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11月13日 关于抑郁症（下）1、缘起：一位同事和一位同学分别在个人网上空间里头书写了与抑郁症相关的话题，不由得让我摩拳擦掌、磨刀霍霍……
2、写下这篇东西时，绝大部分参考资料来自于webmd.com，翻译为本人版权所有，看不懂的去看网站原文好了。
3、关于抑郁症的迷思与真相
迷思：（Myth，也可以理解为传说、荒诞的说法）
抑郁症是让人痛苦的，但只是心理的而已，与身体（生理、健康状态）无关。
抑郁可不是“忧郁”那么简单，有抑郁的人脑子的运转情况、功能与正常人是不一样的。
你父母或祖父母有抑郁症，你就一定会有。
科学家推测抑郁症是有基因影响的，在父母是抑郁症的情况下，你患抑郁症的几率是要高于其他人，但不代表必得。
只有情绪上经常困扰（混乱）的家伙才会得抑郁症。
（这是受众最大的误会）抑郁症可以影响到任何人，不是说那些具有“敏感”心智的——在丧亲、失业、失恋等打击或创伤之后，谁都可能抑郁。
谈论（自己的）抑郁症只会让病情加剧。
如果不谈的话，心理医生（咨询师）干嘛用啊！有时候，谈话治疗对付抑郁症是很有效的。
心态乐观就能治愈抑郁症。
抑郁症是很磨人的，可以让你变得很虚弱。只有极少数人可以通过积极思考来自我解决。很多人都是需要治疗的。
（部分）抑郁症患者是需要用药来调节某些大脑里的化学物质的（改善功能）。
这个属于扯淡扯得最离谱的说法！不得不再多讲几句！有人认为抑郁症就是因为你没用、你是弱者、懦夫；英文有个单词一言以蔽之——LOSER！
于是乎，只要我TMD够积极向上、心态够乐观，就不可能得抑郁症。
有这类想法的人本身自己就心理有问题。
心理健康的一大标志就是，乐于接受这样一个事实：这个世界上，有很多事情是我无法控制的，是我无法改变的。
而抑郁症（尤其是中、重度抑郁症）降临的时候，的确是你无法控制的。
讲了这么多迷思，剩下真相不多，就两条：
很多有抑郁症（或抑郁心态）的人不去医院（或心理医生处）就医。
抑郁症是会带来生理上的痛苦的。
4、如何应对！
最好的办法当然是求医。但是，鉴于国情、现状，所以说一些可以用的办法吧。
宠物：宠物真有可能成为你最好的朋友，与它一起玩耍，可以让你的思维从自身的问题上移开。当你照顾宠物时，你就像是在实现一个承诺一样。关心他人（它人）是很有疗效的方法。
食物：心智与身体上是有联系的。健康饮食不仅可以给你身体加油，还能帮你获得更好的感觉。要留心卡路里，限制脂肪与糖分的摄入。用大量的蔬菜、水果、全麦（谷物）来改善你的健康状况，稳定你的情绪。有研究说不饱和脂肪酸和维生素B12可以缓解抑郁。——这两类元素的来源是海里的东西（鲑鱼、金枪鱼、马鲛鱼）和低脂的奶制品、深绿色蔬菜什么的。
少喝咖啡：抑郁的一个表征是焦虑。太多咖啡因会让你紧张、焦虑、不安。所以，少来点咖啡、茶（为啥米茶也不行嘛？）、巧克力。改善你情绪的同时还能改善睡眠状况。
运动：对有些人来说，运动的效果甚至要好于抗抑郁药。你不需要跑马拉松，和友人漫步一会儿也是好的。当锻炼、运动成为习惯，身体好了、睡眠好了、自然就会少一些抑郁。重点是：选择你喜欢的运动。做不喜欢做的事情，肯定不会让你减少抑郁！与众人一起运动，参加健身小组、健身房，也是个不错的方法。锻炼的同时保持与人类的接触——人类，呵呵。
阳光：有一类抑郁很常见——季节性抑郁，常发于秋冬（就是现在！！！）。所以，解决的办法之一就是晒太阳……
创意：画画、摄影、编织、写日记……你可以尝试任何一种表述自己感觉、发掘自己内心世界的方法。有创意（创造力）让你感觉良好。目标并非要创造一篇绝世佳作，只是为了愉悦自己而已。这同样能帮你认识到“你是谁”、“你感觉如何”。
放松：瑜伽、冥想训练都可以。更简单的就是听一些舒缓的音乐、洗个温暖的泡泡浴都可以，只要能让自己的身心都放松下来。
活动：积极投身于一些社会活动。与他人相处能让你获得一些目的感。很容易实现。志愿者、慈善活动，图书馆或教堂的讨论小组。结交新朋友、尝试新活动，都能让你感觉好起来。
亲友：爱你的人希望能给你支持。你要是自我封闭，他们就无能为力。如果你让他们介入，你会感觉好很多。叫上个朋友，散个小步。与朋友喝个咖啡（不是说喝咖啡不好吗……真是的）。更重要的是，你可以与他们说说你的抑郁。有人聆听，真好。
睡眠：这貌似是很关键的一方面。抑郁症的人，有些睡得太少、有些睡得太多。想从抑郁症恢复，就要重新学习正确的睡眠知识。每天定时上床、使用放松技巧帮助入眠……等等。健康的睡眠让你身心健康。
酒毒：拒绝酒精和毒品。这些东西只会让你的抑郁变得更糟。如果你有物质滥用，请马上求助！
话说……以上这些，都不是保证能解决问题的，还是要记得（不行的话）去寻求治疗。药物治疗与谈话治疗的意义是以上任何方法都无法取代的。
抑郁症Q&A
1、抑郁症是精神（心理）疾病吗？ 废话。当然是。是一种很严重、但是可以治疗的心理问题。这是个医学问题而非什么性格的弱点！！！医学上定义的 “抑郁症”与平常所说的抑郁出入很大很大很大。医学上的抑郁症——大都是指“重度抑郁”——需要专业的诊断和
治疗。
2、孩子会得抑郁吗？ 是的。那些让成人得抑郁的因素同样也会影响儿童。比如：身体健康上的改变，生活事件，遗传或环境因素，脑内化 学元素的不协调等。美国2.5％的儿童有抑郁症。抑郁症儿童不是简单的闹情绪、孩子气而已。有可能与ADHD（多动
症）或OCD（强迫症）并发或隐藏在其中。
3、失眠会导致抑郁吗？ 仅仅失眠不会引发抑郁，但是其中的一个因素。由于其他原因引起的失眠有可能加剧抑郁症。长期无法入睡有可能是 抑郁症的前兆。
4、除了传统的治疗方法外，还有其他什么选择吗？ 有很多，瑜伽、草药治疗、针灸、按摩、催眠……等等等等，但请向你的医生咨询。 5、如何判断是身体疾病引发的抑郁还是抑郁引发的身体疾病？ 能引发抑郁的身体疾病大多为严重的、长期的或者终极的。能引发抑郁的身体疾病通常会带来长期的痛苦或生活方式 上的巨变。
而抑郁引发的身体疾病则是另外一回事。就像心理压力，能削弱我们的免疫系统，让人易于染上风寒什么的。或者是 没有特别缘由的这里疼、那里痛的。抑郁还能加剧现有的身体疾病。但是，目前，抑郁引发的身体疾病还是没有确切
的说法。
6、女人为啥米易感抑郁？ 女人患抑郁2倍于男人。一个原因是因为女性经常变化的荷尔蒙指数。比如，孕期的抑郁、更年期的抑郁；产后抑郁 ；流产后抑郁。经前综合征（以及经前综合征的极端表现——经前情绪障碍）也会引发抑郁症。
7、大部分抑郁的家伙都会尝试自杀吗？ 不是的。大多数经历抑郁症的人都没有尝试自杀。但是据NIMH的统计，自杀的人中30％－70％的人都经历过某种形式 的抑郁。这个数据说明，有抑郁，就去求医、求助。
8、抑郁会复发吗？ 经历过抑郁，的确会对未来造成一定的风险，但不是每个经历过抑郁的人都会复发的。有时，抑郁只是由于那些某种 特定环境、某个特定时间发生的事情。得到有效治疗并恢复，就能大大降低复发的风险。
9、抑郁持续多久？ 没有定解。可能是N年，也可能是几个月（如季节性抑郁，冬天发，春夏就好了；还有双相症，好的时候是狂躁，差 的时候是抑郁——呵呵，其实哪来“好坏”之说，玩笑，玩笑）。 关于抑郁症（中）抑郁自评量表（SDS）[完整版] 指导语：以下描述列出了有些人可能会有的问题，请你仔细阅读每一条，然后根据最近一个星期以内你的实际感觉看最符合下列哪种描述。 SDS 的总分等于各条目得分之和，其中第2、5、6、11、12、14、16、17、18和20题为反序记分。 SDS的评定结果以标准分来定： 标准分小于50分为无抑郁； 标准分大于等于50分且小于60分为轻微至轻度抑郁； 标准分大于等于60分且小于70分为中至重度抑郁； 标准分大于等于70分为重度抑郁。 评定采用1—4制记分，评分时间为过去一周内。 把各题的得分相加为总分，总分乘以1．25，四舍五入取整数即得到标准分。 抑郁评定的临界值为T分50，分值越高，抑郁倾向越明显。 关于抑郁症（上）首先，贴一个最简单的量表，先测测自己的抑郁指数吧。这个是流传甚广的量表。我觉得对于普通人来说，认真对待的去做一次比怀疑其准确性要有意义得多。
BECK抑郁自评问卷（BDI） 一（ ） 1、我不感到忧郁。 2、我感到忧郁或沮丧。 3、我整天忧郁，无法摆脱。 4、我十分忧郁，已经忍受不住。 二（） 1、我对未来并不悲观失望。 2、我感到前途不太乐观。 3、我感到对前途不抱希望。 4、我感到今后毫无希望，不可能有所好转。 三（） 1、我并无失败的感觉。 2、我觉得和大多数人相比我是失败的。 3、回顾我的一生，我觉得那是一连串的失败。 4、我觉得我是一个失败的人。 四（） 1、我并不觉得有什么不满意。 2、我觉得我不能像平时那样享受生活。 3、任何事情都不能使我感到满意一些。 4、我对所有的事情都不满意。 五（） 1、我没有特殊的内疚感。 2、我有时感到内疚或觉得自己没有价值。 3、我感到非常内疚。 4、我觉得自己非常坏，一钱不值。 六（） 1、我没有对自己感到失望。 2、我对自己感到失望。 3、我讨厌自己。 4、我憎恨自己。 七（） 1、我没有要伤害自己的想法。 2、我感到还是死掉的好。 3、我考虑过自杀。 4、如果有机会，我还会杀了自己。 八（） 1、我没失去和他人交往的兴趣。 2、和平时相比，我和他人交往的兴趣有所减退。 3、我已失去大部分和人交往的兴趣，我对他们没有感情。 4、我对他人全无兴趣，也完全不理睬别人。 九（） 1、我能像平时一样做出决定。 2、我尝试避免做决定。 3、对我而言，做出决断十分困难。 4、我无法做出任何决断。 十（） 1、我觉得我形象一点也不比过去糟。 2、我担心我看起来老了，不吸引人了。 3、我觉得我的外表肯定变了，变得不具吸引力。 4、我感到我的形象丑陋且讨人厌。 十一（） 1、我能像平时那样工作。 2、我做事时。要花额外的努力才能开始。 3、我必须努力强迫自己，方能干事。 4、我完全不能做事情。 十二（） 1、和以往相比，我并不容易疲倦。 2、我比过去容易觉得疲乏。 3、我做任何事都感到疲乏。 4、我太易疲乏了，不能干任何事。 十三（） 1、我的胃口不比过去差。 2、我的胃口没有过去那样好。 3、现在我的胃口比过去差多了。 4、我一点食欲都没有。 选项1－0分；选项2－1分；选项3－2分；选项4－3分；将总分相加 无症状：0－4分；轻度抑郁：5－8分；中度抑郁：9－15分；重度抑郁：16分以上 9月24日 It's Been 5 yearsyesterday i was watching Supernatural Season 5 Episode 2... with my mom
she thought this series became boring, and i responded ,sure it's boring ,it's been 5 years.
we've been watching this for the whole 5 years!
the same thing happens with Criminal Minds, the season 5 too.
I think it's not the story interested me, it's more about the character
I understood the connection, confusion, or the conflict between the characters... I don't care too much about where does the storyline goes.
and besides, It's kinda like a connection between the main character and us the viewers.
maybe it's the last year of the Supernatural. and it seems not the end of the Criminal Minds.
I'll be with the BAU like forever.
It's been 5 years, their lives. How about My life in these 5 years. 7月27日 Seinfeld S2 EP041991年2月13日
第二季第四集 电话留言 The plot is based on a real-life experience of Larry David's.
这集是根据拉里.大卫（制片人之一）的真实经历改编的。 The Nielsen ratings for this episode were so low that the show was put on hiatus and considered for cancellation. It would return two months later. 这集的收视率实在太低，导致整个剧集面临被砍的危险。 Plot summary for "Seinfeld" The Phone Message
George leaves several nasty messages on a girlfriend's answering machine, then decides to steal the tape. 情节概要： 乔治在一个女朋友的答录机里留下了几条恶心的留言，然后决定去偷磁带。 Jerry's opening monologue:
The bad thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you're doing. Did you ever see anybody on TV like just sliding off the front of the sofa with potato chip crumbs on their face? Some people have a little too much fun on television: the soda commercial people - where do they summon this enthusiasm? Have you seen them? "We have soda, we have soda, we have soda", jumping, laughing, flying through the air - it's a can of soda. Have you ever been standing there and you're watching TV and you're drinking the exact same product that they're advertising right there on TV, and it's like, you know, they're spiking volleyballs, jetskiing, girls in bikinis and I'm standing there - "Maybe I'm putting too much ice in mine." 杰瑞的开场秀： 关于电视不好的一点是因为电视上的家伙做什么看起来都比你自己做得好。你肯定看不到电视里的人会滑下沙发，然后薯片洒了出来到自己脸上。还有些电视里的家伙，他们怎么就那么开心：那个苏打水广告的演员，他们哪来那么多激情？你看到吗？“我们有苏打水，我们有苏打水，我们有苏打水”，蹦蹦跳跳、欢乐无边，在半空中飞翔——一罐苏打水。你有没有站在那儿，看着电视里头和你手中一样的饮料，画面里尽是排球扣杀、水上摩托艇、比基尼女郎；而你站在那里没有任何这种感觉：（你会想，可能我放太多冰了） Monk's Diner, day. George and Jerry enter. George is excited:
（餐厅，乔治、杰瑞进，乔治很兴奋。） George: So then, as we were leaving, we were just kind of standing there, and she was sort of smiling at me, and I wasn't sure if she wanted me to ask her out, because when women smile at me I don't know what it means. Sometimes I interpret it like they're Psychotic or something and I don't know if I'm supposed to smile back, I don't know what to do. So I just stood there like - remember how Quayle looked when Benson gave him that Kennedy line? - that's what I looked like. 乔治：嗯当时，我们要离开，我们就站在那里，她好像在对我微笑，我不确定她是不是想我约她出去，因为每当有女人对我微笑我都不知道这意味着什么。有时我会理解为她们是不是疯了还是怎么着，反正我就不确定我是不是应该也回敬一个微笑，不知道该怎么办。所以我就站在那里——（这段有点背景，我不清楚）就好像本森要抛出他的肯尼迪问题时奎耶尔看他的表情——就是我看起来的样子。 Jerry: So you didn't ask? 杰瑞：也就是说你没有约她？ George: No, I froze. 乔治：没有，我傻了。 Jerry: (Points to counter) Counter. 杰瑞：（指着柜台）柜台。 George: Oh yeah. So wait, wait. A half-hour later I'm back in the office, I tell Lloyd the whole story. He says "So why don't you call her". I says "I can't." I couldn't, I couldn't do it right then. For me to ask a woman out I gotta get into a mental state like the karate guys before they break the bricks. So Lloyd calls me a wuss. 乔治：哦，是的。等等，等等。半小时后我回到办公室，我把这事告诉劳伊德了。他说：“你干嘛不给她电话呢？”。我说“我不能，我不能马上这么办。对我来说，要约个女生出来，就好像练空手道的人要劈砖前一样，要凝神静气的准备一番。所以劳伊德骂我是个怂人。” Jerry: He said wuss? 杰瑞：他说“怂人”？ George: Yeah. Anyway, he shamed me into it. 乔治：是啊，反正他让我很羞愧。 Jerry: So you called. (They sit at counter) 杰瑞：那你打电话了。（他们坐下） George: Right. And, and to cover my nervousness I started eating an apple, because I think if they hear you chewing on the other end of the phone, it makes you sound casual. 乔治：是的。而且为了掩饰我的不安，我开始吃苹果，因为我认为如果人家听到你在电话这头咀嚼的声音，他们会认为你听起来很随意。 Jerry: Yeah, like a farm boy. 杰瑞：可不是吗，就像个农家男孩。 George: Right. So I call her up, I tell her it's me, she gives me an enthusiastic 'Hi!' 乔治：是的。所以我给她电话啦，我说是我，她给了我一句热情四溢的“嗨”。 Jerry: Wow. Enthusiastic 'Hi!', that's beautiful. 杰瑞：喔！热情四溢的“嗨”，美死你啦。 George: Oh, I don't get the enthusiastic 'Hi!', I'm outta there. 乔治：哦，要不是这声“嗨”，我才不搭理呢。 Jerry: Alright, so you're chewing your apple, you got your enthusiastic 'Hi!' Go ahead. 杰瑞：那好吧，你就嚼着你的苹果，听到一声热情的“嗨”，继续说…… George: So, we're talking, and I don't like to go too long before I ask them out, I wanna get it over with right away, so I just blurt out "What are you doing Saturday night?" 乔治：所以我们开始聊，我不想在约她出来之前罗嗦太久，我想马上处理完，我就脱口而出“你周六晚上有啥安排没有？” Jerry: And? 杰瑞：然后呢？ George: She bought. 乔治：她答应了。 Jerry: Great day in the morning. 杰瑞：可真是清新美好的一天。 George: Then I got off the phone right away. 乔治：然后我就立马挂断电话啦。 Jerry: Sure, it's like robbing a bank: you don't loiter around in front of the teller holding that big bag of money. You come in, you hit and get out. 杰瑞：是啊。这就像抢银行：你可不会提溜着那一大袋子抢来的钱，在柜员面前晃悠。你进来，抢完走人。 George: It's amazing: we, we both have dates on the same night. I can't remember the last time that happened. 乔治：真是奇妙：我们，我和你在同一晚都有约会，我都想不起来上一次发生类似事件的时候了。 George's car, parked outside apartment building, night. George and his date Carol: （乔治的车，停在公寓外，夜里，乔治和他的约会对象卡罗尔） George: I can't stand doing laundry. That's why I have forty pairs of underwear. 乔治：我讨厌洗衣服。所以我有40套内衣。 Carol: You do not. 卡罗尔：你不会吧？ George: Absolutely. Because instead of doing a wash, I just keep buying underwear. My goal is to have over three hundred and sixty pair. That way, I only have to do wash once a year. 乔治：千真万确。与其去洗，我还不如一直不停的买内衣。我的目标就是拥有超过360条内裤。那样的话，我一年只需要洗一次衣服。 (They both laugh) （两人笑） Jerry's car, also parked outside an apartment building. Jerry and his girlfriend Donna:
（杰瑞的车，也是公寓外，杰瑞和女友唐娜） Jerry: (In awful Scots/Irish accent) Come on, try it. Let me hear you try a Scottish accent. 杰瑞：（用糟糕的苏格兰/爱尔兰口音）来吧，试试看，我想听听你用苏格兰口音说话。 Donna: That's Irish. 唐娜：那是爱尔兰。 Jerry: Irish, Scottish, what's the difference, lassie? 杰瑞：爱尔兰、苏格兰，有啥区别？ (Donna laughs) （唐娜笑） Back to George and Carol: （回到乔治和卡罗尔） Donna: So, er, thanks for dinner. It was great. 唐娜：那么，额，谢谢请我晚餐啦。很棒。 George: Yeah. We should do this again. 乔治：是啊，我们真该再出来一起吃饭。 Donna: Would you like to come upstairs for some coffee? 唐娜：你想上楼来喝点咖啡不？ George: Oh, no, thanks. I can't drink coffee late at night, it keeps me up. 乔治：哦，不，谢谢。我晚上不能喝咖啡，会让人失眠。 Donna: (Looks disappointed) So, um, OK. 唐娜：（看起来很失望）那么，好吧。 George: OK. 乔治：好。 Donna: Goodnight. 唐娜：晚安。 George: Yeah, take it easy. 乔治：嗯，再会。 (Donna leaves car. George realizes what he has done and bashes his forehead in disgust) （唐娜离开车，乔治意识到自己犯了愚蠢的错误，猛击自己的头部） Back to Jerry and Donna: （回到杰瑞和唐娜） Donna: Thanks again for the movie. 唐娜：谢谢请我看电影。 Jerry: You're welcome. 杰瑞：不客气。 Donna: I'd invite you up, but the place is being painted. 唐娜：我该请你上楼的，不过我那儿正在装修。 Jerry: Oh, that's OK. 杰瑞：哦，没事。 Donna: Unless you want to go to your place. 唐娜：除非你想回你的住处。 Jerry: OK, but there's no cake or anything, if that's what you're looking for. 杰瑞：好啊，那里可没有蛋糕或什么的，如果你是想要寻找这个的话。 Back to George, driving, looking frustrated: （回到乔治，开车，看起来很沮丧） George: Take it easy, huh, take it easy. 乔治：再见，呵呵，再会。 Jerry's apartment. Jerry and Donna sit on the sofa: （杰瑞的住所，杰瑞和唐娜坐在沙发） Jerry: I think if one's going to kill oneself, the least you could do is leave a note - it's common courtesy. I don't know, that's just the way I was brought up. 杰瑞：我认为一个人如果要自杀的话，至少他应该留个遗言啥的——这是基本的礼节礼貌。说不清楚，可能只是我这么认为吧。 Donna: Values are very important. 唐娜：信念很重要。 Jerry: Oh, so important. So what are you doing Thursday night - you wanna have dinner? 杰瑞：哦，很重要。你周四晚上干嘛呢——要不一起吃个饭？ Donna: Thursday's great. (Moves closer) 唐娜：周四，行啊。（靠近） Jerry: (Looks at his pants) Tan pants. Why do I buy tan pants, Donna? I don't feel comfortable in them. 杰瑞：（看着自己的裤子）鞣皮裤子，我干嘛买这东西，唐娜。穿着一点都不舒服。 Donna: Are those Cotton Dockers? 唐娜：这是棉制的度雅仕牛仔吗？ Jerry: Oh, I can't begin to tell you how much I hate that commercial. 杰瑞：哦，我都不想告诉你我有多讨厌那个广告。 Donna: Really? I like that commercial. (Jerry pauses) 唐娜：真的？我喜欢那个广告片。（杰瑞停了） Jerry: You like that commercial? 杰瑞：你喜欢那个？ Donna: Yeah, it's clever. 