money. You come in, you hit and get out.
杰瑞：是啊。这就像抢银行：你可不会提溜着那一大袋子抢来的钱，在柜员面前晃悠。你进来，抢完走人。
George: It's amazing: we, we both have dates on the same night. I can't remember the last time that happened.
乔治：真是奇妙：我们，我和你在同一晚都有约会，我都想不起来上一次发生类似事件的时候了。
 
George's car, parked outside apartment building, night. George and his date Carol:
（乔治的车，停在公寓外，夜里，乔治和他的约会对象卡罗尔）
George: I can't stand doing laundry. That's why I have forty pairs of underwear.
乔治：我讨厌洗衣服。所以我有40套内衣。
Carol: You do not.
卡罗尔：你不会吧？
George: Absolutely. Because instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear. My goal is to have over three hundred and sixty pair. That way, I only have to do wash once a year.
乔治：千真万确。与其去洗，我还不如一直不停的买内衣。我的目标就是拥有超过360条内裤。那样的话，我一年只需要洗一次衣服。
(They both laugh)
（两人笑）

Jerry's car, also parked outside an apartment building. Jerry and his girlfriend Donna:
（杰瑞的车，也是公寓外，杰瑞和女友唐娜）
Jerry: (In awful Scots/Irish accent) Come on, try it. Let me hear you try a Scottish accent.
杰瑞：（用糟糕的苏格兰/爱尔兰口音）来吧，试试看，我想听听你用苏格兰口音说话。
Donna: That's Irish.
唐娜：那是爱尔兰。
Jerry: Irish, Scottish, what's the difference, lassie?
杰瑞：爱尔兰、苏格兰，有啥区别？
(Donna laughs)
（唐娜笑）
 
Back to George and Carol:
（回到乔治和卡罗尔）
Donna: So, er, thanks for dinner. It was great.
唐娜：那么，额，谢谢请我晚餐啦。很棒。
George: Yeah. We should do this again.
乔治：是啊，我们真该再出来一起吃饭。
Donna: Would you like to come upstairs for some coffee?
唐娜：你想上楼来喝点咖啡不？
George: Oh, no, thanks. I can't drink coffee late at night, it keeps me up.
乔治：哦，不，谢谢。我晚上不能喝咖啡，会让人失眠。
Donna: (Looks disappointed) So, um, OK.
唐娜：（看起来很失望）那么，好吧。
George: OK.
乔治：好。
Donna: Goodnight.
唐娜：晚安。
George: Yeah, take it easy.
乔治：嗯，再会。
(Donna leaves car. George realizes what he has done and bashes his forehead in disgust)
（唐娜离开车，乔治意识到自己犯了愚蠢的错误，猛击自己的头部）
 
Back to Jerry and Donna:
（回到杰瑞和唐娜）
Donna: Thanks again for the movie.
唐娜：谢谢请我看电影。
Jerry: You're welcome.
杰瑞：不客气。
Donna: I'd invite you up, but the place is being painted.
唐娜：我该请你上楼的，不过我那儿正在装修。
Jerry: Oh, that's OK.
杰瑞：哦，没事。
Donna: Unless you want to go to your place.
唐娜：除非你想回你的住处。
Jerry: OK, but there's no cake or anything, if that's what you're looking for.
杰瑞：好啊，那里可没有蛋糕或什么的，如果你是想要寻找这个的话。
 
Back to George, driving, looking frustrated:
（回到乔治，开车，看起来很沮丧）
George: Take it easy, huh, take it easy.
乔治：再见，呵呵，再会。
 
Jerry's apartment. Jerry and Donna sit on the sofa:
（杰瑞的住所，杰瑞和唐娜坐在沙发）
Jerry: I think if one's going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note - it's common courtesy. I don't know, that's just the way I was brought up.
杰瑞：我认为一个人如果要自杀的话，至少他应该留个遗言啥的——这是基本的礼节礼貌。说不清楚，可能只是我这么认为吧。
Donna: Values are very important.
唐娜：信念很重要。
Jerry: Oh, so important. So what are you doing Thursday night - you wanna have dinner?
杰瑞：哦，很重要。你周四晚上干嘛呢——要不一起吃个饭？
Donna: Thursday's great. (Moves closer)
唐娜：周四，行啊。（靠近）
Jerry: (Looks at his pants) Tan pants. Why do I buy tan pants, Donna? I don't feel comfortable in them.
杰瑞：（看着自己的裤子）鞣皮裤子，我干嘛买这东西，唐娜。穿着一点都不舒服。
Donna: Are those Cotton Dockers?
唐娜：这是棉制的度雅仕牛仔吗？
Jerry: Oh, I can't begin to tell you how much I hate that commercial.
