1991年1月23日
第二季第一集
前女友

Plot summary for "Seinfeld" The Ex-Girlfriend
Jerry begins seeing George's ex-girlfriend, Marlene, whom George finds altogether annoying. Jerry wants to break up with Marlene but can't because she has a "psychosexual hold" on him. Marlene then breaks up with Jerry after seeing his comedy act. George is angry over a huge chiropractor bill, which he argues that he shouldn't have to pay for.

情节概要：
杰瑞开始和乔治的前女友——马尔琳约会，乔治很不爽。杰瑞也想要分手，可是马尔琳在心“性”上控制了他。不过在看过杰瑞的喜剧表演后马尔琳主动提出分手。乔治对医疗按摩的收费很不满，他认为他不该付这笔钱。

[Setting: Nightclub]
（场景：俱乐部）
JERRY: I'm always in traffic with the lane expert. You know this type of person? Constantly reevaluating their lane choice.. Never quite sure, "Is this the best lane for me? For my life?" They're always a little bit ahead of you, "Can I get in over there? Could I get in over here? Could I get in there?" "Yeah, come on over here, pal. We're zoomin' over here. This is the secret lane, nobody knows about it.." The ultimate, I think the ultimate psychological test of traffic is the total dead stop. Not even rolling. And you look out the window, you can see gum clearly. So we know that in the future traffic will get even worse than that. I mean, what will happen? Will it start moving backwords, I wonder? I mean, is that possible? That someday we'll be going "Boy, this is some really bad traffic now, boy. This, is really bad. I'm gonna try to get off and get back on going the other way."
杰瑞：我总是在堵塞的状况里遇到“变线专家”。你知道这类人吗？不停的研究在路线上的选择……永远不确定，“这是我的最佳线路吗？我的人生之路？”而他们总是在你们前面晃荡，“我能变到那条线吗？或是这条线？”“是的，请来这条路吧，我们在这条路上飞奔，这是条秘道，一般人进不来。”我想交通堵塞中，给人带来终极的心理压力的情况是一动不动。滚都滚不动。往车窗外看，你都能看见牙龈（有误）。我们都知道了，将来交通状况还会更差。天，那将是什么情况啊？也许某天我们只能这样：“唉，交通状况真差啊，额滴神，太糟糕了！我都想倒回去了。”
[Setting: Jerry's car]
（场景：杰瑞车中）
GEORGE: She can't kill me right?!
乔治：她不会杀了我对吧？
JERRY: No, of course not.
杰瑞：不，当然不会啊。
GEORGE: People break up all the time.
乔治：人们总是在分手的。
JERRY: Everyday.
杰瑞：每天都是。
GEORGE: It just didn't work out. What can I do? I wanted to love her. I tried to love her. I couldn't.
乔治：这感情反正是行不通了。我能怎么办？我也想爱她的啊，我尽量去爱她了啊，我就是不能啊。
JERRY: You tried.
杰瑞：你尽力了。
GEORGE: I kept looking at her face. I'd go: "C'mon, love her. Love her!"
乔治：我保持着凝视她的脸，心想：加油！爱她！爱她！
JERRY: Did you tell her you loved her?
杰瑞：你告诉过她你爱她吗？
GEORGE: Oh, I had no choice. She squeezed it out of me! She'd tell me she loved me. Alright, at first, I just look at her. I'd go "Oh, really?" or "Boy, that's, that's something." But, eventually you have to come back with "Well, I love you." You know, you can only hold out for so long!"
乔治：哦，我别无选择。她逼人太甚！她说过她爱我，好吧，刚开始时，我只是看着她，琢磨着“哦，真的吗？”或者“天，真不错啊！”但是，最终还是会回到“好吧，我爱你。”你知道你也只能坚持这么久了。
JERRY: You're a human being.
杰瑞：你也是个凡人。
GEORGE: And I didn't even ask her out. She asked me out first. She called me up. What was I supposed to do? Say no? I can't do that to someone.
乔治：我甚至都没有邀请她出来过。都是她主动邀请我。她打电话给我，我能怎么做？说不？我不能对别人这样。
JERRY: You're too nice a guy.
杰瑞：你是个好人。
GEORGE: I am. I'm a nice guy.. (realizing) And she seduced me! We were in my apartment, I'm sitting on the couch, she's on the chair - I get up to go to the bathroom, I come back, she's on the couch. What am I supposed to do? Not do anything? I couldn't do that. I would've insulted her.
乔治：我是，我是个好人……（意识到）是她在诱惑我！我们在我的公寓，我坐在沙发上，她在椅子上，我起身去洗手间，我回来，她坐在沙发上。我能怎么做？啥都不做？我可不能这样！那不是侮辱她嘛。
JERRY: You're flesh and blood.
杰瑞：你只是血气方刚。
GEORGE: I had nothing to do wtih any of this! I met all her friends, I didn't want to meet them. I kept trying to avoid it. I knew it would only get me in deeper. But they were everywhere! They kept popping up, all over the place. "This is Nancy, this is Susan, this is Amy.. This is my cousin.. this is my brother.. thisis my father." It's like I'm in quicksand.
乔治：我与整件事情无关！我见过她所有的朋友，可我压根不想见他们。我一直避免这个。我知道这些只会让我越陷越深。可是他们无处不在！他们不停的跳出来，任何地方……“这是南希，这是苏珊，这是阿美……这是我表亲……这是我兄弟……这是我老爸！”我就像陷入流沙一样……
JERRY: I told you when I met her..
杰瑞：我早就跟你说过的。
GEORGE: My back is killing me.
乔治：我的背痛死了。
JERRY: You gotta go to my chiropractor, he's the best.
杰瑞：你得去看看我的按摩医生，他很棒。
GEORGE: Oh yeah, everybody's guy is the best.
乔治：哦，每个人的都是最棒的。
JERRY: I'm gonna make an appointment for you. We'll go together.
杰瑞：我给你安排个预约，我们一起去。
GEORGE: Please. They don't do anything.. Look, do I have to break up with her in person? CAn't I do it over the phone? I have no stomach for these things.
乔治：得了吧。他们啥效果也起不到……你说我们必须面对面的分手嘛？还是我可以通过电话？我可没胆面对面的说。
JERRY: You should just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion! Right off!
杰瑞：你就该像撕掉邦迪一样，爽快点！快刀斩乱麻！
(Car door opens, it's Elaine)
（车门开，依莲）
ELAINE: Hi.
依莲：嗨。
JERRY: Hi.
杰瑞：嗨。
(George pulls his seat forward to allow Elaine into the back seats)
（乔治座位前移，依莲入后座）
ELAINE: Hey, what are you doing?
依莲：嗨，你们在干啥呢？
GEORGE: I'm letting you in.
乔治：我在让你进车啊。
ELAINE: Oh no. No. I don't want to sit in the back. I'll be left out of the conversation.
依莲：哦，不，不，我不要坐后排，那样我会被排斥在你们的谈话外的。
GEORGE: No, you won't.
乔治：不，你不会的。
ELAINE: Yes, I will, George. I'll have to sick my chin on top of the seat.
依莲：会，我会的，乔治。我坐定那个位子了。
GEORGE: Okay..
乔治：好吧……
(George gets out, and gestures for Elaine to sit in the seat)
（乔治出，示意依莲坐前座）
ELAINE: Why can't you sit in the middle?
依莲：你为什么不坐在中间呢？
GEORGE: Please, it doesn't look good. Boy, boy, girl.
乔治：求你了，这多难看啊。天，天，女人……
ELAINE: I think you're afraid to sit next to a man. You're a little homophobic, aren't you?
依莲：我认为你害怕坐在男人边上。你有点“恐同”，对吧？
GEORGE: Is it that obvious?
乔治：明摆着的事嘛。
(Elaine sits in the middle)
（依莲坐在中间）
ELAINE: Hello, Jerry.
依莲：好啊，杰瑞。
JERRY: Hello.
杰瑞：好。
ELAINE: Did you get a haircut?
依莲：你剪过头发啦？
JERRY: No, shower. So, where are we eating?
杰瑞：没有，洗澡而已。那么，我们吃点啥？
ELAINE: Tell me if you think this is strange: There's this guy who lives in my building, who I was introduced to a couple of years ago by a friend. He's a teacher, or something. Anyway, after we met, whenever we'd run into each other on the street, or in the lobby, or whatever, we would stop and we would chat a little.. Nothing much. Little pleasantries. He was a nice guy, he's got a family.. then after a while, I noticed there was not more stopping. Just saying hello and continuing on our way. And then the verbal hellos stopped, and we just went into these little sort of nods of recognition. So, fine. I figure, that's where this relationship is finally gonna settle: polite nodding. Then one day, he doesn't nod. Like I don't exist?! He went from nods to nothing.
依莲：你倒是说说这事怪不：有个家伙和我同住一幢楼的，几年前一个朋友介绍我们认识过。他是个老师，之类的吧。反正，我们认识后，每次在街上还是楼下的大堂碰到，我们都会听下来闲扯几句。没什么正事，就一些寒暄之类的。他是个不错的家伙，他有家室了。然后过了一阵子，我发现我们不再听下来闲扯了。只是说你好就各走各路了。再接下来就连你好也不说了，只是点头示意一下罢了。那好吧，我以为，这就算是我们关系的最终格局了：点头之交。可接下来一次，他点头都不点了。好像我不存在一样！从点头之交变成了形同陌路。
GEORGE: (imitating Tony Bennett) "You know, I'd go from nods to nothing.."
乔治：（模仿托尼.本内特）“你知道的，我从点头到啥也不做……”
ELAINE: And now, there's this intense animosity whenever we passs. I mean, it's like we really hate each other. It's based on nothing.
依莲：现在就好像我们每次经过的时候都有种仇恨的情绪在蔓延。我是说，就好像我们真的恨对方一样，而其实啥都没有。
JERRY: A relationship is an organism. You created this thing and then you starved it so it turned against you. Same thing happened to The Blob.
杰瑞：一段关系就像个有机体一样。你创造出来，然后你饿着它，他就反戈相向。和电影《The Blob》里面一样。
GEORGE: I think you absolutely have to say something to this guy. Confront him.
乔治：我觉得你必须得对他说点啥吧，和他对质。
ELAINE: Really?
依莲：真的吗？
GEORGE: Yes.
乔治：是啊。
ELAINE: You would do that?
依莲：你会这么做？
GEORGE: If I was a different person.
乔治：要是我是其他人的话。
(Scene ends)

[Setting: Jerry's apartment; Jerry's on the phone]
（场景：杰瑞家，杰瑞在电话中）
JERRY: Hello.. hello. Is Glenn there? I'm sorry. Is this 805-555-3234?.. Yes, I know I have the wrong number. But I just want to know if I dialed wrong or if..
杰瑞：喂……喂，格伦在吗？不好意思，是805-555-3234吗？是，我知道我号码错了，我只是想知道是我拨错了还是……
(Other guy hangs up on Jerry; he redials; enter Kramer)
（对方挂断，杰瑞重拨，克雷默进）
(The buzzer buzzes; Kramer answers it)
（门铃响，克雷默应答）
KRAMER: Come on up.
克雷默：上来吧。
JERRY: (Into phone) Oh, it's you again. See? Now if you had answered me, I wouldn't have had to do this. Now that's too long distance calls I made to you why can't you.. (guy hangs up on Jerry again). (To Kramer) Why? Why do they just hang up like that?! Thank you very much.
杰瑞：（电话）哦，又是你。看见了吧？如果你刚才回答我，我就不用再打给你了。又是个长途，你就不能……（对方又挂断）（对克雷默）为什么？为什么他又挂我电话？！非常感谢。
(Kramer holds up cantaloupe)
（克雷默拿着个甜瓜）
KRAMER: Taste this.
克雷默：尝尝！
JERRY: No, I just had a sandwich.
杰瑞：谢谢，我刚吃过三明治。
KRAMER: No, taste it. Taste it.
克雷默：尝尝，就尝一下吧！
JERRY: I don't want cantaloupe now.
杰瑞：我现在不想吃甜瓜。
KRAMER: You've never had cantaloupe like this before.
克雷默：你肯定没有吃过这么好的甜瓜。
JERRY: I only eat cantaloupe at certain times.
杰瑞：我只在特定的时间吃甜瓜。
KRAMER: Jerry. This is great cantaloupe.
克雷默：杰瑞，这可是很棒的甜瓜啊！
JERRY: Alright.. (tastes it)
杰瑞：好吧……（尝了一下）
KRAMER: Ah, huh. It's good?
克雷默：哦，是恨不错吧？
JERRY: It's very good.
杰瑞：相当好吃。
KRAMER: Good, huh?
克雷默：好吃，对吧？
JERRY: Good.
杰瑞：好吃。
KRAMER: I got it at Joe's.
克雷默：是乔家水果店的。
JERRY: Uh-Huh.
杰瑞：哦。
KRAMER: Forty-nine cents a pound. That's practically half than what you're paying at the supermarket. I don't know why you don't go to Joe's.
克雷默：一磅49美分。只是超市价的一半哦。我就不知道你为啥抵制乔家水果。
JERRY: It's too far.
杰瑞：太远了。
KRAMER: It's three blocks further. You can use my shopping cart..
克雷默：只是再过去3个街区而已。你能用我的购物车。
JERRY: I'm not pulling a shopping cart. What am I suppose to wear? A kerchief? Put stockings on and roll 'em down below my knee?
杰瑞：我是不会用你的购物车了。我该穿啥？围巾？车边挂着袜子，然后骑着它？
KRAMER: See, the other thing is, if you don't like anything, he takes it right back.
克雷默：你要不喜欢的话就别拿着了。
JERRY: I don't return fruit. Fruit is a gamble. I know that going in.
杰瑞：我不把水果送回去的，水果就像是赌博。就那么回事。
(Enter George; he's extremely excited - he's dancing around the room, singing the Zorba theme)
（乔治兴高采烈近来，在屋子里打转，唱歌）
GEORGE: I'm outta there. I did it! It's over.
乔治：我要离开这里，我成功了！一切都结束啦。
JERRY: You did it? What happened?
杰瑞：你成功了？发生啥事了？
GEORGE: I told her. In the kitchen - which was risky 'cause it's near all the knives. I started with the word "Listen."
乔治：我告诉她了。在厨房——考虑到周围全是刀具，还是很危险的。我的开场词是：听着……
JERRY: Ah ha.
杰瑞：啊哈。
GEORGE: I said, "Listen Marlene," and then the next thing I know, I'm in the middle of it. And there's this voice inside of me going: "You're doing it! You're doing it!" And then she started to cry, and I weakened a bit. I almost relented, but the voice, Jerry. The voice said "Keep going, keep going. You're almost out!" It's like I was making a prison break, you know. And I'm heading for the wall, and I trip and I twist my ankle, and they throw the light on you, you know. So, somehow I get though the crying and I keep running. Then the cursing started. She's firing at me from the guard tower: "Son of a bang! Son of a boom!" I get to the top of the wall - the front door. I opened it up, I'm one foot away, I took one last look around the penitentiary, and I jumped!
乔治：我说：“听着，马尔琳”，接下来我所知道的就是我开始了。然后脑海里一个声音在说：你正在做！你正在和她分手！然后她就开始哭泣，我有点退缩。我差不多就要放弃了，但是那个声音，杰瑞。那个声音在说：“加油，坚持住，你差不多就成功了！”这就像我在越狱一样，你知道嘛，我正在冲向围墙，我爬上去、崴了脚，探照灯照向我！突然间，我逃离了她眼泪的牢笼、继续奔跑。然后那个诅咒又来了。她在看守塔楼上调戏我，狗娘养的。（不太理解）我爬到墙头，到了前门，打开大门，只有一步之遥啦，我再最后看了一眼监狱，然后，我跳了出去！
JERRY: See, it's never as bad as you imagine.
杰瑞：看见了吧，不像你想的那么坏吧。
KRAMER: I liked Marlene. What's her number?
克雷默：我喜欢马尔琳，她的电话是？
GEORGE: No, I, I don't think so.
乔治：省省吧，你TMD少来。
(Kramer stants making noises while eating)
（克雷默吃出声音）
JERRY: Could you stop that smacking?
杰瑞：麻烦你别发出这种声音好不？
KRAMER: George, I want you to taste this cantaloupe.
克雷默：乔治，我要你尝一下这甜瓜。
GEORGE: Oh no, thank you.
乔治：哦，不，谢谢。
KRAMER: It's the best cantaloupe I ever had.
克雷默：这可是我吃过的最好的甜瓜啦。
GEORGE: No, really. No, no, thanks.
乔治：不，真的，不，不，谢啦。
KRAMER: Jerry, tell him how good this cantaloupe is.
克雷默：杰瑞，告诉他这甜瓜有多好。
JERRY: It's very good cantaloupe. (changing subject) So that's it? You're out?
杰瑞：这是很好的甜瓜。（换话题）那就这样啦，你就脱离感情的束缚啦？
GEORGE: Except for one small problem. I left some books in her apartment.
乔治：还有个小尾巴，我在她家落下几本书。
JERRY: So, go get them.
杰瑞：那么，去拿回来呗。
GEORGE: Oh, no. No, I can't go back there. Jerry, it's so awkward and, you know, it could be dangerous - sexually. Something could happen, I'd be right back where I started.
乔治：哦，不，不，我不能再去那里。杰瑞，这很尴尬的，你知道的，还很危险——性的诱惑。可能会发生什么的，我又会回到原点啦。
JERRY: So forget about the books. Did you read them?
杰瑞：那就忘了这些书吧，你要看？
GEORGE: Well, yeah.
乔治：是的。
JERRY: What do you need them for?
杰瑞：你要这些书干嘛？
GEORGE: I don't know. They're books.
乔治：我不知道，可那是书啊。
JERRY: What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses - like they're trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?
杰瑞：真搞不懂有些人这么迷恋书本。他们把书放到屋子里——就好像他们的战利品似的。真不知道看完后还有什么用。
GEORGE: They're MY books.
乔治：可那是我的书！
JERRY: So you want me to get those books? Is that it?
杰瑞：难道你想要我去取回这些书？你是这意思？
(Scene ends)

[Setting: Coffee Shop]
（场景：咖啡馆）
(Jerry and Marlene are sitting, a pile of books are on the table.)
（杰瑞和马尔琳坐着，放着一堆书）
MARLENE: ..So, it must've been ninety-five degrees that night, and everyone's just standing around the pool with little drinks in their hands. I was wearing my old jeans and T-shirt. And I don't know, I was just in one of those moods - so I said to myself, "Marlene, just do it," and I jumped in. And as I'm getting out, I feel all these eyes on me, and I look up and everyone is just staring at me.
马尔琳：……那晚大概有95度的高温，每个人都拿着酒在游泳池旁站着。我穿着旧牛仔和T裇衫，突然间不知道为什么，我就来了情绪了，我对自己说：马尔琳，去做吧。我就跳了下去。当我出来时，我感觉所有的目光都集中在我身上，我就坦然迎接这种目光。
JERRY: So what'd you do?
杰瑞：你做啥啦？
MARLENE: Well, nothing. It's not skin off my hide if people like to look. I just didn't see what the big attraction was.
马尔琳：实际上也没啥。不就是我的身材在湿漉漉的衣服里面呼之欲出嘛，就啥大不了的。
JERRY: Well, I have a general idea what it was. I could take a guess.
杰瑞：呵呵，我能猜出个大概来。
MARLENE: (Laughs) Hey, you know, Jerry, just because George and I don't see each other anymore, it doesn't mean we shouldn't stay friends.
马尔琳：（笑）嗨，你知道嘛，杰瑞，虽然我和乔治分手了，但我和你还可以是朋友吧？
JERRY: No.
杰瑞：当然。
MARLENE: Good enough. I'm really glad we got that settled.
马尔琳：很好。很高兴都处理好了。
(Scene ends)

[Setting: Chiropractor waiting room]
（场景：按摩理疗等候室）
JERRY: (Irritated) I don't know how this happened.
杰瑞：（激怒状）不知道这是怎么发生的。
GEORGE: Jerry, it's not my fault.
乔治：杰瑞，这不是我的问题。
JERRY: No, no. It's not your fault. Books, books, I need my books. Have you re-read those books yet, by the way? You know the great thing? When you read Moby Dick the second time, Ahab and the whale become good friends. You know, it's not like Marlene's a bad person or anything, but, my God! I mean, we've had like three lunches and a movie. And she never stops calling. (George nods - he knows exactly what Jerry's talking about) And it's these meaningless, purposeless, blather calls. She never asks if I'm busy or anything. I just pick up the phone and she's in the middle of a sentence.
杰瑞：不，不，不是你的问题。书，书，我需要我的书。顺便问一句，你有没有再度光临一下你的“书”啊？你知道好玩的是啥吗？当你第二次读《大白鲸》时，你会发现啊哈和白鲸成了好朋友呢。要知道，这可不是因为马尔琳的个性不好或什么，但是，额滴神啊！我们已经共进了三次午餐和一部电影，她还不停的骚扰我。（乔治点头，他了解杰瑞说的话）还有这些无聊的、漫无边际的废话电话。她从不问我是否在忙其他事啊。我拿起电话，她就已经打开话茬了。
GEORGE: That's standard. Has she left you one of those messages where she uses up the whole machine?
乔治：这很附和程序。她是不是给你答录机留言，一个留言就占据你机器的全部空间的那种？
JERRY: Ohh.. you know, and sometimes she'll go, "Hello, Jerry?" and I'll go "Oh, hi Marlene." And then it's "Jerry.."
杰瑞：哦，有时候我们这么交流，她说：喂，杰瑞？我回答：哦，嗨，马尔琳。然后就是“杰瑞……”
GEORGE: What about getting off the phone?
乔治：有没有试过离开电话？
JERRY: Ohhhh.. you can't. It's impossible. There's no break in the conversation where you can go, "Alright, then.. " You know, it just goes on and on and on with out a break in the wall. I mean, I gotta put a stop to this.
杰瑞：哦……可不能。这不可能的。她的话里根本没有空间让你插一句：“好吧，那么……”。你知道，一直不停的说啊说啊一刻不停，我是说，我必须喊停了。
GEORGE: Just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion, right off! She is sexy though. Don't you think?
乔治：就像撕下邦迪一样啊。一次性的，立马解决。不过她是有点小性感啦，你觉得吗？
JERRY: Yeah. Yes, she is.
杰瑞：是，是的，可不是嘛。
(Receptionist enters)

RECEPTIONIST: Mr. Costanza?
接待员：康斯坦茨先生？
GEORGE: Yeah.
乔治：是的。
RECEPTIONIST: The doctor'll see you now.
接待员：医生就来了。
GEORGE: (To Jerry, sarcastically) Yeah, doctor. I'm going to have to wait in that little room by myself, aren't I? (Picks up a crossword puzzle) I better take this. I hate the little room. "Oh, hello, Doctor."
乔治：（对杰瑞，讽刺的）是啊，医生。我将要去那间小密室里面孤独等待，是吧？（拿过一个字谜的报纸）我还是带着这个吧，我讨厌小房间。“哦，你好，医生”。
(Scene ends)

[Setting: Night club]
（场景：俱乐部）
JERRY: Waiting room. I hate when they make you wait in the room. 'Cause it says "Waiting room." There's no chance of not waiting, 'cause they call it the waiting room, they're going to use it. They've got it. It's all set up for you to wait. And you sit there, you know, and you've got your little magazine. You pretend you're reading it, but you're really looking at the other people. You know, you're thinking about about them things like "I wonder what he's got. As soon as she goes, I'm getting her magazine." And then, they finally call you and it's a very exciting moment. They finally call you, and you stand up and you kinda look around at the other people in the room. "Well, I guess I've been chosen. I'll see you all later." You know, so you think you're going to see the doctor, but you're not, are you? No. You're going into the next waiting room. The littler waiting room. But if they are, you know, doing some sort of medical thing to you, you want to be in the smallest room that they have, I think. You don't wnat to be in the largest room that they have. You know what I mean? You ever see these operating theaters, that they have, with like, stadium seating? You don't want them doing antying to you that makes other doctors go, "I have to see this!" "Are you kidding? Are they really gonna do that to him?" "Are there seats? Can we get in?" Do they scalp tickets to these things? "I got two for the Winslow tumor, I got two.."
杰瑞：等候室。我讨厌被要求在个房间里等着。因为上面写着“等候室”。不可能不去等待，因为人们叫它“等候室”，他们将进去，使用这房间。其实要你等着都是糊弄人的。你知道的，你坐在那里，带着你的小杂志。你假装你在看杂志，其实你在张望其他人。你在想些事情，“我想他在看什么杂志呢，一旦他走了，我就要他那本杂志。”然后，终于轮到你了，这可是个激动人心的时刻。他们终于叫你的名字了，你起身环顾等候室里的其他人。“好吧，我想我被选中了，咱们待会见啦。”你认为你可以去见医生了，其实不然，可不是嘛。是的，你又要去下一间等候室，更小的房间。但是我想如果他们对你做点啥检查啊，你一定会想待在一间最小的房间里。你可不想在他们最大的那间房里。知道我在说什么吗？你见过“手术舞台”吗？就是像体育场般有座位的？你可不想出现这幅画面吧：医生们说，“我得看看这个！”、“你扯淡吧，他们真的要对他做这些？”、“还有座位吗，我们能进来吗？”他们甚至都可以卖票。“我有两张温氏肿瘤的票子，我有两张……”
(Scene ends)

[Setting: Waiting room]
（场景：等候室）
(George returns)
（乔治回来）
JERRY: So, how was it?
杰瑞：怎么样？
GEORGE: I was in there for two minutes. He didn't do anything. (Imitating doctor) Touch this, feel that. Seventy-five bucks.
乔治：我在那儿两分钟，他啥也没干。（模仿医生）碰碰这儿，摸摸那儿的。75美金！
JERRY: Well, it's a first visit.
杰瑞：唉，这是初诊嘛。
GEORGE: What's seventy-five bucks? What, am I seeing Sinatra in there?! Amd I being entertained? I don't understand this. I'm only paying half.
乔治：75美金就为这？！什么，难道我看到Sinatra天王啦？！（注：美著名歌手）有啥余兴节目？费解！我只付一半钱。
JERRY: You can't do that.
杰瑞：你不能这么做。
GEORGE: Why not?
乔治：为什么不？
JERRY: He's a doctor. You gotta pay what he says.
杰瑞：他是医生。他说多少你都得付。
GEORGE: Oh, no, no, no. I pay what I say.
乔治：哦，不，不，不。我说多少就是多少。
(Scene ends)

[Setting: Jerry's car]
（场景：杰瑞的车里）
MARLENE: Are you feeling weird?
马尔琳：你有没有觉得诡异？
JERRY: No, I'm fine.
杰瑞：没有，我还好啦。
MARLENE: Nothing really happened.
马尔琳：啥也没有发生。
JERRY: Yeah, I know.
杰瑞：是，我知道。
MARLENE: We just kissed a little. People kiss.
马尔琳：我们只是亲了一下下。普通的礼仪吻啦。
JERRY: Yeah.
杰瑞：可不是嘛。
MARLENE: Well.. night.
马尔琳：那么……晚安。
(Leans over and kisses Jerry)
（凑过来吻杰瑞）
JERRY: Good night.
杰瑞：晚安。
(Scene ends)