唐娜：是啊，很不错。 Jerry: Now wait a second, you mean the one where the guys are all standing around, supposedly being very casual and witty? 杰瑞：等等，你说的是那个：所有人都站在一圈，装作很随意、很机灵的样子？ Donna: Yeah, that's the one. 唐娜：是，就是这个。 Jerry: What could you possibly like about that? 杰瑞：你怎么会喜欢这个的？ Donna: I don't know, I like the guys. 唐娜：我不知道，我喜欢那些人。 Jerry: Yeah, they're so funny and so comfortable with each other, and I could be comfortable too, if I had pants like that. I could sit on a porch and wrestle around, and maybe even be part of a real bull session. 杰瑞：是啊，他们很风趣也很和谐，如果我有那种裤子我也会很舒适的。我能坐在门槛，肆意磨蹭，甚至能加入到闲聊中去。 Donna: Hey, I know guys like that. To me the dialogue rings true. 唐娜：嗨，我知道这种人，对我来说对话听起来挺真实的。 Jerry: (Shrugs. Pause) Even if the dialogue did ring true. Even if somehow somewhere men actually talk like that, what does that have to do with the pants? Doesn't that bother you? 杰瑞：（耸肩，暂停）就算对话听起来是真的，就算某时、某地男人的确是这么说话的，可这些跟裤子有什么关系呢？这很影响你吗？ Donna: (Increasingly annoyed) That's the idea. That's what's clever about it, that they're not talking about the pants. 唐娜：（越来越不耐烦的样子）这就是点子啊，也就是我觉得这广告灵的地方，就是因为他们不聊裤子。 Jerry: But they're talking about nothing. 杰瑞：可是他们不知所云啊。 Donna: That's the point. 唐娜：这就是好的地方！ Jerry: I know the point. 杰瑞：我不知道什么好的。 Donna: No one is telling you to like it. 唐娜：没人强求你喜欢啊。 Jerry: I mean, all those quick shots of the pants, just pants, pants, pants, pants, pants, pants, pants. What is that supposed to be? 杰瑞：我是说，那些快速闪过的镜头，都是关于裤子的，裤子、裤子、裤子，这算是啥意思呀？ (Donna sighs, leans away from Jerry, looks at watch) （唐娜无语，远离杰瑞，看表） Jerry monologue: （杰瑞独白） What's brutal about the date is the scrutiny that you put each other through. Because whenever you think about this person in terms of the future, you have to magnify everything about them. You know, like the guy'll be like 'I don't think her eyebrows are even. Could I look at uneven eyebrows for the rest of my life?' And of course the woman's looking at the guy, thinking 'What is he looking at? Do I want somebody looking at me like this for the rest of my life?' 约会最残酷的事情就是两个人要经历痛苦的仔细审查的过程。因为但凡你要去思索一个人的将来，你必须把他的每件事情都放大来看。你知道的，就好像说这兄弟的眉毛貌似不齐啊。我能不能忍受一辈子都看着这样的眉毛呢？当然这个女人注视着这个男人，想：他在看着什么呀？我是否需要有个人像这样看着我一辈子呢？ Jerry's apartment, day. Jerry and Elaine: （杰瑞住处，日间，杰瑞和依莲） Jerry: I'm supposed to see her again on Thursday, but can I go out with someone who actually likes this commercial? 杰瑞：我们本来约好周四再见的，不过我真的能和一个这么喜欢那广告片的人出去约会吗？ Elaine: I once broke up with a guy because he didn't keep his bathroom clean enough. 依莲：我有一次和一个男生分手只是因为他不能保持盥洗室的清洁。 Jerry: No kidding. Did you tell him that was the reason? 杰瑞：不会吧。那你有把这个原因告诉他吗？ Elaine: Oh yeah, I told him all the time. You would not have believed his tub: germs were building a town in there - they were constructing offices. Houses near the drain were going for $150,000. 依莲：哦当然，我一直跟他说的。你无法想像他的浴缸：细菌都可以在那里盖一座城池了——它们在盖楼呢。水管旁边的房子卖到15万。 (George enters, looking miserable, holding a brown paper bag) （乔治进，看起来很悲惨，拿着棕色的纸袋） Elaine: Hi. 依莲：嗨。 (George produces Pepto-Bismol bottle and box of bicarb from bag, places them on counter) （乔治拿出一罐佩托比斯摩和一盒小苏打，放到柜台） Jerry: You're still thinking about this? 杰瑞：你还在想这些呢？ George: (While preparing bicarb) She invites me up at twelve o clock at night, for coffee. And I don't go up. "No thank you, I don't want coffee, it keeps me up. Too late for me to drink coffee." I said this to her. People this stupid shouldn't be allowed to live. I can't imagine what she must think of me. 乔治：（准备小苏打时）她夜里12点邀请我，去喝咖啡。我不想去，我说：不了，谢谢，我不要咖啡，这会让我睡不着。现在喝咖啡对我来说太晚了。我居然对她说这个。像我这么蠢的人都不该活着。 Jerry: She thinks you're a guy that doesn't like coffee. 杰瑞：她不过就认为你不是个喜欢咖啡的人罢了。 George: She invited me up. Coffee's not coffee, coffee is sex. 乔治：她邀请我上去。醉翁之意不在酒！ Elaine: Maybe coffee was coffee. 依莲：可能只是咖啡而已。 George: Coffee's coffee in the morning, it's not coffee at twelve o clock at night. 乔治：在早晨，咖啡就是咖啡；在午夜12点，咖啡就不只是咖啡而已！ Elaine: Well some people drink coffee that late. 依莲：可是就有很多人在深夜喝咖啡的啊。 George: Yeah, people who work at NORAD, who're on twenty-four hour missile watch. Everything was going along so great: she was laughing, I was funny. I kept saying to myself "Keep it up, don't blow it, you're doing great." 乔治：是啊，那些在北美空防司令部工作的人，那些24小时负责观测导弹行踪的人（才这样）。万事俱备：她很开心的笑，我很搞笑。我不住的对自己说：保持住啊，别搞砸啦，你做得很棒。 Elaine: It's all in your head. All she knows is she had a good time. I think you should call her. 依莲：这些都只是在你脑子里而已，她所知道的就是她和你度过了欢乐的时光，我认为你还是要给她电话。 George: I can't call her now, it's too soon. I'm planning a Wednesday call. 乔治：我现在不能给她电话，太快了。我在筹备周三给她电话。 Elaine: Oh, why? I love it when guys call me the next day. 依莲：哦，为啥？我喜欢男人第二天就给我电话。 George: Of course you do, but you're imagining a guy you like, not a guy who goes (in stupid voice) "Oh no, I don't drink coffee late at night." If I call her now, she's gonna think I'm too needy. Women don't wanna see need. They want a take-charge guy - a colonel, a kaiser, a tsar. 乔治：你当然喜欢，不过你只是在想像一个你喜欢的男人，他这么说话（用傻气的语调）哦，不，我晚上不喝咖啡。如果我现在给她电话，她会认为我太饥渴了。女人不想看到露骨的需要，她们想看到一个负责的男人——上校、凯撒、沙皇。 Elaine: All she'll think is that you like her. 依莲：她知道的只是你喜欢她。 George: Yes, she wants me to like her, if she likes me, but she doesn't like me! 乔治：是的，她希望我喜欢她，如果她也喜欢我的话，可她并不喜欢我啊！ Elaine: I don't know what your parents did to you. 依莲：真不知道你父母对你做了些什么。 (Kramer enters, points at Jerry) （克雷默进，指着杰瑞） Kramer: Hey, I just thought of a really funny thing for your act. Alright, you're up there, you're on the stage and you go "Hey, you ever notice how cars here in New York, they never get out of the way of ambulances anymore. Someone's in a life-and-death situation, and we're thinking 'Well, sorry buddy, you should've thought of that when you were eating cheese omelettes and sauages for breakfast every morning for the last thirty years.'" So you gonna use it? 克雷默：嗨，我刚想到一个很好玩的笑料供你演出用。听着，你在那里站着，在舞台上你说：嗨，你们有注意到纽约的路况吗，汽车在路上再也不为救护车让道了。有人正处在生死边缘，我们却琢磨着：好吧，不好意思，当你吃奶酪蛋饼的早餐、一吃就是30年时，你就该想到会有今天。你会用这个段子吗？ Jerry: I don't think so. 杰瑞：我想不会吧。 Kramer: It's funny. 克雷默：这很有趣啊。 Elaine: It is funny. 依莲：是很有趣。 Kramer: That's as good as anything you do. 克雷默：这和你的其他段子一样精彩啊。 George: Alright, I gotta make a call. Everybody out, come on. 乔治：好吧，我去打电话。大家都出去吧，走起来…… Jerry: Why do we have to leave? 杰瑞：为什么我们要离开？ George: Because I can't call a woman with other people in the room. Come on, let's go. 乔治：因为我不能当着满屋子的人的面给一个女人打电话，所以走你们的！ Elaine: Oh, see, this is the problem. 依莲：哦，看吧，这可是个大问题。 Jerry: You're kicking me out of my house? 杰瑞：你把我踢出我自己的屋子？？ George: Yes. 乔治：是的。 Elaine: Don't forget. 依莲：别忘了。 George: Oh Jerry, do you have any apples? 乔治：哦，杰瑞，你有苹果不？ Jerry: Don't do the apples. That's enough already with the apples. 杰瑞：别再这么苹果了，它们已经受够了！ (Elaine, Kramer and Jerry leave. George removes jacket, dials phone) （依莲、克雷默和杰瑞离开，乔治脱外套，打电话） Phone: Hi, it's Carol, I 'll get back to you. (Beep) 电话：嗨，这里是卡罗尔，请留言，我回头打给你。 George: Uhm, hi, it's George, George Costanza, remember me? The guy that didn't come up for coffee. You see, I didn't realise that coffee didn't really mean ... well, whatever. Anyway, it was fun. It was, erm, it was fun, so, oh boy, uhm, so, you call me back. If you want, it's up to you, you know, whatever you wanna do. Either way. The ball's in your court. So, er, take it easy. 乔治：嗯，嗨，我是乔治，乔治.康斯坦茨，记得我吗？就是那个不肯上楼喝咖啡的家伙。你知道嘛，我其实没有意识到咖啡不仅仅意味着……嗯，好吧，不管怎么说，和你一起很开心。额……曾经很开心，那么，嗯，你会给我回电吧。如果你想的话，这都取决于你，你知道的，随便你怎么做。决定权在你手中。那么……再会了。 (Hangs up. Jerry enters) （挂断，杰瑞进） Jerry: I'm just gonna get my jacket, I'll meet you downstairs. What's the matter, did you call? 杰瑞：我只是来取我的外套，我们楼下见，怎么回事？你打过电话啦？ (Elaine enters) （依莲进） George: Got her machine. I'm dead, I'm a dead man. That's it. I'm dead, I'm a dead man. Dead man. 乔治：我打到她的语音信箱。我死了，我完蛋了。结束了。我死定了！！！死人一个…… Jerry: What did you say? 杰瑞：你说什么了？ George: I don't know what the hell I said. I gave her an ultimatum and there's nothing I can do. It's a machine. The little light is blinking right now: 'Come and listen to the idiot. Hey everybody, the idiot's on!' 乔治：我不知道我说了什么鬼话。我给她最后通牒我却无能为力。这是个机器！那盏小灯正在不停闪烁：来吧，来听听这傻瓜说的吧，嗨，大家好，傻瓜电台开始播音。 Jerry: After one date you try and improvise on her machine? 杰瑞：才约会一次，你就开始在她的答录机上作即兴演出了？！ George: Now I'm in the worst position of all. 乔治：我现在是在最尴尬的境地了。 Elaine: Y'know, my brother-in-law once left a message on this guy's machine, and he blurted out some business information he wasn't supposed to, and it would have cost him $15,000, so he waited outside the guy's house and when the guy came home he went upstairs with him and he switched the tape. 依莲：你知道吗，我的姐（妹）夫有次在一个家伙的答录机上留言，他不小心泄露了一些不该外传的商业信息，这有可能会让他赔上1万5千美元，所以他等在那个人的屋外，等那家伙上楼时，他赶紧替换了磁带。 George: He did that? 乔治：他真这么干了？！ Elaine: Yeah. 依莲：可不是吗。 George: Somebody did that? 乔治：有人这么干了？ Jerry: She'll call you back. You're overreacting. 杰瑞：她会给你回电的，你别大惊小怪的。 Jerry's apartment. Jerry and Donna:
（杰瑞家，杰瑞和唐娜） Jerry: Not once. 杰瑞：一次都没有。 Donna: Never? 唐娜：从没有过？ Jerry: I have never seen one episode of 'I Love Lucy' in my life ever. 杰瑞：我这辈子没看过一集“我爱露西”。 Donna: That's amazing. 唐娜：这可真特别。 Jerry: Thank you. 杰瑞：谢谢你。 Donna: Is there anything else about you I should know? 唐娜：你还有什么特别的我应该知道的吗？ Jerry: Yes, I'm lactose intolerant. 杰瑞：是的，我有乳糖不耐受症。 Donna: Really? 唐娜：真的？ Jerry: I have no patience for lactose. And I won't stand for it. Uhm, I'll be right back. (Goes to bathroom) 杰瑞：我对乳糖没有耐心，我无法忍受这个。嗯，我马上回来。（去洗手间） (George enters) （乔治进） George: Wait till you hear this (sees Donna). Whoa, ah, I'm sorry, I didn't, I had no idea. (Goes to leave) 乔治：你听听这个（看见唐娜）。哦，啊，不好意思，我不知道，我没想到……（准备离开） Donna: Wait, wait. He's in the bathroom. 唐娜：等等，他在洗手间。 George: I just wanted to talk to him for a minute, but I'll come back. 乔治：我只是想跟他说句话，我马上回来。 Donna: You don't have to leave. 唐娜：你不用回避的。 George: You sure? 乔治：你确定？ Donna: Yes. 唐娜：是的。 George: OK. 乔治：那好吧。 Donna: I'm Donna. 唐娜：我是唐娜。 George: Donna. Oh, you're the one that likes that commercial! 乔治：唐娜，哦，你就是喜欢那个广告片的人。 Donna: He told you about that. 唐娜：他跟你说过这事了。 George: No, he, he didn't actually tell me that, uh, we were talking about that commercial, in fact I think I brought it up because I like that commercial. No, he, he would never tell me anything like that. He never discusses anything. He's, he's like a clam. You're not gonna mention this, to him.. (Jerry re-enters) 乔治：没有，他，实际上他并没有告诉我，额，我们谈起那个广告片来着，我说起这个是因为其实我喜欢那个片子。不，他，他才不会跟我说起这种事呢。他从不和我探讨任何事情。他，他是个沉默寡言的家伙，你不会对他提起这个吧……（杰瑞进） Donna: (To Jerry) So you go around telling your friends I'm not hip because I like that commercial. 唐娜：（对杰瑞）看起来你经常跟你的朋友们掰扯我不时髦就是因为我不喜欢那个广告片。 Jerry: What? (To George) What did, what did you say? 杰瑞：什么？（对乔治）你，说什么了？ George: Say? What? Nothing, I.. 乔治：说？什么？没有啊，我…… Donna: You told him how I like the commercial. 唐娜：你跟他说我喜欢那个广告片。 Jerry: Well, so what if I said that? 杰瑞：好吧，我说过又怎样？ Donna: Well, so, you didn't have to tell your friends. 唐娜：你不需要去告诉你的朋友吧。 Jerry: No, I had to tell my friends, my friends didn't have to tell you. 杰瑞：不，我必须得告诉我的朋友们，我的朋友们没必要再转告你。 George: (To Donna) Why did you have to get me in trouble? 乔治：（对唐娜）为什么你要陷我于不仁不义？ Donna: I don't like you talking about me with your friends behind my back. 唐娜：我不喜欢你和你的朋友们在我的背后议论我。 George: Boy oh boy. 乔治：妈妈咪呀…… Jerry: I said I couldn't believe you liked that commercial. So what? 杰瑞：我说过我不敢相信你喜欢那个广告片，怎么啦！ Donna: I asked some friends of mine this week, and all of them liked the commercial. 唐娜：这周我问起过我的一些朋友，他们全都喜欢那个片子。 Jerry: Boy, I bet you got a regular Algonquin round table there. 杰瑞：老天啊，你们是不是有个嚼舌根的下三滥小团体啊？ 注：Algonquin round table——指一圈喜欢恶意指摘、挑剔、下三滥的人 (Kramer enters) （克雷默进） K:Hey. 克雷默：嗨。 Jerry: Oh, Kramer, this is Donna. 杰瑞：哦，克雷默，这是唐娜。 k Oh. Cotton Dockers! 克雷默：哦，牛仔裤广告！ George: Hello! Alright, we should be going. Come on .(Grabs Kramer) 乔治：喂！好吧，我们真的该走了。走你！（抓住克雷默） k What? Where are we going? 克雷默：怎么啦？我们去哪儿？ George: Come on! 乔治：走就是了！ Donna: Don't bother, I'm leaving. 唐娜：你们省省吧，我走了。 Jerry: Donna, really, you're making too much of this. 杰瑞：唐娜，说真的，你别太小题大做了。 K One hundred percent Cotton Dockers, if they're not Dockers, they're just pants! 克雷默：100％纯棉度雅士牌，如果不是度雅士，那不就只是裤子！ Jerry: Please, Donna. 杰瑞：拜托了，唐娜。 Donna: I don't wanna hear it.(Leaves) 唐娜：我不想听到这些。（离开） George: I can't believe I said that. You know me, I'm a vault. 乔治：不敢相信我说了这些，你知道我的，我就是个棒槌。 Jerry: Don't worry about it, it wasn't working anyway. 杰瑞：别担心这个，反正我和她没结果的。 k What happened there? 克雷默：出什么事了？ Jerry: I'll tell you later. 杰瑞：等会告诉你。 George: You are not gonna believe what's going on with this woman. 乔治：你不会相信这女人出什么事了。 Monk's Diner. George and Jerry sat in booth:
（蒙克餐馆，乔治杰瑞坐着） George: OK, so you remember I made the initial call Sunday, she doesn't call back. I call again Monday, I leave another message. I call Tuesday, I get the machine again: "I know you're there, I don't know what your story is." Yesterday, I'm a volcano - I try one more call, the machine comes on, and fly like Mussolini from the balcony- "Where the hell do you get the nerve? You invite me up for coffee and then you don't call me back for four days? I don't like coffee, I don't have to come up. I'd like to get one more shot at the coffee just so I could spit it in your face." 乔治：好吧，你记得我周日打过一个电话嘛，她没有给我回电。我周一又打了，留了另一通言。周二打电话，还是答录机，我就说：我知道你在那里，我不知道你在想什么。昨天，我怒了，我又打了，又TMD是答录机，我怒发冲冠，就这么吼着：你TMD好大的胆子！你邀请我去你家喝咖啡，然后连续4天不回我电话？我不喜欢咖啡，我没必要上去吧。我好想再喝一杯咖啡，这样我就可以吐在你的脸上！ Jerry: You said that? 杰瑞：你这么说的？ George: I lost it. 乔治：我失去理智了。 Jerry: I can't blame you. I can't believe she never called you back. 杰瑞：也不能怪你。我也不相信她居然一直没给你回电。 George: She did. Today. 乔治：她回了，今天。 Jerry: What? 杰瑞：什么？ George: She called my office. She said she's been in the Hamptons since Sunday. She didn't know if I was trying to get in touch with her. Her machine broke, and she's been using her old machine and she doesn't have the beeper for it. 乔治：她给我办公室来电。她说她从周日起就在汉普顿，她不知道我是否在尝试着和她联系。她的答录机坏了，她在用老的答录机，没有一个留言。 Jerry: So she didn't get the messages. 杰瑞：就是说她没有听到你的留言。 George: Exactly, but they're on there waiting. She said she can't wait to see me, we're having dinner tonight. She's supposed to call me as soon as she gets home. 乔治：是啊，但是那些留言都存着呢，她说等不及想见我，我们今晚共进晚餐。她一到家就会给我电话的。 Jerry: But what about the messages? 杰瑞：那些留言怎么办？ (George produces cassette tape from pocket) （乔治从口袋中拿出磁带） Jerry: Elaine's thing? How you gonna get in? 杰瑞：依莲的故事？可你怎么到她家呢？ George: I'll meet her outside the building. 杰瑞：我会在她住处外见她。 Jerry: But you know as soon as she gets in the apartment she's going right for that machine. 杰瑞：可她一回到住所，不就会奔向答录机嘛？ George: Or she goes for the bathroom. That's my only chance. Who am I kidding? I can't do this, I can't do this. I don't even know how to work those stupid machines. 乔治：她可以先去洗手间啊。这是我唯一的机会。我在瞎扯什么呢，我不能这么做，我做不来这个。我连怎么操作那该死的答录机都不会。 Jerry: There's nothing to it. You lift the lid, it comes right out. 杰瑞：没什么啊，你打开机器，拿出磁带就好了。 George: You do it for me. 乔治：你给我做做看。 Jerry: What? 杰瑞：什么？ George: Come on, it'll be so much easier. 乔治：你就帮帮忙吧，会容易很多的。 Jerry: How you gonna get me up there? 杰瑞：你打算怎么把我带过去？ George: I'll tell her I bumped into you, I'm giving you a ride uptown. 乔治：我会跟她说我碰到你了，然后我开车带你去城里。 Jerry: And who makes the switch? 杰瑞：谁去操作机器？ George: You do. 乔治：你啊。 Jerry: I do. 杰瑞：我做？ George: I can't do it. I'll, I'll keep her busy. 乔治：我不会操作啊，我会，我去牵制住她。 Jerry: I can't get involved in this. 杰瑞：我不能趟这浑水。 George: I think I may be in love with this woman. 乔治：我想我是爱上这女人了。 Jerry: What if she sees me? 杰瑞：要是她发现我了怎么办？ George: Oh, you are such a wuss. 乔治：哦，你真是个孬种。 Jerry: A wuss? 杰瑞：孬种？ George: Yeah. 乔治：是的。 Jerry: Did you call me a wuss? 杰瑞：你叫我孬种？？ Outside apartment building, night. George and Jerry are sat on a low wall:
（公寓外，夜，乔治和杰瑞坐在低墙上） George: Well there is traffic. It might take her till eight-fifteen. 乔治：路况不太好，她大概要8点15左右到。 Jerry: I got one problem: you're keeping her busy in the other room. Now, what if she somehow gets away from you and is coming in? You have to signal me that she's coming. 杰瑞：我有个问题，你在一个房间里把她缠住，要是她摆脱你了，冲过来怎么办？你得给我个信号啥的吧。 George: A signal, right, erm, OK, er OK, the signal is, I'll call out 'Tippy toe!' 乔治：信号，好的，行。信号就是……我会大叫“脚趾头”。 Jerry: 'Tippy Toe?' I don't think so. 杰瑞：“脚趾头”？不会吧！ George: You don't like 'Tippy toe?' 乔治：你不喜欢“脚趾头”？ Jerry: No 'Tippy toe.' 杰瑞：不要“脚趾头”。 George: Alright, er, OK I got it, erm, I'll sing. 乔治：好吧，额，我有了，那我就唱歌。 Jerry: What song? 杰瑞：哪首歌？ George: Erm, 'How do you solve a problem like Maria?' 乔治：额，“怎样像玛利亚一样解决问题？” Jerry: What is that? 杰瑞：这是什么鬼歌？ George: Oh, it's a lovely song. (Sings) How do you solve a problem like Maria? 乔治：哦，这是首很好的歌。（唱）怎样像玛利亚一样解决问题？ Jerry: Anything else? 杰瑞：还有别的什么吗？ George: You pick it. 乔治：你选吧。 Jerry: 'Lemon Tree' 杰瑞：柠檬树。 George: Peter, Paul and Mary. 乔治：彼得，保罗和玛莉。 Jerry: No, Trini Lopez. 杰瑞：不，特立尼.洛佩兹。 Both: (Singing) Lemon tree very pretty and a lemon flower 俩人：（唱）柠檬树和柠檬花儿多美丽。 George: You got the tape? 乔治：磁带准备好了吧？ Jerry: (Produces tapes) Standard. Micro. 杰瑞：（拿出磁带）标准的。 George: How do you feel? Confident? 乔治：你什么感觉？自信？ Jerry: Feel good. 杰瑞：我感觉很好。 George: You nervous? 乔治：你紧张吗？ Jerry: Not at all. 杰瑞：一点都不。 George: Get up, get up, it's her. Oh, the hell with this, I'm scared to death, just walk away, it's off, cancel everything, go! 乔治：起来，起来，她来了。哦，我死翘翘了。我怕得要死，我们走吧，行动取消，取消！走！ (Carol arrives) （卡罗尔到） George: Hey! What are you doing here? I thought I was supposed to call you when I got home. 乔治：嗨！你在干啥？我还想回家再给你电话的呢。 George: I, I couldn't wait. I was too anxious to see you. 乔治：我，我等不及了。我太想见你了。 Carol: Oh, that's so sweet. 卡罗尔：哦，你嘴真甜。 George: Oh, this is my friend, Jerry Seinfeld. I just bumped into him around the corner. Isn't that a coincidence? The funny thing is, I see him all the time. 乔治：哦，这是我朋友，杰瑞.宋飞。碰巧在街角遇见他，真是巧了。更搞笑的是，我几乎一直看见他。 Jerry: All the time. 杰瑞：一直。 Carol: It's nice to meet you. 卡罗尔：很高兴见到你。 Jerry: Hi. 杰瑞：嗨！ Carol: So, I'm starving. Where are we gonna eat? 卡罗尔：嗯，我很饿了，我们去哪儿吃饭呢？ George: You know, we could go uptown, and that way we could give Jerry a ride home. 乔治：嗯，我们可以去中心城区，顺便可以送杰瑞回家。 Carol: OK. Let's go, I'm ready, where'd you park? 卡罗尔：好的，我们走，你车停哪里？ George: Don't you wanna go upstairs first? 乔治：你不想先上楼一下？ Carol: No, what for? I'll just give my bag to the doorman. 卡罗尔：不，去干嘛？我只要把我的包包给门卫就行了。 Jerry: You know, I really need to use the bathroom. 杰瑞：不好意思，我真的需要用一下洗手间。 Carol: Oh well there's a bathroom in the coffee shop just next door. 卡罗尔：哦，隔壁有间咖啡馆就有洗手间的。 George: Yes, yes, but er, I have to make a call, so... 乔治：是的是的，不过，我得打个电话，所以…… Carol: Well they have a phone. 卡罗尔：哦，（咖啡馆）也有电话的。 (George takes Carol to one side) （乔治把卡罗尔拉到一边） George: I know Jerry. He has this phobia about public toilets. I think we really should go upstairs. 乔治：我了解杰瑞。他对公用厕所有种恐惧症。我想我们真得上楼一趟。 Carol: (Aloud) You know, I think I will go upstairs. I can check my machine. 卡罗尔：（大声）你知道的，我想我是得上楼一下，我可以看看我的答录机。 George: Right, right. 乔治：好的，好的。 (They enter building) （他们进入大楼） Inside Carol's apartment. Carol, Jerry and George enter:
（卡罗尔家，卡罗尔、杰瑞和乔治进） Carol: The bathroom's on the hall to the right. 卡罗尔：洗手间在过道往右。 Jerry: Er, you know, why don't you go first, you just had a long trip. 杰瑞：额，我想还是你先去吧，你刚度过长途旅行。 Carol: No, I'm fine. 卡罗尔：不用，我没事。 Jerry: Uhmmm, you know, it's the damnedest thing, it went away. 杰瑞：额，最尴尬的事情是，我不用（上厕所）了。 Carol: Oh that's weird. 卡罗尔：哦，真是奇了怪啦。 George: No, no that can happen. I've, er, I've read about that in medical journals. It's a freak thing, but... 乔治：不，这是可能发生的。我在医学杂志看到这种事情，很奇怪可是…… Carol: Well, let me just check my messages, and we'll go. 卡罗尔：那么，我就去检查一下我的答录机，我们就走。 George: Uh, Carol, can I talk to you for a second? Right now. 乔治：哦，卡罗尔，我能跟你说句话吗？就现在。 Carol: Sure. 卡罗尔：当然。 George: Please, this is very, very important. (Leads her to other room) 乔治：这，这事非同小可。（把她领到另一间房） (Jerry goes over to machine to switch tape) （杰瑞去答录机，替换磁带） George: (Shouts from other room) Uhh, tippy toe! Tippy toe! Lemon tree! 乔治：（大声吼）哦，脚趾头！脚趾头！柠檬树！ (Carol reappears followed by George) （卡罗尔跟随乔治出现） Carol: (To Jerry) Now I know who you are. You're a comedian. I've seen you, it's driving me crazy. 卡罗尔：（对杰瑞）我现在反应过来你是谁了，你是那个喜剧演员。我见过你，你的表演让人疯狂。 Jerry: Right. I am. 杰瑞：可不是嘛，呵呵。 George: Carol, that's so rude. Please, I'm serious, just for a moment, if you wouldn't mind, and then we'll talk to Jerry. 乔治：卡罗尔，这可真不礼貌。请你，我认真的，就一会儿，你不介意的话，然后我们再和杰瑞聊天。 (George leads Carol back out, Jerry switches tapes) （乔治带领卡罗尔回去，杰瑞换磁带） Jerry: (Shouts) Hey you two. I'm ready to go. 杰瑞：（大喊）嗨你们俩，我准备好走了。 (George and Carol return) （乔治和卡罗尔回来） Carol: That's what you had to tell me? Your father wears sneakers in the pool? 卡罗尔：你就想告诉我这个？你老爸在泳池里穿跑鞋？ George: (To Jerry) Don't you find that strange? 乔治：（对杰瑞）你不觉得这奇怪嘛？ Jerry: Yes. 杰瑞：是的。 Carol: Well, I'll just check my machine and we'll go. No, nothing here, let's go. Oh, I forgot to tell you. After I talked to you today my neighbour called me and played my messages to me over the phone. 卡罗尔：好吧，我去看看我的答录机我们就走。哦，啥都没有，我们走吧。哦，我忘了告诉你今天和你电话后，我邻居给我打电话然后给我听留言。 George: Oh, uhhh... 乔治：哦，哦…… Carol: Yours were hilarious, we were both cracking up. I just love jokes like that. 卡罗尔：你的留言真搞笑，我们都笑翻了。我喜欢这种笑话。 (All three leave) （离场） Jerry's closing monologue: 杰瑞的结尾独白： I love my phone machine. I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to I could go "Excuse me, I'm not in right now. If you could just leave a message, I could walk away." I also have a cordless phone, but I don't like that as much, because you can't slam down a cordless phone. You get mad at somebody on a real phone - "You can't talk to me like that!" Bang! You know. You get mad at somebody on a cordless phone - "You can't talk to me like that!" (Mimes fiddly button-pressing) "I told him!" 我爱我的答录机。我希望我自己是台电话答录机。我希望在街上碰到某个不想说话的人我可以这么说：不好意思，我现在不在，麻烦你留下口信，我要闪了。我有台无绳电话，不过我不怎么喜欢，你不能摔无绳电话。你对电话那头的人发火，你可以“你怎么能这么跟我说话！”——砰！要是无绳电话就没有这种效果了，“你不能这么跟我说话！”（模仿轻巧的按下按钮）“我告诫过他的”。 5月6日 Seinfeld S2 EP031991年2月6日
第二季第三集 夹克衫 Plot summary for "Seinfeld" The Jacket
Jerry wears an expensive jacket when he meets Elaine's father, but an argument ensues when Jerry is reluctant to wear it outside during a snowfall. 情节概要：
杰瑞见依莲的老爸时穿了一件很贵的夹克衫，不过当杰瑞拒绝穿这个去漫天风雪的户外时争端产生了。 [Setting: Night club]
（场景：俱乐部） JERRY: I hate clothes, okay? I hate buying them. I hate picking them out of my closet. I can't stand every day trying to come up with little outfits for myself. I think eventually fashion won't even exist. It won't. I think eventually we'll all be wearing the same thing. 'Cause anytime I see a movie or a TV show where there's people from the future of another planet, they're all wearing the same thing. Somehow they decided "This is going to be our outfit. One-piece silver jumpsuit, V-stripe, and boots. That's it." We should come up for an outfit for earth. An earth outfit. We should vote on it. Candidates propose different outfits, no speeches. They walk out, twirl, walk off. We just sit in the audience and go, "That was nice. I could wear that." 杰瑞：我讨厌衣服，真的！我讨厌买衣服。我讨厌从衣橱里挑衣服。我很难忍受每天都要挑出一些自己要穿的服饰。我认为时尚这个东西最终必将消亡。必将！最终我们都将穿着一样的东西。因为我看到的任何影视剧，里面那些来自未来外星球的人物都穿着一样的东西。这就好像他们作出一个决定：我们的服装将会是，一体式的银色跳伞服、V型条纹、靴子，酱紫！我们也该整一件，地球服。我们应该为此搞个投票。参评者提供各样的服装，不要演讲。他们穿着走出来，转个圈，走开。我们就坐在观众席，评论着：这个不错，我想穿这个…… (Scene ends) [Setting: Clothing store]
（场景：服饰店） JERRY: I think I've seen enough. 杰瑞：我想我是看够了。 SALESMAN: Well, I might have something in the back. 店员：嗯，后面可能还有些衣服。 ELAINE: The back? They never find anything in the back. If they had anything good in the back, they'd put it out in the front. 依莲：后面？后面能有啥好货色。要是后面有好的，不早拿到前面来了。 JERRY: Why don't they open up an entire store for the back? Call it, "Just Back." All back. No front. You walk in the front, you're immediately in the back. (Picks up a tie display) Look, Elaine, tie car wash. 杰瑞：他们干嘛不为“后面”的衣服专门开个店面？就命名为“只是后面”。都是后面，没有前面。你从正门走入，你就直接在“后面”了。（拿起一条领带）看看，依莲，洗车时的领带。 CUSTOMER: (Sees the book Elaine is holding) Oh, I just read that. That's terrific. 顾客：（看到依莲拿着的书）哦，我刚看过，真的很棒啊。 JERRY: (Pointing to Elaine) Her father wrote that. 杰瑞：（指着依莲）她老爸写的。 CUSTOMER: Alton Benes is your father? 顾客：阿尔顿.贝尼斯是你的父亲？ ELAINE: Yeah. 依莲：是啊。 CUSTOMER: I always felt he deserved a wider audience. 顾客：我总是觉得他应该得到更多读者和关注。 ELAINE: I'm not so sure he wants one. (Customer leaves) Hey, don't forget Sunday, okay? You and George are coming, right? Hotel Westbury, eight o' clock. 依莲：我不确定他要不要读者。（顾客离开）嗨，别忘了周日，好吗？你还有乔治都来，对吧？维斯贝里酒店，8点。 JERRY: ..I guess I'm coming.. I mean.. 杰瑞：我想我会去的……我是说…… ELAINE: What? What, you don't want to go now? 依莲：什么？你是说，你不想去？ JERRY: No, I'll go. I'm going. 杰瑞：不，我会去的，我去的。 ELAINE: No, Jerry, you have to. I need a buffer. You know, I haven't seen my father in a while and.. you know. 依莲：不，杰瑞，你必须得去。我需要个缓冲。你知道的，我有一阵子没见我老爸了……还有你知道的…… JERRY: I'm worried I won't be able to talk to him. He's such a great writer. Frankly, I perfer the company of nitwits. 杰瑞：我有点担心我很难跟他交流。他是如此出色的作家。坦率地说，我更希望和笨蛋待着。 ELAINE: So, that's why we're not togeter anymore. 依莲：所以，我和你就不经常待在一起了。 JERRY: (Looks at a jacket) What is this? (Holds it up) This is beautiful.. but these jackets never fit me right. 杰瑞：（看着一件夹克衫）这是啥？（拿起来）帅呆了……不过这种夹克衫和我总不怎么匹配。 ELAINE: Try it on. (Feels it) Wow, this is soft suede. 依莲：试试呗。（摸了一下）喔，好柔软的山羊皮。 JERRY: This may be the most perfect jacket I have ever put on. (Elaine grabs the tag) How much is it? 杰瑞：这估计是我穿过的最完美的夹克衫了。（依莲看标签）多少钱？ ELAINE: (Shocked) Oh my God. 依莲：（震惊状）额滴神。 JERRY: Bad? (Elaine nods) ..Very bad? 杰瑞：夸张？（依莲点头）……很夸张？ ELAINE: You have no idea. 依莲：无法想像。 JERRY: I have some idea. 杰瑞：让我想象一下呗。 ELAINE: No idea. 依莲：太离谱。 JERRY: I've got a ballpark. 杰瑞：我有个大概的预估（多义词：也可意为运动场） ELAINE: There is no park and the team has relocated. 依莲：根本没什么鱼给你沽的。 JERRY: (Looks at the tag) ..That is high. 杰瑞：（看看标签）……的确够可以的。 ELAINE: Oh man, that is a beautiful jacket, though. 依莲：老天啊，不过这的确是件漂亮的夹克衫。 JERRY: (Looking at the insides of the jacket) What's with the pink lining and the candy stripes? 杰瑞：（看看衣服内里）这粉色的衬里还有条纹图案是怎么回事？ ELAINE: Well, it's just a lining. You can always have it changed. 依莲：嗯，只是衬里罢了，你可以更换呀。 JERRY: Should I get it? I hate these moments. I'm hearing the dual voices now, you know. "What about the money?" "What's money?" 杰瑞：我应该买吗？我讨厌这种时候，我能听到二重唱——你知道吗，“那这么贵怎么办”和“钱算什么”。 SALESMAN: It looks wonderful on you. 店员：你穿着很好看。 (Scene ends) [Setting: Jerry's apartment]