杰瑞：哦，我都不想告诉你我有多讨厌那个广告。
Donna: Really? I like that commercial. (Jerry pauses)
唐娜：真的？我喜欢那个广告片。（杰瑞停了）
Jerry: You like that commercial?
杰瑞：你喜欢那个？
Donna: Yeah, it's clever.
唐娜：是啊，很不错。
Jerry: Now wait a second, you mean the one where the guys are all standing around, supposedly being very casual and witty?
杰瑞：等等，你说的是那个：所有人都站在一圈，装作很随意、很机灵的样子？
Donna: Yeah, that's the one.
唐娜：是，就是这个。
Jerry: What could you possibly like about that?
杰瑞：你怎么会喜欢这个的？
Donna: I don't know, I like the guys.
唐娜：我不知道，我喜欢那些人。
Jerry: Yeah, they're so funny and so comfortable with each other, and I could be comfortable too, if I had pants like that. I could sit on a porch and wrestle around, and maybe even be part of a real bull session.
杰瑞：是啊，他们很风趣也很和谐，如果我有那种裤子我也会很舒适的。我能坐在门槛，肆意磨蹭，甚至能加入到闲聊中去。
Donna: Hey, I know guys like that. To me the dialogue rings true.
唐娜：嗨，我知道这种人，对我来说对话听起来挺真实的。
Jerry: (Shrugs. Pause) Even if the dialogue did ring true. Even if somehow somewhere men actually talk like that, what does that have to do with the pants? Doesn't that bother you?
杰瑞：（耸肩，暂停）就算对话听起来是真的，就算某时、某地男人的确是这么说话的，可这些跟裤子有什么关系呢？这很影响你吗？
Donna: (Increasingly annoyed) That's the idea. That's what's clever about it, that they're not talking about the pants.
唐娜：（越来越不耐烦的样子）这就是点子啊，也就是我觉得这广告灵的地方，就是因为他们不聊裤子。
Jerry: But they're talking about nothing.
杰瑞：可是他们不知所云啊。
Donna: That's the point.
唐娜：这就是好的地方！
Jerry: I know the point.
杰瑞：我不知道什么好的。
Donna: No one is telling you to like it.
唐娜：没人强求你喜欢啊。
Jerry: I mean, all those quick shots of the pants, just pants, pants, pants, pants, pants, pants, pants. What is that supposed to be?
杰瑞：我是说，那些快速闪过的镜头，都是关于裤子的，裤子、裤子、裤子，这算是啥意思呀？
(Donna sighs, leans away from Jerry, looks at watch)
（唐娜无语，远离杰瑞，看表）
 
Jerry monologue:
（杰瑞独白）
What's brutal about the date is the scrutiny that you put each other through. Because whenever you think about this person in terms of the future, you have to magnify everything about them. You know, like the guy'll be like 'I don't think her eyebrows are even. Could I look at uneven eyebrows for the
rest of my life?' And of course the woman's looking at the guy, thinking 'What is he looking at? Do I want somebody looking at me like this for the rest of my life?'
约会最残酷的事情就是两个人要经历痛苦的仔细审查的过程。因为但凡你要去思索一个人的将来，你必须把他的每件事情都放大来看。你知道的，就好像说这兄弟的眉毛貌似不齐啊。我能不能忍受一辈子都看着这样的眉毛呢？当然这个女人注视着这个男人，想：他在看着什么呀？我是否需要有个人像这样看着我一辈子呢？
 
Jerry's apartment, day. Jerry and Elaine:
（杰瑞住处，日间，杰瑞和依莲）
Jerry: I'm supposed to see her again on Thursday, but can I go out with someone who actually likes this commercial?
杰瑞：我们本来约好周四再见的，不过我真的能和一个这么喜欢那广告片的人出去约会吗？
Elaine: I once broke up with a guy because he didn't keep his bathroom clean enough.
依莲：我有一次和一个男生分手只是因为他不能保持盥洗室的清洁。
Jerry: No kidding. Did you tell him that was the reason?
杰瑞：不会吧。那你有把这个原因告诉他吗？
Elaine: Oh yeah, I told him all the time. You would not have believed his tub: germs were building a town in there - they were constructing offices. Houses near the drain were going for $150,000.
依莲：哦当然，我一直跟他说的。你无法想像他的浴缸：细菌都可以在那里盖一座城池了——它们在盖楼呢。水管旁边的房子卖到15万。
(George enters, looking miserable, holding a brown paper bag)
（乔治进，看起来很悲惨，拿着棕色的纸袋）
Elaine: Hi.
依莲：嗨。
(George produces Pepto-Bismol bottle and box of bicarb from bag, places them on counter)
（乔治拿出一罐佩托比斯摩和一盒小苏打，放到柜台）
Jerry: You're still thinking about this?