[Setting: Jerry's apartment]
（场景：杰瑞家）
(Kramer enters with a golf club)
（克雷默拿着高尔夫球棒进屋）
KRAMER: Hey.
克雷默：嗨。
JERRY: Hey.
杰瑞：嗨。
KRAMER: I got it! This time, I got it!
克雷默：我办到！这次我办到了！
JERRY: Alright.
杰瑞：好耶。
KRAMER: Hips! See, it's all hips.
克雷默：喝彩声！全是喝彩声！
JERRY: Uh-huh.
杰瑞：嗯。
KRAMER: You gotta come through with the hips first. (Demonstrates)
克雷默：你先得穿过一群欢呼的人群。（表现）
JERRY: That is out there.
杰瑞：好大的场面。
(Kramer notices Jerry's eating cantaloupe, his eyes light up)
（克雷默发现杰瑞吃甜瓜，眼朝上看）
KRAMER: Joe's?
克雷默：乔家水果？
JERRY: No, supermarket.
杰瑞：不，超市。
KRAMER: Well, is it good?
克雷默：好吧，好吃嘛？
JERRY: It's okay.
杰瑞：还行啦。
KRAMER: Let me taste it. (Takes a bite, spits it out) See, that stinks. You can't eat that. You should take it back.
克雷默：让我尝尝。（试了一口，吐了）不是我说什么，这太难吃了。你怎么能吃这个呢。你该还回去。
JERRY: I'm not taking it back.
杰瑞：我才不拿回去呢。
KRAMER: Alright, I'll take it back. I'm going by there.
克雷默：好吧，我拿回去。反正我路过。
JERRY: I don't care about it.
杰瑞：我不在乎。
KRAMER: Jerry, you should care. Cantaloupe like this should be taken out of circulation.
克雷默：杰瑞，你应该在乎的。这种甜瓜就不配活在这个世上。
JERRY: Alright. Take it back.
杰瑞：好吧，拿回去。
(Phone rings, Jerry is reluctant to answer it)
（电话铃响，杰瑞不情愿的去接听）
JERRY: (On his answering machine) Leave a message, I'll call you back.
杰瑞：（答录机）请留言，我会给您回电。
MARLENE: (Leaving a message) Jerry, have you ever taken a bath in the dark? If I'm not talking into the soap right now, call me back.
马尔琳：（留言）杰瑞，你有在黑暗中洗澡吗？我现在全身都是泡泡，给我回电。
KRAMER: Well?
克雷默：啥意思？
JERRY: Marlene
杰瑞：是马尔琳。
KRAMER: (Smiles) Oh. Oh, Marlene.
克雷默：（笑）哦，哦，马尔琳。
JERRY: Yeah, I took her home one night - we kinda started up a little bit in the car.
杰瑞：是的，有一晚我送她回家时我们在车上小亲热了一下。
KRAMER: I thought you were trying to get rid of her?
克雷默：你不是号称要甩掉她的嘛。
JERRY: I was. She's got me, like, hypnotized.
杰瑞：我是啊。她搞定我了，就像催眠一样。
KRAMER: Does George know?
克雷默：乔治知道不？
JERRY: No, he'd go nuts.
杰瑞：不，不然他会疯的。
KRAMER: Yeah, no kidding.
克雷默：好家伙，还用你说。
JERRY: I feel terrible. (Kramer smiles) I mean, I've seen her a couple of times since then, and I know I can't go any further, but.. I've just got this like, psycho-sexual hold over me. I just want her, I can't breathe. It's like a drug.
杰瑞：我感觉很糟。（克雷默笑）我是说，我们就见过几次，我也知道我不能再和她纠缠下去了，但是……我好像被她“心性”吸引了一样。我想要她，我无法呼吸了，就像吸毒。
KRAMER: Woah, psycho-sexual.
克雷默：喔，心性。
JERRY: I don't know how I'm going to tell him.
杰瑞：我不知道怎么跟乔治说。
KRAMER: Man, I don't understand people. I mean, why would George want to deprive you of pleasure? Is it just me?
克雷默：伙计，我不了解你们。不过乔治为什么要剥夺你的快乐呢？我就不会。
JERRY: It's partially you, yeah.
杰瑞：你不会，是吧。
KRAMER: You're his friend. Better that she should sleep with someone else. Some jerk that he doesn't even know.
克雷默：你是他的朋友，总比她和其他男人睡来得好吧。那些乔治都不认识的混蛋们。
JERRY: Well, he can't kill me, right?
杰瑞：也是，他总不能宰了我，是吧？
KRAMER: You're a human being.
克雷默：你也是个凡人。
JERRY: I mean, she called me. I haven't called her. She started it.
杰瑞：我是说，她给我电话，我可没有给她打过，她开始的。
KRAMER: You're flesh and blood.
克雷默：你血气方刚。
JERRY: I'm a nice guy.
杰瑞：我是个不错的小伙子。
(Enter Elaine, she's holding a lamp)
（依莲进，掌灯）
ELAINE: Hi. (Hands Jerry the lamp)
依莲：嗨。（把灯给杰瑞）
JERRY: Oh, my little airplane lamp.
杰瑞：哦，我的小飞机灯。
ELAINE: You know, you have the slowest elevator in the entire city? That's hard to get used to when you're in so many other fast ones.
依莲：你知道不，你们家的电梯是全城最慢的！当你用过那么多快速电梯后很难适应这老家伙。
JERRY: Well, the apartment elevators are always slower than the offices, because you don't have to be home on time.
杰瑞：住宅里的电梯总归要比办公楼的电梯慢一些，因为你回家不需要准时。
ELAINE: Unless you're married to a dictator..
依莲：除非你嫁给一个独裁者……
JERRY: Yeah.. because they would be very demanding people.
杰瑞：是……这种人总是很苛刻的。
ELAINE: Right. Exactly. So I imagine at some point, somebody's going to offer me some cantaloupe.
依莲：是啊。可不是嘛。我想啊，也许某个时刻，某人会给我一点甜瓜尝尝。
KRAMER: Nope. No good.
克雷默：不。没门儿。
JERRY: Well, you know what they say: Luck in love, Unlucky with fruit.
杰瑞：你知道他们怎么说嘛：情场得意，果场失意。
KRAMER: Well, I'm taking this back. (Leaves)
克雷默：好吧，我把这些送回去。（离开）
ELAINE: So, I had what you might call a little encounter this morning.
依莲：那么，早上我又遇到了我跟你们提起过的邂逅。
JERRY: Really? That guy who stopped saying hello?
杰瑞：真的？那个路过不说你好的家伙？
ELAINE: Yep.
依莲：是。
JERRY: You talked to him?
杰瑞：你和他说话啦？
ELAINE: Yep. I spotted him getting his mail. And at first, I was just going to walk on by, but then I thought "no, no, no, no. Do not be afraid of this man."
依莲：是。他取邮件时我拦住他了，本来想路过算了，但后来我想“不，不，不，不要怕这个人”。
JERRY: Right.
杰瑞：没错。
ELAINE: So, I walked up behind him and I tapped him on the shoulder. And I said, "Hi, remember me?" And he furrows his brow as if he's really trying to figure it out. So I said to him, I said, "You little phony. You know exactly who I am."
依莲：那么，我上前一步，拍拍他的肩，说：“嗨，记得我不？”，他的眉毛纠结好像很难想起来。我又跟他说了：“你这个小瘪三，你很清楚我是谁。”
JERRY: "You little phony"?
杰瑞：“你这个小瘪三”？
ELAINE: I did. I most certainly did. And he said, he goes, "Oh, yeah. You're Jeanette's friend. We did meet once." And I said, "Well, how do you go from that to totally ignoring a person when they walk by?"
依莲：没错。我差不多做到了。然后他说，“哦，想起来了，你是杰内特的朋友。我们见过一次。”我说，“是啊，你怎么就变成对我视而不见了呢？”
JERRY: Amazing.
杰瑞：精彩极了。
ELAINE: And he says, he says, "Look, I just didn't want to say hello anymore, alright?" And I said, "Fine. Fine I didn't want to say hello anymore either, but I wanted you to know that I'm aware of it."
依莲：然后他又说了，“唉，我只是不想再说你好了，行吧？”然后我说，“行，行，我也不再说你好了，但是我想让你知道我受伤害了。”
(Elaine tastes some cantaloupe)
（依莲尝尝甜瓜）
JERRY: You are the Queen of Confrontation. You're my new hero. In fact, you've inspired me. I'm gonna call George about something right now.
杰瑞：你可真是对质女王。你是我的新偶像。不瞒你说，你激励我了。我现在要跟乔治说点事情。
ELAINE: This cantaloupe stinks. (Spits it out)
依莲：这甜瓜难吃死了。（吐了）
(Scene ends)

[Setting: Coffee Shop]
（场景：咖啡馆）
GEORGE: I don't care.
乔治：我不在乎。
JERRY: You're kidding.
杰瑞：你开玩笑吧。
GEORGE: No, I don't care.
乔治：不，我真不在乎。
JERRY: You mean that?
杰瑞：你确定？
GEORGE: Absolutely.
乔治：确定一定以及肯定。
JERRY: You don't care?
杰瑞：你不在乎？
GEORGE: No.
乔治：无视。
JERRY: How could you not care?
杰瑞：你怎么能不在乎呢？
GEORGE: I don't know. But I don't. I'm actually almost happy to hear it.
乔治：我不知道。但是我就是不在乎。我甚至很高兴听到这个。
JERRY: I thought you'd be upset.
杰瑞：我以为你会很不爽呢。
GEORGE: I guess I should be but I'm not.
乔治：我也以为会这样，但是我没有。
JERRY: Am I a bad person? Did I do something terrible?
杰瑞：我是不是很坏啊？是不是做了很垃圾的事情？
GEORGE: No, you're a fine person. You're a humanitarian. She's very sexy.
乔治：不，你是个很好的家伙。你是人道主义者。她很性感。
JERRY: That voice. That voice. She's driving me crazy.
杰瑞：那个声音，那个声音，她把我逼疯了。
GEORGE: I know, I know.
乔治：我知道，了解。
JERRY: So I can see her tonight, and you don't care?
杰瑞：那么我今晚能见她啦，你不在乎？
GEORGE: See her tonight. See her tomarrow. Go. Knock yourself out. She's too crazy for me.
乔治：今晚去见她，明天去见她，放手去吧。尽情享受吧。我可吃不消她的疯劲儿。
JERRY: Alright. As long as you're okay. Because I can't stop thinking about her.
杰瑞：好吧，只要你没问题，因为我现在可是没有一刻不想她啊。
GEORGE: I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm wonderful. I never felt better in my whole life.
乔治：我没事，我很好，我好得不得了。前所未有的好。
JERRY: Good. And I'll tell you what.. You don't have to pay me back the thirty-five I gave to the chiropractor for the rest of your bill.
杰瑞：很好。那我跟你说……我帮你付清了按摩理疗的账单，你不用还我35块钱了。
GEORGE: (Angry) You paid that crook?!
乔治：（发疯）你给那个骗子钱了？
JERRY: I had to.
杰瑞：我不得不啊。
GEORGE: He didn't do anything, Jerry. It's a scam! Who told you to do that?
乔治：他什么也没做啊，杰瑞，这是骗局，谁要你这么做的？！
JERRY: It was embarrassing to me.
杰瑞：我觉得不付有点尴尬。
GEORGE: I was trying to make a point.
乔治：我努力去表明我的立场来着。
JERRY: Why don't you make a point with your own doctor? (George gulps) What's wrong?
杰瑞：你为啥不对你自个儿的医生表明立场？有啥问题吗？
GEORGE: (Gasping) I think I swallowed a fly! ..I swallowed a fly! What do I do? What can happen?
乔治：我大概吞下了个苍蝇！我吞下个苍蝇！我该怎么做？！会发生什么事啊？！
(Scene ends)

[Setting: Jerry's car]
（场景：杰瑞车中）
JERRY: ..So, you want to come up for a few minutes?
杰瑞：……你想要上去坐坐吗？
MARLENE: ..I'm sorry, Jerry. I just don't think this is going to work.
马尔琳：……不好意思，杰瑞，我只是觉得这关系大概行不通。
JERRY: Really? I thought..
杰瑞：真的？我认为……
MARLENE: I know, I'm sorry.
马尔琳：我知道，对不起。
JERRY: I guess I just didn't expect it from the way you've been acting.
杰瑞：我猜从你的表现打死我都想不到有这一出。
MARLENE: You sure you want to talk about this? 'Cause I sure don't.
马尔琳：你确信要谈这个？我可不想谈。
JERRY: Of course I want to talk about it.
杰瑞：我当然要谈这个问题。
MARLENE: Well, okay. I guess things changed for me on Tuesday night.
马尔琳：好吧，好。周二那晚改变了我。
JERRY: Tuesday night? What happened Tuesday night?
杰瑞：周二晚上？周二晚发生了什么？
MARLENE: ..I saw your act.
马尔琳：……我看到你的演出了。
JERRY: My act? What does that have to do with anything?
杰瑞：我的演出？这跟这些有啥关系呀？
MARLENE: Well, to be honest, it just didn't make it for me. It's just so much fluff.
马尔琳：好吧，老实说，反正不是我要的样子，太多没有意义的话了。
JERRY: I can't believe this. So what are you saying? You didn't like my act, so that's it?
杰瑞：难以置信。你想说什么？你不喜欢我的演出，那又如何？
MARLENE: I can't be with someone if I don't respect what they do.
马尔琳：如果我不尊重那个人的工作，我肯定不能和那个人在一起。
JERRY: You're a cashier!
杰瑞：你只是个收银员！
MARLENE: Look, Jerry, it's just not my kind of humor.
马尔琳：听着，杰瑞，反正那不是我喜欢的幽默。
JERRY: You can't go by the audience that night. It was late. They were terrible.
杰瑞：你不能根据当晚观众的表现来看啊，那天很晚了，那些观众很没素质。
MARLENE: I heard the material.
马尔琳：我听到你的“料”了。
JERRY: I have other stuff. You should come see me on the weekend.
杰瑞：我还有别的料呢。你应该周末过来听听。
(Scene ends)

[Setting: Night club]
（场景：俱乐部）
JERRY: Women need to like the job of the guy they're with. If they don't like the job, they don't like the guy. Men know this. Which is why we make up the phony bogus names for the jobs that we have. "Well, right now, I'm the regional management supervisor." "I'm in development, research, consulting." Men on the other hand, if they are physically attracted to a woman are not that concerned with her job. Are we? Men don't really care. Men'll just go, "Really? Slaughterhouse? Is that were you work? That sounds interesting. So whatdya got a big cleaver there? You're just lopping their heads off? That sounds great! Listen, why don't you shower up, and we'll get some burgers and catch a movie."
杰瑞：女人得喜欢那个男人的工作才能和他在一起。要是她们不喜欢那工作的话，她们就不会喜欢那男人。男人们都知道这些。所以我们才绞尽脑汁编造出一些假的公司、职位名字。“嗯，现在，我是区域管理督导”，“我在发展部，研发，咨询”。而男人在被一个女人吸引的时候，才不会在乎她的职业呢。可不是嘛？我们一点也不在乎。男人只会说，”真的？在屠宰场？这是你工作的地方？听起来很有意思嘛。你们是不是有很大的屠刀？你们就是把畜生们的脑袋砍了？听起来真棒！听着，要不你冲个凉，我们去吃点汉堡、看个电影啥的？
 

END OF SHOW.

自己庆祝一下，做完第一季了！

1990年6月21日
第一季第五集
股市消息

Plot summary for "Seinfeld" The Stock Tip
Jerry becomes apprehensive when he and George buy stock and the price falls while the person who suggested the stock is in a coma and can't tell them when to sell.

情节概要：
杰瑞和乔治买了股票，股市下跌，内部人士告知股市在震荡中不能告诉他们什么时候能抛售，杰瑞开始担忧。

[Setting: Nightclub]
（场景：俱乐部）
JERRY: Went out to dinner the other night. Check came at the end of the meal, as it always does. Never liked the check at the end of the meal system, because money's a very different thing before and after you eat. Before you eat money has no value. And you don't care about money when you're hungry, you sit down at a restaurant. You're like the ruler of an empire. "More drinks, appetizers, quickly, quickly! It will be the greatest meal of our lives." Then after the meal, you know, you've got the pants open, you've got the napkins destroyed, cigarette butt in the mashed potatoes - then the check comes at that moment. People are always upset, you know. They're mystified by the check. "What is this? How could this be?" They start passing it around the table, "Does this look right to you? We're not hungry now. Why are we buying all this food?!"
杰瑞：一天晚上我出去吃饭。吃完了，账单上来了。我很不喜欢吃完后付这样的程式，因为饭前还是饭后钱的意义很不一样。在你吃之前，钞票一点价值都没有，你饿的时候根本不关心钱的问题，你坐在一个餐馆，就像帝国的统治者一样。“再来点饮料！开胃菜！快点！快点！这将是我生命中一顿伟大的饭。”然后吃完饭了，你知道的，你的裤子撑大了，你摧毁了一些纸巾，你把烟蒂熄灭在土豆泥里——正当此时，账单上来了。人们此时往往很不安，对账单表示很迷惑。“这是什么？怎么会这样？”开始在餐桌上传阅，“这账单对不对啊？我们现在不饿了，我们为什么买这么多吃的啊？！”
[Setting: Coffee Shop]
（场景：咖啡馆）
JERRY: I think Superman probably has a very good sense of humor.
杰瑞：我认为超人有很强的幽默感。
GEORGE: I never heard him say anything really funny.
乔治：我从来没听过他说过什么搞笑的。
JERRY: But it's common sense. He's got super strength, super speed.. I'm sure he's got super humor.
杰瑞：可这是常识啊，你想啊，他有超级的体力，超级的速度……我确信他有超级的幽默感。
GEORGE: You would think that, but either you're born with a sense of humor, or you're not. It's not going to change even if you go from the red sun of Krypton all the way to the yellow sun of the Earth.
乔治：只是你的想法罢了，除非你生来就有幽默感，不然的话，就算你从氪星球一路走到地球来也不见得会培养出幽默感。
JERRY: Why? Why would that one area of his mind not be affected by the yellow sun of Earth?
杰瑞：为什么？为什么他意识中的那部分不会被太阳影响？
GEORGE: I don't know but he ain't funny.
乔治：我不知道但是他不好玩。
(Elaine joins them, they check their watches.)
（依莲过来，对表）
ELAINE: I know, I know. I'm sorry I'm late.
依莲：了解，了解，不好意思我迟了。
JERRY: No problem.
杰瑞：没问题。
ELAINE: I dropped a grape.
依莲：我掉了一颗葡萄。
GEORGE: Pardon?
乔治：什么？
ELAINE: I dropped a grape in the kitchen and it disappeared. I couldn't find it. I was... I was literally on my knees for ten minutes looking for this stupid grape. I have no idea where it went.
依莲：我在厨房掉了一颗葡萄，消失了，我找不到了。我蹲在地上足足有10分钟，找那颗该死的葡萄，我不知道它上哪儿去了。
JERRY: Were you crying? I mean, it's just a grape. You'll find it.
杰瑞：你哭了嘛？我是说，这只是颗葡萄嘛，你会找到的。
ELAINE: No, I'm just getting over an allergy attack. This guy I'm going out with -
依莲：不，我刚刚经受了过敏的袭击，那个和我约会的家伙……
JERRY: Robert.
杰瑞：罗伯特。
ELAINE: Robert. Yes.. thank you. He has two cats and I'm allergic to them. You know, I finally meet a normal man, and I can't even go into his apartment, you know. And, of course, my apartment is the actor's studio so we can't go there. It's really causing a lot of problems, you know. He won't even go away fro the weekend because of these cats.
依莲：罗伯特，是的……谢谢。他有两只猫，我对猫过敏。我好不容易找到个正常的男人，可我却进不了他的家门……还有，我的小窝现在是演艺人员之家，所以我们也不能到那儿。这真是个大麻烦，为了这些猫，他在周末都不能外出。
GEORGE: Guys with cats.. I don't know.
乔治：猫猫男……我是搞不懂。
JERRY: I've been thinking about asking this girl I'm, uh, seeing -
杰瑞：我在打算叫那个女的……
ELAINE: Vanessa.
依莲：凡妮莎。
JERRY: Vanessa, thank you.. I've been thinking about asking her to go away for a couple of days.
杰瑞：凡妮莎，谢谢……我想约她一起出去玩几天。
GEORGE: Oh no. No, no,no,no,no. I'd have to advise against that. What do you know this woman, a month? Let's see, you're going to be with her seventy-two hours. That's a dating decathlon.
乔治：哦，不，不，不。我不是想扫你的兴。你对这个女的了解多少，认识一个月了？让我说啊，你要是和她呆足72小时，就像是一场十项全能比赛一样。
ELAINE: (balancing a spoon on her nose) Hey, why don't you take her to that place in Vermont I was telling you about? You know, that really charming place with the separate faucets for the hot and cold. She'll love it.
依莲：嗨，你不如带她去我说的那个在弗蒙特的去处？你知道嘛，那地方真是迷人极了，水龙头还分热水和冷水呢，她一定会爱死那里的。
GEORGE: (To Elaine) That's exquisite. Listen, uh, if it's not too much trouble, could you pass me that paper over there?
乔治：（对依莲）很别致呀，听着，嗯，行个好，帮我把那张报纸给我。
(Elaine gets the paper, he starts flipping through it.)
（依莲拿来报纸，乔治开始看）
JERRY: You better find that grape before it mutates into another life form. (Elaine laughs) There was once a mutant grape that terrorized an entire town in the Texas panhandle. They brought in the army, nobody could stop it. Apparently it had a pit of steel.
杰瑞：你最好趁那个葡萄还没有进入来世之前找到它。（依莲笑）曾经有过一次，一颗变异的葡萄让整个德州的一个小镇陷入恐慌。他们把它带到军队，没人能制止它，它好像穿了钢盔了。
GEORGE: (To himself) Up again?! This is incredible. I'm.. I'm getting it.
乔治：（对自己）又涨了？真是夸张，我……我要买进。
ELAINE: You're getting what?
依莲：你要干什么？
GEORGE: A stock.
乔治：一支股票。
JERRY: What stock?
杰瑞：什么股票？
GEORGE: Did you ever meet my friend, Simons?
乔治：你见过我朋友嘛，西蒙斯？
JERRY: Maybe.
杰瑞：可能吧。
GOERGE: He knows this guy, Wilkinson. He made a fortune in the stock market. Now he's got some new thing - you know, there's supposed to be a big merger. He wasn't even supposed to say anything. You guys should think about doing this too.
乔治：他认识个家伙，威尔金森。他在股市里赚大发了。他现在有点新消息——将有一场大的兼并。他本来什么都不该提起的。你们也该跟我一起买。
JERRY: How high's it suppose to go?
杰瑞：这股票会涨到多高？
GEORGE: I don't know. But Simons said that if I wanted to get involved, that Wilkinson would tell me the exact right minute to sell. You wanna do it?
乔治：不知道，不过西蒙斯说过要是我想入伙，那个威尔金森会告诉我准确的卖出的时机，你们想做吗？
JERRY: Boy.. I don't know.
杰瑞：哦……我不知道。
ELAINE: I'd do it but I don't have any money.
依莲：我想做啊，不过我没钱。
JERRY: What kind of company is it?
杰瑞：那是个啥公司？
GEORGE: It's Sendrax. They've got some new kind of technique for televising opera.
乔治：叫森拽思。他们在整一种新技术，关于电视歌剧的。
ELAINE: Televising opera?
依莲：电视歌剧？
GEORGE: Some sort of electronic thingy.
乔治：什么电子化的东西吧。
JERRY: Well, how much are you going to invest?
杰瑞：那么，你要投多少钱？
GEORGE: (Unsure) Five thousand.. ten. Ten thousand.. Five thousand.
乔治：（不确定）5000……嗯……10000……5000.
JERRY: Boy..
杰瑞：哦……
GEORGE: C'mon. Wilkinson's got millions invested in this stock. It's gone up three points since I've been watching it.
乔治：威尔金森可是投了几百万下去的，我开始关注时它就已经涨了3个点了。
JERRY: What if I lose it?
杰瑞：要是我失败了咋办？
GEORGE: C'mon, go for twenty-five hundred. We'll do it together. Come on, come on. We're in it together.
乔治：得了吧，为了2500，我们一起做，加油，上吧，兄弟。我们一起。
JERRY: (gives in) All right -- twenty-five hundred.
杰瑞：（接受）好吧，2500.
GEORGE: That's it.
乔治：好嘞！
[Waitress arrives]
（服务生来）
WAITRESS: Yeah, can I take your order?
服务生：请问要点单了不？
GEORGE: (Gesturing to Jerry) Check the raiser.
乔治：（示意杰瑞）问有钱人点单。
JERRY: My bet? All right.. I'll open with a tuna sandwich.
杰瑞：我想要？好吧……先来个金枪鱼三明治。
ELAINE: Tuna?
依莲：金枪鱼？
JERRY: Oh, the dolphin thing?
杰瑞：哦，海豚事件？
ELAINE: They're dying in the nets.
依莲：它们死在网里。
JERRY: Ooohhh.. You know, the whole concept of lunch is based on tuna.
杰瑞：哦……你知道吗，午餐的全部意义就在这金枪鱼上面了。
ELAINE: Jerry, can't you incorporate one unselfish act in your daily routine?
依莲：杰瑞，你能在你全天的事件里面挑出一项不那么自私的来吗？
JERRY: Hey, when I'm driving, I let people in ahead of me all the time. I'm always waving everybody in. "Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead." ..Alright.. alright. I'll have a chicken salad.
杰瑞：嗨，我开车的时候，我让好多人超我车来着。我还向他们挥手呢，走吧、走吧……好吧，好吧，我换鸡肉沙拉好了。
ELAINE: And I'm going to have an English muffin with margarine on the side and a cup of coffee.
依莲：我要一份英式松饼，配黄油，一杯咖啡。
WAITRESS: Okay. (To George) What about you?
服务生：好的，（对乔治）您呢？
GEORGE: I'll have the tuna.
乔治：我要金枪鱼。
(Scene ends.)