（场景：杰瑞家） (Jerry's sitting on his couch wearing his pajamas and his new jacket. He gets up to look at his jacket in the mirror. Kramer enters) （杰瑞穿着睡衣加新的夹克衫坐在沙发上，站起到镜子前看，克雷默进） JERRY: Hey. 杰瑞：嗨。 KRAMER: Hey. New jacket? 克雷默：嗨，新夹克？ JERRY: What do you think? 杰瑞：你看怎么样？ KRAMER: It's beautiful. 克雷默：很漂亮啊。 JERRY: Is it me? 杰瑞：（穿着）像我吗？ KRAMER: That's definitely you. 克雷默：可不是你嘛！ JERRY: Really? 杰瑞：真的？ KRAMER: That's more you than you've ever been. (Starts looking the jacket over) What is with the pink lining? 克雷默：这比以前的你更有“真我的风采”。（仔细打量夹克）粉色衬里是怎么回事？ JERRY: I don't know. It's got a pink lining. 杰瑞：我不知道，这衣服有粉色衬里。 KRAMER: Oh.. So, what did you pay for this? 克雷默：哦……那么，你为这衣服付了多少钱？ JERRY: I paid what it costs. 杰瑞：该付多少付多少呗。 KRAMER: How much? 克雷默：多少钱？ JERRY: What's the difference? 杰瑞：干嘛问这个？ KRAMER: What, you're not gonna tell me? 克雷默：怎么，难道你不打算告诉我？ JERRY: I'd rather not say it out loud. It's embarrassing. 杰瑞：我觉得最好不要声张。有点尴尬。 KRAMER: Over three hundred? 克雷默：超过300美金？ JERRY: Yes, but let's just stop it right there. 杰瑞：是啊，不过最好别再猜了。 KRAMER: It's over four hundred? 克雷默：400以上？ JERRY: Really, I'm not answering anymore. 杰瑞：真的，我不回答了…… KRAMER: Is it over four hundred? 克雷默：是不是超过400？ JERRY: Would you? 杰瑞：麻烦你…… KRAMER: (Finds the tag) Woah, Nelson! 克雷默：（找到标签）喔！天…… JERRY: I know, I know. 杰瑞：我了，我了。 KRAMER: (Talking about his old jacket) What are you gonna do with the leather one? 克雷默：（说起一件旧的夹克）你打算怎么处置你那件皮夹克？ JERRY: I don't know. 杰瑞：不知道。 KRAMER: Well, are you gonna wear it? 克雷默：那你还会不会穿呢？ JERRY: Maybe. 杰瑞：可能吧。 KRAMER: (Looking over the leather jacket) You're not going to wear this. 克雷默：（看看皮夹克）你是不会再穿这件老的了。 JERRY: Do you want it? 杰瑞：你想要？ KRAMER: Well, yeah. Okay. I'll take it.. I like the jacket. 克雷默：嗯，是啊，好吧。我拿走了……我喜欢这夹克。 JERRY: (Takes one last look at the leather jacket) ..Okay, take it. 克雷默：（看旧夹克最后一眼）……好吧，拿走。 KRAMER: Good karma for you. (Kramer puts on his new jacket, and stands next to Jerry, looking in the mirror.) Oh baby. 克雷默：爽歪歪。（克雷默穿上夹克，站在杰瑞旁，看着镜子）宝贝儿…… (Scene ends) [Setting: Jerry's apartment]
（场景：杰瑞家） (George enters singing "Master Of the House" - a Les Miserables show tune) （乔治唱着“一家之主”－悲惨世界唱段－进屋） GEORGE: "Master of the house.. doling out the charm, ready with a handshake and an open palm. Tells a saucy talke, loves to make a stir everyone appreciates a.." 乔治：“一家之主，魅力十足；握手言欢，人人惊羡……” JERRY: What is that song? 杰瑞：这是啥歌？ GEORGE: Oh, it's from Les Miserables. I went to see it last wee. I can't get it out of my head. I just keep singing it over and over. It just comes out. I have no control over it. I'm singing it on elevators, buses. I sing it infront of clients. It's taking over my life. 乔治：哦，这是悲惨世界里头的，我上周去看了。让人难以忘怀啊。我忍不住一遍一遍的吟唱。脱口而出，根本控制不了。我在电梯里、公交车上唱，我对着我的客户唱，这曲子统治了我的生活。 JERRY: You know, Schumann went mad from that. 杰瑞：你知道不，舒曼就是这么疯的。 GEORGE: Artie Schumann? From Camp Hatchapee? 乔治：亚蒂.舒曼？哈奇皮营地的？ JERRY: No, you idiot. 杰瑞：不是，你个小白。 GEORGE: What are you, Bud Abbott? What, are you calling my an idiot? 乔治：你是什么？二傻。你敢骂我是白痴？ JERRY: You don't know Rober Schumann? The composer? 杰瑞：你不知道罗伯特.舒曼？作曲家？ GEORGE: Oh, Schumann. Of course. 乔治：哦，舒曼，当然。 JERRY: (Trying to scare George) He went crazy from one note. He couldn't get it out of his head. I think it was an A. He kept repeating it over and over again. He had to be institutionalized. 杰瑞：（想吓吓乔治）他因为一个音符就疯了。他无法把这个音符赶出自己的脑海。我想可能是A。他不停的重复这个音符啊。不得不变得模式化了。 GEORGE: Really? ..Well, what if it doesn't stop? (Jerry gestures "That's the breaks." George gasps) Oh, that I really needed to hear. That helps a lot! Alright, just say something. Just start talking. Change the subject.. Let's just go, alright? I can't believe we're having dinner with Alton Benes. 乔治：真的？那么，要是不停止怎么办？（杰瑞表示“会有中断的”，乔治喘气）哦，那我得听听。会很有帮助的。好吧，说点什么吧。随便说点什么，换个话题……我们走吧，行不？不敢相信我们要和阿尔顿.贝尼斯共进晚餐。 JERRY: I know exactly what's goin to happen tonight. I'm gonna try and act like I'm not impressed, he's gonna see right through it. 杰瑞：我很清楚今晚会发生些什么。我会表现得毫不在意的样子，他应该会明了吧。 GEORGE: Yeah, he'll be looking at us like he's backstage at a puppet show. 乔治：是啊，他看着我们就好像在操纵一场木偶戏一样简单。 JERRY: Let me just get my jacket. (Moves to the bedroom) 杰瑞：我去拿我的夹克。（去卧室） GEORGE: "Master of the house, keeper of the inn.." (Jerry proudly models his new jacket infront of George. George looks in admiration at the jacket) This is huge! When did this happen? 乔治：“一家之主，小屋守卫……”（杰瑞自豪的在乔治面前显摆自己的新夹克，乔治很羡慕的看着）酷的嘛！啥时候买的？ JERRY: Wednesday. This jacket has completely changed my life. When I leave the house in this, it's with a whole different confidence. Like tonight, I might've been a little nervous. But, inside this jacket, I am composed, grounded, secure that I can meet an social challenge. 杰瑞：周三。这件夹克彻底改变了我的生活。当我穿着它走出这间屋子时，给我一种全然不同的自信心。就像今晚，我也许还有点紧张，不过在这件夹克里，我很沉静、很有底气还有安全感，我能面对一切挑战。 GEORGE: (Nods) Can I say one thing to you? And I say this wiht an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality. 乔治：（点头）能和你说件事不？说这个时候我毫不带丝毫反异性恋的立场。 JERRY: Absolutely. 杰瑞：好啊。 GEORGE: ..It's fabulous. 乔治：这……太棒了！ JERRY: I know. 杰瑞：我了。 GEORGE: And I'll tell you something else, I'm not even going to ask you. I want to know. But I'm not going to ask. You'll tell me when you feel comfortable.. So what was it? Four hundred? Five hundred? Did you pay five hundred for this? (Jerry's acting coy throughout the whole thing) Over six? Can't be seven. Don't tell my you paid seven hundred dollars for this jacket! Did you pay seven hundred dollars for this jacket? Is that what you're saying to me?! You are sick! Is that what you paid for this jacket?! Over seven hundred? What did you pay for this jacket? I won't say anything. I wanna know what you paid for this jacket! Oh my God! A thousand dollars?! You paid a thousand dollars for this jacket?! Alright, fine. I'm walking out of here right now thinking you paid a thousand dollars for this jacket, unless you tell me different. (Jerry still coy, stays silent) Oh, ho! Alright! I'll tell you what, if you don't say anything in the next five seconds, I'll know it was over a thousand.. 乔治：我还想告诉你一点别的，我甚至都不打算问你。我想知道，但我不问。你觉得可以就告诉我吧……到底多少钱？400？500？你花500大洋买的这个？（杰瑞腼腆的不理会）600多？不可能700吧？！别告诉我你为了件夹克花了700！到底是不是花了700买的这夹克！？你想表达啥意思？你这变态的家伙！你为这花了多少钱？超过700？！你真的花了这么多？超过700？你到底花多少钱？我懒得理你了。我想知道你到底花多少钱！额滴神！1000？你为这夹克花了1000？好吧，好的……我马上离开这里，心里想着你为这夹克花了1000，除非你告诉我不是这个数。（杰瑞还不说话）哦，靠！好吧，我跟你说哦，5秒钟内你还不说，我就认为这超过1000了…… (Enter Kramer) （克雷默进） KRAMER: Hey. Hey, would you do me a solid? 克雷默：嗨，嗨，帮个大忙行不？ JERRY: Well, what kind of solid? 杰瑞：好吧，啥事儿？ KRAMER: I need you to sit in the car for two minutes while it's double-parked. I gotta pick up some birds. 克雷默：我想你坐在我车里2分钟，以防被贴“警告”，我得去找些鸟。 JERRY: Birds? 杰瑞：鸟？ KRAMER: Yeah. A friend of mine, he's a magician. He's going away on vacation. He asked me to take care of his doves. 克雷默：是啊，一个朋友，他是个魔术师。他要去度假。他要我照顾他的鸽子们。 JERRY: So take a cab. 杰瑞：那你打车去好啦。 KRAMER: They won't take a cage full of birds. 克雷默：出租车不让带鸟笼的。 JERRY: I can't. I'm on my way out. There's no way I can do it. 杰瑞：我不能。我要出门呢。帮不了你。 KRAMER: George, do me a solid? Two minutes. 克雷默：乔治，帮个忙呗！就2分钟。 GEORGE: Well, I'm going with him. I'd like to, I've never done a solid before. 乔治：好吧，我跟你走。我想去，貌似我从未帮过你大忙。 KRAMER: Alright.. yeah.. alright, have a good one. 克雷默：好吧，嗯，好，这可是大事。 (Kramer leaves) （克雷默走） JERRY: (Scoffs) Two minutes. Believe me, I know his two minutes.. By his conception of time, his life will last over two thousand years. 杰瑞：（嘲笑）2分钟，相信我吧，我可领教过他的“2分钟”……按他的时间观念，他的生命可以长达2000年。 (Scene ends) [Setting: Hotel lobby]
（场景：酒店大堂） (Jerry and George enter. George's singing "Master of the House") （杰瑞、乔治进，乔治哼唱“一家之主”） GEORGE: "Master of the House. Quick to catch your eye, never wants a passerby to pass him by." 乔治：“一家之主，引人瞩目，走过路过，不会错过” JERRY: (Points to his head) Schumann. (George gets visibly scared) Where are they? 杰瑞：（指着他的头）舒曼。（乔治惊恐）他们在哪儿？ GEORGE: Maybe he didn't show up. 乔治：可能他没来。 JERRY: What, you don't want to do this? 杰瑞：什么，你不想过来？ GEORGE: I don't think there's ever been an appointment in my life where I wanted the other guy to show up. 乔治：我想，在我的生命里，什么约会我都不指望对方出现。 GEORGE: (Sees an elderly man sitting on a leather chair) Wait a second, is that him? 乔治：（看见一个长者坐在皮椅上）等等，那是不是他？ JERRY: Yeah, I think it is. (They walk tward him) Where's Elaine? 杰瑞：是，我想是的。（他们走近）依莲在哪儿？ GEORGE: I'm nervous. 乔治：我很紧张。 JERRY: Excuse me.. Mister Benes? 杰瑞：请问……您是贝尼斯先生吗？ ALTON: Yeah? 阿尔顿：是啊。你是？ JERRY: I'm Jerry. Elaine's friend.. and this is George. 杰瑞：我是杰瑞。依莲的朋友……这位是乔治。 GEORGE: (Holds out his hand for a handshake) It's a great thrill to meet you, Sir. 乔治：（伸手，欲握手）见到您非常高兴，先生。 (Alton starts hacking, George withdraws his hand) （阿尔顿咳嗽，乔治收手） ALTON: Sit down. Want a drink? 阿尔顿：坐吧，要喝点啥？ JERRY: Sure. 杰瑞：行。 ALTON: (Summons waiter) What do you have? 阿尔顿：（招服务生）有些啥喝的？ JERRY: (To waiter) I'll have a cranberry juice with two limes. 杰瑞：（对服务生）我要草莓汁加酸橙。 GEORGE: And, I'll have a club soda with no ice. 乔治：我要苏打水，不加冰。 BENES: (Gives both Jerry and George a look) I'll have another Scotch with plenty of ice. 贝尼斯：（看了两人一眼）我要苏格兰威士忌，加很多冰。 GEORGE: You like ice? 乔治：你喜欢冰？ ALTON: Huh? 阿尔顿：怎么？ GEORGE: I said, do you like ice? 乔治：我说，你喜欢冰？ ALTON: Like it? 阿尔顿：喜欢？ GEORGE: Don't you think you get more without it? 乔治：你不认为不加冰的更有味道？ ALTON: (Pauses) Where's Elaine? 阿尔顿：（停顿）依莲在哪儿？ JERRY: Well, we thought she was meeting you earlier. She's usually pretty punctual. (Alton remains quiet) ..Don't you find that, George? 杰瑞：嗯，我们以为她会早点出现呢，她一直很守时的。（阿尔顿保持沉默）你有没有发现，乔治？ GEORGE: Yeah, yeah. She's punctual.. and she's been late sometimes. 乔治：是，是，她很守时……她有时也迟到。 JERRY: Yeah, yeah. Sometimes she's on time, and sometimes she's late. 杰瑞：是，是，有时她准时，有时她迟到。 GEORGE: I guess today she's late. 乔治：我想今天她是迟到了。 JERRY: It appears that way. 杰瑞：看起来是的。 GEORGE: Yep. 乔治：是。 JERRY: Yep. 杰瑞：是啊。 (Both Jerry and George look at the door, anticipating Elaine's arrival) （杰瑞、乔治都看着门，期待依莲到来） ALTON: Looks like rain. 阿尔顿：看起来要下雨。 GEORGE: (Perks up) I know, I know, that's what they said. 乔治：（活跃状）我就知道，这就是他们所谓的…… ALTON: Who said? 阿尔顿：谁所谓的？ GEORGE: The weather guy, Dr. Waldo. 乔治：天气预报的家伙啊，瓦尔多博士。 ALTON: I don't need anybody to tell me it's gonna rain. 阿尔顿：我可不需要任何人来告诉我会下雨。 GEORGE: No, of course not. I didn't.. 乔治：不，当然不用，我不是…… ALTON: All I have to do is stick my head out the window. (Waiter shows up with the drinks) Which one's suppose to be the funny guy? 阿尔顿：我所要做的就是把我的头伸出窗去。（服务生拿饮料过来）哪个家伙是搞笑的那位？ GEORGE: (Pointing at Jerry) Oh, he's the comedian. 乔治：（指着杰瑞）哦，他是个喜剧大师。 JERRY: I'm just a regular person. 杰瑞：我只是个普通人。 GEORGE: No, no. He's just being modest. 乔治：不，不，他只是谦虚。 ALTON: We had a funny guy with us in Korea. A tailgunner. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific. (Long pause) There's nothing funny about that. 阿尔顿：在朝鲜我们有个搞笑的家伙。追踪炮。他们把他打得稀烂。（长停顿）这事儿没啥好笑的。 (Jerry and George turn to the door again) （杰瑞和乔治再度望着门口） JERRY: Would you excuse me a minute? I'm gonna go to the bathroom. I'll be right back. 杰瑞：不好意思，我得去一下洗手间。马上回来。 (Jerry leaves. George is left alone with Alton) （杰瑞离开，乔治与阿尔顿独处） GEORGE: I just wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed Fair Game. I thought it was just brilliant. 乔治：我只想告诉您，我很喜欢《公平游戏》这本书。太精彩了。 ALTON: Drivel. 阿尔顿：扯淡。 GEORGE: Maybe some parts. 乔治：可能某些部分（精彩）。 ALTON: What parts? 阿尔顿：什么部分？ GEORGE: The drivel parts.. Oh my gosh, I just realized - I have to make a phone call. I can believe.. would you.. (Gets up, and leaves) 乔治：扯淡的部分……哦天啊，我刚意识到，我得去打个电话，真是……不好意思……（起身，离开） (Scene cuts to the hotel bathroom) （酒店洗手间） GEORGE: Thank you for leaving me alone with him! 乔治：谢谢你把我一个人留下来陪他！ JERRY: That was brutal. I can't go back out there. 杰瑞：太吓人了，我不能回去那里。 GEORGE: Well, let's just leave. 乔治：那么我们走吧。 JERRY: Elaine'll kill me. 杰瑞：依莲会杀了我的。 GEORGE: Where is she? 乔治：她在哪儿？ JERRY: She's gotta be here soon. 杰瑞：应该很快就到了吧。 GEORGE: How could she leave us alone with this lunatic? Ten more minutes, and that's it! I'm leaving. I have to tell you, this guy scares me. 乔治：她怎么能让我们和那个疯子独处？再过10分钟，我必须走！受不了啦，我不得不告诉你，我给那家伙吓坏了。 JERRY: The waiter was trembling. 杰瑞：服务生都发抖了。 GEORGE: If she doesn't show up, we can't possibly have dinner with him alone. 乔治：她再不出现的话，我们不可能和他共进晚餐的。 JERRY: How are we gonna get out of it? 杰瑞：我们怎么摆脱这个啊？ GEORGE: We'll say we're frightened and we have to go home. 乔治：我们就说我们很惊恐，必须得回家。 JERRY: Yeah, that's good. He'd clunk our heads together like Moe. 杰瑞：是，很好。他会像摩尔一样砍了我们的头。 GEORGE: I don't know. Just start scratching. Tell him you have the crabs. He was in the military. He'll understand that. 乔治：我不知道。要不开始挠痒痒。告诉他你有阴虱，他在军队里待过，他会懂的。 (Scene ends) [Setting: Night club]