杰瑞：你还在想这些呢？
George: (While preparing bicarb) She invites me up at twelve o clock at night, for coffee. And I don't go up. "No thank you, I don't want coffee, it keeps me up. Too late for me to drink coffee." I said this to her. People this stupid shouldn't be allowed to live. I can't imagine what she must think of me.
乔治：（准备小苏打时）她夜里12点邀请我，去喝咖啡。我不想去，我说：不了，谢谢，我不要咖啡，这会让我睡不着。现在喝咖啡对我来说太晚了。我居然对她说这个。像我这么蠢的人都不该活着。
Jerry: She thinks you're a guy that doesn't like coffee.
杰瑞：她不过就认为你不是个喜欢咖啡的人罢了。
George: She invited me up. Coffee's not coffee, coffee is sex.
乔治：她邀请我上去。醉翁之意不在酒！
Elaine: Maybe coffee was coffee.
依莲：可能只是咖啡而已。
George: Coffee's coffee in the morning, it's not coffee at twelve o clock at night.
乔治：在早晨，咖啡就是咖啡；在午夜12点，咖啡就不只是咖啡而已！
Elaine: Well some people drink coffee that late.
依莲：可是就有很多人在深夜喝咖啡的啊。
George: Yeah, people who work at NORAD, who're on twenty-four hour missile watch. Everything was going along so great: she was laughing, I was funny. I kept saying to myself "Keep it up, don't blow it, you're doing great."
乔治：是啊，那些在北美空防司令部工作的人，那些24小时负责观测导弹行踪的人（才这样）。万事俱备：她很开心的笑，我很搞笑。我不住的对自己说：保持住啊，别搞砸啦，你做得很棒。
Elaine: It's all in your head. All she knows is she had a good time. I think you should call her.
依莲：这些都只是在你脑子里而已，她所知道的就是她和你度过了欢乐的时光，我认为你还是要给她电话。
George: I can't call her now, it's too soon. I'm planning a Wednesday call.
乔治：我现在不能给她电话，太快了。我在筹备周三给她电话。
Elaine: Oh, why? I love it when guys call me the next day.
依莲：哦，为啥？我喜欢男人第二天就给我电话。
George: Of course you do, but you're imagining a guy you like, not a guy who goes (in stupid voice) "Oh no, I don't drink coffee late at night." If I call her now, she's gonna think I'm too needy. Women don't wanna see need. They want a take-charge guy - a colonel, a kaiser, a tsar.
乔治：你当然喜欢，不过你只是在想像一个你喜欢的男人，他这么说话（用傻气的语调）哦，不，我晚上不喝咖啡。如果我现在给她电话，她会认为我太饥渴了。女人不想看到露骨的需要，她们想看到一个负责的男人——上校、凯撒、沙皇。
Elaine: All she'll think is that you like her.
依莲：她知道的只是你喜欢她。
George: Yes, she wants me to like her, if she likes me, but she doesn't like me!
乔治：是的，她希望我喜欢她，如果她也喜欢我的话，可她并不喜欢我啊！
Elaine: I don't know what your parents did to you.
依莲：真不知道你父母对你做了些什么。
(Kramer enters, points at Jerry)
（克雷默进，指着杰瑞）
Kramer: Hey, I just thought of a really funny thing for your act. Alright, you're up there, you're on the stage and you go "Hey, you ever notice how cars here in New York, they never get out of the way of ambulances anymore. Someone's in a life-and-death situation, and we're thinking 'Well, sorry buddy,
you should've thought of that when you were eating cheese omelettes and sauages for breakfast every morning for the last thirty years.'" So you gonna use it?
克雷默：嗨，我刚想到一个很好玩的笑料供你演出用。听着，你在那里站着，在舞台上你说：嗨，你们有注意到纽约的路况吗，汽车在路上再也不为救护车让道了。有人正处在生死边缘，我们却琢磨着：好吧，不好意思，当你吃奶酪蛋饼的早餐、一吃就是30年时，你就该想到会有今天。你会用这个段子吗？
Jerry: I don't think so.
杰瑞：我想不会吧。
Kramer: It's funny.
克雷默：这很有趣啊。
Elaine: It is funny.
依莲：是很有趣。
Kramer: That's as good as anything you do.
克雷默：这和你的其他段子一样精彩啊。
George: Alright, I gotta make a call. Everybody out, come on.
乔治：好吧，我去打电话。大家都出去吧，走起来……
Jerry: Why do we have to leave?
杰瑞：为什么我们要离开？
George: Because I can't call a woman with other people in the room. Come on, let's go.