[Setting: A Korean Market]
（场景：韩国式集市）
JERRY: I have to say. Those people talking behind us really ruined that movie for me.
杰瑞：我得说那些叽里咕噜的家伙让我都没心情看这电影。
VANESSA: Why didn't you do something?
凡妮莎：那你为什么不制止他们呢？
JERRY: What do you want me to do? I have the guy the half-turn. Then I have him the full-turn with the eye roll! I mean, beyond that, I'm risking a punch in the mouth.. (To a stock boy) Excuse me, do you have these in the puffs?
杰瑞：你指望我能做什么？（不知如何翻译）把那家伙转半圈，然后用眼神杀死他！可能会被扁的……（对游动摊贩）你们有酥饼不？
STOCK BOY: No puffs. Just flakes.
小卖男生：没有酥饼，只有爆米花。
JERRY: Have you thought any more about that trip?
杰瑞：你对我们的旅行计划有什么想法没？
VANESSA: Yeah, I've been thinking about it.
凡妮莎：当然，我可想了很多呢。
JERRY: You know, my friend told me about this great place in Vermont.
杰瑞：我朋友跟我提起过在弗蒙特的一个地方不错。
VANESSA: I don't know. I just worry about trips like this.. It's a lot of pressure.
凡妮莎：我不知道，我只是担心这次旅行会……压力太大。
JERRY: It's great! It speeds up the intimacy level. It's like putting the relationship in a time compressor. Where we would be six months from now we accomplish (snaps) three days.
杰瑞：怎么会，这很棒啊！这会加深我们的亲密程度。就好像把我们的关系放进时间压缩器，3天就能达到6个月的亲密程度了。
VANESSA: Oh, so you want to move our relationship into Phase Two..?
凡妮莎：哦，你是想要我们的关系进入到第二阶段咯？
JERRY: Exactly. I love Phase Two. Extra toothbrushes, increased call frequency, walking around naked.. You know, the presents get a lot better in Phase Two.
杰瑞：当然。我想要第二阶段。（为对方）多备一个牙刷，增加电话次数，一起裸身走路……你知道的，第二阶段的“奖品”要好很多哦。
VANESSA: (Starting to like the idea) Really? Could we go fishing up there?
凡妮莎：（开始喜欢这个点子）真的？我们能在那里钓鱼不？
JERRY: Yeah. We can fish. What? Blues, carp, marlin?
杰瑞：可以，我们去钓鱼，什么鲤鱼啊，枪鱼啊。
VANESSA: They have marlin in Vermont?
凡妮莎：弗蒙特那里有枪鱼？
JERRY: Oh, big fighting marlin.
杰瑞：哦，大只的枪鱼。
(Jerry picks up a paper)

VANESSA: Jerry, the stock is the same as when you checked it earlier. There are no changes after the market closes. The stock is still down.
凡妮莎：杰瑞，股市和你刚才看的时候一样。休市了，就不会有变化了。你那支股票还是下跌的。
JERRY: I know. But this is a different paper. I thought maybe they have, uh, different.. sources.
杰瑞：我知道，不过这是另一张报纸了，我想他们会有不同的消息来源。
(Scene ends)

[Setting: Jerry's apartment. Jerry's looking at a road map; Kramer is looking at the paper]
（场景：杰瑞住所，看着地图；克雷默看报纸）
JERRY: Is that my paper?
杰瑞：那是我的报纸吧？
KRAMER: Bad news, my friend.
克雷默：坏消息，朋友。
JERRY: What? What news?
杰瑞：什么？什么消息？
KRAMER: Sendrax.
克雷默：森拽思。
JERRY: Oh, c'mon! It's down again?!
杰瑞：哦，不是吧！又跌了？！
KRAMER: Two and a half points.
克雷默：2.5个点。
JERRY: Oh, I can't believe it. Let me see that. (Looks at the paper) That's four and a half points in three days! That's almost half my money!
杰瑞：哦，不敢相信。让我看看。3天内一共跌了4.5个点了！一半的钱没了！
KRAMER: Hey, I told ya.
克雷默：嗨，我告诉过你们的。
JERRY: (Sarcastic) Yeah, you told me.
杰瑞：（讽刺的）可不是嘛，你告诉我的。
KRAMER: It's all manipulated with junk bonds. You can't win.
克雷默：在一些垃圾债权的操纵下，你赢不了的。
JERRY: (Holding the phone, calling George) There's one thing I don't understand. Why does it please you? (Into phone) George Costanza, please.
杰瑞：（电话，找乔治）我有一点不明白。你有啥可高兴的？（电话中）找乔治.康斯坦扎。
KRAMER: Hey, I don't care. I'm just telling you to (yelling) get rid of that stock, now!
克雷默：嗨，我不在乎。我必须告诉你（吼）赶紧解套！现在！
JERRY: (Into phone) George, what's going on?!
杰瑞：（对电话）乔治，怎么啦？
KRAMER: Sell it, just say I'm selling!
克雷默：卖了它！就说我要卖了！
JERRY: (Into phone) Well, where is the guy?! Nothing? Almost half my money's gone.. Well, call me right back. (Hangs up) Nobody can reach Wilkinson. He hasn't been home or in his office in the past three days!
杰瑞：（对电话）好吧，那家伙在哪儿？没事？我一半的钱没了……好，待会给我电话。（挂断）没人找得到威尔金森，3天里面他既不在公司也不在家里。
KRAMER: You know, I can't believe you put your money in that Sendrax. And you could've invested in my roll-out tie dispenser.
克雷默：你居然把你的钱投到那个森拽思里面，还有你本来可以投资给我的自动售领带机的。
JERRY: Roll-out tie dispenser? What was that one?
杰瑞：自动领带机？这是什么？
KRAMER: Okay, you're in a restaurant. You've got a very big meeting coming up.
克雷默：嗯，想象一下你在餐馆，接下来你有一场大会要出席。
JERRY: Okay.
杰瑞：嗯。
KRAMER: You just (makes noise) tear it off, and you got a new one right here. Then you're gone.
克雷默：你只要扯下来，就有一条新的领带了。然后你就可以走了。
JERRY: You're gone alright.
杰瑞：真是“好”点子。
KRAMER: (Looking at map) Hey, where.. where are you going? You gonna take a trip? The map.. what..
克雷默：嗨，哪儿……你要去哪儿？你要去旅行？地图……
JERRY: Yeah, I'm going to Vermont with Vanessa for a few days.
杰瑞：是的，我要和凡妮莎一起去弗蒙特几天。
KRAMER: Hey, can I use your place? I got a bunch of friends coming over this weekend.
克雷默：嗨，我能住你那吗？我有些朋友周末要过来耍耍。
JERRY: What friends?
杰瑞：什么朋友？
KRAMER: Well, it's just some people I met at a rock concert.
克雷默：好吧，只是我在摇滚演唱会上认识的一些家伙。
(Phone rings)
（电话响起）
KRAMER: Do you mind if they use your bed? (Jerry give him a look) 'Cause they're really good people, Jerry. I'm telling you. You know, they're anarchists. They're.. they're.. they're.. huge.
克雷默：你介意人家睡你床上吗？（杰瑞瞪他）他们可是好人，杰瑞。你知道吗，他们是无政府主义者。他们……他们……都是巨汉。
(Jerry answers phone)
（杰瑞接电话）
JERRY: George.. what?! You're kidding.. Well, what's wrong?.. So, what are we gonna do?.. Great! Alright, I'll speak to you later. (Hangs up) Wilkinson, the guy who's supposed to tell us when to sell the stock, he's in the hospital.
杰瑞：乔治……什么？你开玩笑吧……好吧，什么情况？那，我们该怎么办？好极了！好吧，待会儿再说。（挂断）威尔金森，那个应该告诉我们何时抛售的家伙，在医院呢。
(Kramer has a pleased reaction on his face)
（克雷默满脸欣喜）
(Scene ends)

[Setting: Dry-Cleaning store; Jerry and George are in line]
（场景：干洗店；杰瑞、乔治在排队）
JERRY: So you don't know what's wrong with him?
杰瑞：你不知道他出什么事了吗？
GEORGE: All Simons was able to find out is that he's in the hospital.
乔治：西蒙斯只是知道威尔金森在医院而已。
JERRY: Okay, fine. Has Simons been in touch with him?
杰瑞：好吧，那西蒙斯和他联系过吗？
GEORGE: Of course he's been in touch with him. He's left two messages. He just hasn't heard back yet, that's all.
乔治：当然他们有联系。他留下两条信息。他还没有回复而已，就这些。
JERRY: Well, this is it. I'm selling.
杰瑞：好，就这样吧，我要卖出了。
GEORGE: Just give it a little more time.
乔治：再给它一次机会吧，等一会。
JERRY: I never should've gotten involved in this. I'm a nervous wreck. I"m not cut out for investing.
杰瑞：真不应该趟这滩浑水。我是个可怜的破产者。我天生不是投资的料。
GEORGE: Alright, alright. That's it. I'm gonna go down there.
乔治：好吧，好吧，就这样。我要去那里。
JERRY: Where?
杰瑞：哪里？
GEORGE: To the hospital.
乔治：医院呀。
JERRY: The hospital?
杰瑞：那间医院？！
GEORGE: I'm going to find out what's going on. Alright?
乔治：我要去找出答案，怎样？
JERRY: Are you nuts? You don't even know they guy.
杰瑞：你疯了不成？你根本不认识那家伙。
GEORGE: So what? I'll start talking to him, you know, casual, and I'll work my way around to it.
乔治：那又怎样？我会跟他说话，你知道嘛，先是随意的，然后迂回达到我的目的。
JERRY: What if he's in an iron lung or something? What are you gonna do? (knocking on glass) "How you feeling, Mr. Wilkinson? (makes hissing sound) By the way, what's happening with Sendrax?"
杰瑞：他要是戴着人工呼吸器之类的情况，你怎么办？（敲着杯子）你感觉怎样啊？威尔金森先生？顺便说一下，森拽思是什么情况啊？
GEORGE: Maybe he's resting.
乔治：也许他在休息呢。
JERRY: Who goes to the hospital to rest?
杰瑞：有谁跑到医院去休息？
GEORGE: What are you, a doctor?
乔治：你叫什么叫啊，你是医生吗？
JERRY: Okay, fine, fine. When are you going down there?
杰瑞：好，好吧，随你。你什么时候去那里？
GEORGE: Today. I'm going today. Just don't do anything until you hear from me.
乔治：今天。我今天就去。在我跟你联系之前，啥都不要做。
JERRY: Alright.
杰瑞：好吧。
(Jerry moves up in line, a woman takes his place. George didn't notice)
（杰瑞上前，一个女人占了他的位置，乔治没发现）
GEORGE: (To woman, thinking she's Jerry) Boy, I have to get to a bathroom.
乔治：（对那个女人，以为是杰瑞）天，我得去嘘嘘了。
(Woman gives him a look)
（女人瞪他）
DRY CLEANER: May I help you?
干洗店员：有啥事呀？
JERRY: Yeah. I picked up this shirt here yesterday. It's completely shrunk. There's absolutely no way I can wear it.
杰瑞：是的，我昨天在这取了件衬衫，缩水很厉害啊。我是不可能穿上了。
DRY CLEANER: When did you bring it in?
干洗店员：你什么时候送来的？
JERRY: What's the difference? Look at it! Do you see the size of this shirt?!
杰瑞：这有什么关系？看看这个！你看见这衣服的尺寸了没？！
DRY CLEANER: You got a receipt?
干洗店员：你有收据吗？
JERRY: I can't find the receipt.
杰瑞：我找不到收据了。
DRY CLEANER: You should get the receipt.
干洗店员：你得拿收据。
JERRY: Look, forget about the receipt, all right? Even if I had the receipt- look at it! It's a hand puppet. What am I gonna do with this?!
杰瑞：少来什么收据不收据的，好吗！就算我有收据，看看这个！这好像掌上玩偶穿的衣服，我该怎么办？！
DRY CLEANER: Yes, but how do I know we did the shirt?
干洗店员：是的，但是怎么判断是我们店洗的呢？
JERRY: What do you think this is a little scam I have? I take this tiny shirt all over the city conning dry cleaners out of money?! In fact, forget the money. I don't even want the money. I just once, I would like to hear a dry cleaner admit that something was their fault. That's what I want. I want an admission of guilt.
杰瑞：你以为我在这儿使诈不成？！我拿着这件微型衬衫跑遍全城的干洗店诓钱对吧？！那这样吧，钱就算了，我压根不想要那钱。我只是想，破天荒头一回，听一个干洗店员承认他们有错。这就是我想要的，我要你的有罪口供。
DRY CLEANER: Maybe you asked for it to be washed?
干洗店员：可能是你要求这样洗的呀？
JERRY: No.. dry-cleaned.
杰瑞：不……我要干洗！
DRY CLEANER: Let me explain to you something. Okay? With certain types of fabrics, different chemicals can react, causing..
干洗店员：我给您解释一下行不？不同的材料，不同的化学材料会产生……
JERRY: (Interrupting) You shrunk it! You know you shrunk it! Just tell me that you shrunk it!
杰瑞：（打断）你们缩小了它！你知道是你们缩小了我的衣服！你就TMD承认了吧！
DRY CLEANER: I shrunk it.
干洗店员：我缩小了它。
(Scene ends.)

[Setting: Night club]
（场景：俱乐部）
JERRY: I think the only reason we go to the dry cleaner is so I can say to the dry cleaner, "Well, it's ruined." And of course, the dry cleaner can respond, "It's not our fault. We're not responsible. We just ruin the clothes. That ends our legal obligation." You see, the whole problem with dry cleaning is that we all believe that this is actually possible. Right? They're cleaning our clothes - but they're not getting anything wet. It's all dry. I know there's gotta be some liquids back there, some fluids that they're using. There's no such thing as dry cleaning. When you get something on your shirt, ever get something on your shirt and try to get it off like that (brushes shirt) - that's dry cleaning. I don't think that's what they're doing back there. They don't have eighty guys going (with imaginary brush) "Come on, hurry up! There's a lot of shirts today."
杰瑞：我认为我们去干洗店的唯一原因无非是，我们可以去和干洗店员说：好吧，我的衣服可算是毁了。还有，当然店员会回答说：这不是我们的问题，我们不承担这个责任。我们就是毁了衣服了怎么样，我们不负法律责任。你看到了吧，干洗的问题就是我们居然都认为这是可能的！对吧？他们能洗干净我们的衣服——而且什么都不会湿。全是“干”的。我就知道总该有点液体遗留的，他们总会用点水吧。根本不存在所谓“干洗”这样的说法。当你衣服有点脏的时候，你想这样除去污渍（捋一下衣服）——这才是干洗。我相信他们可不是这么洗的吧。他们不可能雇80个人在那里这么“洗”——加油啊，赶紧的，今天有好多衣服要“洗”呢！

[Setting: Jerry's apartment]
（场景：杰瑞家，依莲喷嚏）
(Elaine sneezes)

JERRY: Bless you.
杰瑞：保佑你。
ELAINE: Thank you. What evidence is there that cats are so smart, anyway? Huh? What do they do? Because they're clean? I am sorry. My Uncle Pete showers four times a day and he can't count to ten. So don't give me hygiene.
依莲：谢谢。有什么证据证明猫是聪明的？啊？它们都做什么了？因为它们干净？不好意思，我彼得叔每天洗4次澡，可他都数到10都不会呢。所以“讲卫生”不是理由。
JERRY: So what are you gonna do?
杰瑞：那你想怎样？
ELAINE: I don't know. I can't think of any solution, unless of course they should meet with some unfortunate accident. What do you think a hit man would charge to rub out a couple of cats?
依莲：不知道，想不出啥办法，除非它们会突遭飞来横祸。你认为一个杀手处理掉几只猫要多少钱？
JERRY: Well, it couldn't be too expensive. Thirteen, fourteen bucks a cat?
杰瑞：嗯，不会太贵吧，13、4块钱一只猫？
ELAINE: What do you think, Jerry? You wanna make twenty-eight bucks?
依莲：你怎么看，杰瑞？你想赚28块钱不？
JERRY: I'm no cat killer.
杰瑞：我可不是杀猫人。
ELAINE: How about we go over there right now and we shave them?
依莲：我们现在就过去处理掉它们怎么样？
JERRY: I'd really like to go, Elaine. But, George is coming back from the hospital. I gotta wait for him. But otherwise I would definitely go.
杰瑞：我想去的，依莲。但是，乔治要从医院回来，我要等他，不然我肯定去。
ELAINE: He actually wen to the hospital?
依莲：他还真去了医院啊？
JERRY: Yeah.
杰瑞：是啊。
ELAINE: Oh man, he's nuts.
依莲：哦，天，他真是小笨笨。
JERRY: Yeah, he's nuts. You wanta bump off a couple of cats. (Enter Kramer, holding a paper) I know, I know. It's down again.
杰瑞：是啊，他是傻子。你想不想撞上一些猫。（克雷默进，拿着报纸）我知道，我知道，又下跌了是吧？
KRAMER: How much are you down altogether?
克雷默：你一共跌了多少？
JERRY: I don't know.. fifteen hundred dollars.
杰瑞：不知道……1500？
KRAMER: Wow.
克雷默：哇靠！
JERRY: You don't have to say "Wow." I know it's "Wow." And there's that smile again. Well, what is that?
杰瑞：你不需要说“哇靠”吧，我知道这很夸张，又来那种笑容了，啥意思你？
(Intercom buzzes)
（门铃响）
JERRY: It's George. (Presses button to let George in.)
杰瑞：是乔治。
(Elaine goes into the bathroom; kramer picks up some binoculars and looks ou the window)
（依莲进洗手间，克雷默用望远镜看窗外）
KRAMER: Oh, look at this one by the bus stop. Jerry, come here. Take a look at this.
克雷默：哦，看看那个在汽车站的人，杰瑞，过来，就看一眼。
JERRY: I really don't need to look.
杰瑞：我不需要看。
KRAMER: What a body. Yeeaahh.. that's for me.
克雷默：身材不错啊，耶……她归我了。
JERRY: Yeah, and you're just what she's looking for too - a stranger leering through a pair of binoculars ten floors up.
杰瑞：是啊，你也刚好是她想要的人——一个在10楼用望远镜偷窥的陌生人。
KRAMER: I'm gonna go down there and try and talk to her. (leaves)
克雷默：我要下去和她搭讪。
(Enter George; he flops onto the couch)
（乔治进，坐沙发）
JERRY: What? What? Did you go down there? (George nods) Did he tell you what's gonna happen? (George shakes his head "no".) How long were you there?
杰瑞：怎么啦？你去过医院了？（乔治点头）他告诉你啥情况了没？（乔治摇头）你在那里呆了多久？
GEORGE: Fifteen seconds.
乔治：15秒。
JERRY: You told him you knew Simons?
杰瑞：你告诉他你认识西蒙斯了？
GEORGE: Yeah, I mentioned Simons. Next thing I know - I'm in the parking lot. Perhaps they had some sort of a falling out. I'll tell you one thing.. I don't know what he's got. But for a sick guy, he's very strong.
乔治：是，我提到过西蒙斯，接下来就是——我在停车场了。他们大概是吵架了。告诉你吧，我是不知道他得什么病了。但是作为一个病人，他可真够壮的。
(Elaine exits bathroom)
（依莲离开洗手间）
JERRY: Well, that's it. Look, I'm going to Vermont. I don't want to think about this. I'm selling.
杰瑞：好吧，就这样吧。我要去弗蒙特了，不要再去想这事了，我要抛售了。
ELAINE: Didn't work, huh?
依莲：没起作用，是吧？
GEORGE: (Laughs) Not quite.
乔治：（大笑）是没用。
ELAINE: Well, what are you gonna do about the stock?
依莲：好吧，你要怎么处理股票？
GEORGE: I'm keeping it. I'm going down with the ship.
乔治：我要保留，我要与股票共存亡。
(Scene ends.)

[Setting: Country Inn]
（场景：乡村旅馆）
JERRY: So I know this guy. I'm getting all my sneakers at a discount now.
杰瑞：我认识一个家伙。我要把我的跑鞋都打折卖了。
VANESSA: I know. You mentioned it.
凡妮莎：我晓得，你提起过。
JERRY: Oh yeah, right. (To himself) Oh God. Get me out of here. What a mistake. What made me think this would work? And I've still got another day! I've got nothing left to say. Wait.. wait.. got one. (To Vanessa) That's a nice watch. Do you wind it?
杰瑞：哦，好吧。（自言自语）神啊，让我离开这里吧，这真是个错误。居然会相信这样会有效。还有一天要过！我已经没有话好说了。等……等等……有一个了。（对凡妮莎）手表真不错啊，是上发条的吗？
VANESSA: No, it's got a little battery.
凡妮莎：不，用电池的。
JERRY: Well, that's good. (To himself) Well, the drive home should be a delight. I'm speeding the whole way. Let them throw me in jail. I don't care. (To Vanessa) That' the manager? Do you wnat me to see if we can get another room?
杰瑞：哦，不错，很好。（自言自语）好了，回家的路一定很开心。我要马力全开。把我关到牢里好了。我都无所谓。（对凡妮莎）那是经理吗？要不要我去说说看能不能给我们再开一间房？
VANESSA: No, it's okay.
凡妮莎：不用了，这样就行。
JERRY: So, I guess you don't find the separate faucets for the hot and cold - charming?
杰瑞：那么，我想你不觉得单独的冷热水龙头没啥了不起的？
VANESSA: Not especially.
凡妮莎：没啥特别。
JERRY: Well, what do you wnat to do this afternoon?
杰瑞：哦，下午你想干啥？
VANESSA: What can we do? It's raining.
凡妮莎：我们能做什么？下雨呢。
JERRY: We cold play "Sorry!" We cold play "Steal the Old Man's Bundle." (To himself) Maybe I can get an extension cord and hang myself. (To Vanessa) What kind of perfume is that you're wearing?
杰瑞：我们可以玩“对不起”游戏，或者“偷那老头的包袱”的游戏。（自言自语）或者我去拿条绳子，上吊得了。（对凡妮莎）你用啥香水？
VANESSA: Oh, you've never heard of it.
凡妮莎：哦，你肯定没听说过的。
JERRY: No, what? What kind is it?
杰瑞：不会吧，是啥？到底是什么？
VANESSA: I can't tell you.
凡妮莎：不能告诉你。
JERRY: (To himself) Yeah, that's normal. (Out loud, to a man nearby) Excuse me, Sir. Could I have a look at that business section?
杰瑞：（自言自语）是啊，很正常。（大声的对旁边的人）不好意思，先生，我能看看（报纸）商业版吗？
VANESSA: That stock? I thought you got out of that?
凡妮莎：又是那股票？我以为你已经卖出了呢。
JERRY: I did. I'm just curious. It's been almost a week. I want to check it out. (finds stock) Six points. It's up six points!
杰瑞：是啊，我只是好奇，都过去一个礼拜了，我想看看。（查找股票）6点！它涨了6个点了！
VANESSA: I told you not to sell.
凡妮莎：我告诉你别卖的。
JERRY: You did not tell me not to sell.
杰瑞：你没有说要我别卖啊。
VANESSA: I said, the market fluctuates. Remember?
凡妮莎：我说的，市场波动，不记得了？
JERRY: Look, Vanessa, of course the market fluctuates. Everybody knows that. I just got fluctuated out of four thousand dollars!
杰瑞：听着，凡妮莎，市场当然是波动啦。谁TMD不知道。我只是被“波动”走了4000美金！
VANESSA: That's probably why.. (stops herself)
凡妮莎：那可能是因为……（停了）
JERRY: What?
杰瑞：什么？
VANESSA: Forget it.
凡妮莎：算了。
JERRY: No, what? 'That's probably why..'
杰瑞：不，什么？“那可能是……”
VANESSA: That's probably why we're staying here, because you lost money on the stock.
凡妮莎：因为你在股票赔钱了，所以我们才在这里呀。
JERRY: (To himself) So, what am I looking at here? Twenty=nine hours to go. Well, at least I got plenty of time to find out the name of that purfume..
杰瑞：（自言自语）那么，我们在这里干嘛。还有29小时，好吧，至少我有足够的事件找出香水的名字。
(Scene ends.)

[Setting: Coffee shop]
（场景：咖啡馆）
GEORGE: Have something else. C'mon, have a little dessert?
乔治：再点点啥呗。来吧，再要点甜点？
JERRY: I'm good, thanks.
杰瑞：够了，谢谢。
GEORGE: Elaine, get something! It's all taken care of.
乔治：依莲，再要点啥！我买单。
ELAINE: I'm kinda full.
依莲：我差不多饱了。
GEORGE: So don't finish it.
乔治：用不着吃完。
JERRY: (acidly) She's full. (George puts up his hands in an "excuse me" gesture.) So, Big daddy. I'm just curious. How much did you clear on your little trasaction there? All told?
杰瑞：（酸酸的）她饱了。（乔治作出“不好意思”的手势）那么，老大哥，我只是好奇，你到底赚了多少啊？
GEORGE: I don't like to discuss figures.
乔治：我不想讨论具体数字。
JERRY: How much?
杰瑞：多少钱？
GEORGE: I don't know, what? Eight thousand. It's a Hyundai. Get out of here.. I told you not to sell. Simons made money, Wilkinson cleaned up.
乔治：不知道，什么？8000.一辆车车。少来了……我跟你说别卖了，西蒙斯赚钱了，威尔金森扫尾。
JERRY: So, Wilkinson's out of the hospital now?
杰瑞：那么，威尔金森出院了？
GEORGE: No. You'd be surprised. You don't recover that quickly from a nose job.
乔治：不，你会很惊讶的。鼻子破了没那么快恢复。
(Elaine sneezes)
（依莲喷嚏）
JERRY: Is taht still from the cats?
杰瑞：还是因为猫过敏？
ELAINE: No, I just have a cold.
依莲：不，我只是感冒了。
JERRY: So, what ever happened with that?
杰瑞：那么，发生什么了吗？
ELAINE: I gave him an ultimatum. (Shrugs)
依莲：我给他最后通牒了。（耸肩）
GEORGE: He chose the cats?
乔治：他选择猫而不是你？
ELAINE: They're very clean animals.
依莲：它们可是非常干净的小动物。
JERRY: I gotta say, that's pretty sad. Losing out to a cat.
杰瑞：不得不说，真是悲哀啊。输给一只猫。
ELAINE: Almost as bad as losing out to a perfume.
依莲：就跟输给一支香水差不多。
GEORGE: I told you those trips were relationship killers. Too bad you can't get your buddy Superman to fly around the Earth at super speed and reverse time.You'd get all the money back - you could have avoided the whole trip to Vermont.
乔治：我跟你说过旅行是恋情的杀手。真遗憾你不像超人兄弟那样可以飞速的绕地球转或者逆转时空。你就能找回失去的钱了——还能避免弗蒙特之旅。
ELAINE: Superman can go back in time?
依莲：超人能回到过去？
JERRY: We went over that.
杰瑞：你信他的。
GEORGE: Wilkinson's got a bite on a new one.. Petramco Corp. Out of, hu, Springfield. I think. They're about to introduce some sort of robot butcher.
乔治：威尔金森又有新消息了……佩特拉科公司。他们要做一些机器屠夫。
JERRY: A robot butcher?
杰瑞：机器屠夫？
GOERGE: Shhhhh. If you want to get in - there's very little time. (Calling to waitress) Sweetheart.. (Waitress tears of check, George stops her) No, no, no. That' ought to coever it. (He hands her some money, she turns to leave, George stops her) Just a second..  Just a.. let me.. (looks at the check, then take some money out of her hand.) (Urging Jerry and Elaine to eat) Come on, come on, come on..
乔治：嘘……你想入伙吗？时间不多了哦。（叫服务生）亲爱的……（服务生扯下账单，乔治喊她）不，不，应该够了吧。（给她钱，她走了，乔治又喊停她）等一会……就……让我……（看看账单，又从她手里拿走一些钱）（催促杰瑞、依莲赶紧吃）快点……快……
(Scene ends.)