（场景：俱乐部） JERRY: All fathers are intimidating. They're intimidating because they are fathers. Once a man has children, for the rest of his life, his attitude is, "To hell with the world, I can make my own people. I'll eat whatever I want. I'll wear whatever I want, and I'll create whoever I want." 杰瑞：所有的父辈都很吓人的。他们很吓人只是因为他们是父辈。当一个人有了孩子，在他的余生，他的态度都会是，“这该死的世界，我可以造人，我能吃任何想吃的，穿我想穿的，造任何我想造的人” (Scene ends) [Setting: Hotel lobby]
（场景：酒店大堂） (Jerry and George come back from the bathroom) （杰瑞和乔治从洗手间返回） ALTON: Who'd you call? 阿尔顿：你给谁电话？ GEORGE: (Caught off guard) My uncle is having an operation. I just wanted to see how he was. 乔治：（警觉）我叔叔在动手术呢，我想了解一下情况如何了。 ALTON: What kind of operation? 阿尔顿：什么手术啊？ GEORGE: Bone marrow. 乔治：骨髓。 (Manager approaches) （经理过来） MANAGER: Mister Benes? 经理：贝尼斯先生？ ALTON: Yes? 阿尔顿：怎么？ MANAGER: A message for you. (Hands him a message) 经理：有个您的口信。（给他纸片） ALTON: From Elaine. She got tied up. She'll be here in thirty minutes. (Jerry and George freeze) 阿尔顿：依莲的。她太忙了。30分钟内会到。（杰瑞和乔治哇凉哇凉的） (Scene ends) [Setting: Hotel lobby]
（场景：酒店大堂） ALTON: Yeah, they should've taken care of Castro when they had the chance. Like we did in Guatamala in 'fifty-three. 阿尔顿：是啊，他们应该抓住机会，处理掉卡斯特罗，就像我们1953年在瓜地马拉做的那样。 JERRY: (Adding) Well, Guatamala. 杰瑞：（附和）是啊，瓜地马拉。 GEORGE: Sure, Guatamala. 乔治：可不是嘛，瓜地马拉。 ALTON: (Gets up) Alright, you boys get yourselves together. We'll head up to the restaurant. I'll leave a note for Elaine. I'm going to the bathroom. (Leaves) 阿尔顿：（起身）好吧，你们振作一点哈。我们去餐厅。我给依莲留个口信。我去一下洗手间。（离开） GEORGE: Come on, let's go! 乔治：得了吧！我们闪！ JERRY: What about Elaine? 杰瑞：依莲怎么办？ GEORGE: To hell with Elaine! 乔治：让她见鬼去吧！ JERRY: She'll be furious. 杰瑞：她会抓狂的。 GEORGE: We're dying here! 乔治：我们都快死了啊！ (Elaine enters) （依莲进） JERRY: That's her! She's here! 杰瑞：瞧，她来了！ ELAINE: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Where is Dad? 依莲：抱歉啊，实在抱歉。我老爸在哪儿？ GEORGE: (Mocking Alton's voice) He's in the bathroom. 乔治：（模仿阿尔顿的声音）他在洗手间。 JERRY: Where have you been?! 杰瑞：你刚才在干什么？ ELAINE: Kramer, that .. Kramer! I'm just about to leave, he calls me up. He begs me to sit in his car for two minutes, so he can pick up these birds.. 依莲：克雷默，那个该死的……克雷默！我刚要离开时，他叫我。他求我在他的车里坐两分钟，他可以去“接”他的鸟儿。 JERRY: Oh, you didn't.. 杰瑞：哦，你不是吧…… ELAINE: Well, he said he'd drive me here right after. So, I am sitting in his car twenty minutes! he doesn't come down. I am freezing. Then a cop comes by, tells me to get out of the car. He's a city marshal. He's towing the car away. Kramer owes thousands of dollars in back tickets. He was going to tow it with me in the car! So, they tow the car. Now, I am standing outside, and I am freezing, but I cannot leave because I have to tell him what happened to the car.. so, finally, he finally comes down with his giant cage filled with doves. He said he was getting special instructions, that each dove has a different diet. So, we're wandering around trying to get a cab, when two of these doves fly out! Now we're running down the street after these doves. I almost got hit by a bus. (Sits down, takes a deep breath) ..So how's everything going over here? 依莲：是的，他还说完事后会开车送我过来。所以，我就在他的车里坐了20分钟！他还不回来，我冻死了。接着来了个警察，要我离开车子。他是个城市巡警。他要把车子拖走。克雷默的后座上堆了几千块的罚单。那警察准备连我一起拖走了！所以，他们把车拖走了。我就在外面了，冻得要死，但我还不能离开因为我必须告诉他他的车子出什么事了。所以，最后，他带着他装满鸽子的巨型鸟笼过来了。他说他有特别的指令，每个鸽子都有不同的饮食。我们绕着城市转圈想打车，2个鸽子飞走了！我们就沿街追赶鸽子，我差点被汽车撞上。（坐下，深呼吸）……话说回来，你们这里啥状况？ JERRY: (After hearing Elaine's story, his is..) Great. 杰瑞：（听完依莲的故事……）很好！ GEORGE: Couldn't be better. 乔治：不能再好了。 ELAINE: Good. 'Cause Dad can make some people a little uncomfortable. 依莲：好，我老爸可不是盏省油的灯，经常让人不爽。 JERRY: Oh, no, no. 杰瑞：哦，没有，没有。 GEORGE: Get outta here.. 乔治：哪有啊…… ELAINE: Man, Kramer! I could kill him. 依莲：天，克雷默！我要杀了他。 JERRY: I can't believe it. You know better than to get involved with Kramer. 杰瑞：难以置信。你最好不要跟克雷默搞在一起。 ELAINE: He said he'd give me a lift. 依莲：他说他要送我过来的。 JERRY: Ah, the lift. Like the lure of the siren's song. Never what it seems to be, yet who among us can resist? 杰瑞：啊，送你。就像海妖歌声的诱惑。从来不是看起来那样美好，可我们之中又有谁能抗拒这魔力？ GEORGE: Where do you come up with this stuff? 乔治：你还真TM一套一套的。 ALTON: (Returns) Well, look who's here. 阿尔顿：（回来）哦？看看谁来了。 ELAINE: Oh, Hi, Dad. 依莲：哦，嗨，老爸。 ALTON: (Kisses Elaine) Hello, dear. Who's the lipstick for? 阿尔顿：（吻依莲）你好，亲爱的。你为谁涂的唇膏？ ELAINE: No one. 依莲：没有谁。 ALTON: ..How's your mother? 阿尔顿：你老妈怎么样？ ELAINE: Fine. 依莲：不错。 ALTON: How about you? Are you working? 阿尔顿：你怎么样？你还上班吗？ ELAINE: Yeah, I'm reading manuscripts for Pendant Publishing. I told you ten times. 依莲：是啊，我在攀登出版社读校手稿。我跟你说了10遍了。 ALTON: Pendant, those bastards.. Alright, boys. We'll go to that Pakistani restaurant on 46th Street. You're not afraid of a little spice, are you? 阿尔顿：攀登，那些混球。好吧，伙计们，我们去46街的巴基斯坦餐厅。你们不怕一点小辣吧？ (They all head for the door. Jerry and George trail behind a little) （往门口去，杰瑞和乔治靠后） GEORGE: "Master of the house, doling out the charm. Ready with a handshake and an open.." 乔治：“一家之主，魅力十足；握手言欢，人人惊羡” ALTON: Pipe down, chorus boy. 阿尔顿：省省吧，合唱团男生。 (Alton glares, George gets embarrassed) （阿尔顿瞪他，乔治尴尬） ELAINE: Ohh.. it's snowing. It's beautiful. 依莲：哦……下雪了，好美啊！ JERRY: (To George) Snow.. snow, that can't be good for suede, can it? 杰瑞：（对乔治）雪啊……雪，小山羊皮应该不适合这天气吧？ GEORGE: I wouldn't think so. 乔治：恐怕是的。 JERRY: What should I do? (To Alton) We're taking a cab, aren't we? 杰瑞：我该怎么办？（对阿尔顿）我们打车，对吧？ ALTON: Cab? It's only five blocks. 阿尔顿：打车？只有5个街区而已。 GEORGE: (To Jerry) Why don't you just turn it inside out? 乔治：（对杰瑞）你可以把底子翻出来穿。 JERRY: Inside out! Great. 杰瑞：翻过来穿，有道理！ (Jery turns his jacket inside out, showing of the pink striped insides. Alton stops him before Jerry can leave the hotel) （杰瑞翻过他的夹克，展示衣服的粉色条纹衬里，阿尔顿没让杰瑞出门） ALTON: Wait a minute. What the hell do you call this? 阿尔顿：等等，你这穿的是个什么鬼东西？ JERRY: Oh, I turned my jacket inside out. 杰瑞：哦，我把我的夹克翻过来穿了。 ALTON: Well, you look like a damn fool! 阿尔顿：好吧，你看起来像个十足的傻子！ JERRY: (Like a child) Well, it's a new suede jacket. It might get ruined. 杰瑞：（像个孩子）嗯，这可是我全新的山羊皮夹克，会被风雪给毁了的。 ALTON: Well, you're not going to walk down the street with my and my daughter dressed like that! That's for damn sure! 阿尔顿：好吧，穿成这个德行，我还有依莲是不会和你同路走的！ (Jerry looks at George) （杰瑞看着乔治） GEORGE: It's only a few blocks. 乔治：只是几个路口而已。 (Scene ends) [Setting: Jerry's apartment]
（场景：杰瑞家） (Jerry's heading out, the intercom buzzes) （门铃响） JERRY: (Into intercom) Elaine? 杰瑞：依莲？ ELAINE: Yeah. 依莲：是。 JERRY: Come on up. 杰瑞：上来吧。 (Enter Kramer) （克雷默进） KRAMER: Hey. 克雷默：嗨。 JERRY: Hey. 杰瑞：嗨。 KRAMER: I've gotta feed the birds. 克雷默：我得喂鸟。 JERRY: So?.. 杰瑞：怎样？ KRAMER: You got any of those mini Ritzes? 克雷默：你有小零食不？ (Jerry reaches up, and pulls out some mini Ritzes) （杰瑞找出一包零食） JERRY: I can't believe I do. 杰瑞：不敢相信…… KRAMER: Yeah! ..Well, are you going out? 克雷默：哦！嗯，你们要出去？ JERRY: Yeah. 杰瑞：是的。 KRAMER: Hey, where's your new jacket? (Jerry points to the jacket hanging in the bathroom. It's ruined, and unwearable) What? (Kramer enters the bathroom, he's shocked at the sight of the jacket) Ohhh. What did you do to it? 克雷默：嗨，你的新夹克呢？（杰瑞指着洗手间里挂着的夹克，毁了，不能穿了）什么？（克雷默进洗手间，看到夹克很震惊）哦，你对它干什么了？ JERRY: I was out in the snow last night. 杰瑞：昨晚我穿着它在雪中走。 KRAMER: Don't youk now what that does to suede? 克雷默：难道你不知道这对山羊皮的危害吗？ JERRY: I have an idea. (Elaine enters) We can make the nine-thirty at Cinema III. 杰瑞：我有个主意。（依莲进）我们可以去看9点半的电影。 ELAINE: Okay.. (To Kramer) Hello. (To Jerry) Listen, thanks again for coming last night. Dad said he had a great time. 依莲：好吧。（对克雷默）嗨。（对杰瑞）听着，谢谢你昨晚过来。老爸说他很开心。 JERRY: Is he still in town? 杰瑞：他还在城里吗？ ELAINE: No, he's driving back to Maryland tonight. 依莲：不，他今晚就回马里兰了。 KRAMER: (Talking about the ruined jacket) So, uh.. what are you gonna do with that one now? 克雷默：（说起被毁了的夹克）那么，嗯，你会怎么处理这个？ JERRY: I don't know. 杰瑞：不知道啊。 KRAMER: Well?.. 克雷默：嗯…… ELAINE: (To Jerry) I didn't want to tell you this, but usually he hates everyone. 依莲：（对杰瑞）我不想跟你说这个，但是他恨所有人。 JERRY: Really? 杰瑞：真的？ KRAMER: You gonna throw this out? 克雷默：你要扔了它？ JERRY: Well, I can't wear it. 杰瑞：怎么办呢，我又不能穿了。 ELAINE: (To Jerry) Yeah, he like you though. Said you reminded him of somebody he knew in Korea. 依莲：（对杰瑞）是，他嗨有点喜欢你。说你让他想起了他在朝鲜认识的某人。 KRAMER: Well, if you're just gonna throw it out, you know, I could take it. 克雷默：好吧，如果你要扔了，你要记得，我可以接受的哦。 JERRY: Yeah, go ahead, take it. 杰瑞：好啊，你拿走吧。 ELAINE: Dad thinks George is gay. 依莲：老爸认为乔治是个同志。 JERRY: Oh, because of all that singing? 杰瑞：哦，因为唱歌的事情吗？ ELAINE: No, he pretty much thinks everyone is gay. 依莲：不，他大概认为全部的人都是同性恋。 (Kramer returns from the bathroom wearing the ruined suede jacket) （克雷默穿着毁了的山羊皮夹克） KRAMER: Hey, see, I like it like this. 克雷默：嗨，看，我喜欢这衣服。 ELAINE: (Pointing at the jacket Kramer's wearing) Isnt' that..? (Jerry nods) Oh, is this fromt he snow last night? (Jerry nods again) Ugh.. you know what you should've done? You should've turned it inside out. 依莲：（指着克雷默穿的夹克）这不是……？（杰瑞点头）哦，昨晚的风雪干的好事吧？（杰瑞再度点头）哦……你知道应该怎么处理吗？你应该翻过来穿。 JERRY: I'll try and remember that. 杰瑞：我会试着记住你的话的。 KRAMER: (Talking about the leather jacket from the start of the show) Boy, it's too bad you gave me this one too. 克雷默：（说起之前的皮夹克）爽歪歪，你把两件都给我了。 JERRY: (Sarcastic) Yeah, too bad. 杰瑞：（讽刺）可不是嘛，太可怜了我。 KRAMER: I'm gonna have to do something about this lining. 克雷默：我得处理一下衬里。 (Kramer exits, Scene ends) （克雷默走） [Setting: Alton Benes' car] （场景：阿尔顿车内） (Alton is driving home, then all the sudden, he starts to sing) （阿尔顿回家，突然，开始唱歌） ALTON: "Master of the house doling out the charm, ready with a handshake and an open palm.." 阿尔顿：“一家之主，魅力十足；握手言欢，人人惊羡” (Scene ends) [Setting: Night club]
（场景：俱乐部） JERRY: I had a leather jacket that got ruined. Now, why does moisture ruin leather? I don't get this. Aren't cows ouside most of the time? I don't understand it. When it's raining do cows go up to the farmhouse, "Let us in, we're all wearing leather.. Open the door! We're gonna ruin the whole outfit here.." "Is it suede?" "I am suede, the whole thing is suede, I can't have this cleaned. It's all I got!" 杰瑞：我有件被毁了的皮夹克，为什么潮湿会毁了皮衣？我不动。难道那些奶牛不待在户外吗？我不懂了。难道下雨时，奶牛们都要涌到农舍里，”让我们进来，我们都穿着皮草呢……打开门！我们会把外套给毁了的！“这是山羊皮的吗？我都不能拿去清洗。这可是我仅有的啊…… END OF SHOW. 4月16日 Seinfeld S2 EP021991年1月30日
第二季第二集 小马驹儿 Plot summary for "Seinfeld" The Pony Remark
Jerry fears that an inappropriate comment he made at a dinner party caused his relative's subsequent death. 情节概要： 杰瑞害怕由于他在一次晚宴上的不恰当言论导致了一个亲戚的亡故。 [Setting: Night club]
（场景：俱乐部） JERRY: My parents live in Florida now. They moved there last year. They didn't want to move to Floriday, but they're in their sixties, and that's the law. You know how it works. They got the leisure police. They pull up in front of the old people's house with a golf cart, jump out, "Let's go Pop, white belt, white pants, white shoes, get in the back. Drop the snow shovel right there, drop it!" I am not much for the family gathering. You know, you sit there, and the conversation's so boring. It's so dull. And you start to fantasize. You know, you think, what if I just got up and jumped out that window? What would it be like? Just crashed right through the glass.. You know. Come back in, there's broken glass, everybody's all upset. "No, I'm alright. I was just a little bored, there. No, I'm fine. I came back. I wanted to hear a little about that Hummel collection, Aunt Rose. Let's pick it up right there." 杰瑞：我父母现在住在佛罗里达。他们去年搬过去的。他们并不想搬过去，但是他们都60了，这就好像自然法则一样。你知道这是咋回事。他们有的警察都充满闲情逸致。他们会开着高尔夫球场的小车停在老人们的屋前，跳出来说“我们走吧，去打球，穿戴整齐了，上车。丢下雪铲，丢下它。”我不是个很喜欢家庭聚会的人，傻傻的坐在那里，都是些无聊的对话，太无趣了。你只能开始做白日梦。比如，如果我刚起来从窗口跳出去会怎样？撞得慢地碎玻璃……醒醒，回过神来，大家都很不安。“不，没事，我只是有点无论了，没事，我不要紧的。我想了解一点Hummel产品，罗斯婶婶怎么样了？我们把那些捡起来吧。” [Setting: Jerry's apartment]