乔治：因为我不能当着满屋子的人的面给一个女人打电话，所以走你们的！
Elaine: Oh, see, this is the problem.
依莲：哦，看吧，这可是个大问题。
Jerry: You're kicking me out of my house?
杰瑞：你把我踢出我自己的屋子？？
George: Yes.
乔治：是的。
Elaine: Don't forget.
依莲：别忘了。
George: Oh Jerry, do you have any apples?
乔治：哦，杰瑞，你有苹果不？
Jerry: Don't do the apples. That's enough already with the apples.
杰瑞：别再这么苹果了，它们已经受够了！
(Elaine, Kramer and Jerry leave. George removes jacket, dials phone)
（依莲、克雷默和杰瑞离开，乔治脱外套，打电话）
Phone: Hi, it's Carol, I 'll get back to you. (Beep)
电话：嗨，这里是卡罗尔，请留言，我回头打给你。
George: Uhm, hi, it's George, George Costanza, remember me? The guy that didn't come up for coffee.
You see, I didn't realise that coffee didn't really mean ... well, whatever. Anyway, it was fun. It was, erm, it was fun, so, oh boy, uhm, so, you call me back. If you want, it's up to you, you know, whatever you wanna do. Either way. The ball's in your court. So, er, take it easy.
乔治：嗯，嗨，我是乔治，乔治.康斯坦茨，记得我吗？就是那个不肯上楼喝咖啡的家伙。你知道嘛，我其实没有意识到咖啡不仅仅意味着……嗯，好吧，不管怎么说，和你一起很开心。额……曾经很开心，那么，嗯，你会给我回电吧。如果你想的话，这都取决于你，你知道的，随便你怎么做。决定权在你手中。那么……再会了。
(Hangs up. Jerry enters)
（挂断，杰瑞进）
Jerry: I'm just gonna get my jacket, I'll meet you downstairs. What's the matter, did you call?
杰瑞：我只是来取我的外套，我们楼下见，怎么回事？你打过电话啦？
(Elaine enters)
（依莲进）
George: Got her machine. I'm dead, I'm a dead man. That's it. I'm dead, I'm a dead man. Dead man.
乔治：我打到她的语音信箱。我死了，我完蛋了。结束了。我死定了！！！死人一个……
Jerry: What did you say?
杰瑞：你说什么了？
George: I don't know what the hell I said. I gave her an ultimatum and there's nothing I can do. It's a machine. The little light is blinking right now: 'Come and listen to the idiot. Hey everybody, the idiot's on!'
乔治：我不知道我说了什么鬼话。我给她最后通牒我却无能为力。这是个机器！那盏小灯正在不停闪烁：来吧，来听听这傻瓜说的吧，嗨，大家好，傻瓜电台开始播音。
Jerry: After one date you try and improvise on her machine?
杰瑞：才约会一次，你就开始在她的答录机上作即兴演出了？！
George: Now I'm in the worst position of all.
乔治：我现在是在最尴尬的境地了。
Elaine: Y'know, my brother-in-law once left a message on this guy's machine, and he blurted out some business information he wasn't supposed to, and it would have cost him $15,000, so he waited outside the guy's house and when the guy came home he went upstairs with him and he switched the tape.
依莲：你知道吗，我的姐（妹）夫有次在一个家伙的答录机上留言，他不小心泄露了一些不该外传的商业信息，这有可能会让他赔上1万5千美元，所以他等在那个人的屋外，等那家伙上楼时，他赶紧替换了磁带。
George: He did that?
乔治：他真这么干了？！
Elaine: Yeah.
依莲：可不是吗。
George: Somebody did that?
乔治：有人这么干了？
Jerry: She'll call you back. You're overreacting.
杰瑞：她会给你回电的，你别大惊小怪的。
 

Jerry's apartment. Jerry and Donna:
（杰瑞家，杰瑞和唐娜）
Jerry: Not once.
杰瑞：一次都没有。
Donna: Never?
唐娜：从没有过？
Jerry: I have never seen one episode of 'I Love Lucy' in my life ever.
杰瑞：我这辈子没看过一集“我爱露西”。
Donna: That's amazing.
唐娜：这可真特别。
Jerry: Thank you.
杰瑞：谢谢你。
Donna: Is there anything else about you I should know?
唐娜：你还有什么特别的我应该知道的吗？
Jerry: Yes, I'm lactose intolerant.
杰瑞：是的，我有乳糖不耐受症。
Donna: Really?
唐娜：真的？
Jerry: I have no patience for lactose. And I won't stand for it. Uhm, I'll be right back. (Goes to bathroom)
杰瑞：我对乳糖没有耐心，我无法忍受这个。嗯，我马上回来。（去洗手间）
(George enters)
（乔治进）
George: Wait till you hear this (sees Donna). Whoa, ah, I'm sorry, I didn't, I had no idea. (Goes to leave)
乔治：你听听这个（看见唐娜）。哦，啊，不好意思，我不知道，我没想到……（准备离开）
Donna: Wait, wait. He's in the bathroom.