[Setting: Night club]
（场景：俱乐部）
JERRY: I'm not an investor. People always tell me, you should have your money working for you. I've decided I'll do the work. I'm gonna let the money relax. You know what I mean? 'Cause you send your money out there - working for you - a lot of times, it gets fired. You go back there, "What happened? I had my money. It was here, it was working for me." "Yeah, I remember your money. Showing up late. Taking time off. We had to let him go."
杰瑞：我不是什么投资者。人们总是跟我说，你得让钱为你工作。我决定不这么做，我想让我的钱“休息”。懂我的意思不？因为你把你的钱派出去——让它们为你工作——很多次，它会被“辞退”的！你到那里，“发生什么了？我的钱呢，不是在那里的嘛，不是在为我工作嘛”。（回答说）“是啊，我记得你的钱，天天迟到早退的，我们不得不辞退它了。”

1990年6月14日
第一季第四集
男人的分手
Plot summary for "Seinfeld" Male Unbonding
Jerry tries various excuses to avoid meeting with an old friend with whom he no longer shares any interests.
情节概要：
杰瑞用尽各种借口，只为避免与一个已经没有共同语言的老朋友见面。

[Setting: Nightclub]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: Most men like working on things, tools, objects, fixing things. This is what men enjoy doing. Have you ever noticed a guy's out in his driveway working on something with tools, how all the other men in the neighborhood are magnetically drawn to this activity. They just come wandering out of the house like zombies. Men, it's true, men hear a drill, it's like a dog whistle. Just.. you know, they go running up to that living room curtain, "Honey, I think Jim's working on something over there." So they run over to the guy. Now they don't actually help the guy. No, they just want to hang around the area where work is being done. That's what men want to do. We want to watch the guy, we want to talk to him, we want to ask him dumb questions. You know, "What are you using, the Philips head?" You know, we feel involved. That's why when they have construction sites, they have to have those wood panel fences around it, that's just to keep the men out. They cut those little holes for us so we can see what the hell is going on. But if they don't cut those holes - we are climbing those fences. Right over there. "What are you using the steel girders down there? Yeah, that'll hold."
杰瑞：绝大多数男人都喜欢摆弄“东西”——工具啊、物件啊，或修缮什么。这就是男人乐于做的事。你有没有注意到，当一个男人在自家车道上用工具做事的时候，就像有种神奇的魔力般的，邻里的一些男人都会被吸引过来。他们就像僵尸般，从房子里走出到那里。这是千真万确的，男人听到电钻声就像狗听到哨子声一样。就像这样……他们跑到起居室的窗口，对妻子说“亲爱的，好像吉姆在那儿做什么呢。”然后他们就跑出去看那个在“做事”的男人。他们不是真的要去帮忙做些什么，他们只是想在那些事情发生的地方附近晃悠。这就是男人想做的事儿，我们喜欢看着那个男人，和他说话，问一些很蠢的问题。比如：你用的是啥？飞利浦的钻头？这样让我们感觉很融入这个场景。这就是为什么建筑工地的周围都有木栅栏，就是为了防止这些男人进来。他们钻点洞眼，就能窥探里面发生的事情；或者就干脆翻墙进来了。这个钢梁是干啥的？哦，那很坚固的样子。

[Setting: Jerry's apartment building](Jerry and George are waiting for the elevator)
（场景：杰瑞的房间，杰瑞和乔治在等电梯）
GEORGE: I had to say something. I had to say something. Everything was going so well; I had to say something.
乔治：我有话要说。非说不可。什么事情都这么顺利，我必须得说点什么。
JERRY: I don't think you did anything wrong.
杰瑞：我不认为你做错什么了呀。
GEORGE: I told her I liked her. Why? Why did I tell her I like her? I have this sick compulsion to tell women how I feel. I like you I don't tell you.
乔治：我告诉她我喜欢她。为什么？为什么我要对她说我喜欢她！我有种变态的强迫症非得告诉女人们我在想什么不可。我喜欢你，我就不告诉你。
JERRY: We can only thank God for that.
杰瑞：感谢上帝。
(Elevator opens, they get on)
（进电梯）
GEORGE: I'm outta the picture. I am outta the picture. (laughs) It's only a matter of time now.
乔治：我要被清扫了！我要被排除了！（哈哈哈）只是个时间问题了。
JERRY: You're imagining this. Really.
杰瑞：你只是在想象罢了！真的。
GEORGE: Oh no. No, no, no, no.
乔治：不，不，不……
(elevator doors close)

GEORGE(cont.): I'll tell you when it happened. When that floss came flying out of my pocket.
乔治：发生的时候我就会告诉你的。当牙缝拉线从我的皮包里飞出的时候。
JERRY: What floss? When?
杰瑞：什么牙线？什么时候？
GEORGE: We were in the lobby during the intermission of the play. I was buying her one of those containers of orange drink, for five dollars. I reached into my pocket to pay for it, I looked down; there's this piece of green floss hanging from my fingers.
乔治：表演中场休息时我们在大厅，我正在为她买一种灌装橘汁，5块钱。从钱包里掏钱的时候，一看，我手指上挂着一根绿色的牙线！
JERRY: Ah, mint.
杰瑞：嗯，要口香糖吗？
GEORGE: Of course. So, I'm looking at it, I look up, I see she's looking at it. Our eyes lock. It was a horrible moment. I just..
乔治：当然。当我看着它的时候，我往上看，我看见她也在看着那个。我们眼神锁住了，真是个恐怖的时刻。我真是……
(eleveator doors open, they get off)
（出电梯）
JERRY: So let me get this straight: she saw the floss, you panicked and you told her you liked her.
杰瑞：我来给你理一理：她看见了牙线，你恐慌了然后你告诉她你喜欢她。
GEORGE: If I didn't put that floss in my pocket, I'd be crawling around her bedroom right now looking for my glasses.
乔治：要是我不把那牙线放到我的钱包里，我现在早就在她的闺房里鱼水交欢了。
JERRY: And you're sure the floss was the catalyst?
杰瑞：你确定那牙线就是催化剂？
GEORGE: Yes, I am.
乔治：是，我肯定。
JERRY: (looks at a carrying pouch George is wearing) You don't think it might've had anything to do with that?
杰瑞：（看看乔治的肚袋）你不认为这个地方也会影响？
GEORGE: What? You don't like this?
乔治：什么？你不喜欢这个？
JERRY: It looks like your belt is digesting a small animal.
杰瑞：看起来像是你的腰带正在消化一头小动物。
(they go into Jerry's apartment to find Kramer talking on the phone)
（进屋，克雷默在电话中）
KRAMER: Oh, they've got a cure for cancer. See, it's all big business.. Oh hey, Jerry just walked in. Hi, George. (resumes talking on the phone) Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, take my number - 555-8643. Okay, here he is. (hands phone to Jerry.)
克雷默：哦，他们找到了治愈癌症的妙方。看，真是笔大买卖。是的，杰瑞刚进屋。嗨，乔治。（继续电话）是的，是，是的。记下我的电话——5558643，好的，他来了。（把电话给杰瑞）
JERRY: (to Kramer) Who is it?
杰瑞：（问克雷默）是谁？
KRAMER: Take it.
克雷默：接就是了。
JERRY: Who is it?
杰瑞：到底是谁？
KRAMER: It's for you.
克雷默：是打给你的。
JERRY: (into phone) Hello? Oh, hi Joel. (Jerry hits Kramer with a magazine.) .. No. I was out of town. I just got back.. Kramer doesn't know anything.. He's just my next-door neighbor. Uh.. nothing much.. Tuesday? Uh, Tuesday, no. I'm meeting somebody.. Uh, Wednesday? Wednesday's okay.. Alright. Uh, I'm a little busy right now. Can we talk Wednesday morning? .. Okay.. yeah.. right.. thanks.. bye. (hangs up, then addresses Kramer) Why did you put me on the phone with him? I hate just being handed a phone.
杰瑞：（接电话）喂？哦，嗨乔尔。（杰瑞用杂志打克雷默）不，我出城了，刚回来呢。克雷默啥都不知道，只是我的邻居，哦……没什么……周二？哦，周二，不，我要见什么人……哦，周三？周三可以，行，嗯，我现在有点事儿，我们周三早上再说？好的，行，嗯，谢谢，再见。（挂起电话，质问克雷默）你为什么要让我接他的电话？我讨厌这样被架上电话机。
KRAMER: Well, it's your phone. He wanted to talk to you
克雷默：嗯，这是你的电话啊，他想跟你说话。
JERRY: Maybe I didn't want to talk to him.
杰瑞：你就不想想可能我不想跟他说话啊！
KRAMER: Well, why not?
克雷默：哦，为啥？
JERRY: He bothers me. I don't even answer the phone anymore because of him. He's turned me into a screener. Now I gotta go see him on Wednesday.
杰瑞：我烦他。因为他我都不太接任何电话了。他把我变成了一个过滤机，可现在我得在周三见他！
GEORGE: What do you mean Wednesday? I though we had tickets to the Knick game Wednesday. We got seats behind the bench! What happened? We're not going?
乔治：你说周三是什么意思？我记得我们有周三尼克斯队的球票，座位就在板凳席后面！你这算什么？难道我们不去了？！
JERRY: We're going. That's next Wednesday.
杰瑞：当然去。下个周三。
GEORGE: Oh. Who is this guy?
乔治：哦，这个人是谁？
JERRY: His name is Joel Horneck. He lived like three houses down from me when I grew up. He had a Ping Pong table. We were friends. Should I suffer the rest of my life because I like to play Ping Pong? I was ten. I would've been friends with Stalin if he had a Ping Pong table.. he's so self-involved.
杰瑞：他叫乔尔.霍耐克，我小时候他住在离我3栋房子远的地方，他有张乒乓球台，我们是朋友。难道我的余生就该为我喜欢打乒乓而受难吗？要是斯大林有乒乓球台的话我都愿意和他做朋友……乔尔太自私了。
(phone rings, Kramer pulls his phone out of his pocket)
（电话铃响，克雷默从兜里拿出电话）
KRAMER: That's for me. (into phone) Kramerica Industries.. Oh, hi, Mark.. No, no, no. Forget that. I got a better idea. A pizza place where you make your own pie.
克雷默：我的电话。（电话中）克雷默企业……哦，嗨，马克，不，不，没事，我有个更好的点子。一间自助式的披萨餐厅。
JERRY: Can you conduct your business elsewhere?
杰瑞：您就不能到别处去经营您的企业？
KRAMER: (ignoring Jerry) No, no, no. I'm talking about a whole chain of 'em. Yeah. (Kramer leaves Jerry's apartment while still on the phone.)
克雷默：（无视杰瑞）不，不，我说的可是联锁产业，是的！（克雷默离开杰瑞的房间，电话中）
GEORGE: I don't know why you even bother with this ping pong guy, I'll tell you that.
乔治：不是我说你啊，我就不明白你干嘛去搭理那个乒乓男人。
JERRY: I don't bother with him. He's been calling me for seven years. I've never called him once! He's got the attention span of a five-year-old. Sometimes I sit there and I make up things just to see if he's paying attention.
杰瑞：你以为我想啊。他给我打电话都有七年了。我从来没有给他打过一次！他的注意力大概像5岁孩子一样。有时我坐在那里，随便捣腾点什么，只是为了看看他有没有注意到。
GEORGE: I don't understand why you spend time with this guy.
乔治：我不知道你为什么要和这个人在一起。
JERRY: What can I do? Break up with him? Tell him "I Don't think we're right for each other.." He's a guy. At least with a woman, there's a precendent. You know, the relationship goes sour, you end it.
杰瑞：我能怎么办？和他“分手”？告诉他：我认为我们两个不合适。他是个爷们儿！至少和女人的关系是可以依循先例的，你也知道，当一段关系变得不堪了，结束就是了。
GEORGE: No, no, no,no you have to approach this as if he was a woman.
乔治：不，不，你就得像处理和女人的关系一样对待他。
JERRY: Just break up with him?
杰瑞：就是和他分手？
GEORGE: Absolutely. You just tell him the truth.
乔治：没错！你告诉他实话就得了。
(scene ends)

[Setting: Nightclub]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: As a guy I don't know how I can break up with another guy. You know what I mean? I don't know how to say, "Bill, I feel I need to see other men." Do you know what I mean? There's nothing I can do. I have to wait for someone to die. I think that's the only way out of this relationship. It could be a long time. See, the great thing about guys is that we can become friends based on almost nothing. Just two guys will just become friends just because they're two guys. That's almost all we need to have in common. 'Cause sports - sports and women - is really all we talk about. If there was no sports and no women the only thing guys would ever say is "So, what's in the refrigerator?"
杰瑞：作为一个男人，我不知道要怎样去和另一个男人“分手”。你听懂我说的吧？我不知道该怎么说：“老王，我想我想和另外一个男人交往了。”听懂了吧？我对此无能为力。我只能等那个男人死掉。我想那样才算是为这段关系画上终止符了，那可能要等很长时间。男人们可以很容易就成为朋友，不需要任何理由。只是两个男人就可以成为朋友，只是因为他们是男人。“是男人”也许是我们唯一的共同点。因为体育和女人就是我们讨论的所有话题。除掉这些，男人剩下的话也许就类似于：那么，冰箱里都有啥？
[Setting: Coffee Shop] (Jerry and Joel are sitting at a table)
（场景：咖啡馆，杰瑞和乔尔坐着）
JOEL: ..so my shrink wants me to bring my mother in for a session. This guy is a brilliant man. Lenny Bruce used to go to him.. and I think, uh, Geraldo.
乔尔：我的心理咨询师要我把我妈妈带去共同咨询，那家伙很聪明。兰妮.布鲁斯也去过他那里……我认为，嗯，吉拉尔多……
JERRY: You know, I read the Lenny Bruce biography, I thought it was really - interesting.. he would-
杰瑞：听我说，我看过兰妮的传记，我认为那真是很有趣……他能……
JOEL: (interrupting) Hey, hey, hey, hey we're starving here! We've been waiting here for ten minutes already!
乔尔：（打断）嗨嗨嗨，嗨我们都快饿死了！我们已经在这儿等了10分钟了吧！
JERRY: (testing Joel) So, I'm thinking about going to Iran this summer.
杰瑞：（试验一下乔尔）那么，我在想我们这个夏天去伊朗的事情。
JOEL: I have to eat! I mean, I'm hypoglycemic.
乔尔：我要吃东西！我是说，我有低血糖。
JERRY: Anyway, the Hizballah has invited me to perform. You know, it's their annual terrorist luncheon. I'm gonna do it is Farsi.
杰瑞：不管怎样，真主党邀请我去演出。你知道的，在他们的恐怖主义年会上，我将用波斯语表演。
JOEL: Do you think I need a haircut?
乔尔：你认为我该去理个发吗？
(waitress comes to their table)
（服务生过来）
WAITRESS: Are you ready?
服务生：你们要点单了吗？
JERRY: Yeah, I'll have the egg salad on whole wheat.
杰瑞：是的，我要个全麦鸡蛋沙拉。
JOEL: Let me ask you a question. This, uh, this turkey sandwich here, is that real turkey, or is it a turkey roll? I don't want that processed turkey. I hate it.
乔尔：让我来问你，嗯，这个火鸡三明治，是真的火鸡，还是火鸡肉卷？我不想要加工后的火鸡，我讨厌这个。
WAITRESS: I think it's real turkey.
服务生：我想这是真的火鸡。
JOEL: Is there a real bird in the back?
乔尔：你是说那儿真有只“鸟”？
WAITRESS: No, there's not bird but-
服务生：不，那里没有鸟但是……
JOEL: Well, how do you know for sure? Look, why don't you do me a favor. Why don't you go in the back and find out, okay?
乔尔：那么，你怎么知道真的有火鸡？看看，你行行好吧，你为什么不进去查实一下呢，好吗？
(waitress leaves)
（服务生离开）
JOEL: (cont.) Unbelievable..
乔尔：不可思议……
JERRY: How can you talk to someone like that?
杰瑞：你怎么能这样跟人说话？
JOEL: What are you saying? What, you like turkey roll?
乔尔：你在说什么呢！难道你喜欢火鸡肉卷不成？
JERRY: Listen, Joel. There's something I have to tell you.
杰瑞：听着！乔尔，有些事我必须告诉你！
JOEL: Wait, you'll never guess who I ran into.
乔尔：等等，你怎么也想不到我遇见了谁。
JERRY AND JOEL: Howard metro.
杰瑞和乔尔：地铁的霍华德。
JOEL: He asked me if I still saw you. I said, "Sure, I see him all the time. We're great friends." Anyway, Howard says hello.
乔尔：他问我是不是我还和你有来往，我说：当然，我一直见他，我们是很好的朋友。霍华德要我带好。
JERRY: ..listen, Joel.. I don't think we should see each other anymore.
杰瑞：听着，乔尔……我认为我们以后都不要见面了。
JOEL: what?
乔尔：什么？
JERRY: This friendship.. it's not working.
杰瑞：这份友谊……不会有结果的。
JOEL: Not working? What are you talking about?
乔尔：不会有结果？你在胡扯什么呢？
JERRY: We're just not suited to be friends.
杰瑞：我们就是不适合做朋友。
JOEL: How can you say that?
乔尔：你怎么能这么说？！
JERRY: Look, you're a nice guy, it's just that - we don't have anything in common.
杰瑞：听着，你是个很不错的人，这只是……我们没有任何交集。
JOEL: (starting to cry) Wait. Wat did I do? Tell me.. I want to know.
乔尔：（开始哭）等等，我做了什么了？告诉我，我想知道。
JERRY: You didn't do anything. It's not you, it's me. It's.. this is very difficult.
杰瑞：你没有做任何事情。这与你无关，是因为我。这……这很难说。
JOEL: Look, I know I call you too much, right? I mean, I know you're a very busy guy.
乔尔：我知道我给你打太多电话了，是吗？我是说，我知道你很忙。
JERRY: No, it's not that.
杰瑞：不，不是因为这个。
JOEL: (crying) You're one of the few people I can talk to.
乔尔：（哭）你是极少数的几个我能说话的人。
JERRY: Oh, come on. That's not true.
杰瑞：哦，别这样，这不是真的。
JOEL: I always tell everybody about you; tell everybody to go see your show. I mean, I'm your biggest fan!
乔尔：我一直跟大家谈起你，要大家去看你的演出，我是你最铁的粉丝！
JERRY: I know, I know.
杰瑞：我知道，知道。
JOEL: I mean, you're my best friend.
乔尔：要知道你是我最好的朋友。
JERRY: Best friend? I've never been to your apartment.
杰瑞：最好的朋友？我连你家都没去过。
JOEL: I cannot believe that this is happening. I can't believe it.
乔尔：无法相信这一切！我不能接受。
JERRY: Okay, okay. Forget it. It's okay. Id didn't mean it.
杰瑞：好了，好了，算了。好吗？我没那个意思。
JOEL: Didn't mean what?
乔尔：没什么意思？
JERRY: What I said. I've been under a lot of stress.
杰瑞：我说的话。我最近面临太多压力。
JOEL: Oh, you've been under a lot of stress.
乔尔：哦，你面临太多压力。
JERRY: Just, can we just forget the whole thing ever happend? I'm sorry. I din't mean it. I took it out on you. We're still friends. We're still friends. Still friends. Okay? Look, I'll tell you what. I've got Knick tickets this Wednesday. Great seats behind the bench.  You want to come with me? Come on.
杰瑞：只是，就当这一切没发生过好不好？对不起，我不是那个意思。我把气都撒到你身上。我们还是朋友，还是朋友，好吗？听我说，我有周三尼克斯队比赛的球票，座位棒极了！你想和我一起去吗？好了。
JOEL: Tonight?
乔尔：今晚？
JERRY: No, next Wednesday. If it was tonight, I would've said tonight.
杰瑞：不，下周三。要是今晚，我就不会说“周三”了。
JOEL: Do you really want me to go?
乔尔：你真的要我去？
JERRY: (faking) Yes.
杰瑞：（伪装）是的。
JOEL: Okay. yeah, okay. Great! That would be, that'd be great.. so, next Wednesday.
乔尔：好的，好的，棒极了！那真是好极了！那么，下周三……
JERRY: Next Wednesday.
杰瑞：下周三。
JOEL: Where is that waitress?! Hey! ..
乔尔：服务生在哪儿？嗨……
(scene ends)

[Setting: Bank] (Jerry is at the counter, filling out a slip; George is carrying a jug full of pennies.)
（场景：银行，杰瑞在柜台填单子；乔治拿着一个零钱罐）
GEORGE: ..she calls me up at my office, she says, "We have to talk."
乔治：她给我办公室打电话，她说：我们得谈谈。
JERRY: Uh, the four worst words in the English language.
杰瑞：哦，最恐怖的一句话了！
GEORGE: That, or "Who's bra is this?"
乔治：哦是这句话还是“那是谁的胸罩？”
JERRY: That is worse.
杰瑞：那句更糟。
GEORGE: So we order lunch, and we're talking. Finally, she blurts out how it's "not working".
乔治：我们点了午餐，开始聊天。终于，她说出了我们是“不可能的”之类的话。
JERRY: Really.
杰瑞：真的？
GEORGE: So, I'm thinking, as she's saying this, I'm thinking: great, the relationship's over. But the egg salad's on the way. So now I have a decision - do I walk or do I eat?
乔治：然后我就在想啊，就是她在说这些的时候我在想：好极了，这段关系结束了，但是鸡蛋沙拉已经要上菜了，我该走人呢还是该吃东西？
JERRY: Hm? You ate.
杰瑞：嗯，你吃了。
GEORGE: We sat there for twenty minutes, chewing, staring at each other in a defunct relationship.
乔治：我们在那儿坐了20分钟，咀嚼，作为已经结束的感情的当事人，盯着对方看。
JERRY: Someone says, "Get out of my life!" and that doesn't affect your appetite?
杰瑞：有人冲你说：滚出我的生活！居然这都不能影响你的食欲？
GEORGE: Have you ever had their egg salad?
乔治：你没有尝过他们的鸡蛋沙拉吧？
JERRY: It is unbelievable.
杰瑞：真是离奇。
GEORGE: It's unbelievable. You know what else is unbelievable? I picked up the check. She didn't even offer. She ended it. The least she could do is send me off with a sandwich.
乔治：这离奇？还有更诡异的呢！我付了账单。她甚至提都不提一下。她结束的关系，她至少能用一块三明治送我离开吧？！
JERRY: (looking at George's penny jug) How much could you possibly have in there?
杰瑞：（看着乔治的零钱罐）你那罐子里能有多少钱？
GEORGE: It's my money. What should I do? Throw it out the window? I know guy who took his vacation on change.
乔治：这是我的钱。我能干什么？扔出窗外？我认识个家伙用零钱就出去度假了。
JERRY: Yeah? Where'd he go? To and arcade?
杰瑞：什么？他能去哪儿？娱乐厅？
GEORGE: (sarcastic) That's funny. You're a funny guy.
乔治：（讽刺的）很好玩是吧。你这个滑稽的家伙。
JERRY: C'mon, move up.
杰瑞：得了，快走。
(George moves up in the bank line)
（乔治在队列中前行）
CUSTOMER: Oh great, Ewing's hurt.
顾客：哦，真好，尤因受伤了。
GEORGE: Ewing's hurt? How long is he going to be out?
乔治：尤因受伤了？他多久不能上场？
CUSTOMER: A couple of days at the most but..
顾客：最多几天但是……
GEORGE: Geez.
乔治：天……
JERRY: Oh, God.
杰瑞：哦，天啊。
GEORGE: I got scared there for a second. The Knicks without Ewing.
乔治：我都快懵了，没有尤因的尼克斯！
JERRY: Listen, George, little problem with the game.
杰瑞：听着，乔治，关于比赛还有点小问题。
GEORGE: What about it?
乔治：什么问题？
JERRY: The thing is, yesterday, I kind of.. uh..
杰瑞：事情是这样的……昨天，我好像……
GEORGE: What?
乔治：什么？
JERRY: I geve your ticket to Horneck.
杰瑞：我把你的票给了霍耐克。
GEORGE: You what?!
乔治：你什么！？
JERRY: Yeah, I'm sorry. I had to give it to Horneck.
杰瑞：是的，不好意思，我必须把票给他。
GEORGE: No! My ticket?! You gave my ticket to Horneck?
乔治：不！我的票？！你把我的票给了霍耐克？
JERRY: (talking about the line) C'mon, c'mon, go ahead, move up.
杰瑞：（转移话题到排队上）快点快点，往前挪一点啊！
GEORGE: Why did you give him my ticket for?
乔治：你把我的票给他是什么意思？
JERRY: You didn't see him. It was horrible.
杰瑞：你是没看见他那个样子啊，那真是恐怖。
GOERGE: Oh, c'mon, Jerry. I can't believe this.
乔治：哦，得了吧，杰瑞，鬼才信你。
JERRY: I had to do it.
杰瑞：我非得这样做不可。
(George is up to the teller, Jerry goes to another one.)
（乔治到柜台前，杰瑞去另外一个）
GEORGE: Oh, please. (to the teller) Can you change this into bills?
乔治：哦算了吧。（对出纳）能把这些换成纸币吗？
TELLER: I'm sorry, sir. We can't do that.
出纳：对不起，先生，我们做不了。
JERRY: Do you want to go with him? You go. I don't mind.
杰瑞：你想和他一起去吗？你去好了，我不介意的。
GEORGE: I'm not going with him. I don't even know the guy. (to the teller) Look, they did this for me before.
乔治：我才不和他去呢。我根本不认识他。（对出纳）听着，他们以前也按我的要求做过。
TELLER: Look, I can give you these and you can roll them yourself.
出纳：听着，不如我给你这些你自己卷去吧。
GEORGE: You want me to roll six thousand of these?! What, should I quit my job?!
乔治：你让我自己兑换6000块？什么？难道要我辞职不成？
(Scene ends.)

[Setting: Nightclub]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: I do not like the bank. I've heard the expression "Laughing all the way to the bank." I have never seen anyone actually doing it. And those bank lines. I hate it when there's nobody on the line at all, you know that part, you go to the bank, it's empty and you still have to go through the little maze. "Can you get a little piece of cheese for me? I'm almost at the front. I'd like a reward for this please."
杰瑞：我不喜欢银行。我听过这样的形容：一路笑着去银行。可我从来没见过真有人这样做。还有那些银行的长龙，我讨厌根本没有人好好站队。你知道的，当你去银行，那里根本空空如也可你还得像钻迷宫一样走。你能给我一小块奶酪不？我快要到前面了，我想要点奖励。
[Setting: Jerry's apartment] (George is stuffing pennies into rolls.)
（场景：杰瑞家，乔治将小面额钞票卷起来）
GEORGE: ..Thirty-two, thirty-three-
乔治：……32，33……
JERRY: George.
杰瑞：乔治。
GEORGE: (raises his hand) Not now.. (counts to himself).
乔治：（举手）靠……（自己数数）
JERRY: Could you stop the counting?
杰瑞：你就不能停止数数吗？
GEORGE: Nnnnnnnninngaaa! (Dumping out roll) What?!
乔治：不……行！（扔开钱卷）什么事？
JERRY: Can I make it up to you? I'll give you fifty bucks for the jug.
杰瑞：我能做点什么补偿你吗？我给你50块换你的零钱罐。
GEORGE: Oh, yeah, sure. Keep your money.
乔治：哦，是的，当然，不要你的臭钱。
JERRY: Well, then I'm not going to the game either. Okay? I'll give him both tickets.
杰瑞：好吧，那我也不去看比赛了，行吧。我把两张票都给他。
GEORGE: (pantomimes sticking an imaginary knife in his heart, and twists it) Oh geeeee.. Go, go!
乔治：（假装一把小刀刺进胸口，还转上一圈）额滴神……滚，滚！
JERRY: I.. no, I don't want to go.
杰瑞：我……不，我不想去。
GEORGE: He was really crying?
乔治：他真的哭了？
JERRY: I had to give him a tissue. In fact, let me call his machine now and I'll just make up some excuse why I can't go to the game either.
杰瑞：泪流满面。事实上，我只要给他的答录机留言编造点借口说我去不了就行了。
GEORGE: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. As long as you're going to lie to the guy, why don't you tell him that you lost both of the tickets, then we could go?
乔治：等等，等等，与其你这样骗他，还不如骗得彻底点说两张票都丢了，那样我们不就可以去了？
JERRY: George, the man wept.
杰瑞：乔治，那人都哭成那样了。
(Kramer enters.)
（克雷默进屋）
KRAMER: Oh, hey guys. Man, I'm telling you. This pizza idea, is really going to happen.
克雷默：哦，伙计们。我得告诉你们，那个自助式披萨的主意，马上就要实施了。
GEORGE: This is the thing where you go and you have to make your own pizza?
乔治：就是你所谓的那个你吃自己做的披萨的地方？
KRAMER: Yeah, we give you the dough, you smash it, you pound it, you fling it in the air; and then you get to put your sauce and you get to sprinkle your cheese, and they - you slide it into the oven.
克雷默：是啊，我们给你个生面团，你自己拍打、揉捏，然后在空中旋转、飞舞，然后自己加点调味料，撒在披萨上，然后自己放入烤箱。
GOERGE: You know, you have to know how to do that. You can't have people shoving their arms into a six-hundred degree oven.
乔治：你要知道，你也得知道怎么做才行啊。搞不好有人会把自己的手放到600度高温的烤炉里烤了。
KRAMER: It's all supervised.
克雷默：我们有人监控的。
GEORGE: Oh, well.
乔治：好吧。
KRAMER: All of it. You want to invest?
克雷默：全程监控。你想投资不？
GEORGE: My money's all tied up in change right now.
乔治：我的钱现在都是小钞票。
KRAMER: No, I'm tellin' ya, people, they really want to make their own pizza pie.
克雷默：不，我告诉你，人们，他们真的很想自制披萨。
JERRY: I have to say something. With all due respect, I just never.. I can't imagine anyone in any walk of life, under any circumstance, wanting to make their own pizza pie.. but that's me.
杰瑞：有些话我非说不可了，我没别的意思，就是……我觉得吧，任何人在任何情况下都不会想要自己去做披萨自己吃……当然只是我的想法。
KRAMER: That's you.
克雷默：当然只是你的想法。
JERRY: I'm just saying..
杰瑞：我只是说……
KRAMER: Okay, okay. I just wanted to check with you guys.
克雷默：好吧好吧，我只是想跟大家伙儿说一声。
JERRY: Okay.
杰瑞：好吧。
KRAMER: You know, this business is going to be big. I just wanted .. okay. (he exits quickly, then sticks his head back through the door) One day, you'll beg me to make your own pie. (he leaves)
克雷默：你们看着吧，这生意一定会红火。我只是想……算了……（招牌式离开，然后探头进来）会有那么一天，你们会求我让你们自制披萨。（离开）
(Jerry dials up Joel)
（杰瑞给乔尔电话）
JERRY: Hi, Joel. This is Jerry. I hope you get this before you - Oh, Hi. Joel.. oh, you just came in.. listen, I can't amke it to the game tonight. I, uh, have to tutor my nephew - Yeah, he's got an exam tomarrow.. geometry.. you know, trapezoids, rhombus.. Anyway, listen, you take the tickets. They're at the Will-Call window..And I'm really sorry.. Have a good time. We'll talk next week. Okay.. yeah, I don't.. fine.. fine.. bye. (he hangs up).
杰瑞：嗨，乔尔，我是杰瑞啊。我希望你能在走之前听到——哦，嗨，乔尔，听我说，我今晚不能去看比赛了。我，嗯……要辅导我的侄子，是的，他明天要考试了……几何……你知道的，梯形啦，菱形啦。不管怎么说，听着，票都给你吧，在威尔的窗边，我真是抱歉……祝你玩得开心。我们下周再聊。好吗……我不……好了……好了……再见。（挂断电话）
GEORGE: Trapezoid?
乔治：梯形？
JERRY: I know. I'm really running out of excuses with this guy. I need some kind of excuse Rolodex.
杰瑞：我知道，我真是找不出任何借口来应付这个家伙了，我需要点“借口万宝全书”的帮忙。
(Scene ends.)