（场景：杰瑞家） (Jerry's parents are in town. His father's watching T.V., his mother is ironing his father's jackets) （杰瑞父母来了，爸爸在看电视，妈妈在熨衣服） HELEN: (To Morty) You have so many nice jackets. I don't know why you had to bring this jacket. Who wears a jacket like this? (He doesn't respond) What's wrong with that nice gray one? You have beautiful clothes. They sit in your closet. Morty, you can't wear - this! 海伦：（对莫蒂）你有那么多漂亮的外套，就弄不明白你为啥带这件过来。居然有人会穿这种衣服！（他不理会）那件灰色的怎么啦？你有漂亮的衣服。它们就待在你的衣柜里，莫蒂，行行好别穿这件啦！ (Phone rings) （电话铃响） MORTY: Are you getting that? 莫蒂：你要接吗？ HELEN: I thought you were getting it. 海伦：我以为你要接呢。 MORTY: Should I pick up? 莫蒂：我应该接吗？ HELEN: You want me to get that? 海伦：你想要我接？ MORTY: I'll get it! 莫蒂：好吧，我去接！～ HELEN: I'll get it! 海伦：我来接！ (They both go for the phone, Helen gets to it first) （他们一起去接电话，海伦先抢到） HELEN: Hello?.. Hello? 海伦：喂……喂？ (She hangs up. Jerry enters - he's wearing baseball clothes and carrying a bat and glove) （她挂断，杰瑞进——他穿着棒球衫，带着球棒和手套） JERRY: (Talking about the loud T.V.) Would you make this thing lower! I can hear it on the street! (Turns it off) 杰瑞：（说到电视声响太大）麻烦您小声点行不！我在大街上都能听到！（关了） MORTY: So, how'd you do? 莫蒂：你们比得如何？ JERRY: We won. I made an incredible play in the field! There was a tag-up at third base and I threw the guy out from left field on a fly! We'll be in the championship game Wednesday because of me. It was the single greatest moment of my life. 杰瑞：我们赢了。我打得极为出色。三垒那儿有个触杀，我扔了个高球把他振出局了。全靠有我，我们队挺进了周三的决赛。这真是我人生中最辉煌的时刻啊。 HELEN: This is your greatest moment? A game? 海伦：这是你的辉煌一刻？一场球？ JERRY: Well, no. Sharon Besser, of course. 杰瑞：当然不是，莎朗.贝斯儿，当然。 MORTY: You know what my greatest moment was, don't you? 1946. I went to work for Harry Flemming and I came up with the idea for the beltless trench coat. 莫蒂：你知道我的辉煌时刻是啥？1946年，我为哈利.弗莱明工作的时候，想出来束腰风衣的点子。 HELEN: Jerry, look at this sport jacket. Is this a jacket to wear to an anniversary party? 海伦：杰瑞，看看这件运动夹克，这种衣服也能穿到庆典派对上面？ JERRY: Well, the man's an individualist. He worked for Harry Flemming. He knows what he's doing. 杰瑞：好吧，这位老兄是个人主义者，他为哈利工作过，他知道他在干啥。 HELEN: But it's their 50th anniversary. 海伦：但是这可是人家的50周年纪念日。 MORTY: You know, I spoke to Manya and Isaac on the phone today. They invited you again. I think you should go. 莫蒂：你知道嘛，我今天和曼雅还有伊萨克通过电话，他们又邀请你了，我想你还是去吧。 JERRY: First of all, I made plans with Elaine. 杰瑞：首先，我和依莲有约。 HELEN: So bring her. 海伦：那就带上她呗。 JERRY: I don't even know them. What is she, your second cousin? I mean, I've met them three times in my life. 杰瑞：我都不认识他们。她是什么来头，你的表表亲？我是说，总共也就见面过三次。 MORTY: I don't know her either. (Gesturing to Helen) She makes me fly all the way from Floriday for this, and then she criticizes my jacket. 莫蒂：我也不认识她呀。（对海伦示意）她要我从佛罗里达大老远的飞过来，就为了数落我的夹克。 HELEN: At least come and say hello, have a cup of coffee, then you'll leave. 海伦：至少过去问个好嘛，喝杯咖啡啥的，你就可以闪了。 MORTY: How come he gets to leave? 莫蒂：他为什么可以走？ JERRY: If I wind up sitting nest to Uncle Leo, I am leaving. He's always grabbing my arm when he talks to me. I guess it's because so many people have left in the middle of his conversation. 杰瑞：要是我还是被安排坐在里奥叔旁边，我就走。他说话时，总是抓紧我的胳膊。我想可能是因为人们总是想逃避和他聊天。 MORTY: And it's always about Jeffrey, right? 莫蒂：那些废话总是关于杰弗瑞对吧？ JERRY: Hey, he talks about him like he split the atom. The kid works for the Parks Department. 杰瑞：没错，他说起杰弗瑞来就好像那家伙分离了原子一样，这伙计只不过是在公园工作而已。 (Enter Kramer) （克雷默进） KRAMER: Morty, are you coming in? 克雷默：莫蒂，你要过来吗？ MORTY: Oh, yeah. I forgot all about it. 莫蒂：哦，当然，我差点忘了。 KRAMER: (To Jerry) Hey, how'd you do? 克雷默：（对杰瑞）嗨，你表现如何？ JERRY: We won. We're in the finals on Wednesday.. 杰瑞：我们赢了，周三决赛日。 KRAMER: Yeah! 克雷默：好耶！ JERRY: (To Kramer and Morty) What is this about? 杰瑞：（对克雷默和莫蒂）你们在搞什么？ KRAMER: I'm completely changing the configuration of the apartment. You're not gonna believe it when you see it. A whole new lifestyle. 克雷默：这将彻底改变公寓的结构。当你看到时你会觉得很惊讶。全新的生活方式。 JERRY: What are you doing? 杰瑞：你要干啥？ KRAMER: Levels. 克雷默：台阶。 JERRY: Levels? 杰瑞：台阶？ KRAMER: Yeah, I'm getting rid of all my furniture. All of it. And I'm going to build these different levels, with steps, and it'll all be carpeted with a lot of pillows. You know, like ancient Egypt. 克雷默：是啊，我要处理掉我全部的家具。全部。我要造不同的台阶，全部用枕头铺上。就像古埃及一样。 JERRY: You drew up plans for this? 杰瑞：你为这个还专门设计了计划？ KRAMER: No, no. It's all in my head. 克雷默：不，不，都在我脑子里呢。 MORTY: I don't know how you're going to be comfortable like that. 莫蒂：你觉得这样很舒坦？ KRAMER: Oh, I'll be comfortable. 克雷默：哦，一定会的。 JERRY: When do you intend to do this? 杰瑞：你什么时候开工？ KRAMER: Ohh.. should be done by the end of the month. 克雷默：哦……这个月末就该完工了。 JERRY: You're doing this yourself? 杰瑞：你一个人做？ KRAMER: It's a simple job. Why, you don't think I can? 克雷默：这是个很简单的工作，难道你认为我做不成？ JERRY: Oh, no. It's not that I don't think you can. I know that you can't, and I'm positive that you won't. 杰瑞：哦，不，不是我认为你做不成。是我知道你肯定做不成，我还坚信你不会做。 KRAMER: Well, I got the tools. I got the pillows. All I need is the lumber. 克雷默：哼，我有工具，我有枕头，只需要木材了。 MORTY: Hey, that's some big job. 莫蒂：嗨，那可是大工程。 JERRY: I don't see it happening. 杰瑞：我不认为这会发生。 KRAMER: Well, this time, this time you're wrong. C'mon. I'll even bet you. 克雷默：好吧，我会证明你们错了，好吧，我要打赌。 JERRY: Seriously? 杰瑞：你当真？ HELEN: I dont' want you betting. Morty, don't let him bet. 海伦：我认为你还是别赌，莫蒂，别让他赌。 KRAMER: A big dinner with dessert. But I've got till the end of the month. 克雷默：一次丰盛的晚宴带甜点的。不过我得到月底才能品尝到了。 JERRY: I'll give you a year. 杰瑞：我可以给你一年时间。 KRAMER: No, no, no. End of the month. 克雷默：不用，不，不，就月底。 JERRY: It's a bet. (They both "pinkie swear" to lock the deal) 杰瑞：好吧。（他们完成赌约） (Scene ends) [Setting: Manya's apartment]
（场景：曼雅家） (Jerry sits between Uncle Leo and Elaine. Leo grabs his choulder) （杰瑞坐在依莲和里奥叔之间，里奥抓住他的肩膀） JERRY: Seriously, do you wnat to switch chairs? 杰瑞：说真的，你想换个位子吗？ ELAINE: No, no. I'm fine. 依莲：不，不，我没事。 LEO: Jerry, are you listening to this? 里奥：杰瑞，你在听我说吗？ JERRY: Yeah, Uncle Leo. 杰瑞：当然，里奥叔。 LEO: So, so, now the parks commissioner is recommending Jeffrey for a citation. 里奥：那么，那么，公园的长官推荐杰弗瑞作为嘉奖呢。 JERRY: Right. For reducing the pond scum? 杰瑞：是的，因为他减少了池塘里的污渍？ LEO: No, for the walking tours. 里奥：不，因为陪游。 JERRY: Oh, yeah. Where the people eat the plant life - the edible foliage tour. 杰瑞：哦，可不是嘛。人们可以吃植物——可食用叶片之旅。 LEO: That's exactly right. He knows the whole history of the park. For two hours he's talking and answering questions. But you want to know something? Whenever he has a problem with one of these high-powered big shots in the Parks Department, you know who he calls? 里奥：那确实！他对公园的历史了如指掌。连续两小时他介绍着并回答问题。有件事你知道吗？当他和那些公园的高管们有问题的时候你猜他会找谁求助？ JERRY: Mickey Mantle? 杰瑞：米奇.馒头？ ELAINE: (Helping him worm out of the conversation with Leo) Jerry, Jerry. Did you taste these peas? These peas are great! 依莲：（帮助杰瑞离开与里奥的谈话）杰瑞，杰瑞，你吃过这些豆豆吗？超好吃。 JERRY: (Eating a forkful) These peas are bursting with country-fresh flavor. 杰瑞：（吃了一勺）这些豌豆真是……带着田野的芬芳啊！ ELAINE: Mmm.. phenomenal peas.. 依莲：嗯……神奇的豌豆…… MORTY: Are you ready for dessert? 莫蒂：你们想吃甜点了吗？ JERRY: Well, actually, we do have to kind of get going. 杰瑞：好啊，实际上，我们貌似要闪了。 MANYA: (Surprised) You're going? 曼雅：（惊奇状）你们要闪？ ELAINE: I don't really eat dessert. I'm dieting. 依莲：我都不怎么吃甜点的，我在节食。 JERRY: Yeah, I can't eat dessert either. The sugar makes my ankles swell up, and I can't dance. 杰瑞：是啊，我也不能吃甜点。糖让我的脚踝膨胀，那样我就不能跳舞了。 MANYA: Can't dance? 曼雅：不能跳舞？ HELEN: He's kidding, Manya. 海伦：他是开玩笑呢，曼雅。 MANYA: Is that a joke? 曼雅：这是个玩笑？ HELEN: (Canging subject) So, did you hear Claire's getting married? 海伦：（转移话题）那么，你听说克莱尔要结婚了吗？ MANYA: Yeah, yeah.. 曼雅：是，是的。 HELEN: I hear the fella owns a couple of racehorses. You know, trotters, like at Yonkers. 海伦：我听说这家伙有些赛马。你知道的，快步马，就像在电影里的。 JERRY: Horses. They're like big riding dogs. 杰瑞：马。它们就像是大大的可以骑的狗狗。 ELAINE: What about ponies? What kind of abnormal animal is that? And those kids who had their own ponies.. 依莲：那矮种马怎么样？这算是怎样一种变态的动物呀？那些拥有自己的马驹儿的孩子们。 JERRY: I know, I hated those kids. In fact, I hate anyone that ever had a pony when they were growing up. 杰瑞：我知道，我讨厌那种孩子。说实话，我憎恨那些在成长过程中有过马驹儿的人。 MANYA: ..I had a pony. 曼雅：……我有过马驹儿。 (The room is dead quiet) （一片死寂） JERRY: ..Well, I didn't really mean a pony, per se. 杰瑞：……好吧，我并不是真的说马驹儿，实际上。 MANYA: (Angry) When I was a little girl in Poland, we all had ponies. My sister had pony, my cousin had pony, ..So, what's wrong with that? 曼雅：（愤怒）当我还是个小姑娘，在波兰，我们都有马驹儿。我妹妹有，我表亲有……请问，有什么问题吗？ JERRY: Nothing. Nothing at all. I was just merely expressting.. 杰瑞：没有……一点儿没有。我只是稍微说说…… HELEN: Should we have coffee? Who's having coffee? 海伦：我们是不是该来点咖啡啦？谁要咖啡？ MANYA: He was a beautiful pony! And I loved him. 曼雅：那是匹漂亮的马驹儿！我爱它！ JERRY: Well, I'm sure you did. Who wouldn't love a pony? Who wouldn't love a person that had a pony? 杰瑞：可不是吗，我肯定你是爱它的。有谁不爱一匹小马驹儿呢？谁会不爱有马驹儿的人呢？ MANYA: You! You said so! 曼雅：你！就是你自己说的！ JERRY: No, see, we didn't have ponies. I'm sure at the time in Poland, they were very common. They were probably like compact cars.. 杰瑞：不，你看，我们没有马驹儿。我肯定在那时的波兰，这是很常见的。马驹儿就好像小型汽车一样。 MANYA: That's it! I've had enough! (She leaves the room) 曼雅：就这样啦！我受够了！（她离开房间） ISAAC: Have your coffee, everyone. She's a little upset. It's been an emotional day. 伊萨克：喝你们的咖啡吧，朋友们。她有点不安，今天是个情绪化的日子呀。 (Isaac leaves, everyone looks at Jerry) （伊萨克离开，人人看着杰瑞） JERRY: I didn't know she had a pony. How was I to know she had a pony? Who figures an immigrant's going to have a pony? Do you know what the odds are on that? I mean, in all the pictures I saw of immigrants on boats coming into New York harbor, I never saw one of them sitting on a pony. Why would anybody come hre if they had a pony? Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country? It doesn't make sense.. am I wrong? 杰瑞：我又不知道她有过马驹儿。我怎么会知道这个呢？谁能猜到一个移民会去养匹马驹儿？你知道这几率有多小吗？我是说，在我所有看到的有关那些移民在轮船上进入纽约港的时候，我从未见过有一个人坐在马驹儿上的。如果那些人有马驹儿的话为什么要过来这里？谁会离开一个满是马驹儿的国度来到这个没有马驹儿的地方？这没有道理嘛……难道我错了吗？ (Scene ends) [Setting: Jerry's apartment]
（场景：杰瑞家） (Morty and Helen are leaving, their bags are packed) （莫蒂和海伦正要离开，已经打包好） JERRY: I'll drive you to the airport. 杰瑞：我送你们去机场吧。 HELEN: No, we're taking a cab. 海伦：不，我们打车去。 JERRY: I just hope that whole pony incident didn't put a damper on the trip. 杰瑞：我只是希望整个“马驹儿”事件不会让你们这次来访败兴而归。 HELEN: Don't be rediculous. It was a misunderstanding. 海伦：开玩笑吧你。这只是误会罢了。 MORTY: Hey, I agree with him. Nobody likes a kid with a pony. 莫蒂：嗨，我同意我小子。没人喜欢有马驹儿的孩子。 JERRY: Well, if you ever talk to her, tell her I'm sorry. Elaine too. She feels terrible. 杰瑞：那么，如果你们有机会的话，向她表示我的歉意。还有依莲的歉意，她也感觉很不好。 HELEN: You know, you should give Manya a call. 海伦：你知道嘛，你该给曼雅去个电话。 JERRY: Maybe I will. 杰瑞：我也许会的。 (Jerry opens his door, Kramer's standing in the hallway) （杰瑞开门，克雷默站在过道） KRAMER: Oh, hi. I just came to say goodbye. (Gestures to the bags) ..Need any help with those? 克雷默：哦，嗨，我只是来道别的。（示意那些包包）……需要帮忙不？ MORTY: It's nothing. I got it. So, how are your levels coming along? 莫蒂：用不着，我行。那么，你的台阶怎么样了？ KRAMER: Oh, well.. I decided I'm not gonna do it. 克雷默：哦，嗯……我决定不做了。 JERRY: (Sarcastically) Really? What a shock. 杰瑞：（讽刺的）真的？令人震惊啊！ HELEN: Goodbye, Jerry. 海伦：再见，杰瑞。 JERRY: Take care. 杰瑞：保重。 HELEN: We'll call you. (Leaves) 海伦：我们会给你电话的。（离开） MORTY: Bye, Jer. 莫蒂：再见，小杰。 JERRY: Bye, Dad. Take it easy. 杰瑞：再见，老爸。放松点。 MORTY: Bye, Mr. Kramer. 莫蒂：再见，克雷默君。 KRAMER: Yeah. So long, Morty. (Morty leaves) 克雷默：嗯。再会了。莫蒂。（莫蒂离开） JERRY: So, when do I get my dinner? 杰瑞：那么，啥时请我吃饭？ KRAMER: There's no dinner. The bet's off. I'm not gonna do it. 克雷默：哪来什么饭？赌局取消了，我不干啦。 JERRY: Yes. I know you're not gonna do it. That's why I bet. 杰瑞：我就猜到你不会做，这就是我打赌的原因。 KRAMER: There's not bet if I' not doing it. 克雷默：我不做的话哪来的赌局？ JERRY: That's the bet! That you're not doing it! 杰瑞：可这就是赌的内容啊！赌你不会做！ KRAMER: Yeah, well, I could do it. I don't want to do it. 克雷默：是啊，好吧，我可以做，我只是不想做。 JERRY: We didn't bet on if you wanted to. We bet on if it would be done. 杰瑞：我们赌的不是你“想不想”做。我们赌的是做没做。 KRAMER: And it could be done. 克雷默：这是可以做的啊。 JERRY: Well, of course it could be done! Anything could be done! But it only is done if it's done. Show me the levels! The bet is the levels. 杰瑞：好吧，这当然是可以做！任何事情都可以完成！但只有当它完成的时候才能叫做完！给我看看台阶啊！赌局是关于台阶的。 KRAMER: But I don't want the levels! 克雷默：可是我不想要台阶！ JERRY: That's the bet! (Phone rings, Jerry answers it) Hello? ..No, oh, hi.. no, they just left.. Oh my God.. hand on a second. Maybe I can still catch them. (Jerry goes over to the window, and opens it. He yells out of it) Ma!.. Ma!.. Up here! Don't get in the cab! .. Manya died! ..Manya died!! 杰瑞：这就是赌局！（电话铃响，杰瑞接听）喂？不，哦，嗨……不，他们刚走……额滴神……等到。可能我还能赶上他们。（杰瑞走到窗边，打开，乱吼）老妈！！！上来！别进出租车！……曼雅死了……曼雅死了！！ (Scene ends) [Setting: Jerry's apartment]