唐娜：等等，他在洗手间。
George: I just wanted to talk to him for a minute, but I'll come back.
乔治：我只是想跟他说句话，我马上回来。
Donna: You don't have to leave.
唐娜：你不用回避的。
George: You sure?
乔治：你确定？
Donna: Yes.
唐娜：是的。
George: OK.
乔治：那好吧。
Donna: I'm Donna.
唐娜：我是唐娜。
George: Donna. Oh, you're the one that likes that commercial!
乔治：唐娜，哦，你就是喜欢那个广告片的人。
Donna: He told you about that.
唐娜：他跟你说过这事了。
George: No, he, he didn't actually tell me that, uh, we were talking about that commercial, in fact I think I brought it up because I like that commercial. No, he, he would never tell me anything like that. He never discusses anything. He's, he's like a clam. You're not gonna mention this, to him.. (Jerry re-enters)
乔治：没有，他，实际上他并没有告诉我，额，我们谈起那个广告片来着，我说起这个是因为其实我喜欢那个片子。不，他，他才不会跟我说起这种事呢。他从不和我探讨任何事情。他，他是个沉默寡言的家伙，你不会对他提起这个吧……（杰瑞进）
Donna: (To Jerry) So you go around telling your friends I'm not hip because I like that commercial.
唐娜：（对杰瑞）看起来你经常跟你的朋友们掰扯我不时髦就是因为我不喜欢那个广告片。
Jerry: What? (To George) What did, what did you say?
杰瑞：什么？（对乔治）你，说什么了？
George: Say? What? Nothing, I..
乔治：说？什么？没有啊，我……
Donna: You told him how I like the commercial.
唐娜：你跟他说我喜欢那个广告片。
Jerry: Well, so what if I said that?
杰瑞：好吧，我说过又怎样？
Donna: Well, so, you didn't have to tell your friends.
唐娜：你不需要去告诉你的朋友吧。
Jerry: No, I had to tell my friends, my friends didn't have to tell you.
杰瑞：不，我必须得告诉我的朋友们，我的朋友们没必要再转告你。
George: (To Donna) Why did you have to get me in trouble?
乔治：（对唐娜）为什么你要陷我于不仁不义？
Donna: I don't like you talking about me with your friends behind my back.
唐娜：我不喜欢你和你的朋友们在我的背后议论我。
George: Boy oh boy.
乔治：妈妈咪呀……
Jerry: I said I couldn't believe you liked that commercial. So what?
杰瑞：我说过我不敢相信你喜欢那个广告片，怎么啦！
Donna: I asked some friends of mine this week, and all of them liked the commercial.
唐娜：这周我问起过我的一些朋友，他们全都喜欢那个片子。
Jerry: Boy, I bet you got a regular Algonquin round table there.
杰瑞：老天啊，你们是不是有个嚼舌根的下三滥小团体啊？
注：Algonquin round table——指一圈喜欢恶意指摘、挑剔、下三滥的人
(Kramer enters)
（克雷默进）
K:Hey.
克雷默：嗨。
Jerry: Oh, Kramer, this is Donna.
杰瑞：哦，克雷默，这是唐娜。
k Oh. Cotton Dockers!
克雷默：哦，牛仔裤广告！
George: Hello! Alright, we should be going. Come on .(Grabs Kramer)
乔治：喂！好吧，我们真的该走了。走你！（抓住克雷默）
k What? Where are we going?
克雷默：怎么啦？我们去哪儿？
George: Come on!
乔治：走就是了！
Donna: Don't bother, I'm leaving.
唐娜：你们省省吧，我走了。
Jerry: Donna, really, you're making too much of this.
杰瑞：唐娜，说真的，你别太小题大做了。
K One hundred percent Cotton Dockers, if they're not Dockers, they're just pants!
克雷默：100％纯棉度雅士牌，如果不是度雅士，那不就只是裤子！
Jerry: Please, Donna.
杰瑞：拜托了，唐娜。
Donna: I don't wanna hear it.(Leaves)
唐娜：我不想听到这些。（离开）
George: I can't believe I said that. You know me, I'm a vault.
乔治：不敢相信我说了这些，你知道我的，我就是个棒槌。
Jerry: Don't worry about it, it wasn't working anyway.
杰瑞：别担心这个，反正我和她没结果的。
k What happened there?
克雷默：出什么事了？
Jerry: I'll tell you later.
杰瑞：等会告诉你。
George: You are not gonna believe what's going on with this woman.