[Setting: Jerry's apartment, night time]
（场景：杰瑞住所，夜间）
ELAINE: Come on, let's go do something. I don't want to just sit around here.
依莲：来吧，让我们找点啥事儿做，我可不想就这么坐着。
JERRY: Okay.
杰瑞：好吧。
ELAINE: Want to go get something to eat?
依莲：想吃点啥？
JERRY: Where do you want to go?
杰瑞：你想去哪儿？
ELAINE: I don't care, I'm not hungry.
依莲：无所谓，我不饿。
JERRY: We could go to one of those cappuccino places. They let you just sit there.
杰瑞：我们可以去咖啡馆。他们会让我们在那儿待一会儿。
ELAINE: What are we gonna do there? Talk?
依莲：我们去那里干什么？聊天？
JERRY: We'll just sit there.
杰瑞：可以只是坐在那里。
ELAINE: Okay. I'm gonna check my machine first.
依莲：好吧，看看我的答录机先。
(Elaine sees a pad by the phone, and starts reading it.)
（依莲看到电话旁的记事本，开始看）
ELAINE: (cont.) "Picking someone up at the airport." "Jury Duty." "Waiting for cable guy."
依莲：“去机场接人”、“去参加陪审”、“等有线电视维修工”。
JERRY: Okay, just ahnd that over, please.
杰瑞：好吧，让我看看。
ELAINE: Oh, what is this?
依莲：哦，这是什么？
JERRY: It's a list of excuses, it's for that guy, Horneck, who's at the game tonight with my tickets. I have that list now so in case he calls, I just consult it and i don't have to see him. (Elaine laughs.) I need it. (Elaine starts writing on the list.) What are you doing?
杰瑞：这不正是个借口清单嘛，我可以用来对付霍耐克那家伙，就是今晚要拿我的球票去看比赛的人。以后他来电话，我只要从这个清单上找个借口就可以应付他了，不用去见他。（依莲笑）我需要这个。（依莲继续在单子上写）你在干嘛？
ELAINE: I got some for you.
依莲：我再给你加点料。
JERRY: I don't need anymore.
杰瑞：够多了。
ELAINE: No, no, no, no, no, these are good. Listen, listen: "You ran out of underwear, you can't leave the house."
依莲：不，不，不，这些很好的，听听：你内衣用完了，你不能离开房间。
JERRY: (sarcastic) Very funny.
杰瑞：（讽刺的）真好笑啊。
ELAINE: How about: "You've been diagnosed as a multiple personality, you're not even you, you're Dan."
依莲：再听听这个“你被诊断为多重人格障碍，你甚至都不是你自己了，你是丹”。
JERRY: I'm Dan. Can I have my list back, please?
杰瑞：我是丹。麻烦你把我的清单给我吧。
ELAINE: (gives Jerry the list) Here, here. Jerry Seinfeld, I cannot believe you're doing this. This is absolutely infantile.
依莲：（把清单给杰瑞）给你，给你。杰瑞.宋飞，真不敢相信你这么做，这也太幼稚点了。
JERRY: What can I do?
杰瑞：我能怎么办！
ELAINE: Deal with it. Be a man!
依莲：面对他，解决他啊！像个男人好不好！
JERRY: Oh no. That's impossible. I'd rather lie to him for the rest of my life that go through that again. He was crying, tears accompanied by mucus.
杰瑞：哦，不。那不可能。我宁可余生都来骗他也不要再见他一次。他居然在哭，眼泪鼻涕的。
ELAINE: You made a man cry? I've never made a man cry. I even kicked a guy in the groin once and he didn't cry.. I got the cab.
依莲：你把一个男人搞哭了？我都从来没让男人哭过。我踢过一个男人的腹股沟他都没哭……我抢到了出租车。
JERRY: A couple of touch monkeys.
杰瑞：一群捣蛋鬼。
(Elaine laughs, Kramer enters.)
（依莲笑，克雷默进屋）
KRAMER: Oh, hi Elaine, hey. (to Jerry) Hey, you missed a great game tonight, buddy!
克雷默：哦，嗨依莲，嗨，（对杰瑞）嗨，你错过了一场精彩的比赛，朋友！
JERRY: Game?
杰瑞：比赛？
KRAMER: Knock game. Horneck took me. We were sitting two rows behind the bench. We were getting hit by sweat!
克雷默：尼克斯的比赛啊。霍耐克带我去的。我们就坐在板凳席后面两排，甚至都能闻到球员身上的汗味。
JERRY: Wait. How does Horneck know you?
杰瑞：等等，霍耐克怎么认识你的？
KRAMER: Last week. When I, you know, game you the phone. He's really into my pizza place idea!
克雷默：上周，你知道的，就是我在接他打给你的电话的时候，他是真喜欢我那个自制披萨店的想法啊。
JERRY: This is too much.
杰瑞：我要崩溃了！
ELAINE: Wait, what pizza place idea?
依莲：等等，什么披萨店？
JERRY: Oh, no.
杰瑞：哦，求你了……
KRAMER: You make your own pie!
克雷默：你可以制作你自己的披萨。
ELAINE: Oh, that sounds like a great idea. It would be fun.
依莲：哦，听起来蛮不错的嘛，可能会很有意思。
JOEL: (from the hallway.)Kramer..
乔尔：（过道传来）克雷默……
KRAMER: Yeah.
克雷默：在这。
JERRY: Perfect.
杰瑞：这下死翘翘了。
(Horneck enters.)
（霍耐克进来）
JOEL: Hey..
乔尔：嗨……
KRAMER: Okay, who wants meatloaf?
克雷默：谁想要肉卷？
JERRY AND ELAINE: No thanks.
杰瑞和依莲：不了，谢谢。
KRAMER: (to Joel) It's gonna be hot in a minute. (exits)
克雷默：（对乔尔）马上就热好了。（离开）
JOEL: So, I though you were tutoring your nephew?
乔尔：那么，你不是说要辅导你侄子嘛？
JERRY: Oh, we finished early.
杰瑞：哦，我们已经结束了。
JOEL: Uhm, I'll bet. So, are you going to introduce me to your - nephew?
乔尔：哦，是吗。那么，你不打算给我介绍一下你的侄子（侄女）？
JERRY: Elaine Benes, this is Joel Horneck.
杰瑞：依莲.贝尼斯，这是乔尔.霍耐克。
ELAINE: Hi.
依莲：嗨。
JOEL: Whoa, Nelson! This is Elaine? I though you guys split?
乔尔：哦，尼尔森！这是依莲？我以为你们两个分手了呢！
JERRY: We're still friends.
杰瑞：我们还是朋友啊。
JOEL: So, thanks again for those tickets. But next week, I'm going to take you. You about next Tuesday night? (to Elaine) And why don't you come along?
乔尔：哦，再次感谢你的球票。不过下周，我可以带上你哦。下周二如何？（对依莲）你也一块儿来吧！
ELAINE: Oh, no, no. Tuesday's no good becasue we've got choir practice.
依莲：哦，不，不，我周二还有合唱团的排练，不好意思。
JERRY: Right. I forgot about choir.
杰瑞：是的，我忘了合唱团。
ELAINE: We're doing that evening of Eastern European National Anthems.
依莲：我们那晚要排一些东欧国家的国歌。
JERRY: Right. You know, the wall being down and everything.
杰瑞：是的，你知道的，柏林墙倒了……什么什么的。
JOEL: (to Jerry) What about Thursday night? I mean they're playing the Sonics.
乔尔：（对杰瑞）周四晚上呢？我是说对超音速的比赛。
(Jerry shakes his head.)
（杰瑞摇头）
ELAINE: Huh... Thursday is not good because we've got to get to the hospital to see if we qualify as those organ donors.
依莲：哦……周四不行是因为……我们要去医院检查身体，看看我们是不是能成为合格的器官捐赠者。
JOEL: You know, I should really try something like that.
乔尔：是吗，我也想试试去做这个。
JERRY: You really should.
杰瑞：你是该去。
JOEL: Well, let's just take a look here. (looks at his schedule) Forty-one home games. Saturday night we've got the mavericks. If you don't like the Mavericks, next Tuesday - Lakers. I mean, you gotta like Magic, right? Let's see, on the road, on the road, on the road, on the road, back on the fourteenth. They play the Bulls. You can't miss Air Jordan..
乔尔：好吧，我们再看看。（看日程表）41场主场比赛。周六晚对小牛队，你不喜欢的化，下周二湖人队，你总该喜欢魔术师约翰逊吧！再看看，客场，客场，客场，客场，14号回到主场，打公牛！你肯定不想错过飞人乔丹吧！
(Scene ends.)

[Setting: Nightclub]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: You know, I really.. I've come to the conclusion that there are certain friends in you life that they're just always your friends and you have to accept it. You see them, you don't really want to see them. You don't call them. They call you. You don't call back. They call again. The only way to get through talking with people that you don't really have anything in common with is to pretend you're hosting your own little talk show. This is what I do. You pretend there's a little desk around you. The only problem with this is there's no way you can say, "Hey, it's been great having you on the show. Were out of time."
杰瑞：你知道嘛，我真的……我得出结论了：人这一生总有些朋友，他们一辈子都当定你的朋友了，你得接受这个现实。你不想见他们也得见，你不给他们打电话，他们给你打。你不回电，他们继续打。唯一可以避免和这种和你毫无共同语言的人见面、聊天的办法就只有谎称你要做一场小型的脱口秀。这也正是我现在做的。假装周围有一圈小桌子围着你，唯一的问题就是，你永远也不能说：嗨，很高兴你来上我们的节目，我们时间快到了。

注：这集的剧本提供者很有意思，经常会冒出一点自己的想法，所以翻译的时候有时候碰到点雾水。因为看了这么久，第一季的一些细节也许记不清楚了，不好意思。

1990年5月31日
第一季第二集
监视
Plot summary for
"Seinfeld" The Stakeout
Jerry and George stake out the lobby of an office building to find a woman Jerry met at a party but whose name and phone number he didn't get.

情节概要：
杰瑞和乔治在一幢大楼的大堂里监视，想要找到一个杰瑞在派对上认识却不知道对方名字和号码的女人。

Opening monologue
Jerry: So, I'm on line at the supermarket. Two women in front of me. One of them, her total was eight dollars, the other three dollars. They both of course choose to pay by the use of the (pause and stare to audience for response)
杰瑞：我在超市的收银台前排队，我前头有两个女的，一个买了8块钱的东西，一个则是3块钱的。她们都选择用……

（等观众回应）
Audience: Cheque
观众：支票
Jerry: Cheque. Now, the fact is, if it's a woman in front of you that's writing the cheque, you will not be waiting long. I have noticed that women are very *fast* with cheques, y'know, 'cuz they write out so many cheques. The keys, they can never find in their purse, they don't know where that is, but the cheque book they got that. They never fumble for the cheque book-- the cheque book comes out of a holster: ["draws" imaginary book from an imaginary holster] ``Who do I make it out to?... There's my ID...''. There's something about a cheque that, to a man, is not masculine. I don't know exactly what it is... I think to a man, a cheque is like a note from your mother that says ``I don't have any money, but if you'll contact these people, I'm sure they'll stick up for me... If you just trust me this one time I don't have any money but I have these... I wrote on these; is this of any value at all?''
杰瑞：支票付款。不过还好，如果写支票的那个女人够熟练，你不用等太久的。我见识过那些女人写支票速度飞快，因为她们每天要写好多支票。虽然她们经常找不到在皮包中的钥匙，而支票簿，根本不需要去摸索，就好像从枪套中掏出手枪一样熟练。（肢体表演）“这钱是给谁的？……这是我的身份证号……”不过对于一个男人来说，支票包含了一定的阴柔成分。我不确定那些成分究竟是什么……我认为对一个男人来说，一张支票就像一张妈妈的纸条，上书：我没钱，不过如果你联系这些人，我肯定他们会为我挺身而出……相信我就算我没钱我也有这些……我写这些支票……这到底有个P价值啊？

Open at a video store where Jerry and some woman named "Elaine" are apparently looking to rent a movie for the night.
杰瑞和依莲在音像店租碟。
Jerry: What's that one?
杰瑞：那是什么片子？
Elaine: "Cocoon II: The Return". I guess they didn't like it up there...
依莲：茧II：回归。我猜它们不喜欢那里的生活……
Jerry: Maybe they came back for Chinese food. Y'know Maureen Stapleton, if she gets a craving, she's probably screamin' at those aliens, "I gotta have a Lo mein!"
杰瑞：也许它们为了中餐而回来的。如果毛灵.斯塔普顿好这口的话，她说不定会冲着外星人嚷嚷：我非得吃到捞面不可！
Elaine: Okay, what're we doing here? I have seen *everything*.
依莲：好吧，我们在这儿干嘛？我啥片子没见过呀。
Jerry: Oh yeah? I don't believe you've seen... this.
杰瑞：是吗？我就不信你看过这个……

Jerry shows Elaine some movie from the Adult section that's probably called "The Sperminator", or something...
（杰瑞给她看成人区的片子“终精者”）
Elaine: Oh, lovely...
依莲：哦……爽
Jerry: Yeah...
杰瑞：是啊……
Elaine: What do you think their parents think?
依莲：你认为他们的父母会怎么想？
Jerry: "So, uh, what's your son doing now, Dr. Stevens?"
杰瑞：“斯蒂文斯博士，你儿子在做什么呢？”
"Oh, he's a public fornicator. Yes, he's a fine boy..."
“哦，他是个公开的私通家，是的，他是个好孩子……”
Elaine: Y'know what? This would be a really funny gift for Pamela's birthday.
依莲：唉，你别说，帕梅拉要生日了，这一定会真是个有趣的礼物。
Jerry: Pamela? Do I know her?
杰瑞：帕梅拉？我认识她吗？
Elaine: Yeah, you met her when we were going out.
依莲：嗯，你和我交往那会儿见过她。
Jerry: Oh yeah, right...
杰瑞：哦，好吧……
Elaine: You have *no* idea who I'm talking about, do you?
依莲：你对我说的一点印象都没有，对吧？
Jerry: [quickly] No.
杰瑞：没错。
Elaine: Blonde hair remember? Glasses? [pause] Have you *totally* blocked out the entire time we were a couple?
依莲：金发美女？记得不？眼镜妹？想起来没？你是不是把我们是一对儿时的所有记忆都清空了呀？
 Bing!

Jerry: Riverside Drive.
杰瑞：河畔大道。
Elaine: Right! In fact... No, never mind...
依莲：没错！实际上……哦，别提了……
Jerry: Well, what is it?
杰瑞：嗯？怎么啦？
Elaine: Well, a bunch of people are getting together tomorrow night at some bar for her birthday, but... you don't want to go to... that... no.
依莲：一群人明晚要到酒吧去聚聚，为她庆生，但……你不会想去的……不。
Jerry: Wait a second, wait a second. We could work out a little deal here.
杰瑞：你等等，我想我们能做个小交易。
Elaine: What little deal?
依莲：什么交易？
Jerry: I will go to that, if you go with me to a little family wedding I have on Saturday.
杰瑞：我陪你去她的生日派对，不过你得答应周末陪我去一个婚宴。
Elaine: A *wedding*!? Have you *lost* it, man?
依莲：婚礼？你疯了吗？
Jerry: Y'know, my parents are coming in for this...
杰瑞：你知道，我父母也会过来……
Elaine: They're coming in?
依莲：他们要过来？
Jerry: Yeah, tomorrow.
杰瑞：是啊，明天。
Elaine: Hey, did your father ever get that hair weave?
依莲：嘿！你老爸还戴这那个假发？
Jerry: No, no... Still doin' the big *sweep* across.
杰瑞：不，不……长河落日圆了。
Elaine: Why does he do that?
依莲：他干嘛这样？
Jerry: Doesn't think anyone can tell?
杰瑞：鬼才知道。
Jerry: So c'mon, do we have a deal?
杰瑞：好了好了，成交不？
Elaine: A *wedding*?
依莲：婚礼？
Jerry: There's a lot of people to mock...
杰瑞：有很多人可以给你嘲弄哦……
Elaine: Alright, what the Hell.
依莲：好吧，管他娘的。
Jerry: Great!
杰瑞：太好了！

at the bar the next night...
（次日夜，酒吧）
Elaine: C'mon lets go, c'mon...
依莲：来吧，我们走……
Jerry: Was I supposed to bring something?
杰瑞：我是不是该带点啥？
Elaine: You could have.
依莲：你是可以带点啥嘛。
Jerry: I met her *one* time...
杰瑞：我只不过见过她一面罢了……
Elaine: It is not necessary.
依莲：也不是非得带不可。
Jerry: What did you say then?
杰瑞：你刚才还说……
Elaine: Sssshhhhhh!!!
依莲：嘘……
Pamela: Hi
帕梅拉：嗨！
Elaine: Hi Pamela, you remember Jerry.
依莲：嗨，帕梅拉，记得杰瑞嘛？
Pamela: Yes, we met.
帕梅拉：是，我们见过。
Jerry: Hi, happy birthday.
杰瑞：嗨，生日快乐。
Pamela: Ahh, everybody, this is Elaine and Jerry.
帕梅拉：哦，朋友们，这是依莲与杰瑞。
Guests: Hi
宾客：嗨
Jerry: I didn't bring anything.
杰瑞：我啥也没带。
Pamela: Ahh, I put you two right here.
帕梅拉：哦，你们俩就坐这儿吧。
Jerry: Oh, Okay (turns to rest of table) I'm sorry, I didn't know what to bring, nobody told me.
杰瑞：哦，好（对同桌宾客）不好意思，我不知道带啥好，也没人告诉我啊。

They sit down at a table next to each other. The piano man plays your basic "one-step-up-from-elevator-music" (simply 'cuz you're not stuck in an elevator while listening to it). Across from Jerry is a strikingly beautiful woman. She speaks:
他们相邻而坐。钢琴奏起一些通俗音乐的片段。杰瑞对面坐着是个漂亮的女人。

Vanessa: How big a tip do you think it'd take to get him to stop?
凡妮莎：真想拿钱砸死那个弹钢琴的，拜托，别弹了！
Jerry: I'm in for five...
杰瑞：支持你，给你五块……
Vanessa: I'll supply the hat.
凡妮莎：我提供帽子。
Jerry: [To himself] Uh-oh... What do we have here...
杰瑞：（自说自话）哦……真是牛头不对马嘴……
Vanessa: Why don't you relax and take your jacket off?
凡妮莎：你干嘛不放松点呢？把外套脱了。
Jerry: Oh, I can't-- I have a tendency to get chilly.
杰瑞：哦，我不能——我怕着凉。
Vanessa: How masculine...
凡妮莎：你还真是……
Jerry: Plus I'm wearing short sleeves, I don't want to expose my tattoos.
杰瑞：另外，我里面穿着短袖呢，不想露出我的纹身。
[To himself] She's unbelievable!（自说自话）这妞儿真灵……

The guy beside Venus, er, I mean Vanessa interrupts to tell her about this unseen guy next to him.
（凡妮莎身旁的男人打断了他们的谈话，说起他身边那个没见过的男人。）
Roger: [To Vanessa] Hey, this guy says he knows Bricker...
罗杰：（对凡妮莎）嗨，这人说他认识布里克……
Vanessa: Oh, you know Bricker! From where?
凡妮莎：哦，你认识布里克？在哪儿？
With their conversation interrupted, Jerry ponders to himself...
（谈话被打断，杰瑞自己开始猜想……）
Jerry: [To himself] What's going on here? Gotta be her boyfriend, she's too good to be alone... What's the difference, I can't maneuver anyway with Elaine next to me...
杰瑞：（自说自话）这是啥破事儿！一定是她的男朋友，她这么优秀……有什么好多想的，就连依莲这样的货色我都不能驾驭……
Vanessa: [To Jerry] How do you know Pamela?
凡妮莎：（对杰瑞）你是怎么认识帕梅拉的？
Jerry: Friend of a friend. And you?
杰瑞：朋友的朋友，你呢？
Vanessa: We went to law school together.
凡妮莎：我们一起读的法学院。
Elaine: Oh, Jerry!
依莲：哦，杰瑞！
Jerry: [To himself] Oh no, not *now*...
杰瑞：哦，不是吧，不要现在……
Elaine: I had this dream last night and you were in it.
依莲：我昨晚做了个梦，梦里有你哦。
Jerry: Oh really... [To himself] Oh God, I gotta get out of this...
杰瑞：哦真的吗……（自说自话）额滴神，我得喘口气……
Elaine: You were you, but, you weren't you...
依莲：（在梦里）你是你，不过你又不是你……
Jerry: No kidding... [To himself] Why is this happening? Please, make her stop!
杰瑞：不是吧……（自说自话）为什么会发生这个？求你了，打住！
Elaine: I think, I think we were in my house where I grew up, and you were standing there, you were looking out the window--
依莲：我想我是在我的那个屋子里，你站在窗外看我……
Jerry: [To himself] This is *brutal*...
杰瑞：（自说自话）真是要命了……
Elaine: You turned around and you had these wooden teeth...
依莲：你转过来，居然你有一口木头牙齿……
Jerry: How do you like that... [To himself] Can I turn now? Is this over? No, I can't, I can't... I'm stuck...
杰瑞：你对这个怎么看……（自说自话）我能转过去吗？依莲结束了吗？不……不行……我被困住了……
Elaine: Jerry? Are you listening to me?
依莲：杰瑞？你有没有听我讲话？
Jerry: Yes, I *heard* you.
杰瑞：是的，我听着呢。
Pamela: Elaine, what's the name of that jewelry store you took me to that time?
帕梅拉：依莲，你上次带我去的那家珠宝店叫啥名儿来着？
Jerry: [To himself] Thank *you*, Pamela!
杰瑞：（自说自话）谢谢你一家门了，帕梅拉！
Jerry: [To Vanessa] So, you're a lawyer...
杰瑞：（对凡妮莎）那么……你是位律师……
Vanessa: Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
凡妮莎：萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特。
Jerry: [To himself, quickly] Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
杰瑞：（自言自语）萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特。
Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft...
萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特……
[To Vanessa] Of course, they handled my tattoo removal lawsuit!
（对凡妮莎）当然，他们处理了我除去纹身的案子！
Vanessa: Oh, that was you!
凡妮莎：哦，那是你？
Jerry: Imagine, spelling "Mom" with two O's...
杰瑞：无法想像，居然有人把“妈妈”写成了“马嘛”……
Vanessa: Very funny! What do you do?
凡妮莎：真有趣！你是干啥的？
Jerry: Comedian.
杰瑞：喜剧演员。
Vanessa: Really... That explains it...
凡妮莎：哦……难怪你这么风趣……
Jerry: [To himself, quickly] Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
杰瑞：（自言自语）萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特。
Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特。
Roger: Are you ready?
罗杰：你好了嘛？
Vanessa: We gotta run. Happy birthday!
凡妮莎：我们该走了。生日快乐！
The two of them get up an leave. Jerry panics n his own mind...
（他们俩起身离开，杰瑞脑子里在打转。）
Jerry: [To himself] I can't believe it-- I got *nothing*! I don't even know her name!
杰瑞：（自说自话）难以置信……我啥都没探听到！连她的名字都不知道！
Jerry: [To himself, *very* quickly] Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft. Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppen... Sagman... Sag...
杰瑞：（自言自语）萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特……
A grim stare from Elaine knocks his concentration. After the party, in the cab home...
（在杰瑞和依莲回去的出租车上）
Jerry: That wasn't so bad, really...
杰瑞：不算太坏……
Elaine: Y'know, uh, you could use a little work on your manners.
依莲：你能不能改进一下你的举止呀。
Jerry: Why? What did I do? You mean besides not bringing anything?
杰瑞：为什么？我做什么啦？你意思是除了我没准备生日礼物之外？
Elaine: Well, I just don't appreciate these little "courtesy responses", like I'm selling you aluminum siding.
依莲：好吧，我只是看不惯你那些“礼节性的回复”，好像我在兜售铝制建材一样。
Jerry: I was listening!
杰瑞：我有听你说话！
Elaine: No! You couldn't wait to get back to your little... "conversation".
依莲：不！你迫不及待的想要回到你那个小小的“谈话”中。
Okay Jerry. Bottom of the ninth. Two on, down by one. Two strikes on you. Let's see how you do in the clutch...
（好像是编辑剧本的网友说的话：看看杰瑞老兄有多少斤两，九局下半，两人出局，最后一次投球机会，看看你在紧要关头的表现……）
Jerry: No, you were talking about the, the um, the dream you had.
杰瑞：不，你在谈你的梦。
Elaine: Uh-huh...So far, so good.
依莲：哦……还不错。
Jerry: Where you had, uh, wooden teeth.
杰瑞：你……你有木头牙齿。