（场景：杰瑞家） HELEN: Who did you talk to? 海伦：你和谁说话呢？ JERRY: Uncle Leo. 杰瑞：里奥叔。 HELEN: And when's the funeral? 海伦：葬礼是几时？ JERRY: I don't know. He said he'd call back. 杰瑞：我不知道，他说他会再打过来。 MORTY: You know what this means, don't you? We lost the supersaver. Those tickets are non-refundable. 莫蒂：你知道这意味着啥不？那些机票是不能退票的。 HELEN: She just had a check-up. The doctor said she was fine. Unless.. 海伦：她刚刚检查过，医生说她还好。除非…… JERRY: What? 杰瑞：什么？ HELEN: What? Nothing. 海伦：什么？没什么。 JERRY: You don't think.. What? The pony remark? 杰瑞：你不认为……什么？马驹儿？？ HELEN: Oh, don't be ridiculous. She was an old woman. 海伦：哦，别搞笑啦。她是个老女人。 JERRY: You don't think that I killed her? 杰瑞：你不是认为我“杀”了她吧？ MORTY: You know what the flight back'll cost us? 莫蒂：你知道机票的价钱吧？ JERRY: It was just an innocent comment! I didn't know she had a pony! 杰瑞：这可太冤枉啦！我又不知道她有过马驹儿！ MORTY: Maybe we can get an army transport flight. They got a base in Sarasota, I think. 莫蒂：可能我们可以转搭军用运输机。他们在萨拉索塔有个基地。 JERRY: The whole thing ws taking out of context. It was a joke. (Phone rings) That's probably Uncle Leo. 杰瑞：整件事有点断章取义吧！这只是个笑话！（电话铃响）可能是里奥叔的。 (Helen picks it up) （海伦接听） HELEN: Hello? ..Yes, I know.. Well, it's just one of those things.. Sure, sure, we'll see you then. (Hangs up) The funeral's Wednesday. 海伦：喂？是，我知道……好，尽是些倒霉事儿……行，没问题，再见。（挂断）葬礼在周三。 JERRY: Wednesday? What, what Wednesday? 杰瑞：周三？什么？哪个周三？ HELEN: Two o' clock, Wednesday. (Jerry shrugs) What? 海伦：2点钟，周三。（杰瑞耸肩）什么？ JERRY: I've got the softball game on Wednesday. It's the championship. 杰瑞：我周三有垒球比赛。这可是冠军赛！ HELEN: So? You're not obligated. Go play in your game. 海伦：怎样？你没有义务要去的。你去比你的球吧。 JERRY: I didn't even know the woman. 杰瑞：我压根都不怎么认识这女人。 HELEN: So don't go. 海伦：那就甭去。 JERRY: I mean I met her three times. I don't know her last name. 杰瑞：我是说我见了她三次，连她姓啥都不知道。 HELEN: Jery, no one's forcing you. 海伦：杰瑞，没人逼你。 JERRY: I mean, who has a funeral on a Wednesday? That's what I want to know. I mean, it's the championship. I'm hitting everything. 杰瑞：我是说，谁会在周三安排葬礼？这是我想知道的。我是说，这是冠军赛，我可是超级主力。 HELEN: I don't have a dress to wear. (To Morty) And you. You don't have anything. 海伦：我没有可穿的衣服。（对莫蒂）你，你啥都没有。 MORTY: I got a sport jacket. 莫蒂：我有运动夹克。 HELEN: You're not wearing that to a funeral. 海伦：你可不能穿这个去葬礼啊。 MORTY: What's wrong with it? 莫蒂：这又有什么问题？ HELEN: It looks ridiculous. 海伦：这看起来很可笑。 MORTY: What? I'm gonna buy a new jacket now? 莫蒂：什么？我还得买件新夹克？ JERRY: I don't know what to do. 杰瑞：我不知道该怎么办。 MORTY: ..You know what this funeral's gonna wind up costing me? Oh boy! 莫蒂：……你知道这葬礼得压榨掉我多少银子不？天啊…… (Scene ends) [Setting: Night club]
（场景：俱乐部） JERRY: We don't understand death. And the proof of this is that we give dead people a pillow. And, uh, I mean, hey, you know. I think if you can't stretch out and get some solid rest at that point, I don't see how bedding accessories really make the difference. I mean, they got the guy in a suit with a pillow. No is he going to a meeting, or is he catching forty winks? I mean, let's make up our mind where we think they're going. 杰瑞：我们不了解死亡。不然我们为啥要给亡故的人们一个枕头呢？还有，嗨，我是说，你知道的，我认为如果你都翘辫子了还不能安安稳稳的睡上一觉，我也不觉得那些床上用品能改变什么。他们把死人打扮得体、放个枕头，他是要去开会呢还是要打个盹儿？我们还是先搞搞清楚他们要去哪儿吧…… (Scene ends) [Setting: Coffee Shop]
（场景：咖啡馆） ELAINE: I actually like ponies. I was just trying to make conversation. What time's your game? 依莲：我其实是喜欢马驹儿的。我只是想打开话匣子。你比赛几点？ JERRY: Two Forty-Five. 杰瑞：2点3刻。 ELAINE: And what time's the funeral? 依莲：葬礼的时间呢？ JERRY: Two o' clock. 杰瑞：2点。 ELAINE: How long does a funeral take? 依莲：一个葬礼要多久？ JERRY: Depends on how nice the person was. But you gotta figure, even Oswald took forty-five minutes. 杰瑞：取决于这个死人人品怎么样啦。但你想想，就连兔子奥斯瓦尔德（的葬礼）都花了45分钟。 ELAINE: So you cna't do both? 依莲：就是你肯定不能都参加啦？ JERRY: You know, if the situation were reversed and Manya had some mah-jongg championship or something, I wouldn't expect her to go to my funeral. I would understand. 杰瑞：哎呀，要是事情反过来，曼雅由于要参加类似麻将大赛之类的东西，我也不指望她来参加我的葬礼啊，我能理解的。 ELAINE: How can you even consider not going? 依莲：你居然会考虑不去？ GEORGE: You know, I've been thinking.. I cannot envision any circumstances in which I'll ever have the opportunity to have sex again. How's it gonna happen? I just don't see how it could occur. 乔治：你知道的，我曾想过……我无法想象我将失去交欢的机会。这怎么会发生的？我根本看不到这事情会发生。 ELAINE: You know, funerals always make me think about my own mortality and how I'm actually going to die someday. Me, dead. Imagine that. 依莲：你知道的，葬礼总是让我想到自己总是难免一死。我，死亡，难以想象。 GEORGE: They always make me take stock of my life and how I've pretty much wasted all of it, and how I plan to continue wasting it. 乔治：他们总是对我的人生评头论足，说我怎样荒废了我的人生、并且还将继续荒废下去。 JERRY: I know, and then you say to yourself, "From this moment on, I'm not going to waste any more of it." But then you go, "How? What can I do that's not wasting it?" 杰瑞：我知道，然后你就对自己说：“从此刻起，我将不再浪费我的生命”。可你又说：“怎样做呢？该怎么做才能不浪费生命呢？” ELAINE: Is this a waste of time? What should we be doing? Can't you hae coffee with people? 依莲：这不是浪费时间嘛？我们该干什么呢？你难道连咖啡都不能喝了？ GEORGE: You know, I can't believe you're even considering not playing. We need you. You're hitting everything. 乔治：你知道的，我无法相信你居然会考虑不参加比赛。我们需要你，你可是超级球员。 ELAINE: He has to go. He may have killed her. 依莲：他必须去。要知道可能就是他“杀”了曼雅。 JERRY: Me? What about you? You brought up the pony. 杰瑞：我？你怎么不说自己？就是你提出的马驹儿话题。 ELAINE: Oh, yeah, but I didn't say I hated anyone who had one. 依莲：哦，是啊，不过我可没说我讨厌有马驹儿的人。 GEORGE: (To Jerry) Who's going to play left field? 乔治：（对杰瑞）谁将出任左外野手的位置？ JERRY: Bender. 杰瑞：本德。 GEORGE: Bender? He can't play left. He stinks. I just don't see what purpose is it going to serve your going? I mean, you think dead peole care who's at the funeral? They don't even know they're having a funeral. It's not like she's hanging out in the back going, "I can't believe Jerry didn't show up." 乔治：本德？他怎么能打左外野？他烂透了。我只是不明白你去（葬礼）又有什么意义呢？我是说，你认为亡故的人会在乎谁来他的葬礼吗？他们甚至都不知道自己会有个葬礼。你还以为她会漂浮在你身后说着，难以置信杰瑞居然没来。 ELAINE: Maybe she's there in spirit. How about that? 依莲：搞不好她的魂灵真的在哦！那会怎样？ GEORGE: If you're a spirit, and you can travel to other dimensions and galaxies, and find out the mysteries of the universe, you think she's going to want to hang around Drexler's funeral home on Ocean Parkway? 乔治：如果你是个魂灵的话，你可以去异次元空间或银河系旅行，去探索宇宙的奥秘，你认为她会无聊到去海洋街的德氏殡仪馆？ ELAINE: George, I met this woman! She is not traveling to any other dimensions. 依莲：乔治，我见过这个女人！她可不会去什么其他空间旅游！ GEORGE: You know how easy it is for dead people to travel? It's not like getting on a bus. One second. It's all mental. 乔治：你是不知道对死人来说旅行有多容易吗？这又不像要去坐巴士。分秒的事情。全是精神层面的。 JERRY: Fifty years they were married. Now he's moving to Pheonix. 杰瑞：他们结婚50年了，现在他要搬去凤凰城了。 ELAINE: Phoenix? What's happening with his appartment? 依莲：凤凰城？他的寓所怎么了？ JERRY: I don't know. They've been in there since, like, World War II. The rent's three hundred a month. 杰瑞：我不知道，他们貌似从二战起就住那儿了吧，租金可要300美金一个月。 ELAINE: Three hundred a month? Oh my God. 依莲：300？！？！？额滴神。 (Scene ends) [Setting: Funeral home]
（场景：殡仪馆） (The eulogy is in progress. Jerry attended afterall) （悼词念叨中，杰瑞最终还是参加了） MAN: Although this may seem like a sad even, it should not be a day of mourning.. for Manya had a rich, fulfilling life. She grew up in a different world - a simpler world - with loving parents, a beautiful home in the country, and from what I understand, she eve had a pony.. (Jerry throws his hands up) Oh, how she loved that pony. Even in her declining years, whenever she would speak of it, her eyes would light up. It's lustrous coat, it's flowing mane. It was the pride of Krakow. (Jery sinks in his seat) 念悼词：尽管这看起来是个伤感的时刻，但别让今天变成悲痛的日子。因为曼雅的人生是丰富而圆满的。她在一个和我们不同的世界里长大——一个更简单的世界——有慈爱的父母，一个乡村里美丽的家，据我所知，她有过一匹马驹儿……（杰瑞崩溃了）哦，她很爱那马驹儿。即使在她风烛残年之际，每当谈起马驹儿，她都会眼里放光。有光泽的皮毛，光亮的鬃毛。它是克拉科夫的荣耀。（杰瑞陷在他的座位上） (Scene ends) [Setting: Anteroom of funeral parlor]
（场景：殡仪馆前厅） JERRY: (Looking at his watch) Well, the game's starting just about now. 杰瑞：（看手表）瞧瞧，比赛正要开打。 HELEN: It was good that the two of you came. It was a nice gesture. 海伦：你们俩能过来真好。这才叫有礼貌。 (Scene cuts to Morty talking to an intern) （莫蒂与实习医生聊天） INTERN: I'm not a doctor yet, Uncle Morty. I'm just an intern. I can't write a note to an airline. 实习医生：我还不是医生呢，莫蒂叔。我只是实习的，我不能给航空公司写条子。 MORTY: You've got your degree. They don't care. They just want to see something. 莫蒂：你有你的学历啊。他们才不在乎呢。他们只是想看到点什么东西。 (Scene cuts back to Jerry) JERRY: (To Isaac) I just wanted to say how sorry I was..
杰瑞：（对伊萨克）我只想说我万分抱歉…… LEO: (Interrupting) Jerry, you wanna hear something? Your cousin, Jeffrey, is switching parks. They're transferring him to Riverside - so he'll completely revamp that operation, you understand? He'll do in Riverside what he did in Central Park. It's more money. So, that's your cousin. 里奥：（打断）杰瑞，你想听听我的意见吗？你的表弟，杰弗瑞，要换公园了。他们要调他去河畔——他就能整个的改进那个行动了，你了解吗？他会将他在中央公园的行为带到河畔区。更多钱，所以了，这就是你的表弟。 (Scene cuts back to Morty) MORTY: You don't understand, I've never paid a full fare.
莫蒂：你不理解，我从没付过全额。 JERRY: (To Isaac) Once again, I just want to say how sorry I am abou tthe other night. 杰瑞：（对伊萨克）对那天晚上的事情我表示再次的歉意。 ELAINE: Oh, me too. 依莲：哦，我也是。 ISAAC: Oh no, no, no. She forgot all about that. She was much mor upset about the potato salad. 伊萨克：哦，别，别。她早忘了那些，她对土豆沙拉都要更心烦意乱一点呢。 ELAINE: So, I understand you're moving to Phoenix? 依莲：那么，你要搬去凤凰城是因为？ (Jerry shake his head and walks away) （杰瑞摇摇手、离开） ISAAC: Yeah, my brother lives there. I think Manya would've liked Phoenix. 伊萨克：是啊，我兄弟住那儿。我想曼雅可能会喜欢凤凰城的。 ELAINE: Mmm.. gorgeous, exquisite town. Who, what's happening with your apartment? 依莲：嗯……美丽、精致的地方。那你的公寓怎样啦？ ISAAC: Of course it's very hot there. I'l lhave to get an air conditioner. 伊萨克：当然啦，那里很热。我得配台空调。 ELAINE: Oh, you can have mine. I'll ship it out ot you.. but what about that big apartment on West End Avenue? 依莲：哦，你把我的拿去吧。我会把空调给你运过去。那你西街的豪宅怎么处理？ ISAAC: Although they say it's a dry heat. 伊萨克：尽管人们都说是干热。 ELAINE: Dry, wet.. what's happening with your apartment? 依莲：干燥，潮湿……你的公寓到底怎样了嘛？ ISAAC: I don't even know if I should take my winter clothing. 伊萨克：我都不知道我是否需要带我的冬装过去。 ELAINE: I have an idea. Leave the winter clothing in the apartment, and I'll watch it for you and I'll live there and I'll make sure that nothing happens to it. 依莲：我有个主意，把冬装留在这儿的公寓里，我会替你看着的，我会住在你的公寓、确保万无一失的。 (Jerry comes back) ISAAC: Oh, the apartment. Jeffrey's taking the apartment.
伊萨克：哦，公寓，杰弗瑞会住这公寓。 ELAINE: (to Jerry) Oh, Jeffrey. 依莲：（对杰瑞）哦，杰弗瑞。 JERRY: (To Elaine) You know Jeffery? 杰瑞：（对依莲）你认识杰弗瑞？ ELAINE: Yeah, from what I understand, he works for the Parks Department. 依莲：是啊，据我所知，他在公园管理处工作。 (Helen approaches Jerry) HELEN: It's raining.
海伦：在下雨呢。 JERRY: (Moves to the window) It's raining? It's raining. The game will be postponed. We'll play tomarrow. 杰瑞：（到窗口）下雨了？嗯，是在下雨。比赛应该延迟了，我们明天再打。 (Scene cuts back to Morty) MORTY: Believe me, I wouldn't bother you if the army hadn't closed that base in Sarasota. Here, scribble a little something here.
莫蒂：相信我，要不是军方关闭了萨拉索塔基地，我才不会来麻烦你呢。就随便写点什么嘛。 INTERN: I can't. I'll get in trouble. 实习医生：不行，我会有麻烦的。 MORTY: Oh, for God's sakes! 莫蒂：哦。看在上帝的份上！行行好吧！ (Scene ends) [Setting: Coffee Shop]
（场景：咖啡馆） GEORGE: Who gets picked off in softball? It's unheard of. 乔治：有谁在垒球比赛中被截杀出局的？从没听说过。 JERRY: It's never happend to me before. 杰瑞：我也从未遇到过。 ELAINE: I remember saying to myself, "Why is Jerry so far off the base?" 依莲：我对自己说，“为什么杰瑞离垒包那么远？” JERRY: I'll have to live with this shame for the rest of my life. 杰瑞：这个臭名将伴随我的余生了。 GEORGE: And they in the fifth inning, why did you take off on the pop fly? 乔治：在第五局的时候，你为什么要对那个高飞球作出反应啊？ JERRY: I thought there were two outs. 杰瑞：我以为只有两个出局的。 ELAINE: I couldn't believe it when I saw you running. I thought maybe they had changed the rules or something. 依莲：看到你跑的时候我都不敢相信。我还以为是他们更改了规则啥的呢。 JERRY: It was the single worst moment of my life. 杰瑞：这是我有生以来最差的一刻。 GEORGE: What about Sharon Besser? 乔治：莎朗.贝斯儿的事情怎么算？ JERRY: Oh, well, of course. 1973. 杰瑞：哦，好吧，当然，1973. ELAINE: Makes you wonder, though, doesn't it? 依莲：让你很惊异对吧？呵呵 JERRY: Wonder about what? 杰瑞：惊异什么？ ELAINE: You know.. the spirit world. 依莲：你知道的呀……魂灵的世界…… JERRY: You think Manya showed up during the game and put a hex on me? 杰瑞：你认为难不成曼雅出现在比赛中，给我来了那么一下子？ ELAINE: I never saw anyone play like that. 依莲：我从没见过有人像你这次这么打球的。 JERRY: But I went ot the funeral. 杰瑞：可是我去了葬礼呀。 ELAINE: Yeah, but that doesn't make up for killing her. 依莲：是，可是那并不能弥补你杀了她的罪错啊。 GEORGE: Maybe Manya missed the funeral because she was off visiting another galaxy that day. 乔治：可能曼雅并没有“出席”葬礼，她在那天去另一个银河系旅游了。 JERRY: Don't you think she would've heard I was there? 杰瑞：你认为她就没有“听说”我去葬礼啦？ GEORGE: Not necessarily. (Elaine laughs) 乔治：那可不一定。（依莲笑） JERRY: Who figures and immigrant's gonna have a pony? 杰瑞：谁曾料想一个移民会有马驹儿。 (Scene ends) [Setting: Night Club] （场景：俱乐部） JERRY: What is the pony? What is the point of the pony? Why do we have these animals, these ponies? What do we do with them? Besides the pony ride. Why ponies? What are we doing with them? I mean, police don't use them for, you know, crowd control. "Hey, uh, you wanna get back behind the barricades. Hey! Hey, little boy. Yeah, I'm talking to you. Behind the barricades!" So somebody, I assume, genetically engineered these ponies. Do you think they could make them any size? I mean, could they make them like the size of a quarter, if they wanted? That would be fun for Monopoly, though, wouldn't it? Just have a little pony and you put him on the, "Baltic, that's two down, go ahead. Hold it. Right ther, Baltic. yeah, that's it. Fine. Right there, hold it right there." 杰瑞：马驹儿是什么东东？马驹儿有什么特殊意义？我们为什么要拥有这些动物，马驹儿？我们拿它们干什么？除了骑以外。为什么是马驹儿？我们在用它们做什么？我是说，警察不用马驹儿来维持秩序。“嗨，你最好到路障后面去！嗨！嗨，小朋友！是，说你呢！路障后头！”然后某些人，我假设，从基因上改造了这些马驹儿。你认为他们可以把马驹儿的“尺寸”变一下，比如搞成和个硬币一样大小，如果他们愿意的话？那玩起强手棋来就有意思了，可不是嘛？拿起一个“小马驹儿”，放在上头，“巴尔蒂克，走2步，走着，停，就停那儿，巴尔蒂克，是啊，就这样。很好。就这样，停那儿。 END OF SHOW. 3月13日 Seinfeld S2 EP011991年1月23日 Plot summary for "Seinfeld" The Ex-Girlfriend 情节概要： [Setting: Nightclub] [Setting: Jerry's apartment; Jerry's on the phone] [Setting: Coffee Shop] [Setting: Chiropractor waiting room] RECEPTIONIST: Mr. Costanza? [Setting: Night club] [Setting: Waiting room] [Setting: Jerry's car] [Setting: Jerry's apartment] [Setting: Coffee Shop] [Setting: Jerry's car] [Setting: Night club] END OF SHOW. 3月2日 Seinfeld S1 EP05自己庆祝一下，做完第一季了！ 1990年6月21日 Plot summary for "Seinfeld" The Stock Tip 情节概要：