乔治：你不会相信这女人出什么事了。

Monk's Diner. George and Jerry sat in booth:
（蒙克餐馆，乔治杰瑞坐着）
George: OK, so you remember I made the initial call Sunday, she doesn't call back. I call again Monday, I leave another message. I call Tuesday, I get the machine again: "I know you're there, I don't know what your story is." Yesterday, I'm a volcano - I try one more call, the machine comes on, and fly like Mussolini from the balcony- "Where the hell do you get the nerve? You invite me up for coffee and then you don't call me back for four days? I don't like coffee, I don't have to come up. I'd like to get one more shot at the coffee just so I could spit it in your face."
乔治：好吧，你记得我周日打过一个电话嘛，她没有给我回电。我周一又打了，留了另一通言。周二打电话，还是答录机，我就说：我知道你在那里，我不知道你在想什么。昨天，我怒了，我又打了，又TMD是答录机，我怒发冲冠，就这么吼着：你TMD好大的胆子！你邀请我去你家喝咖啡，然后连续4天不回我电话？我不喜欢咖啡，我没必要上去吧。我好想再喝一杯咖啡，这样我就可以吐在你的脸上！
Jerry: You said that?
杰瑞：你这么说的？
George: I lost it.
乔治：我失去理智了。
Jerry: I can't blame you. I can't believe she never called you back.
杰瑞：也不能怪你。我也不相信她居然一直没给你回电。
George: She did. Today.
乔治：她回了，今天。
Jerry: What?
杰瑞：什么？
George: She called my office. She said she's been in the Hamptons since Sunday. She didn't know if I was trying to get in touch with her. Her machine broke, and she's been using her old machine and she doesn't have the beeper for it.
乔治：她给我办公室来电。她说她从周日起就在汉普顿，她不知道我是否在尝试着和她联系。她的答录机坏了，她在用老的答录机，没有一个留言。
Jerry: So she didn't get the messages.
杰瑞：就是说她没有听到你的留言。
George: Exactly, but they're on there waiting. She said she can't wait to see me, we're having dinner tonight. She's supposed to call me as soon as she gets home.
乔治：是啊，但是那些留言都存着呢，她说等不及想见我，我们今晚共进晚餐。她一到家就会给我电话的。
Jerry: But what about the messages?
杰瑞：那些留言怎么办？
(George produces cassette tape from pocket)
（乔治从口袋中拿出磁带）
Jerry: Elaine's thing? How you gonna get in?
杰瑞：依莲的故事？可你怎么到她家呢？
George: I'll meet her outside the building.
杰瑞：我会在她住处外见她。
Jerry: But you know as soon as she gets in the apartment she's going right for that machine.
杰瑞：可她一回到住所，不就会奔向答录机嘛？
George: Or she goes for the bathroom. That's my only chance. Who am I kidding? I can't do this, I can't do this. I don't even know how to work those stupid machines.
乔治：她可以先去洗手间啊。这是我唯一的机会。我在瞎扯什么呢，我不能这么做，我做不来这个。我连怎么操作那该死的答录机都不会。
Jerry: There's nothing to it. You lift the lid, it comes right out.
杰瑞：没什么啊，你打开机器，拿出磁带就好了。
George: You do it for me.
乔治：你给我做做看。
Jerry: What?
杰瑞：什么？
George: Come on, it'll be so much easier.
乔治：你就帮帮忙吧，会容易很多的。
Jerry: How you gonna get me up there?
杰瑞：你打算怎么把我带过去？
George: I'll tell her I bumped into you, I'm giving you a ride uptown.
乔治：我会跟她说我碰到你了，然后我开车带你去城里。
Jerry: And who makes the switch?
杰瑞：谁去操作机器？
George: You do.
乔治：你啊。
Jerry: I do.
杰瑞：我做？
George: I can't do it. I'll, I'll keep her busy.
乔治：我不会操作啊，我会，我去牵制住她。
Jerry: I can't get involved in this.
杰瑞：我不能趟这浑水。
George: I think I may be in love with this woman.
乔治：我想我是爱上这女人了。
Jerry: What if she sees me?
杰瑞：要是她发现我了怎么办？
George: Oh, you are such a wuss.
乔治：哦，你真是个孬种。
Jerry: A wuss?
杰瑞：孬种？
George: Yeah.
乔治：是的。
Jerry: Did you call me a wuss?
杰瑞：你叫我孬种？？
 

Outside apartment building, night. George and Jerry are sat on a low wall:
（公寓外，夜，乔治和杰瑞坐在低墙上）
George: Well there is traffic. It might take her till eight-fifteen.