Elaine: No! No! *You* had wooden teeth! *You* had wooden teeth! *I* didn't have wooden teeth, *you* did!
依莲：不！不！是“你”有木头牙齿！你有！不是我……
Jerry: Alright, so *I* had wooden teeth, so what?
杰瑞：好吧，我有木头牙齿，那又怎样？
Elaine: So nothing... Nothing...
依莲：没什么……没什么……
 Cut to Jerry in a nightclub somewhere, doing another monologue...
（喜剧俱乐部，杰瑞的表演）
Jerry: Apparently Plato, who came up with the concept of the platonic relationship, was pretty excited about it. He named it after himself. He said ``Yeah, I got this new thing-- "platonic". My idea, my name, callin' it after myself... What I do is, I go *out*with the girls, I *talk* with them-- don't *do* anything... and go right home. What'dya think? I think it's going to be *big*!''I bet you there were other guys in history that tried to get relationships named after them, but it didn't work. Y'know, I bet you there were guys who tried to do it, just went: ``Hi, my name's Rico. Would you like to go to bed immediately? Hey, it's a *"Riconic"* relationship...''
杰瑞：柏拉图，就是那个想出“柏拉图式的关系”的家伙，肯定对此很兴奋，所以才用自己的名字命名。他说：我有个新想法——柏拉图式。我的想法，我的名字，用我的名字命名……你们怎么认为？我想这想法会搞大！我敢说历史上一定还有不少家伙都想以自己的名字命名一种关系，但都没成功。比方说，有个家伙想这么做，他会说：嗨！我叫里克”，你想跟我上床嘛？嗨！这可是“里克式”的感情啊……
Jerry gets home after the party. His place is characteristically not vacant, but it's not Kramer inside-- it's his folks.
（杰瑞回家，他的房间里自然不会空荡，但是居然不是克雷默，而是杰瑞的父母）
Jerry: Hey!
杰瑞：嗨！
Morty: Ah, there he is!
莫迪：哦，他终于回来了！
Jerry: This is what I like, see? You come home and your parents are in your bed!
杰瑞：这真是我的最爱，你看？你回到家里，然后你父母在你床上！
Helen: Y'know, Jerry, we don't have to do this...
海伦：杰瑞，你不用说反话……
Jerry: What are you talkin' about? It's fine, I love having you here...
杰瑞：说什么呢！没事儿，很高兴你们能来……
Helen: Tomorrow we'll go to a hotel.
海伦：明天我们就去旅馆。
Jerry: Ma, will you stop?
杰瑞：老妈，打住！
Helen: No, why should we take over your apartment?
海伦：不，我们干嘛要抢你的公寓呢！
Jerry: I don't care-- I'm sleeping next door.
杰瑞：没事，我住隔壁好了。
Helen: Your friend Kramer doesn't mind?
海伦：你朋友克雷默不介意？
Jerry: No, he's making a bouillabaisse.
杰瑞：没事，他在做浓味鱼肉汤。
Jerry: So Dad, lemme ask you a question. How many people work at these big law offices?
杰瑞：老爹，问你个事儿：那些大的律所里一般有多少员工啊？
Morty: Depends on the firm.
莫迪：哦，那得看啥律所啦。
Jerry: Yeah, but if you called up and described someone, do you think they would know who it was?
杰瑞：哦，那么你过去向他们打听个人，你觉得他们会找得出来嘛？
Morty: What's the matter? You need a lawyer?
莫迪：怎么回事？你要个律师？
Jerry: No, I met someone at this party, and I know where she works, but I don't know her name.
杰瑞：不是，我在派对上认识个人，我知道她在哪儿工作，但不知道她的名字。
Morty: So why don't you ask someone who was at the party?
莫迪：那你干嘛不问也在派对上的其他人呢？
Jerry: Nah, the only one I could ask is Elaine, and I can't ask her.
杰瑞：不行，我唯一能问的人是依莲，所以我不能问她。
Helen: Why not?
海伦：为什么不能？
Jerry: Because it's complicated-- there's some tension there.
杰瑞：这很复杂——有点麻烦。
Helen: He used to go with her...
海伦：他们以前是一对儿。
Helen: Which one is she?
海伦：哪个是她？
Morty: From Maryland. The one who brought you the chocolate covered cherries you didn't like.
莫迪：马里兰来的。那个给你不爱吃的樱桃巧克力的。
Morty: Oh yeah, very alert. Warm person.
莫迪：哦是的，很警觉、很热心的人。
Jerry: Oh yeah, she's great.
杰瑞：是，她很不错。
Helen: So, how come nothing materialized there?
海伦：那为什么你们俩没成？
Jerry: Well, it's a tough thing to talk about... I dunno...
杰瑞：这，这个很难说清楚……我不知道……
Helen: I know what it was...
海伦：我知道这是怎么回事……
Jerry: You don't know what it was...
杰瑞：你不知道……
Helen: So, what was it?
海伦：好吧，那到底是怎么回事？
Jerry: Well, we fight a lot for some reason...
杰瑞：好吧，我们经常闹别扭……
Both his parents respond in that "You know so little son, that's to be expected", sarcastic, know-it-all tone...
（两位老人家一副了然于胸的态势，咱啥没见过啊）
H + M: Oh, well...
二老：哦，好吧……
Jerry: And there was a little problem with the physical chemistry...
杰瑞：当然，我们在亲密关系上也有点小问题……
Oops. Cat got your collective tongue, folks? They occupy themselves for a few seconds, not knowing how to respond to *that*...
（吓到你们了吧，老人家？二老呆了一下，不知道该如何回应……）
Helen: Well, I think she's a very attractive girl.
海伦：我认为她是个很迷人的姑娘。
Jerry: Oh, she is, she absolutely is.
杰瑞：哦，她是，她当然是。
Helen: I can see if there was a *weight* problem...
海伦：那是不是有点体重的问题……
Jerry: No, it's not that. It wasn't all one-sided.
杰瑞：不，不是这样的。这也不全是单方面的问题。

Helen: You know, you can't be so particular. Nobody's perfect.
海伦：你知道的，你也不可能那么特殊，人无完人。
Jerry: I know, I know...
杰瑞：我知道，我知道滴……
Morty: Y'know Jerry, it's a good thing I wasn't so particular.
莫迪：杰瑞，好在我不那么特别。
Helen: Idiot... [To Jerry] So who're you looking for, Sophia Loren?
海伦：白痴……（对杰瑞）那你想找啥样的，索菲亚.劳伦？
Jerry: That's got *nothin'* to do with it.
杰瑞：这是哪儿跟哪儿呀！
Morty: How about Loni Anderson?
莫迪：那隆尼.安德森咋样？
Helen: Where do you get Loni Anderson?
海伦：你上哪儿去找隆尼.安德森？
Morty: Why, what's wrong with Loni Anderson?
莫迪：找隆尼.安德森有问题嘛？
Helen: I like *Elaine* more than Loni Anderson...
海伦：比起隆尼.安德森来，我更喜欢依莲。
Jerry: What are you two talking about? Look, Elaine just wasn't "the one".
杰瑞：你们俩在搞什么飞机！听我说，反正依莲不是我要的那一个。
Helen: And this other one's "the one"?
海伦：那这个（派对女）就是你的“那一个”啦？
Jerry: I dunno, maybe...
杰瑞：我不知道，可能……
Morty: So ask Elaine there for the number.
莫迪：那就去问依莲要那女的号码。
Jerry: I can't-- she'll get upset. I never talk about other women with her,especially this one tonight.
杰瑞：我不能——她会不爽的，我从来不跟她谈其他的女人，更不要说今晚这个了。
Helen: How could you still see her if your not interested?
海伦：如果你对她没兴趣的话为什么嗨要见她？！
Jerry: We're *friends*.
杰瑞：我们是朋友啊。
Morty: Doesn't sound like you're friends to me. If you were friends you'd ask her for the number. Do you know where this other one works?
莫迪：听起来你们可不是“朋友”。如果你们是朋友那问个号码有啥难的，你知道这个女人在哪儿上班嘛？
Jerry: Oh yeah...
杰瑞：哦，是的……
Morty: Well, go up to the office.
莫迪：好，那就去她的办公室。
Helen: Up to her office?
海伦：直接去她的办公室？
Morty: Go to the building. She goes out to lunch, doesn't she?
莫迪：去他们的写字楼，她会去吃午餐的，不是吗？
Jerry: I guess...
杰瑞：应该会……
Morty: So, you stand in the lobby, by the elevator, and wait for her to come down for lunch.
莫迪：那你就站在大堂，守在电梯口，等她下来吃饭。
Jerry: You mean "stakeout" the lobby?
杰瑞：你意思是在大堂“监控”？
Helen: Morty, that's ridiculous. Just ask Elaine for the number!
海伦：莫迪，太可笑了！就去找依莲要号码！
Morty: He doesn't want to ask Elaine for the number.
莫迪：他不想去问依莲要号码。
Helen: So you've got him standing by the elevator like a *dope*! What happens when he sees her?
海伦：你就想要他像个蠢驴一样守在电梯口？他见着人家了又能怎么样！
Morty: He pretends he *bumped* into her!
莫迪：他假装只是偶遇！
Jerry: Y'know what? This is *not* that *bad* an idea...
杰瑞：仔细想想，这也不算个很差的主意……
At the building, G+J start to plot their strategy.
（大厦大堂，乔治与杰瑞在商量他们的策略。）
George: What does she look like?
乔治：她长啥样？
Jerry: I dunno. Hard to say.
杰瑞：不知道，很难说。
George: What actress does she remind you of?
乔治：那像哪个影星？
Jerry: Loni Anderson.
杰瑞：隆尼.安德森。
George: Loni Anderson?!
乔治：隆尼.安德森？！
Jerry: What, there's something wrong with Loni Anderson?
杰瑞：怎么啦，隆尼.安德森有啥问题？
Jerry: Hey listen, thanks again for running over here. I appreciate it.
杰瑞：听着，再次感谢你陪我过来，我很感激。
George: Yeah, sure. I was showing a condo on 48th st. Besides, you think I wanna miss this?
乔治：当然。我本来在48大街看一个房子的。不过，你认为我会错过这出？
Jerry: I'm a little nervous.
杰瑞：我有点紧张。
George: Yeah, me too...
乔治：我也是……
Jerry: If I see her, what do I say that I'm doing here in the building?
杰瑞：见到她的时候，我该怎么解释我会在这里？
George: You came to see me; I work in the building.
乔治：你过来见我，我在这里上班。
Jerry: What do you do?
杰瑞：你是干啥的？
George: I'm an *architect*.
乔治：我是个建筑师。
Jerry: You're an *architect*?
杰瑞：你是建筑师？
George: I'm not?
乔治：我不是吗？
Jerry: I don't see architecture comin from you...
杰瑞：看不出啥建筑师的特质……
George: I suppose *you* could be an architect...
乔治：我想你可以做个建筑师……
Jerry: I never said that I was the architect. Just somethin' else...
杰瑞：我从来没说我是个建筑师，只是其他什么……
George: Alright, she's not even gonna ask, if we *see* her, which is remote.
乔治：好吧，她甚至都不会问，我们见到她是很遥远的事情。
Jerry: Well what'dya want me to say, that I just wandered in here?!
杰瑞：你要我说啥涅，我只是在这里晃荡？！
George: We're having lunch with a friend-- he works in the building.
乔治：我们来与朋友聚餐——他在这里工资。
Jerry: What is *his* name?
杰瑞：他的名字是？
George: Bert... Har... bin... son. Bert Har-bin-son.
乔治：伯特……哈宾迅。伯特.哈宾迅。
Jerry: Bert Harbinson? It sounds made up.
杰瑞：伯特.哈宾迅？听起来像是编的。
George: No good? Alright, how about Art... Corr.....
乔治：不好？好吧，那亚特……
Jerry: Art Corr...
杰瑞：亚特.科……
George: ...velay...
乔治：瓦雷……
Jerry: Corvelay?
杰瑞：科弗雷？
George: Yeah, right.
乔治：是的。
Jerry: Well, what does *he* do?
杰瑞：好吧，那“他”是干啥的？
George: He's an importer.
乔治：他是个进口商。
Jerry: Just imports, no exports?
杰瑞：只是“进口”，不做“出口”？
George: He's an importer/exporter, okay?
乔治：他是个进出口商人，行了吧？
George: Say, did Elaine ever call you back?
乔治：话说回来，依莲给你打过电话不？
Jerry: No, I guess she's still mad.
杰瑞：不，我想她还在生气呢。
George: I don't understand, you never talk to her about other women?
乔治：我不知道，你从来不和她说起其他女人？
Jerry: Never.
杰瑞：从不。
 Bing! The elevator opens up and...
（电梯门打开……）
Jerry: Wait a second... That's her... on the right.
杰瑞：等等……那就是她……右边那个。
George: I forgot who I am! Who am I?!
乔治：我忘了我是谁！我是谁？！
Jerry: You're you. We're having lunch with Art Corvelay.
杰瑞：你是你。你要与亚特.科弗雷聚餐。
George: Vandelay!
乔治：范德雷？
Jerry: Corvelay!
杰瑞：科弗雷！
George: Let me be the architect, I can do it!
乔治：让我做“建筑师”吧，我行的！
 Jerry ignores George and approaches Vanessa.
（杰瑞忽略乔治，接近凡妮莎）
Jerry: Hey, hey... Pamela's birthday party, didn't I see you there... Jerry.
杰瑞：嗨……帕梅拉的生日派对，我是不是见过你……杰瑞。
Vanessa: Sure! Hi!
凡妮莎：当然！嗨！
Jerry: This is George. ["Grasps" for her name] I'm sorry...
杰瑞：这是乔治。不好意思……
Vanessa: Vanessa.
凡妮莎：凡妮莎。
George: Nice to meet you.
乔治：见到你很高兴。
Jerry: Ah, Sagman, Bennet, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taft.
杰瑞：哦，萨格曼，本尼特，罗宾斯，奥本海姆还有塔夫特。
Vanessa: That's right! What're you doing here?
凡妮莎：没错！你们在这儿干啥？
Jerry: Oh, were meeting a friend of ours for lunch. He works here in the building.
杰瑞：我们来见以为朋友，一起吃个饭。他在这里上班。
George: Yeah, Art *Vandelay*.
乔治：是，亚特.范德雷。
Vanessa: Really? Which company?
凡妮莎：是吗？哪家公司？
Jerry: I don't know. He's an importer.
杰瑞：不知道，他是个进口商。
Vanessa: Importer?
凡妮莎：进口商？
George: ...And exporter.
乔治：……还有出口商。
Jerry: He's an importer/exporter.
杰瑞：他是个进出口商人。
George: I'm, uh, I'm an architect.
乔治：我，嗯，我是个建筑师。
Vanessa: Really. What do you design?
凡妮莎：真的嘛，你都设计点啥？
George: Uh, railroads, uh...
乔治：嗯，铁路，嗯……
Vanessa: I thought engineers do that.
凡妮莎：我还以为是工程师做这个呢。
George: They can...
乔治：他们……
Jerry: Y'know I'm sorry you had to leave so early the other night.
杰瑞：我想说那晚走得太急不好意思啊。
Vanessa: Oh, me too. My cousin had to go back to Boston.
凡妮莎：哦，我也是，我表兄必须回波士顿。
Jerry: Oh, that guy was your *cousin*!
杰瑞：哦，那个男生是你表兄！
Vanessa: Yeah, and that woman was your--
凡妮莎：是的，那个女生是你……
Jerry: Friend!
杰瑞：朋友！
George: I'll just, uh, get a paper...
乔治：我，嗯，拿张纸……
Jerry: So, um, do you date immature men?
杰瑞：那么，你会和不成熟的男人约会嘛？
Vanessa: Almost exclusively...
凡妮莎：哦，我就好这口……
After yours truly goes through a reality check, we cut to Jerry's apartment where mother and son engage in a friendly game of Scrabble.
（杰瑞和他老妈玩拼字游戏）
Jerry's Mom sings to herself while she apparently tries to make words out of a meaningless string of letters.
（杰瑞老妈在瞎哼哼，编不出词儿来了）
Helen: Bum bum bum bum... I have no letters... Bum bum bum bum...
海伦：哒哒……叭叭……我没词儿啦……叭叭……哒哒……
Jerry: Ma, will you go already?
杰瑞：老妈，行了吧你！
Helen: Bum bum bum bum...
海伦：叭叭……哒哒……
She picks up a nearby dictionary...
（她拿起一本字典……）
Jerry: What are you doing?!
杰瑞：你在干啥！
Helen: Wait, I just want to see something...
海伦：等等，我只是想看看……
Jerry: You can't look in there, we're playing!
杰瑞：你不能往字典里看呀，我们在比赛呢！
 The K-Man cometh...
（克雷默进场）
Morty: Evening, Mr. Kramer!
莫迪：晚上好，克雷默君！
Kramer: Hey Morty! [To Jerry] Salad dressing?
克雷默：嗨莫迪！（对杰瑞）色拉调料？
Jerry: Look.
杰瑞：看看。
Helen: "Quo"? Is that a word?
海伦：斨？这也算个字儿？
Jerry: Maybe!
杰瑞：也许！
Helen: Will you challenge it?
海伦：你确认嘛？
Jerry: Ma, you can't look up words in the dictionary! Dad, she's cheating!
杰瑞：老妈，你不能翻字典！老爸，她在作弊呢！
Kramer: "Quo"? That's not a word.
克雷默：斨？那不是个字儿。
Helen: [To Jerry] You're such a stickler...
海伦：（对杰瑞）你真费劲！
Jerry: Well put *something* down, you're taking twenty minutes on this. So is Uncle Mac, and Artie, they're all coming over here before the wedding?
杰瑞：好吧，你已经花了20分钟在这个字上面了。那么，麦克叔、阿尔第，在婚礼前他们都来这儿？
Helen: They'll be here at two o'clock... Oh, Elaine called. She said she'd be here at 2:30. Oh, and she says ``Hope your meeting went well with Art... "Vandelay"?''
海伦：他们两点到……哦，依莲打过电话来。她说她2点半到，她还说“希望你和亚特.范德雷的见面愉快。”
Jerry: She said *what*?
杰瑞：她说啥？
Helen: Just what I said, here.
海伦：她就是这么说的，你瞧。
 She hands Jerry the note. He reads it.
（她给杰瑞即时贴，他看了看）
Jerry: She knows! Oh, I am *such* a *jackass*...
杰瑞：她知道了！哦，我真是个蠢驴……
Helen: She knows what?
海伦：她知道啥啦？
Jerry: She knows the whole stupid thing... Vanessa and the elevator...
杰瑞：她知道整件荒唐的事儿了……凡妮莎还有电梯……

Helen: No, no, no, that won't do. He may have a "Z"...
海伦：不，不，不，那样不对，应该有个“Z”……
Morty: So, how did she find out?
莫迪：她是怎么知道的？
Jerry: Because, Vanessa probably told Pamela, and Pamela probably told Elaine.
杰瑞：因为，凡妮莎可能告诉帕梅拉了，帕梅拉可能告诉依莲啦。
While, they talk, Kramer has covertly scoped Jerry's tiles to confirm that Jer doesn't have a "Z". This goes unnoticed by Jerry, who continues to talk with his Pop...
（克雷默动了杰瑞的拼字，杰瑞没发现）
Morty: So, what are you? Afraid of her?
莫迪：难道你还怕了她了不成？
Jerry: Yes. *Yes* *I* *am*!
杰瑞：是的。我是怕他！
Jerry: What else did she say on the phone?
杰瑞：她还说了点啥？
Helen: Whatever I wrote down.
海伦：有啥我都记下来了啊。
Jerry: Yeah, but what was the tone in her voice? How did she sound?
杰瑞：是，但是她的语气是怎么样的？听起来如何？
Helen: Who am I, Rich Little?
海伦：你以为我是谁？！顺风耳？
Morty: Well, she can't be too mad-- she's still coming to the wedding.
莫迪：好吧，她不会很生气的——她还是陪你去婚礼的不是嘛。
Jerry: Yeah, but now I'm nervous.
杰瑞：是，但是我很紧张。
Helen: Oh, stop it.
海伦：哦，省省吧。
 She makes her move and tallies the points...
（她继续她的游戏）
Jerry: "Quone"?
杰瑞：“囧”？
Helen: ...30...31...
海伦：……30……31……
Jerry: "Quone"? No, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to challenge that.
杰瑞：“囧”？不，我要挑战这个词儿！
Helen: ...32...
海伦：……32……
Kramer: No, you don't have to challenge that. That's a word. That's a *definite* word.
克雷默：不，你没必要去挑战这个词儿，这是个词儿，是个定义词。
Jerry: I am challenging...
杰瑞：我要挑战……
Kramer: Quone: to quone something.
克雷默：囧：今天你囧了没？
Jerry: Uh-huh...
杰瑞：哦……
Helen: I'm not playing with you anymore...
海伦：我不要再跟你玩了……
Morty: Quone's not a word...
莫迪：囧不是个词儿……
Jerry: No good. Sorry. There it is. Get it off...
杰瑞：好吧。不好意思。就这样吧，闪……
Helen: Why did you make me put that down?
海伦：你为什么要我放下那个？
Kramer: Nah, we need a *medical* dictionary! If a patient gets difficult, you *quone* him...
克雷默：不，我们需要本医学词典，有个病人有问题了，你“囧”他……

End Act II. Open at Jerry's apartment with a few people mingling about, waiting to go to the wedding. Jerry is talking to Carol <I miss the first few seconds here. Sorry>
（杰瑞家很多人，等着去婚礼。杰瑞与卡罗尔交谈；原剧本错过前几秒）
Carol: You want some funny material, you oughta come down to where I work, now that's a sitcom!
卡罗尔：你想要点搞笑的素材不是嘛，你应该来我工作的地方来看看，那就是个情景剧！
Jerry: You must have quite a time down there. [Checks his watch]
杰瑞：看起来你很空的样子。（看看手表）
Carol: We got plenty of time...
卡罗尔：我们的确很闲……
Jerry: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just waiting for someone...
杰瑞：哦，不好意思，我在等人……
Mac: Watch what you say to this guy-- he'll put it in his next act!
麦克：小心你对这个家伙说的话——他会把这些放到下次的演出中的！
Jerry: Yeah, yeah...
杰瑞：是的，是的……
Mac: Jerry, did I tell you that I'm writing a book? An autobiography.
麦克：杰瑞，我跟你说起过我写书的事情不？一本自传。
Jerry: Yeah, Uncle Mac, you mentioned it...
杰瑞：是的，麦克叔，你说起过……
Mac: It's based on all my experiences!
麦克：全都是我的个人经历！
Jerry: That's perfect. [Elaine enters] Could you excuse me one second. I'm sorry.
杰瑞：好极了！（依莲进屋）抱歉我得走开一下，不好意思。
 Jerry goes over and greets Elaine.
（杰瑞过去问候依莲）
Jerry: How do you do, Jerry Seinfeld.
杰瑞：你好，我是杰瑞.宋飞。
Elaine: Oh, how do you do. Elaine Benes.
依莲：哦，你好，我是依莲.贝尼斯。
Jerry: Um, do you want to do this now, or do you want to wait until we get in the car?
杰瑞：你想现在就谈呢，还是等到上车后再谈？
Elaine: Oh no, let's do it now.
依莲：哦，不，现在就谈吧！
Jerry: Alright, the whole elevator business, let me just explain--
杰瑞：好吧，整个电梯事件，让我解释一下——
Elaine: Okay...
依莲：好吧……
Artie: Jerry, were you goin' with us?
阿尔第：杰瑞，你跟我们一起走不？
Jerry: No, I'm gonna take my car.
杰瑞：不，我会开自己的车。
Artie: That's why I brought the wagon. Why the Hell did I bring the wagon?
阿尔第：所以我要开自己的车，我为啥要带自己的车？
Jerry: Anyway, you know why I didn't ask you, I mean I felt so uncomfortable, and you were *so* annoyed in the cab.
杰瑞：不管怎么说，要知道我不告诉你，我是说我觉得不爽还有当时在出租里面你也很烦躁。
Elaine: Well, Jerry, I never saw you flirt with anyone before. It was quite the spectacle.
依莲：好吧，杰瑞，以前从没见你和人调情过，这真是壮观！
Carol: Jerry, we'll see you there. Bye, Elaine.
卡罗尔：杰瑞，待会儿见。再见，依莲。
Elaine: Oh, bye. Good to see you.
依莲：哦，再见，很高兴见到你。
Artie: Oh, we didn't meet.
阿尔第：哦，我们没见过。
Jerry: Oh, I'm sorry. Elaine, this is my cousin Artie Levine.
杰瑞：哦，不好意思，依莲，这是我兄弟阿尔第.列夫。
Artie: Le*vine*.
阿尔第：列文。
He leaves with Carol.
（他和卡罗尔离开）
Jerry: Yeah, "Le*vine*". And I'm Jerry Cougar Mellencamp... Anyway, I admit it was a fairly ridiculous thing to do, but I mean, I mean, obviously we have a little problem here.
杰瑞：是，列文。我还是杰瑞.酷格尔.米伦坎普……嗯，我承认那是件很蠢的事情，但是我的意思是我们有点状况了

，是吧。
Elaine: Yeah, obviously.
依莲：是的，很明显。
Jerry: I mean, if we're gonna be friends, we gotta be able to talk about other people...
杰瑞：我是说，如果我们做朋友的话，我们应该能谈论其他什么人吧……
Elaine: Couldn't agree more.
依莲：双手双脚赞同。
Jerry: Good.
杰瑞：好的。
Elaine: Good.
依莲：好的。
Jerry: Good.
杰瑞：好。
Elaine: Great!
依莲：很好！
Jerry: Great? Where do you get "great"?
杰瑞：很好？“很好”是什么意思？
Elaine: It's great to... talk about... other people...
依莲：很好就是……谈论其他人很好……
Jerry: ...Guys.
杰瑞：……什么人。
Elaine: Yeah.
依莲：是。
Jerry: Uh-huh... Yeah... So, anybody specific?
杰瑞：哦……是……那么，你有啥特别的人了？
Elaine: No. A general guy.
依莲：不，只是个普通的家伙。
Jerry: Oh *really*... Elaine Marie Benes...
杰瑞：哦，真的嘛……依莲.玛丽.贝尼斯……
Elaine: What? No, it's not a big deal.
依莲：什么？不，没啥大不了的。
Jerry: No, that's great! That's terrific!
杰瑞：不，那很好！那棒极了！
Elaine: No, we just met...
依莲：不，我们只是刚认识……
Jerry: Doesn't matter. What's the young man's name? I would like to meet him.
杰瑞：那无关紧要，那位先生叫啥？我很想会会他。
Elaine: I don't think so...
依莲：我不认为……
Jerry: Well, what does he do? Is he an artisan, a craftsman, a labourer of some sort?
杰瑞：那他是干啥的？艺术家、手艺人，还是民工？
Elaine: Wall street.
依莲：华尔街的。
Jerry: Ahh, high finance: bulls... bears... people from Conneticut.
杰瑞：哦，金融界的……熊市……牛市……沪市或深市。
Elaine: And he happens to be pretty good lookin'
依莲：而且，他还很有“姿色”呢。
Jerry: [pause] Alright, sir.
杰瑞：好吧，阁下。
Elaine: And... he's *hilarious*.
依莲：还有……他还超搞笑。
Jerry: Now that's not fair! So where did you meet this guy?
杰瑞：有天理没有！你是怎么认识这家伙的？
Elaine: I "staked" out his health club.
依莲：我去他的健康俱乐部监视他的。

Jerry: When you're on a stakeout, do you find it's better to stand up against the wall, or kinda

crouch down behind a big plant?...
杰瑞：当你在监视的时候，你是觉得紧贴一堵墙站着好呢还是躲在某株巨型植物的后面好呢？
 Closing monologue
（闭幕相声）
Jerry: Y'know I think that even if you've had a relationship with someone, or let's say, *especially* if you've had a relationship with someone and you try to become friends afterwards, it's very difficult. Isn't this? It's hard. Because, you know each other so well, you know all of each others tricks. It's like two magicians, trying to entertain each other. The one goes, "Look, a rabbit."The other goes, "So? ... I believe this is your card." "Look, why don't we just saw each other in half and call it a night? Okay?"
杰瑞：我想当你与某人有段韵事后你还想和他做朋友，这将是相当艰苦的。可不是嘛！很艰难！因为，你们都太了解对方了，你们了解对方所有的小伎俩。这就好似两位魔术师，想要娱乐对方。