乔治：路况不太好，她大概要8点15左右到。
Jerry: I got one problem: you're keeping her busy in the other room. Now, what if she somehow gets away from you and is coming in? You have to signal me that she's coming.
杰瑞：我有个问题，你在一个房间里把她缠住，要是她摆脱你了，冲过来怎么办？你得给我个信号啥的吧。
George: A signal, right, erm, OK, er OK, the signal is, I'll call out 'Tippy toe!'
乔治：信号，好的，行。信号就是……我会大叫“脚趾头”。
Jerry: 'Tippy Toe?' I don't think so.
杰瑞：“脚趾头”？不会吧！
George: You don't like 'Tippy toe?'
乔治：你不喜欢“脚趾头”？
Jerry: No 'Tippy toe.'
杰瑞：不要“脚趾头”。
George: Alright, er, OK I got it, erm, I'll sing.
乔治：好吧，额，我有了，那我就唱歌。
Jerry: What song?
杰瑞：哪首歌？
George: Erm, 'How do you solve a problem like Maria?'
乔治：额，“怎样像玛利亚一样解决问题？”
Jerry: What is that?
杰瑞：这是什么鬼歌？
George: Oh, it's a lovely song. (Sings) How do you solve a problem like Maria?
乔治：哦，这是首很好的歌。（唱）怎样像玛利亚一样解决问题？
Jerry: Anything else?
杰瑞：还有别的什么吗？
George: You pick it.
乔治：你选吧。
Jerry: 'Lemon Tree'
杰瑞：柠檬树。
George: Peter, Paul and Mary.
乔治：彼得，保罗和玛莉。
Jerry: No, Trini Lopez.
杰瑞：不，特立尼.洛佩兹。
Both: (Singing) Lemon tree very pretty and a lemon flower
俩人：（唱）柠檬树和柠檬花儿多美丽。
George: You got the tape?
乔治：磁带准备好了吧？
Jerry: (Produces tapes) Standard. Micro.
杰瑞：（拿出磁带）标准的。
George: How do you feel? Confident?
乔治：你什么感觉？自信？
Jerry: Feel good.
杰瑞：我感觉很好。
George: You nervous?
乔治：你紧张吗？
Jerry: Not at all.
杰瑞：一点都不。
George: Get up, get up, it's her. Oh, the hell with this, I'm scared to death, just walk away, it's off, cancel everything, go!
乔治：起来，起来，她来了。哦，我死翘翘了。我怕得要死，我们走吧，行动取消，取消！走！
(Carol arrives)
（卡罗尔到）
George: Hey! What are you doing here? I thought I was supposed to call you when I got home.
乔治：嗨！你在干啥？我还想回家再给你电话的呢。
George: I, I couldn't wait. I was too anxious to see you.
乔治：我，我等不及了。我太想见你了。
Carol: Oh, that's so sweet.
卡罗尔：哦，你嘴真甜。
George: Oh, this is my friend, Jerry Seinfeld. I just bumped into him around the corner. Isn't that a coincidence? The funny thing is, I see him all the time.
乔治：哦，这是我朋友，杰瑞.宋飞。碰巧在街角遇见他，真是巧了。更搞笑的是，我几乎一直看见他。
Jerry: All the time.
杰瑞：一直。
Carol: It's nice to meet you.
卡罗尔：很高兴见到你。
Jerry: Hi.
杰瑞：嗨！
Carol: So, I'm starving. Where are we gonna eat?
卡罗尔：嗯，我很饿了，我们去哪儿吃饭呢？
George: You know, we could go uptown, and that way we could give Jerry a ride home.
乔治：嗯，我们可以去中心城区，顺便可以送杰瑞回家。
Carol: OK. Let's go, I'm ready, where'd you park?
卡罗尔：好的，我们走，你车停哪里？
George: Don't you wanna go upstairs first?
乔治：你不想先上楼一下？
Carol: No, what for? I'll just give my bag to the doorman.
卡罗尔：不，去干嘛？我只要把我的包包给门卫就行了。
Jerry: You know, I really need to use the bathroom.
杰瑞：不好意思，我真的需要用一下洗手间。
Carol: Oh well there's a bathroom in the coffee shop just next door.
卡罗尔：哦，隔壁有间咖啡馆就有洗手间的。
George: Yes, yes, but er, I have to make a call, so...
乔治：是的是的，不过，我得打个电话，所以……
Carol: Well they have a phone.
卡罗尔：哦，（咖啡馆）也有电话的。
(George takes Carol to one side)
（乔治把卡罗尔拉到一边）
George: I know Jerry. He has this phobia about public toilets. I think we really should go upstairs.
乔治：我了解杰瑞。他对公用厕所有种恐惧症。我想我们真得上楼一趟。
Carol: (Aloud) You know, I think I will go upstairs. I can check my machine.
卡罗尔：（大声）你知道的，我想我是得上楼一下，我可以看看我的答录机。
George: Right, right.
乔治：好的，好的。
(They enter building)
（他们进入大楼）
 

Inside Carol's apartment. Carol, Jerry and George enter:
（卡罗尔家，卡罗尔、杰瑞和乔治进）
Carol: The bathroom's on the hall to the right.
卡罗尔：洗手间在过道往右。
Jerry: Er, you know, why don't you go first, you just had a long trip.
杰瑞：额，我想还是你先去吧，你刚度过长途旅行。
Carol: No, I'm fine.
卡罗尔：不用，我没事。
Jerry: Uhmmm, you know, it's the damnedest thing, it went away.
杰瑞：额，最尴尬的事情是，我不用（上厕所）了。
Carol: Oh that's weird.
卡罗尔：哦，真是奇了怪啦。
George: No, no that can happen. I've, er, I've read about that in medical journals. It's a freak thing, but...
乔治：不，这是可能发生的。我在医学杂志看到这种事情，很奇怪可是……
Carol: Well, let me just check my messages, and we'll go.
卡罗尔：那么，我就去检查一下我的答录机，我们就走。
George: Uh, Carol, can I talk to you for a second? Right now.
乔治：哦，卡罗尔，我能跟你说句话吗？就现在。
Carol: Sure.
卡罗尔：当然。
George: Please, this is very, very important. (Leads her to other room)
乔治：这，这事非同小可。（把她领到另一间房）
(Jerry goes over to machine to switch tape)
（杰瑞去答录机，替换磁带）
George: (Shouts from other room) Uhh, tippy toe! Tippy toe! Lemon tree!
乔治：（大声吼）哦，脚趾头！脚趾头！柠檬树！
(Carol reappears followed by George)
（卡罗尔跟随乔治出现）
Carol: (To Jerry) Now I know who you are. You're a comedian. I've seen you, it's driving me crazy.
卡罗尔：（对杰瑞）我现在反应过来你是谁了，你是那个喜剧演员。我见过你，你的表演让人疯狂。
Jerry: Right. I am.
杰瑞：可不是嘛，呵呵。
George: Carol, that's so rude. Please, I'm serious, just for a moment, if you wouldn't mind, and then we'll talk to Jerry.
乔治：卡罗尔，这可真不礼貌。请你，我认真的，就一会儿，你不介意的话，然后我们再和杰瑞聊天。
(George leads Carol back out, Jerry switches tapes)
（乔治带领卡罗尔回去，杰瑞换磁带）
Jerry: (Shouts) Hey you two. I'm ready to go.
杰瑞：（大喊）嗨你们俩，我准备好走了。
(George and Carol return)
（乔治和卡罗尔回来）
Carol: That's what you had to tell me? Your father wears sneakers in the pool?
卡罗尔：你就想告诉我这个？你老爸在泳池里穿跑鞋？
George: (To Jerry) Don't you find that strange?
乔治：（对杰瑞）你不觉得这奇怪嘛？
Jerry: Yes.
杰瑞：是的。
Carol: Well, I'll just check my machine and we'll go. No, nothing here, let's go. Oh, I forgot to tell you. After I talked to you today my neighbour called me and played my messages to me over the phone.
卡罗尔：好吧，我去看看我的答录机我们就走。哦，啥都没有，我们走吧。哦，我忘了告诉你今天和你电话后，我邻居给我打电话然后给我听留言。
George: Oh, uhhh...
乔治：哦，哦……
Carol: Yours were hilarious, we were both cracking up. I just love jokes like that.
卡罗尔：你的留言真搞笑，我们都笑翻了。我喜欢这种笑话。
(All three leave)
（离场）
 

Jerry's closing monologue:
杰瑞的结尾独白：
I love my phone machine. I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to I could go "Excuse me, I'm not in right now. If you could just leave a message, I could walk away." I also have a cordless phone, but I don't like that as much, because you can't slam
down a cordless phone. You get mad at somebody on a real phone - "You can't talk to me like that!" Bang! You know. You get mad at somebody on a cordless phone - "You can't talk to me like that!" (Mimes fiddly button-pressing) "I told him!"
我爱我的答录机。我希望我自己是台电话答录机。我希望在街上碰到某个不想说话的人我可以这么说：不好意思，我现在不在，麻烦你留下口信，我要闪了。我有台无绳电话，不过我不怎么喜欢，你不能摔无绳电话。你对电话那头的人发火，你可以“你怎么能这么跟我说话！”——砰！要是无绳电话就没有这种效果了，“你不能这么跟我说话！”（模仿轻巧的按下按钮）“我告诫过他的”。