一个说“看啊，小兔子”
另一个说：“那又如何……我想这是你刚才那张牌吧”
要按我说呢，我们看对方的时候都“雾里看花”一点，今晚就到这儿吧，如何？

A TRIBUTE TO JERRY SEINFELD向杰瑞.宋飞致敬

写在前面：这是一部拍了9年（10年）的剧集，整个剧集是关于琐事（nothing）的。在看之前你是无法想象这样的戏居然也可以成为经典，看完175集后，我认为这是一部伟大的剧集。鉴于目前国内翻译版本的不尽如人意，我于是打算翻译一下 ，175集不是开玩笑的事情，以我做事的习惯来说，基本上是不可能的，算作挑战自己的一种行为吧——2009年，”宋飞传“20年了。

另：这在老美心中是一部必看的戏，而在国内属于典型的小众剧集，因此版权的问题无所谓，反正这翻译也没什么特别的精彩之处，只是工作量较大罢了。英文版来自于http://www.seinfeldscripts.com

1989年6月5日
第一季第一集
宋飞纪（又名：Good News Bad News好事儿、坏事儿）
Plot summary for
"Seinfeld" The Seinfeld Chronicles

In this episode, the predecessor to "Seinfeld" (1990), Jerry is expecting a woman that he met in

Michigan to come and visit him in New York. Throughout the first part of the show Jerry and George are

discussing the situation. Later we meet "Kessler" who comes in to Jerry's apartment to borrow some

meat and uncharacteristically knocks on the door before entering. Written by Seinfeld Fan

{onlyjoex@earthlink.net}
情节概要：
这集是“宋飞传”的试播（1989年播出，1990年本剧集正式播出），杰瑞正在期待着一位他曾在密歇根认识的女人来

纽约拜访他。剧中，杰瑞和乔治先讨论了这一状况，然后，剧中另一主角“凯斯勒”闯入了杰瑞的居所，并借走了一

些肉，在进门之前，他异常的先敲门了。
注：“凯斯勒”就是后来的“克雷默”，在试播中原名凯斯勒，他是杰瑞的邻居，之后的9年里，他再也没有在进入

杰瑞的房间之前敲门。

The Seinfeld Chronicles

[Scene: Comedy club]
场景：喜剧俱乐部
JERRY: You know, why we're here? [he means: here in the "Comedy club"] To be out, this is out...and

out is one of the single most enjoyable experiences of life. People...did you ever hear people talking

about "We should go out"? This is what they're talking about...this whole thing, we're all out now, no

one is home. Not one person here is home, we're all out! There are people tryin' to find us, they

don't know where we are. [imitates one of these people "tryin' to find us"; pretends his hand is a

phone] "Did you ring?, I can't find him." [imitates other person on phone] "Where did he go?" [the

first person again] "He didn't tell me where he was going". He must have gone out. You wanna go out:

you get ready, you pick out the clothes, right? You take the shower, you get all ready, get the cash,

get your friends, the car, the spot, the reservation...There you're staring around, whatta you do? You

go: "We gotta be getting back". Once you're out, you wanna get back! You wanna go to sleep, you wanna

get up, you wanna go out again tomorrow, right? Where ever you are in life, it's my feeling, you've

gotta go.
杰瑞：你知道为什么我们会在这里（这个俱乐部）？（因为）外出，这就是出来混，这是人生最令人愉悦的经验之一

。人们……你曾经听到过人们谈论“我们应该出去”吗？这就是他们所谈论的……这些全部的话，我们现在就在“外

面”，没人在家。没有一个人在家，我们都在外面！总会有人想找到我们，他们不知道我们在哪儿。（模仿对话）
——“喂，我找不到他。”
——“他会去哪儿呢？”
——“他没有告诉我他要去哪里。”
那他一定是出去了。你想出去：你做好准备，挑好衣服，洗个澡，你全都准备好了，带上现金，叫上朋友，上车、找

个地儿，预约……然后你就四处张望，你该做什么？你说：“我们该回去了。”每当你出门在外的时候，你总想要回

去！你想要睡觉、想要起床，你想要明天再出去，对吧？我的感觉是：无论你在人生的何处，你总是想要走。
 

[Scene: Pete's luncheonette. Jerry and George are sitting at a table.]
场景：彼得的小餐馆（貌似永远都在这家餐馆里），杰瑞和乔治坐在餐桌旁。
JERRY: Seems to me, that button is in the worst possible spot. [talking about George's shirt] The

second button literally makes or brakes the shirt, look at it: it's too high! It's in no-man's-land,

you look like you live with your mother.
杰瑞：在我看来，那粒纽扣处在最糟糕的位置。（谈到乔治的衬衫）第二粒纽扣差不多就决定了一件衬衫的生死，你

看看：这（粒扣子）太高了！好像在无人区一样，你看起来像还和你妈住一起的样子。
GEORGE: Are you through? [kind of irritated]
乔治：（有点恼怒）你说够了没？
JERRY: You do of course try on, when you buy?
杰瑞：你确定买之前有试穿过？
GEORGE: Yes, it was purple, I liked it, I don't actually recall considering the buttons.
乔治：是的！这是紫色的，我喜欢，我不记得试穿的时候考虑过纽扣的问题。
JERRY: Oh, you don't recall?
杰瑞：哦，你不记得了？
GEORGE: [pretends he's talking into a microphone] Uh, no, not at this time.
乔治：（假装对着麦克风说话）哦，不，这次就是不记得了！
JERRY: Well, senator, I just like to know, what you knew and when you knew it. [a waitress approaches

the table]
杰瑞：那好，参议院先生，我只想了解，你知道什么和你何时知道的。（服务生上前至桌边）
WAITRESS: Mister Seinfeld. [she pours coffee in his cup] Mister Costanza. [she wants to pour coffee,

but George stops her]
服务生：宋飞先生。（她给宋飞倒咖啡）康斯坦茨先生。（她想给乔治倒咖啡，被阻止）
GEORGE: Are, are you sure this is decaf? Where's the orange indicator?
乔治：你，你确定这是无咖啡因的？橙色指示器跑哪儿去了？
WAITRESS: It's missing, I have to do it in my head: decaf left, regular right, decaf left, regular

right...it's very challenging work. [ironically]
服务生：哦，它失踪了，我只好用脑子来记了：无咖啡因的在左边，普通的在右边，无咖啡因的在左边，普通的在右

边……（讽刺的）这项工作还真是有挑战性啊！
JERRY: Can you relax, it's a cup of coffee, Claire is a professional waitress.
杰瑞：你就不能放松一下嘛！只不过一倍咖啡而已，克莱尔是位职业的服务生。
WAITRESS: Trust me George: no one has any interest in seeing you on caffeine. [she pours the coffee

and walks away]
服务生：相信我，乔治：没人有兴趣看你摄入咖啡因的样子。（她倒上咖啡，走人）
GEORGE: How come you're not doin' the second show tomorrow?
乔治：你明天为什么不做第二场演出了？
JERRY: Well, there's this uh, woman might be comin' in.
杰瑞：嗯，因为有个女人可能会过来。
GEORGE: Wait a second, wait a second, what coming in, what woman is coming in?
乔治：等等，等等，什么“过来”，什么女人要过来？
JERRY: I told you about Laura, the girl I met in Michigan?
杰瑞：我跟你说起过的，劳拉，那个我在密歇根认识的女孩。
GEORGE: No, you didn't!
乔治：你压根没有说起过！
JERRY: I thought I told you about it, yes, she teaches political science? I met her the night I did

the show in Lansing...[looks in the milk can] There's no milk in here, what...
杰瑞：我以为我曾告诉过你的，她教政治的，我在兰辛演出的晚上见到她的……（看看牛奶罐）没有牛奶了……
GEORGE: Wait wait wait, what is she, [takes the milk can from Jerry and puts it on the table] what is

she like?
乔治：等等，她是个……（把牛奶罐从杰瑞手中拿开，放到桌上）她是个什么人啊？
JERRY: Oh, she's really great. I mean, she's got like a real warmth about her and she's really bright

and really pretty and uh...the conversation though, I mean, it was...talking with her is like talking

with you, but, ya know, obviously much better.
杰瑞：哦，她很不错。我是说，她很热情，她很聪明又漂亮，还有……和她聊天，就像……和你说话一样，当然，你

知道，显然（和她）要更好。
GEORGE: [with a big smile] So, ya know, what, what happened?
乔治：（以为杰瑞是说和自己聊天更好，笑得美美的）那么，有发生什么吗？
JERRY: Oh, nothing happened, ya know, but is was great.
杰瑞：哦，啥都没发生，但还是很美好的。
GEORGE: Oh, nothing happened, but it was...
乔治：哦，什么都没发生，但是……
JERRY: Yeah.
杰瑞：是的。
GEORGE: This is great!
乔治：这真是太棒了！
JERRY: Yeah.
杰瑞：是啊。
GEORGE: So, ya know, she calls and says she wants to go out with you tomorrow night? God bless! Devil

you!
乔治：那么，她联系你说她想明天晚上和你约会？额滴神啊！你这个家伙！
JERRY: Yeah, well...not exactly. I mean, she said, you know, she called this morning and said she had

to come in for a seminar and maybe we'll get together.
杰瑞：是，嗯，不过，她说的是，事实上，她今天早上给我打电话说她不得不过来参加一个研讨会，我们也许能聚一

下。
GEORGE: [whistles disapproving] Ho ho ho, "Had to"? "Had to come in"?
乔治：（不同意）呵呵，“不得不”？“不得不过来”？
JERRY: Yeah, but...
杰瑞：是啊，不过……
GEORGE: "Had to come in" and "maybe we'll get together"? "Had to" and "Maybe"?
乔治：“不得不过来”和“我们也许能聚一下”——不得不，也许？
JERRY: Yeah!
杰瑞：是啊！
GEORGE: No...no...no, I hate to tell you this: you're not gonna see this woman.
乔治：不……不……不，我真不愿意告诉你这个啊：你是见不着这位女士的。
JERRY: [indignant] What, are you serious...why, why did she call?
杰瑞：（愤慨的）什么？你是说真的吗……为什么，那她为什么要打电话给我？
GEORGE: How do I know, maybe, ya know, maybe she wanted to be polite.
乔治：我怎么知道，可能，也许她只是出于礼貌。
JERRY: To be polite? You are insane!
杰瑞：出于礼貌？你疯了你！
GEORGE: All right, all right, I didn't want to tell you this, you wanna know why she called you?
乔治：好吧，好吧，我不想告诉你这些的，你想知道她为什么给你打电话吗？
JERRY: Yes!
杰瑞：是的！
GEORGE: You're a back-up, you're a second-line, a just-in-case, a B-plan of contingency!
乔治：你是备胎，你是二线商品，一个偶然的以防万一的B计划！
JERRY: Oh, I get it, this is about the button.
杰瑞：哦，我知道了，你还在为纽扣跟我过不去呢！
GEORGE: [The waitress(Claire) passes the table; George stops her and writes something on his note-

block] Claire, Claire, you're a woman, right?
乔治：（服务生经过桌子，乔治喊她过来并在她的记事本上写了点什么）克莱尔，克莱尔，你是个女人对吧？
CLAIRE: What gave it away, George?
克莱尔：哦，是什么暴露了我的（女性）身份，乔治？
GEORGE: Uhm...I'd like to ask you...ask you to analyze a hypothetical phone call, ya know, from a

female point of view.
乔治：嗯……我想问你……想请你站在一个女性的立场来分析一个电话。
JERRY: [to George] Oh, come on now, what are you asking her? Now, how is she gonna know?
杰瑞：（对乔治）哦，省省吧，干嘛要问她？现在连她也要知道这事儿啦？
GEORGE: [to Claire] Now, a woman calls me, all right? She says she has to [makes some gestures to

accent "has to"] come to New York on business...
乔治：（对克莱尔）现在，有个女人打电话给我，她说她不得不（肢体语言强调“不得不”）因公来纽约……
JERRY: Oh you are beautiful! [ironically]
杰瑞：（讽刺的）哦，你真好！
GEORGE: and, and maybe [again some gestures] she'll see me when she gets there, does this woman intend

to spend time with me?
乔治：然后，也许（再一次肢体语言）她到纽约时会来见我，请问这个女人是打算要和我一起分享时光吗？
CLAIRE: I'd have to say: uuhh, no. [George shows his note-block to Jerry, it says very largely: NO]
克莱尔：我不得不说：嗯，不。（乔治给杰瑞看记事本，大大的“不”字）
GEORGE: [to Claire] So why did she call?
乔治：（对克莱尔）那她为什么打电话？
CLAIRE: To be polite.
克莱尔：出于礼貌。
GEORGE: To be polite, I rest my case.
乔治：出于礼貌。听见了吧，还用我再说什么吗？
JERRY: Good. Did you have fun? You have no idea, what you're talking about, now, come on, come with me

[stands up], I, I gotta go get my stuff out of the dryer anyway.
杰瑞：很好。你们很开心吧？你们压根连你们在说什么都不知道，现在，跟我走吧（起身），我，我反正要去取我的

衣服。
GEORGE: I'm not gonna watch you do laundry.
乔治：我可不想取看你洗衣服。
JERRY: Oh, come on, be a "come-with-guy".
杰瑞：哦，算了吧，就做一下我的“跟班小弟”吧。
GEORGE: Come on, I'm tired.
乔治：省省吧，我累了。
CLAIRE: [to Jerry] Don't worry, I gave him a little caffeine: he'll perk up.
克莱尔：（对杰瑞）别担心，我给了他一点咖啡因：他会精神抖擞的。
GEORGE: [takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes; panics] Right, I knew I felt something...! [Jerry is

laughing, Claire walks away with a smile]
乔治：（摘下眼镜，揉眼睛，恐慌）好吧，我就知道！我有感觉……！（杰瑞大笑，克莱尔微笑的走开）
 

[Scene: Laundry. Jerry and George are there; George is staring at one of the dryers]
场景：洗衣房。杰瑞和乔治；乔治盯着一台烘干机
GEORGE: Jerry? I have to tell ya somethin':...this is the dullest moment I've ever experienced. [walks

away from the dryer; a man passes George and Jerry]
乔治：杰瑞？我非得跟你说件事不可：这是我经历过的最愚蠢的时刻。（从烘干机前走开，一个人从两人身边经过）
JERRY: Well, look at this guy! Look, he's got everything, he's got: detergents, sprays, fabric

softeners; this is not his first load.
杰瑞：好吧，看看这个人！他拥有一切，他有：清洁剂，喷雾，衣物柔软剂；这不是他的第一箱（衣物）。
GEORGE: I need a brake, Jerry, ya know, I gotta get out of the city, I feel so cramped...
乔治：我晕！杰瑞，你知道吗，我必须离开这座城市，我感觉很压抑……
JERRY: And you didn't even hear how she sounded.
杰瑞：你甚至都没有听过她（电话）的语气。
GEORGE: What?!
乔治：什么？！
JERRY: Laura.
杰瑞：劳拉。
GEORGE: I can't believe: [falls on his knees] WE ALREADY DISCUSSED THIS!
乔治：难以置信：（跪倒下来）我们已经讨论过这个啦！
JERRY: Yeah, but how could you be so sure?
杰瑞：是啊，但你怎么能这么肯定呢？
GEORGE: [gets up] 'Cause it's signals, Jerry [starts snapping his fingers], it's signals! Don't

you....all right. Did she even ask you, what you were doin' tomorrow night, if you were busy?
乔治：（起身）因为这些都是信号，杰瑞（指节喀哒响）都是信号！难道你……好吧，她是不是甚至都问你，你明晚

干啥，你是不是有空？
JERRY: No.
杰瑞：没有。
GEORGE: She calls you today and she doesn't make a plan for tomorrow? What is that? It's Saturday

night!
乔治：她今天给你打电话却没有做明天的计划？这算什么？这可是周末的夜晚啊！
JERRY: Yeah.
杰瑞：是啊。
GEORGE: What is that? It's ridiculous! [Jerry bobs agreeingly] You don't even know, what hotel she's

staying at, you can't call her. That's a signal, Jerry, that's a signal! [snaps his fingers again]

Signal!
乔治：这算什么？这真是可笑！（杰瑞认可状）你甚至都不知道，她打算住哪间酒店，你不能联系她。这些都是信号

，杰瑞，都是信号！
JERRY: Maybe you're right.
杰瑞：可能你是对的。
GEORGE: Maybe I'm right? Of course I'm right.
乔治：可能我是对的？我当然是对的。
JERRY: This is insane. You know, I don't even know where she's staying! She, she's not gonna call me,

this is unbelievable.
杰瑞：这太离谱了，我甚至不知道她住哪儿！她，她不会给我打电话了，难以置信。
GEORGE: [puts an arm around Jerry and whispers] I know, I know. [normal voice] Listen, your stuff has

to be done by know, why don't you just see if it's dried?
乔治：（搂着杰瑞低语）我知道，我知道。（正常声音）听着，你的东西应该已经完事儿了，为什么你不去看看衣服

烘干了没？
JERRY: No no no, don't interrupt the cycle. The machine is working, it, it knows what it's doing, just

let it finish.
杰瑞：不不不，不要打断我。机器在工作呢，它知道它在干什么，让它自己完工吧。
GEORGE: You're gonna "overdry" it.
乔治：你会把衣服烘得太干的。
JERRY: You, you can't "overdry".
杰瑞：不，哪来什么“烘得太干”。
GEORGE: Why not?
乔治：为什么不？
JERRY: Same as you can't "overwet". [George looks puzzled] You see, once something is wet, it's wet.

Same thing with dead: like once you die you're dead, right? Let's say you drop dead and I shoot you:

you're not gonna die again, you're already dead. You can't "overdie", you can't "overdry".
杰瑞：就像你不会“太湿”一样。（乔治迷惑状）就是，当某样东西是湿的，它就是湿的。就像死亡一样：当你死的

时候，你就是死了，对吗？打比方说吧，你倒毙了，我再开枪打你：你不可能再死一次吧，你已经死了。你不可能“

太死”，就像没有“太干了（过于干了）”一样。
GEORGE: [looks at the other persons in the laundry and says to them pointing to Jerry] Any questions?
乔治：（看着洗衣房内的其他人，指着杰瑞，和他们说些什么）还有问题吗？
JERRY: How could she not tell me where she was staying? [George stands by the dryer again and secretly

opens it: the dryer stops working and George closes the lid]
杰瑞：她怎么能不告诉我她住哪里呢？（乔治站在烘干机旁，悄悄打开：机器停转了，乔治盖上盖子）
GEORGE: [points to the dryer] Look at that: they're done! It's a miracle! [Jerry looks surprised]
乔治：（指着烘干机）看看吧：完工了！这真是个奇迹！（杰瑞惊奇状）
 

[Scene: Comedy club]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: "Laundry-day" is the only exciting day in the live of clothes. It is...no, think about it: the

washing machine is the nightclub of clothes. Ya know, it's dark, there's bubbles happening, they're

all kind a dancing around in there...shirt grabs the underwear: "C'mon babe, let's gather". You come

by, you open up the lid and they'll: [shows how clothes are acting when you open the lid]...Socks are

the most amazing article of clothing. They hate their lives, they're in the shoes with stinky feet,

the boring drawers...the dryer is their only chance to escape and they all know it. They knew a escape

from the dryer. They plan it in the hamper, the night before: [sock's voice] "Tomorrow, the dryer, I'm

goin'...you wait here!" The dryer-door swings open and the sock is waiting up against the side wall.

They hope you don't see him and then he goes down the road [shows how the sock is going down the

road]. They got buttons sowed on their faces: join the puppet show...So they're showing me on

television the detergent for getting out blood-stains...Is this a violent image to anybody? Blood-

stains? I mean, I, come on, you got a T-shirt with blood-stains all over it, maybe laundry isn't your

biggest problem right now...Maybe you oughtta get the harpoon out your chest first.
杰瑞：“洗衣日”对衣服来说是唯一激动人心的日子。这是……不，试想一下：洗衣机就像是衣服们的夜店。那里很

暗，那里有泡泡，那里有各样的舞蹈……衬衫抓住了内衣：来吧宝贝儿，和我玩玩儿。你经过，你打开舱盖门它们就

都……（表现出打开洗衣机舱盖时衣服的样子）……袜子是衣物中最奇妙的一样。它们厌恶它们的生活，它们与臭脚

一起生活在鞋子里，或是在无聊的抽屉里……它们心知肚明：烘干机是它们逃离现实唯一的出路。它们知道烘干机有

个出口。它们打昨晚在篮子里时就开始计划。（袜子的声音）“明天，烘干机，我要走了……你在这里等着！”烘干

机的门缓缓打开，袜子在边角上等待机会，它们希望你对它们视而不见，它们就能走到大路上（表现出袜子走在路上

）。搞两粒纽扣缝在脸上，加入木偶剧团……电视上有在播清洁剂除去血渍的情景，这画面不曾令你反感吗？血渍？

我是说……天啊，你有件沾满血渍的T恤衫的话，也许洗衣服对你来说就不算啥大问题了……可能你先要考虑的是把

鱼叉从你的胸口拔出来。
 

[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry is watching TV]
（场景：杰瑞的房间，杰瑞在看电视）
JERRY: [The phone rings. He picks it up and says:] If you know what happened in the Mets-game, don't

say anything, I taped it, hello... Yeah, no, I'm sorry, you have the wrong number...Yeah, no [somebody

knocks at the door] Yeah? [to the door, while still at the phone]
杰瑞：（电话铃响起。他接听：）如果你想知道大都会的球赛发生了什么，啥都别说了，我录下来了，喂……是的，

不，对不起，你打错电话了……是，不……（有人敲门）哪位？（应门，仍在电话中）
KRAMER: [enters] Are you up?
克雷默：（进入）你没睡吧？
JERRY: [To Kramer] Yeah...[in the phone] Yeah, people do move! Have you ever seen the big trucks out

on the street? Yeah, no problem [hangs up the phone].
杰瑞：（对克雷默）是……（电话中）是的，人是会搬家的！难道你没有见过路上的搬运卡车吗？是的，没问题。（

挂断电话）
KRAMER: Boy, the Mets blew it tonight, huh?
克雷默：乖乖，大都会今晚打得真棒，不是嘛！
JERRY: [upset] Ooohhhh, what are you doing? Kramer, it's a tape! [actually I can't understand the

name; maybe "Kramer" wasn't named "Kramer" in the pilot!] I taped the game, it's one o'clock in the

morning! I avoided human contact all night to watch this.
杰瑞：（不安状）哦，你在干什么？克雷默，这是录像！我录下了比赛，现在是凌晨1点钟！我想不受干扰看比赛都

不行！
KRAMER: Hey, I'm sorry, I...ya know, I, I thought you knew...[takes two loaves of bread out of his

pockets] You got any meat?
克雷默：嘿，不好意思，我……我以为你知道……（从口袋中掏出面包）你有肉吗？
JERRY: [a little irritated] Meat? I don't, I don't know, go...hunt! [Kramer walks to the refrigerator

and sticks his head in] Well what, what happened in the game anyway?
杰瑞：（有点不悦）肉？我没有，我不知道……要不你去打猎！（克雷默走到冰箱前，指了指）好吧，那场比赛究竟

如何了？
KRAMER: [still with his head in the refrigerator] What happened? Well, they STUNK, that's what

happened! [takes some meat from the refrigerator and closes it] Ya know, I almost wound up going to

that game.
克雷默：（仍然在冰箱里搜索）发生什么了？好吧，他们很菜就是了！（从冰箱中取出一块肉）我差点就去看这场比

赛了。
JERRY: [cynical] Yeah you almost went to the game. You haven't been out of the building in ten years!
杰瑞：（嘲讽的）是啊，你差点去看比赛了。你十年来都没离开过这幢楼！
KRAMER: Yeah. [Jerry sits down on the couch. Kramer sits down next to him and starts turning over the

pages of a magazine. Suddenly he spots an article he likes and tears it out. Jerry looks at him with a

"what-the-h...-are-you-doing-look" and Kramer asks:] Are you done with this?
克雷默：是。（杰瑞坐下，克雷默坐在他身边，翻开杂志，突然他指着一篇他喜欢的文章并撕了下来。杰瑞目瞪口呆

的看着他，克雷默说）你看完了对吧？
JERRY: No.
杰瑞：没有。
KRAMER: [glues the article back with his own saliva and puts the magazine back on the table] When

you're done, let me know.
克雷默：（用口水把撕下来的重新粘到杂志上，放回桌子）你看完后告诉我一声。
JERRY: Yeah, yeah...you can have it tomorrow.
杰瑞：好，好……你明天就能拿到了。
KRAMER: I thought I wasn't allowed to be in here this weekend.
克雷默：我还以为这个礼拜我都“禁止入内”呢。
JERRY: No, it's OK now, that, that girl is not comin' uh, I, I misread the whole thing.
杰瑞：不，没事。那个女孩不会来了，我误解了整个事情。
KRAMER: You want me to talk to her?
克雷默：你想要我跟她说说不？
JERRY: I don't think so.
杰瑞：你少来。
KRAMER: Oh, I can be very persuasive. Do you know that I was almost... a lawyer. [shows with his

fingers how close it was]
克雷默：哦，我可是很有说服力的。你知道我差一点就是个……律师了。（用手指表现“差一点”）
JERRY: That close, huh?
杰瑞：哦，差那么一点啊？
KRAMER: You better believe it. [The phone rings. Jerry picks it up]
克雷默：你最好相信我。（电话响起，杰瑞接听）
JERRY: Hello...Oh, hi, Laura.
杰瑞：喂，哦，你好，劳拉。
KRAMER: Give me it...let me talk to her [continues this way].
克雷默：把电话给我……让我对她说。
JERRY: [gestures Kramer to shut up] No believe me, I'm always up at this hour. How are

you?...great...sure...What time does the plane get in?...I got my friend George to take me...[Kramer

suddenly notices something in the Mets-game on TV]...
杰瑞：（示意克雷默闭嘴）不，相信我，这个时间我一般都还没睡觉呢。你怎么样？……很好……当然……飞机几点

到？我朋友乔治会开车带我过去的……（克雷默突然注意到了电视上的比赛）
KRAMER: A SLIDE!...Wow!
克雷默：好一个滑垒……喔！
JERRY: ...No, it's, it's just my neighbour...uhm...yeah, I got it [takes a pencil and a cereal box to

write on] ten-fifteen...No, don't be silly, go ahead and ask...Yeah, sure...OK, great, no no, it's no

trouble at all...I'll see you tomorrow...great, bye. [hangs up the phone; to Kramer:] I, I don't

believe it...That, that was her. She wants to stay here!
杰瑞：不，那是我邻居……嗯，是，我记下了。10:15，不，别傻了，尽管问……是，当然……好的，好的，不，不

，一点都不麻烦……那明天见……好的，再见。（挂断电话，对克雷默）我，不敢相信，那是她，她想要住在我这里

！
 

[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry and George enter, lifting a heavy mattress]
（场景：杰瑞的公寓，杰瑞和乔治进门，抬着很重的床垫）
JERRY: If my father was moving this he'd had to have a cigarette in his mouth the whole way. [talks

from now on like he has a cigarette in his mouth] Have you got your end?...Your end's got to come down

first, easy now, drop it down...drop it down, your end's got to come down.
杰瑞：要是我爸搬这家伙的话，那他一路上都得叼着香烟。你抓到你那边了没？你那边要先放下来，放下……放下，

你那边要放下来。
GEORGE: Ya know, I can't believe you're bringin' in an extra bed for woman, that wants to sleep with

you. Why don't you bring in an extra guy too? [sits down]
乔治：不敢相信你为那个想要和你睡的女人加了张床。你干嘛不干脆再给她找个床伴？
JERRY: [hands George a beer] Look, it's a very awkward situation, I, I don't wanna be presumptuous.
杰瑞：你看，这个状况好尴尬啊，我，我不想显得太冒昧。
GEORGE: All right, all right, one more time, one more time! What was the EXACT phrasing of the

request?
乔治：好，好吧，再一次，再来一次！她的原话到底是什么？
JERRY: All right, she said she couldn't find a decent hotel- room...
杰瑞：她说，她找不到一间雅致的旅馆……
GEORGE: A decent hotel-room...
乔治：雅致的旅馆……
JERRY: Yeah, a decent hotel-room, would it be terribly inconvenient if she staid at my place.
杰瑞：是啊，一间雅致的旅馆房间，她住在我这里是不是很不方便。
GEORGE: You can't be serious. This is New York city: there must be eleven million decent hotel-rooms!

Whatta ya need? A flag? [waves with his handkerchief] This is the signal, Jerry, this is the signal!
乔治：不会吧！这可是纽约！城里大概有1100万间雅致的旅馆房间！你想要啥？一面旗帜？这是信号，杰瑞，这是信

号！
 

JERRY: [cynical] This is the signal. Thank you, mister Signal, where were you yesterday?
杰瑞：（嘲讽的）这又是信号啦。谢谢！信号先生，你昨天说的话又算啥？
GEORGE: I think I was affected by the caffeine. [suddenly a dog enters the apartment and jumps George

at the couch] HO, HO, HO, GOOD DOG [etc.]
乔治：我想我是被咖啡因给搞的。（突然一条狗扑了上来）哦，乖乖，好狗。
KRAMER: [walks in behind the dog and closes the door] He really likes you, George.
克雷默：它真的好喜欢你，乔治。
GEORGE: [ironically] Well, that's flattering.
乔治：（讽刺的）好吧，承蒙您夸奖。
KRAMER: [the dog runs to the bathroom and apparently starts drinking from the toilet] Oh, he's

getting' a drink of water. [sees the mattress on the floor] Is this for that girl?
克雷默：（狗去卫生间，喝马桶里的水）哦，它显然是去喝水了。（看着床垫）为那个女孩准备的？
JERRY: Yeah.
杰瑞：是的。
KRAMER: Why even give her an option?
克雷默：为什么不让她自己选择？
JERRY: This is a person I like, it's not: "How to score on spring break".
杰瑞：这是我喜欢的人，这不是：“如何利用春假搞定一个小妞”。
GEORGE: Right, can we go? 'Cause I'm double-parked, I'm gonna get a ticket.
乔治：好吧，我们可以走了吗？我违章停车了，怕是要被开罚单了。
JERRY: Yeah, OK. Oh, wait a second. Oh, I, I forgot to clean the bathroom.
杰瑞：好，哦，等一会儿。哦，我，我忘了清扫卫生间。
GEORGE: So what? That's good.
乔治：那又怎样？那样很好。
JERRY: Now, how could that be good?
杰瑞：为什么很好？
GEORGE: Because filth is good...Whatta you think: rock stars have sponges and ammonia lyin' around the

bathroom? They, they have a woman comin' over: "I've gotta tidy up? Yeah right, in these matters you

never do what your instincts tell you. Always, ALWAYS do the opposite.
乔治：因为污秽是好的……你以为呢：摇滚明星们的卫生间里都是棉球、氨水？他们，他们有的是女人，我应该做好

清洁工作？在这类事情上，永远不要做那些你自然而然认为该做的。永远，永远做相反的事儿。
JERRY: This is how you operate?
杰瑞：这就是你的做法？
GEORGE: Yeah, I wish.
乔治：我倒是想啊。
JERRY: Let me just wipe the sink.
杰瑞：至少让我擦一下水槽。
KRAMER: [stands up from the couch and yells.] WHY EVEN GIVE HER AN OPTION FOR? [Jerry walks to the

bathroom and closes the door; to George, while pointing to the mattress] It's unbelievable.
克雷默：（从沙发中起身并咆哮）为什么不给她一个选择的机会？不可思议。
GEORGE: Yeah.
乔治：是的。
KRAMER: ...How's the real estate-business?
克雷默：……你的地产生意如何了？
GEORGE:...[surprised he asked] It's uh, not bad, it's comin' along...Why? Did you need something.
乔治：嗯，这个，不算坏……问这干啥？你有什么需要的？
KRAMER: Do you handle any of that commercial...real estate?
克雷默：你有没有运作一些商业……地产？
GEORGE: Well, I might be getting in to that.
乔治：嗯，我可以涉足这个领域。
KRAMER: [slaps George on the arm] You keep me posted!
克雷默：那你得经常告诉我消息！
GEORGE: I'm aware of you, all right, let's go [opens the bathroom door], let's go! [Jerry and the dog

come out] You're on stage in 25 minutes.
乔治：了解，好吧，我们走。走啦！你还有25分钟将登场。
 

[Scene: Comedy club.]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: The dating world is not a fun world...it's a pressure world, it's a world of tension, it's a

world of pain...and ya know, if a woman comes over to my house, I gotta get that bathroom ready,

'cause she needs things. Women need equipment. I don't know what they need. I know I don't have it, I

know that...Ya know what they need, women seem to need a lot of cotton-balls. This is the one I'm,

always has been one of the amazing things to me...I have no cotton-balls, we're all human beings, what

is the story? I've never had one...I never bought one, I never needed one, I've never been in a

situation, when I thought to myself: "I could use a cotton-ball right now"...I can certainly get out

of this mess...Women need them and they don't need one or two, they need thousands of them, they need

bags, they're like peat-moss(?) bags, have you ever seen these giant bags? They're huge and two days

later, they're out, they're gone, the, the bag is empty, where are the cotton-balls, ladies? What are

you doin' with them? The only time I ever see'em is in the bottom of your little waste basket, there's

two of three, that look like they've been through some horrible experience... tortured, interrogated,

I don't know what happened to them...I once went out with a girl who's left a little zip-lock-baggy of

cotton-balls over my house. I don't know what to do with them, I took them out, I put them on my

kitchen floor like little tumbleweeds. I thought maybe the cockroaches would see it, figure this is a

dead town: "Let's move on"... The dating world is a world of pressure. Let's face it: a date is a job

-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job-interview is: not many

job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it...ya know: "Well, Bill, the boss

thinks you're the man for the position, why don't you strip down and meet some of the people you'll be

workin' with?".
杰瑞：约会可一点儿都不好玩……压力可大了，充满着紧张的情绪和痛苦的感觉……还有，你知道的，要是有个女的

来我家，我需要使我的卫生间准备就绪，因为她需要“东西”，女人需要很多装备。我不知道她们需要什么，我知道

我没有这些，我知道……你知道她们都需要什么吗？她们似乎需要很多棉花球。这事儿我一直觉得很好奇……我没有

棉花球，人和人的差距咋就那么大涅？我从来没有过一个（棉花球），从来没买过，从来不需要，从来没有处在这种

情况：我会对自己说“我现在想用个棉花球”……我能立马摆脱这些……女人们需要棉花球，不是一个两个，而是需

要成千上万个，她们需要一袋一袋的，见过那么大的袋子吗？非常巨大的袋子，两天后，袋子都空了……女士们，棉

花球上哪儿去了？你们把它们怎么着啦！我唯一见到它们的时候是在垃圾桶里，看那两三个，看起来它们经历了一些

很可怕的事情……被折磨，被审讯，我不知道它们到底怎么啦……曾经有个女孩落下了一小包棉花球在我家。我不知

道如何处置它们，我把它们取出来，放在我厨房的地板上。我想也许小强会看见它们，以为这是座死城，让我们进驻

吧……约会是件有压力的事儿。让我们直面它吧：一场约会就像一次持续整晚的面试。唯一的不同就是：大部分面试

结束的时候你不会光溜溜的……难不成这样：好啦，比尔，老板认为你是这个职位的不二人选！你干嘛不脱光光，见

见你以后的同事们呢？
 

[Scene: Airport. Jerry and George are waiting for Laura]
（场景：机场。杰瑞和乔治在等劳拉）
JERRY: Wouldn't it be great if you could ask a woman what she's thinking?
杰瑞：你能问一个女人她在想什么——那该多好。
GEORGE: What a world that would be, if you just could ask a woman what she's thinkin'.
乔治：那将是怎样一个世界呀，要是你能“问”一个女人她在想什么的话。
JERRY: Ya know, instead, I'm like a detective: I've gotta pick up clues, the whole thing is a murder

investigation.
杰瑞：不然我就只有像现在这样，像个侦探：我得寻觅、拼凑线索，整一个凶案现场调查。
GEORGE: Listen, listen, don't get worked up, 'cause you're gonna know the whole story the minute she

steps off the plane.
乔治：听着，听我说，别激动，她一走出飞机你就能了解整个事情啦。
JERRY: Really? How?
杰瑞：真的吗？怎样就能看出来？
GEORGE: 'Cause it's all in the greeting.
乔治：因为在问候中就揭示一切了。
JERRY: Uh-huh.
杰瑞：嗯……嗯。
GEORGE: All right, if she puts the bags down before she greets you, that's a good sign.
乔治：好吧，如果他在打招呼前先放下包包，那是个好的信号。
JERRY: Right.
杰瑞：好吧。
GEORGE: Ya know, anything in the, in the "lip-area" is good.
乔治：要知道，任何“嘴唇部位”总是好的。
JERRY: "Lip-area".
杰瑞：“嘴唇部位”？
GEORGE: Ya know a hug: definitely good.
乔治：知道拥抱吧：一定是好的。
JERRY: Hug is definitely good.
杰瑞：拥抱一定是好的。
GEORGE: Sure.
乔治：当然。
JERRY: Although what if it's one of those hugs where the shoulders are touching, the hips are eight

feet apart?
杰瑞：即使是那种——肩并肩可是臀部还远隔重洋的——也是好的？
GEORGE: That's so brutal, I hate that.
乔治：你太过分了，我讨厌那样。
JERRY: Ya know how they do that?
杰瑞：你知道他们怎么做吗？
GEORGE: That's why, ya know, a shake is bad.
乔治：握手是不好的。
JERRY: Shake is bad, but what if it's the "two-hander"? The hand on the bottom, the hand on the top,

the warm look in the eyes?
杰瑞：握手不好，那么如果是那种“双手相握”呢？两只手覆盖着你的手，眼中温情脉脉。
GEORGE: Hand-sandwich.
乔治：三明治手！
JERRY: Right.
杰瑞：对啊。
GEORGE: I see, well, that's open to interpretation. Because so much depends on the layering and the

quality of the wetness in the eyes...[suddenly a woman approaches Jerry from behind and puts her hands

over Jerry's eyes]
乔治：看出来了，好吧，那就见仁见智了。有太多内容都取决于眼神里包含的层次和质量了……
LAURA: Guess who?
劳拉：猜猜我是谁？
JERRY: Hey, hey.
杰瑞：嘿，嘿。
LAURA and JERRY: Heeeey! [they take each others hands like they're planning to do a folk dance; George

is looking puzzled]
劳拉和杰瑞：嘿！
JERRY: It's good to see you.
杰瑞：见到你真好。
LAURA: Hi.
劳拉：嗨。
JERRY: This is my friend George.
杰瑞：我朋友，乔治。
LAURA: [shakes George's hand] Hi, how nice to meet you.
劳拉：（握手）嗨，见到你真高兴。
GEORGE: Hi, how are you?
乔治：嗨，你好。
JERRY: This is Laura.
杰瑞：这是劳拉。
GEORGE: Laura, sure.
乔治：劳拉，当然……
JERRY: [to Laura] I can't believe you're here.
杰瑞：不敢相信你来了。
GEORGE and JERRY: Ooh yeah, the bags, sure. [they pick up the bags]
乔治和杰瑞：哦，是啊，大包小包，当然。
LAURA: Oh, thank you.
劳拉：哦，谢谢。
JERRY: [privately to George] Now that was an interesting greeting, did you notice that, George?
杰瑞：这算是有趣的见面吧，你注意到了吗？乔治。
GEORGE: Yes, the "surprise-blindfold-greeting". That wasn't in the manual, I don't know.
乔治：是的，“我悄悄的蒙上你的眼睛”。“手册”里没有提到这条，我不知道。
 

[Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry shows Laura the apartment]
（场景：杰瑞的公寓）
JERRY: So uh, what do ya think?
杰瑞：你觉得这儿怎么样？
LAURA: Ooohhh, wow! This place isn't so bad.
劳拉：哦，喔！这地方还不算太差。
JERRY: Yeah, it kind a motivates me to work on the road...So uh, make yourself at home. [Laura sits

down on the couch, takes off her shoes and opens some buttons of her shirt] So uh, can I get you

anything? Uuhhh, bread, water...salad-dressing?
杰瑞：是啊，这也算激励我继续努力工作……别客气，把这儿当自个儿家一样。那么，你要点啥吃的喝的？嗯，面包

，水……色拉调料？
LAURA: [laughs] Actually uhm, do you have any wine?
劳拉：嗯，你这儿有酒吗？
JERRY; Uh, yeah, I think I do.
杰瑞：哦，有，我想有的。
LAURA: Oh, do, do you mind if I turn this down? [points to the lamp]
劳拉：哦，你介意我把灯关了吗？
JERRY: Uh, no, yeah, go right ahead. [she turns down the lamp]
杰瑞：哦，不，是的，关了吧。
LAURA: Uh, Jerry, uh, I was wandering: would it be possible, and if it's not, fine, for me to stay

here tomorrow night too?
劳拉：哦，杰瑞，我想啊：你说可能不可能，你是否介意，我明晚还待在这里呢？
JERRY: Uh, yeah, yeah, sure, why don't you stay? Yeah, uhm...What is your, what is your schedule for

tomorrow? Are you, are you doin' anything?
杰瑞：哦，是，是，当然，干嘛不呢？是啊……你明天有啥安排？你，你有啥事儿没？
LAURA: No, I'd love to do something, uh, I have my seminar in the morning, then after that I'm right

open.
劳拉：不，我当然想做点啥，我明早有个研讨会，然后我就有的是时间了。
JERRY: Really? What would you like to do?
杰瑞：是吗？那你想干什么？
LAURA: Well...now I know this sounds touristy, but I'd just love to go on one of those five-hour-boat

-rides around Manhattan.
劳拉：嗯……我知道这有点像游客的口吻，我想去乘坐那种环曼哈顿的游船。
JERRY: [doubtfully] Yeah, we could do that...why not, why not. [pours the wine] I'm just, I'm really

glad you're here. [the phone rings; he picks it up] Yeah, hello...yes...yes, she is, hold on. [to

Laura] Uhm, it's for you.
杰瑞：是，我们可以去……为什么不呢。我只是，很高兴你来这儿。（电话响起）喂，是的，是的，她在，稍等。（

对劳拉）嗯，你的电话。
LAURA: [she takes the phone] Hello?...Hi!...no no it was great, right on time...no, I, I'm gonna stay

here tomorrow...yes, yes it's fine..no, we're goin' on a boat-ride...don't be silly...I'm not gonna

have this conversation...look I, I'll call you tomorrow...OK, bye [she hangs up the phone]. Never get

engaged.
劳拉：喂？嗨！不，没事，刚刚好，我明天也待在这儿，是的，没事，不，我们回去乘游船，别傻了……我不跟你说

这些了……嗯，我明天再联系你……好，再见。（挂断后）千万别陷在婚姻里。
JERRY: You're engaged?
杰瑞：你订婚了？
LAURA: You, you really have no idea what it's like until you actually do it and I'm on this emotional

roller coaster.
劳拉：不置身其中你是无法体会的，这种情感上过山车的感觉。
JERRY: You're engaged? [still can't believe it]
杰瑞：你订婚了？
LAURA: Ya know, I can't believe it myself sometimes. You have to start thinking in terms of "we", uh,

it's a very stressful situation.
劳拉：有时候我自己也不相信。你得开始站在“我们”的角度来思考，这真是充满压力的事儿。
JERRY: You're engaged! [like he's answering his own question]
杰瑞：你订婚了！
LAURA: Yeah...yeah, he's a great guy...
劳拉：是……是，他是个很棒的人。
JERRY: Yeah.
杰瑞：是的。
LAURA: You'd really like him...ya know, I can't wait to get on that boat.
劳拉：你会喜欢他的……你知道吗，我迫不及待想要上那艘船了。
JERRY: Me too!
杰瑞：我也是！
 

[Scene: Comedy club.]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部）
JERRY: I swear, I have absolutely no idea what women are thinking. I don't get it, OK? I, I, I admit,

I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their

little...everything they do is subtle...men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want,

men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it!...It's the only thing we know for

sure, it really is: we want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know.

The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from

construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far...The car-horn-honk, is that a beauty?

Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the

car, he honks: [imitates horn]
杰瑞：我发誓，我对女人的想法一点头绪都没有，我完全不理解！我……我承认，我，我不解风情。我就是不懂！女

人，她们太微妙了，她们所作的一切小事都那么微妙……男人可没那么微妙，我们是明确的。女人知道男人要什么，

男人知道男人要什么，我们要什么？我们要女人，无非如此！这是我唯一确信的事儿：我们要女人。我们怎么得到她

们呢？哦，我们可不知道，我们不知道。下一步该怎么做，我们毫不知情。那也就是为什么你能看到男人不停的按喇

叭，在工地上叫嚣。那些是我们唯一能做的……按喇叭，多美妙啊！看到过男人这样吗？那个男人在车里，女人在面

前经过，男人按喇叭：
e-eeehh, eehhh, eehhh, this man is out of ideas. How does it...? [imitates horn again] e-e-e-eeeehhhh,

"I don't think she likes me"...The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we. Men, I mean,

men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell

you a little bit about our organization. "Where ever women are?", we have a man working on the

situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, OK, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone

from our staff is on the scene...That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading

articles, like: "Where to meet men?". We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve

you better.
嘀嘀……吧吧……那男人疯了。这是怎么回事……“我认为她不喜欢我”……奇妙的是，我们仍然能得到女人，不是

嘛！男人，我是说，男人就是该和女人在一起。你看到男人、女人在一起，很多人不解男人是如何得到女人的呢？让

我告诉你一点点“组织”里的内幕吧。有女人的地方，都有个男人在现场。他未必是最佳先生，我们有太多区域要布

点，但总有个人在现场……那也正是男人沮丧的地方，女人们总是看这样的文章“哪里能遇见男人”。我们就在这里

呢！我们在任何地方！我们按喇叭，时刻准备着给你提供更好的服务！

下面只是今天看到的一则新闻而已

不过大家身边如果有想死的人，不妨找我试试……呵呵，反正找我也不会得到比死更差的结果了……啊哈哈哈

中国每2分钟就有1人自杀

　　据中国心理卫生协会资料显示，自杀在中国已成为位列第五的死亡原因，仅次于心脑血管病、恶性肿瘤、呼吸系统疾病和意外死亡。

　　而在15岁至34岁的人群中，自杀更是成为首位死因。在中国自2000年以来，每2分钟就有1人自杀、8人自杀未遂，每年约有25万人死于自杀，至少有100万人自杀未遂，自杀未遂者往往也造成不同程度的功能残疾。

　　相对于其他国家而言，中国相对高的自杀率还表现出一种独特的特征：农村的自杀率是城市的3倍，农村老年人自杀率高于城市老人5倍，全国90％的自杀发生在农村。中国女性自杀率比男性高25％，这一差异在农村年轻女性中更为突出；发达国家男性自杀率至少是女性的3倍。

正所谓：中国每2分钟就有1人自杀 请记得我是心理咨询师

English Up 2 date（原创）——首发于BBS.SGST.CN

婚前，需要问的一些问题。（译稿，将原文中几个宗教相关的问题剔除了）

工作问题

所从事的工作是你主动选择的吗？
每周工作几小时？
梦想中的工作是什么？
你的退休计划是什么？不上班后做什么？
你的工作包括什么（影响）？（比如：经常出差；危险性工作……等等）

金钱问题

常规收入来源？
婚后有联名账户的同时是否应保留个人账户？
你有大宗的负债吗？
你认为应该有家庭财政控制吗？
赚大钱对你来说有多重要？

性问题

你最享受的性活动是什么？有特定的性行为会让你不悦吗？具体一些。
（可能是婚前吧，我想）你觉得应该尝试性吗？是或不是的理由。
你需要怎样来达到做爱的情绪？
你需要、期待性的频率多高？
性的忠贞是好的婚姻的必要条件吗？

父母（家庭）问题

想要孩子吗？多少个？可以生育吗？
你觉得孩子应该在大家庭周围养育吗？
认为需要惩罚孩子吗？你坚持的养育孩子的观点为何？
男孩、女孩需要同等对待吗？同样的规则？对他们在性方面的成长持同样的期待吗？

国人很喜欢玩“文字游戏”，一个“泡良”似乎推出了一种新的偷情品种。

考虑到，所谓“泡良”一族，有很大部分是在网上论坛里面的WANKER，其实，真的没什么好说的，不是我想说，只是因为这种下三滥的词太惹眼了。

可以这么说，如果要我写10个所谓泡良真实经历的帖子，一天都不用；即使真的要我去泡个什么“良”，我觉得也不是太困难的事情。

疑问只是在于：那群喧嚣尘上的“泡良”SB们，你们泡到的是TMD良嘛？？？或者说，这群SB们知道什么叫“良”嘛？

我宁可相信曾经的一句名言：不是她忠贞，只是因为她受到的诱惑不够大。

我不妨再给点专业的意见：每个人都有脆弱的时候，“泡良”族无非是TMD利用了女人最脆弱的时候乘虚而入。

很简单，只要是人，就有弱点；只要是感情，就有高低起伏；只要抓住弱点——抓住女人的弱点和她的男人的弱点——乘她们感情的空隙，就OK了。

把“泡良”作为所谓自己男性魅力的体现是一种“无良”的体现——无耻、没种、没品。

而反过来说说“良”——很简单，为什么我说没有“良”——假设有真的“良”，那就不是那种“泡良”的败类可以泡得到的……

汗……我在这里叫嚣什么……还是因为我对男人太了解了……呵呵，同情那些被“泡”的假“良”们。

曾经有个这样的笑话：r u serious? no, i'm kidding.（你是西尔瑞斯吗？不，我是基丁）——这要翻译出来实在有点难为我。

只是突然想到了所谓认真不认真这样的话题，有很多女人都在怪责男人不认真——比方说，为什么男人都是花心的？为什么我对他这么认真，而他对我这么不认真、无所谓？为什么，我跟他说什么话都像耳边风一样……等等等等。

回答这些所有的问题，答案只有一个，就是：他不再爱你了。千万不要太紧张，觉得他不爱了，是不是就要分手什么的；就算是我这样主张分手的人也不会马上就鼓励你分手。只是，你要去判断，这种时候是不是越来越多了……如果有明显增加的迹象、又或是已经让你无法忍受的冷漠，那就走吧。

人都是贝戈戈的，所谓得不到才是最好。因此，每个女人在对待那些对自己死心塌地、逆来顺受的男人时，都是满不在乎的，女人——绝大部分女人不会去“珍惜”那个对自己太好的男人——她们甚至会说，这样的男人太幼稚，不够成熟。

好吧，那去找成熟的吧，成熟的根本不把你的事情当作事情——因为，女人的事情在“成熟”男人的眼里，大多无聊、无趣且无意义。

请记住一句话：再成熟的男人在自己所爱的女人面前也只不过是一个孩子。永远不要通过一个男人在你面前的表现来判断他是否成熟。

我的学生气

Last 9t in a biz-like occasion, met a bunch of ladies. Some of them said that they can sense some kinda pupillary spirit in me. I don't know whether my translation is proper. And some even said that u kid, r u a grown-up?

昨晚在一个类似商务的场合，一群女子。一些说我很有学生气（在听到我只是81年而已的时候），不知道学生气的英文应该怎么翻译。而另外一些则调侃说你“成年”了吗？

It's not a flattery word for a man near his thirty's.

当然，对一个年近三十的男人来说，这些话不算恭维。

I feel i'm growing old day by day...and i even got moustache. But why...why have so many ppl regard me as a pupil-like person? What's wrong? Is it my fault? Definitely Yes.

自我感觉是一天天老朽，我甚至有了固定的胡渣。但是……为什么……为什么呢，这么多人认为我是个学生气十足的家伙。问题出在哪里？是我的问题？貌似是的。

One day I met with a girl under 20, a thought just popped out in my head...I wanna be younger, and wanna have a pupil-love with her. So I'm naive.

某天（网上）遇到一个不满20的女仔，脑海冒出一个念头……我想变得年轻，然后与她开始一段幼稚的“学生恋情”。所以，我是幼稚的。

But as u know, it's a cruel world. Reality is scary. Life sucks. And for damn sure, i can't go back to my childhood anymore...and i can't attract a girl with my pupillary style.

当然，大家都知道，这是个残酷的世界，现实是恐怖的。生活很无聊。绝对肯定的是，我不能回到我的童年，自然也不可能用我TMD学生气去吸引女生。

BTW, am I so much like a idiot pupil??? What's the problem within my old-fat-body? or my spirit?

顺便说，我真的这么像个愣头青？我老肥老肥的身体或者我的“气”出了什么问题？

Recently i've got tons of work to do, but i just can't do anything. i'm dumbed. only thing i can do and also the thing i wanna do is just writing some meaningless articles here. just try to practice my e-writing stuff. i know it's tough, i gotta carry on.

最近我有很多工作，但是我啥都做不了。我傻了。唯一能做、也是我想做的事情就是在这里随便写点无聊的东西，只是为了练习我的英语。我知道这很艰苦，我想坚持。

坊间对于我的（心理）咨询有这样一种意见，有人曾说我为什么习惯于“劝分不劝合”。

there's a comment on my consultation, sb. thought that my words are mean to seperate the couples but not to hold them together.

这种意见曾让我迷茫了一小会儿，但现在我找回了我的自信因为我遇到了太多绝望的主妇们。

and it made me confused for a mmt. and i got my confidence back coz i met with sooooo many desperate housewives.

我会继续我的“劝分”行为，尽管我内心极为清楚她们大多数压根不会改变。

so i will keep on doing my seperate stuff, although i'm crystal clear about the fact that they wouldn't change at all.

一般人可能无法想象，感情或者更具体说：男人可以对女人造成多大的伤害。

as you can't imagine that the romance stuff or say the Male can leave female such a great pain.

这些（受伤）的女人们没有自己的生活，她们所爱的男人对她们来说意味着一切。这听起来很可笑但是全是真的。而且我认为这对这些女人来说很不好。换句话说，如果（作为一个女人）你所拥有的只是你的爱人，那当他离开时，你该怎么办？

these women, they don't have their own lives, their beloved men mean the whole world to them. it sounds ridiculous but 100% true. and i don't think it's good for them. or i can say if the only thing u r holding is ur lover, then what about to be happen when they just left.

已经有无数人说我不懂女人了，我完全不否认这个。只是为什么我可以在这里对女人指手画脚、为什么我可以那么严词咄咄的在咨询中训女人……想知道为啥吗？

there've been lots ppl questioning on my knowledge about women, and i don't wanna deny it(i don't know much about women). so how could i comment on women's emotional affairs and behaviors, and even scold them during the consultation...u wanna know why?

答案相当简单：因为我了解男人。任何品种的男人、任何人生阶段的男人、他们的所作所为……

the answer is quite simple. coz i do know men. every walk of life , every phase of their life, every step they take...

men oh men, i just know them.