[Setting: A Korean Market] VANESSA: Jerry, the stock is the same as when you checked it earlier. There are no changes after the market closes. The stock is still down. [Setting: Jerry's apartment. Jerry's looking at a road map; Kramer is looking at the paper] [Setting: Dry-Cleaning store; Jerry and George are in line] [Setting: Night club] [Setting: Jerry's apartment] JERRY: Bless you. [Setting: Country Inn] [Setting: Coffee shop] [Setting: Night club] 2月23日 《贫民窟百万富翁》的ABCD（原）
Yes! Slumdog Millionaire——祝贺影片横扫各类电影奖项
难得写篇影评，万一转载的话，敬请标明，谢谢
《贫民窟百万富翁》的ABCD
相对于这部电影在2008、2009年所斩获的电影奖项的数量或是在网络引起的讨论及人气指数而言，它的票房表现显得非常普通。可从另外一个角度来看，对这部电影的导演来说，这部作品应该算是他在票房上表现最佳的一次了。 这部电影就是2008年下半年Fox Searchlight推出的《贫民窟百万富翁》（Slumdog Millionaire），如果你看了今年金球奖的颁奖典礼，那一定会对该片拿奖拿到手软的场面记忆犹新。除了金球奖的最佳剧情类影片、最佳导演、最佳配乐和最佳剧本以外，还得了演员工会奖（SAG）的全体演员大奖等多项欧美影坛重要奖项。 这不是一部“宝莱坞”（Bollywood）影片，尽管影片就是在印度拍摄的，尽管主要演员是印度人或是看起来像是印度人的人，尽管影片最后终于还是出现了经典的印度歌舞桥段。 可话说回来，这也算不上是一部典型的“好莱坞”（Hollywood）影片，因为它“咖喱”味儿太浓了。
Answers答案 找回失落的爱靠的是什么？ A－金钱；B－运气；C－聪明；D－命运 影片开头和影片海报上，都出现了这样一道题目，对此你的答案是什么呢？我的选择是B－运气。因为在男主人公贾玛尔（Jamal Malik）的“百万富翁之旅”中，八道问题只有关于某位印度的超级影星的第一题答对算是属于“必然”，而获知其余问题的答案对他而言纯属偶然。 母亲的凄惨死去，让他牢牢记住了某宗教中的神祗右手所秉持的是什么；在呼叫中心端茶送水让他知道了英国某情报机构位于哪座城市；而在黑暗的“儿童演艺工会”中的经历以及日后与“工会”中旧友的重逢让他知道了一首歌曲的词作者是谁和100美元上印的是谁的头像…… 除了这些依靠“自身实力”回答的问题之外，贾玛尔还依靠求助现场观众回答了印度国徽上的那句格言是什么——这个问题除了他自己回答不上来之外，现场观众都能回答——这可真是“问对了人”。 对此，除了“运气”你还能说什么呢？哦，也许加上一点“聪明”，因为在主持人故意泄露错误答案时，贾玛尔识破了他的阴谋，给出了正确的答案。 电影是根据一部名为《问答》（Q&A）的小说改编的，影片的格局也是由问题割裂开来形成不通的片段，而这所有的片段拼凑在一起就形成了男主角贾玛尔的人生“大画面”。 当那些完全无关联的、来自各领域的问题的答案都像一颗颗珍珠般散落在你人生的轨迹中时，你所要做的仅是将其串成一条项链即可。当然，海报上的问题正确答案自然是D－命运，我为自己错误选择的辩解是：运气到了这种程度也就只好用“命运”二字来解释了，不是吗？你的人生将得到怎样的“答案”取决于提出的问题是什么，贾玛尔年轻的生命历程中不停问的就是一个问题：Where is Latika?（拉缇卡在哪儿？） Brutality残酷 我想说，男主角贾玛尔与女主角拉缇卡之间的爱情是“残酷”的。在这份爱情面前，我们当前生活中的那些小情小爱显得都很安逸、安分和安稳。 在暴风骤雨的夜里，年幼丧母的贾玛尔和同样凄苦的拉缇卡初次相遇，而日后两人的遭遇要远比那一夜的雨更凄凉、更惨烈。用“才出火坑、又陷泥潭”来形容两人多舛的感情真是再贴切不过了：贾玛尔和大哥逃出坏人的魔爪时，拉缇卡却由于没有追上行进中的列车而与贾玛尔分开；数年后，贾玛尔为了拉缇卡再回孟买，历尽艰辛找到拉缇卡后，一路相依为命的大哥在救下拉缇卡之后却要占有她，贾玛尔再度与她分开；又过了几年，在呼叫中心做服务生的贾玛尔通过非常偶然的机会联系到了他的大哥，并跟踪他找到了拉缇卡，而此时，拉缇卡早已沦为一个黑社会老大的玩物…… 贾玛尔获得巨额奖金只是一条虚的主线——或可称之为“形式主线”，影片的实际主线其实是贾玛尔与拉缇卡的爱情。因为贾玛尔要参加节目挑战巨奖的唯一目的只不过是，那是拉缇卡最爱的电视节目，参加只是为了让她看见自己。之前说他们的爱情是残酷的，而影片中残酷的又何止他们的爱情而已。一系列的社会阴暗和人性污点都在影片动感摇曳的影像世界中展露无疑，就像著名的泰姬陵（Taj Mahal）在剧中以倾斜的画面出现一样，影片揭示的正是倾斜的天空下残酷的生活。 而当影片最后贾玛尔与拉缇卡在站台拥吻——金钱与美人双丰收时，当全体演员在歌舞中谢幕时，又不由得让人想起与“Brutality”（残酷）一样以“B”开头的英文单词“Beautiful”（美丽），是啊，更确切的说他们的爱情是残酷而美丽的。 Cast演员 而将这残酷而美丽的爱情演绎得淋漓尽致的是位“90后”的年轻人德夫•帕特尔（Dev Patel），他就是之前所说的“看起来像印度人”的人，他的父母都是出生在肯尼亚的印度人，而他本人则出生在英国伦敦。 在剧中，他被小流氓海扁、被黑老大恐吓，一副弱不禁风、温文尔雅的样子，可现实中，他可是个真实的跆拳道黑带高手，获奖无数——其中甚至包括世锦赛夺牌。“海拔”1米87的小伙子拥有传统的印度人的长相和健康、国际化的体格，不得不说这形象为他的演艺事业开了个好头。帕特尔成为这部戏的主角——这事儿说来也有点“运气”，他在英国青少年连续剧《皮囊》（Skins）中出演主要角色，而当《贫民窟百万富翁》在选角色时，导演丹尼•博耶尔17岁的女儿向他推荐了这位帅哥。 之所以着力介绍这位“小生”，因为从各方的评价来看，大家都对这个小伙子青睐有加，有评论甚至夸张的评价如果不是因为他，整部影片都将失色，不管怎么说，他都可算是本剧演员中最大的亮点。 相比较男主演1、2年的“从业经验”而言，比他大6岁的女主演弗里达•平托（Freida Pinto）则更为青涩，她是一位在孟买工作的职业模特。完全没有任何演戏经验的平托反而将女主角拉缇卡在悲惨命运中顽强抗争和对感情的执着演绎得十分到位，既让人看到了她在枷锁中忧郁的美丽又展示了她自由后尽情的释放。 而比起这些“成年”的演员，那些未成年的孩子（出演不同时期的男女主角）则更是未经雕琢的璞玉，这其中，出演最年幼的贾玛尔的小演员甚至有“粉丝”说他应该得奥斯卡！这些小演员中，还真就有正处于贫民窟里的孩子，导演很希望能保护这些孩子免受外界的干扰、媒体的捧杀，更希望能为他们的成长提供一定的帮助。 Director导演 从个人知名度及影响力来看，全剧所有演职人员无人能与丹尼•博耶尔（Danny Boyle）抗衡。丹尼1996年的小成本大轰动的影片《猜火车》（Trainspotting）被认为是史上最伟大的英国电影之一。虽然现在还无法断定《贫民窟百万富翁》也会成为同样具有一定历史地位的影片，但从目前的表现和引发的反响来看，本片与《猜火车》倒是有些相似之处。 最大的相似之处莫过于两部影片都是在赢得如潮好评的同时也引发了激烈的争议，一位美国参议员在谴责《猜火车》鼓励滥用药物时，加拿大的警方却将其视为反毒的教材而邀请青少年观影。《贫民窟百万富翁》在揭露印度社会的阴暗面、孟买贫民窟的破败不堪的同时，也描写了贾玛尔这样一位顽强、勇敢的来自贫民窟的少年。伴随着影片获奖越多、声势越大，抗议与反对也愈演愈烈，就在日前，印度国内还发生了大规模的抗议游行，反对此片对孟买及印度的歪曲。 面对争议，丹尼在接受任何访问时都强调了他对孟买这座城市的好感，穷尽各类赞美的辞藻来形容孟买。事实上，影片准备及拍摄期间，丹尼断断续续在孟买待了一年多的时间，他投入大量时间去了解孟买的社会环境和现状。我想，影片中的那些暴力与悲剧并非是他一厢情愿而人为制造出来的。 丹尼在谈起导演心得时说，要保持鲜活感和单纯的态度，把每部电影都当作是第一部来拍。正好，孟买这座城市和印度文化对于他而言都是全新的，这样一来也就不难解释这部影片所蕴含的冲击力和新颖性了。
最后，常规性的做一下影片简介吧：一位出身于贫民窟的年轻人在“谁能成为百万富翁”的电视节目中不可思议的答对所有问题、赢得巨奖，被主持人质疑、被警察拷问，在记忆的闪回中，展示了那些答案是如何与他生命的不同阶段紧紧相连的；而他挚爱的女人是否能冲破艰难险阻，与他携手同行？是宿命决定了他们的人生还是他们主宰着自己的命运…… 2月18日 Seinfeld S1 EP041990年6月14日 [Setting: Nightclub] [Setting: Jerry's apartment building](Jerry and George are waiting for the elevator) GEORGE(cont.): I'll tell you when it happened. When that floss came flying out of my pocket. [Setting: Nightclub] [Setting: Bank] (Jerry is at the counter, filling out a slip; George is carrying a jug full of pennies.) [Setting: Nightclub] [Setting: Jerry's apartment, night time] [Setting: Nightclub] 2月13日 Seinfeld S1 EP031990年6月7日
第一季第三集 抢劫 Plot summary for "Seinfeld" The Robbery After Jerry's apartment is robbed, Jerry starts to look for other apartments. But Jerry and George both want the same apartment, and Elaine wants the apartment of whomever loses out. 情节概要：
杰瑞的公寓遭劫，想找新住所，但杰瑞和乔治都想要同一个公寓，依莲想要他们其中一个留下的房子。 [Scene: Comedy club]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部） JERRY: So I move into the centre lane, now I get ahead of this women, who felt for some reason I guess, that she thought that I cut her off. So, she pulls up along side of me, gives me... the finger. It seems like such an... arbitrary, ridiculous thing to just pick a finger and you show it to the person.[shows several fingers to the audience] It's a finger, what does it mean? Someone shows me one of their fingers and I'm supposed to feel bad. Is that the way it's supposed to work? I mean, you could just give someone the toe, really, couldn't you? I would feel worse if I got the toe, than if I got the finger. 'Cause it's not easy to give someone the toe, you've gotta get the shoe off, the sock of and drive, get it up and uh [pretends to drive with one foot in the air and speaks to person driving next to him] look at that toe, buddy. [puts his foot down] I mean, that's really insulting to get the toe, isn't it ? 杰瑞：我挤进中间的车道时，超过了一个女人（的车），她觉得我超车了，于是她经过我边上时对我竖中指了！随便选根手指“展示”给人看在我看来真是专横而可笑啊。（向观众展示几根手指）这是根手指，这有什么意义？某人向我竖起某根手指，我就应该感觉很糟糕。是这意思吗？我是说，你也可以向人展示你的脚趾头，你行吗？如果你向我展示脚趾头，我是不是应该感觉更糟糕啊？不过向人展示脚趾头有点难度啊，你需要脱鞋、脱袜子，把脚抬起来（身体语言展示）看看我的脚趾头，伙计。（把脚放下）被人竖“脚趾头”可真是种侮辱啊，不是嘛！ [Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry is packing. Elaine is sitting at the table watching Jerry]
（场景：杰瑞的公寓，杰瑞在打包，依莲坐在桌边看着杰瑞） JERRY: Is that it? Got the cue tips, got the mini-umbrella, something boring to read on the plane. [zips his bag with exaggerated motions] That's it. Done! 杰瑞：就这些了吗？台球杆皮头（不确定），折叠伞，在飞机上看的消遣读物（拉上包，表情夸张）就这样了，收工。 ELAINE: [claps her hands] That is the single greatest packing performance I have ever seen. 依莲：（鼓掌）这是我见过的最牛X的打包表演了！ JERRY: [proudly] I am...the master packer. 杰瑞：（自豪的）我是……打包专家。 ELAINE: [laughs] Yeah, right, you're the master packer. 依莲：（笑）是，没错，你是打包专家。 JERRY: What you must understand, Elaine, [picks up the umbrella] packing is no different than leading men into battle: you've gotta know the strengths and weaknesses [hits his bag rhythmically with his umbrella] of every soldier in that platoon. From a collapsible toothbrush to a pair of ordinary black socks. 杰瑞：依莲，你该理解（拿出雨伞），打包就像带领弟兄们去战场一样：你得了解队伍里每位士兵的长处和弱点（有节奏的用伞敲击包包），无论是折叠牙刷还是一双普通的袜子。 ELAINE: 'Scuse me...master packer! 依莲：不好意思……打包专家！（估计是笑得不行了） JERRY: ...Yes. 杰瑞：……怎么。 ELAINE: Just gimme your keys. 依莲：给我你的钥匙就好。 JERRY: Alright, sir. [tosses Elaine his keys; apartment buzzer goes of, Jerry speaks over the intercom] George? 杰瑞：好的，老大。（给依莲钥匙，门铃响起，杰瑞问）乔治吗？ GEORGE: [outside over the intercom] Yeah 乔治：（门铃另一端）是 ELAINE: [Jerry opens the door] OK, so, now, is there anything else I need to know 'bout this place? 依莲：（杰瑞开门）好了，那现在，关于这间公寓我还需要了解些什么吗？ JERRY: uh, yeah, the uuhh, hot water takes a little while to come on. So, the best thing to do is to turn it on, do all your shopping, you...come back and take a shower. 杰瑞：哦，是的，热水要等一会儿才会出来，所以最佳做法是打开热水，出去购物……然后回家淋浴。 ELAINE: OK, this is quite a place. 依莲：哦，这地方可真“不错”啊！ JERRY: There's more, the refrigerator. [Opens it] Deduct a minimum of two days of all expiration dates. [uses the umbrella to point to certain compartments in the refrigerator] No meat, no leftovers, no butter. [closes the refrigerator] And I cannot overstate this: no soft cheeses of any kind. Is that clear? 杰瑞：哦，还有……冰箱。（打开）别给我放过期货，（用伞指着冰箱）别放肉，不要放剩饭剩菜，别放黄油。（关上冰箱门）最重要的：任何奶酪或相关食品都不要放！清楚了没？ ELAINE: I'll eat out. 依莲：我会把冰箱吃空的。 JERRY: One more thing, Benes, regarding sexual activity: strictly prohibited, but if you absolutely must, do us all a big favour: do it in the tub. 杰瑞：还有一件事，贝尼斯，有关“性活动”：严格禁止，但是你觉得必须要“做”，麻烦你行行好：在浴缸里做吧。 GEORGE: [walks in] Ready? 乔治：（进门）好了没？ JERRY: Yeah, one sec. 杰瑞：马上。 GEORGE: [closes the door] Hey, Elaine 乔治：（关门）嗨，依莲 ELAINE: Hi. 依莲：嗨。 GEORGE: Coming to the airport with us? 乔治：和我们一块儿去机场吗？ ELAINE: No, I'm staying here for the weekend. I'm getting a break from my roommate. 依莲：不，我周末都待在这里。我想和我的室友分开一段。 GEORGE: Oh, the actress-waitress. 乔治：哦，那个演员－服务生。 ELAINE: No, the waitress-actress. She just got some part in some dinner-theater production of a Chorus Line. So, now all day long she's walking around the apartment singing: [singing] "God, I hope I get it, I hope I get it". She's gonna get it right in her... 依莲：不，是服务生－演员，她刚刚在一个餐厅剧场的和声队伍里得到一个角色。所以现在她每天在公寓里边走边唱：神啊，让我得到这个吧！她会得到…… GEORGE: You just kick her out. 乔治：你把她赶出去不就得了。 ELAINE: She's on the lease!...George you have got to find an other place for me. 依莲：合同上有她！乔治求你帮我换个住处吧！ GEORGE: Yeah, well...a little ruff finding something good in your price-range. [looks like he remembers something and turns to Jerry] But you, my friend, may be in luck. 乔治：嗯，好……按你的价位找个好地方有点难度（想起什么，对杰瑞说）不过你，我的朋友，你就好运了。 JERRY: I'm not looking. 杰瑞：我没有在找住所啊。 GEORGE: No no no, this one's different, this one's a beauty! 乔治：不不不，这可不一样啊，这间可是“尤物”！ JERRY: Yeah, what's it like? 杰瑞：是吗，长什么样？ GEORGE: I haven't seen it yet, but it's a "two-bedroom", it's on the uh, west 83rd, 'bout a half block from the park? 乔治：我还没见过呢，但这可是“双卧”，在西街83号，离公园只有半个街区。 JERRY: How much? 杰瑞：多少钱？ GEORGE: Uh, twice what you pay in here, but it's a great building, it's two bedrooms! 乔治：你这间房的双倍，但那是多好的房子啊，双卧！ JERRY: Two bedrooms? Why do I need two bedrooms? I got enough trouble maintaining activity in one. [George looks at Elaine with a "he's-crazy-look"; Jerry turns around] I saw that. 杰瑞：双卧？我要双卧干嘛？一间房间都“忙”不过来呢。（乔治） ELAINE: You oughtta least take a look at it. 依莲：你至少去看一眼吧。 JERRY: Really? Why? 杰瑞：哦？为什么？ ELAINE: 'Cause then I could move in here. 依莲：那样我就可以搬到这里来了啊。 JERRY: Ooohhhh 杰瑞：哦…… ELAINE: It's time you got out a here anyway. 依莲：你反正是要离开这里的。 GEORGE: Yeah, tell'm, but quickly, I'm double parked here. 乔治：是，叫他快点，我违章停车了。 ELAINE: Listen, Jerry, this place is falling apart. You have no hot water, you can't have soft cheese... 依莲：听着杰瑞，这破地儿烂得一塌糊涂，没热水，不能放松软的奶酪…… GEORGE: Let's not forget the radiator, the steam has been on here for ten years; no human can turn this off. 乔治：你还忘了散热片呢，那里散发蒸气都有十年了，没人能关上。 ELAINE: Jerry, come on, you're doin' OK now, you should at least take a look at this place. You shouldn't have to live like this. 依莲：杰瑞，得了吧，你至少去看看那间房嘛，你不能住得像现在这样。 JERRY: Like this? You just said, you wanted to live here. 杰瑞：像这样？你刚才还说，你要搬过来呢。 ELAINE: Well, for me it's a step up. It's like moving from Island to Finland. 依莲：对我来说这是前进了一小步啊，就好像从冰岛搬到芬兰。（感觉应该是ICELAND而不是Island，个人意见） GEORGE: Jerry, what do ya...you wanna...you wanna see the place or not? 乔治：杰瑞，你想……你到底还看不看那间房啦！ JERRY: I can't think about it now. Come on, I'm going to Minneapolis. I got four shows this weekend. 杰瑞：我现在不能想这个，得了吧，我要去明尼阿波利斯。这周有四场演出呢。 [Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry enters his apartment with his bags.]
（场景：杰瑞的公寓，杰瑞进门） JERRY: Elaine! [puts his bags down, sits down on the couch, picks up the remote control and tries to turn on his TV] 杰瑞：依莲！（放下包，坐下，拿起遥控器想要打开电视） JERRY: [notices the TV is missing] ELAINE! 杰瑞：（发现电视不见了）依莲！ ELAINE: [from the bathroom] JERRY! [enters the living-room] Jerry, oh, hi, welcome back. How were the shows? 依莲：（浴室里）杰瑞！（进入客厅）杰瑞，哦，嗨，欢迎回来。演出怎么样？ JERRY: Great, I had fun, where's the TV, where's the VCR. [Elaine looks guilty] What? 杰瑞：很好，我玩得挺开心，电视上哪儿去了，还有录像机。（依莲做贼心虚）什么？ ELAINE: They were stolen. 依莲：都被偷了。 JERRY: Stolen? When? 杰瑞：被偷？什么时候？ ELAINE: A couple a hours ago, the police are coming right over. 依莲：几小时前吧，警察就要来了。 JERRY: Stolen? 杰瑞：被偷了？？ ELAINE: [Kramer enters the apartment] Someone left the door open. [it's clear that she means Kramer; she walks to the bathroom] 依莲：（克雷默进门）有人忘了关门。（她暗指克雷默；她走进浴室） JERRY: [to Kramer] You left the door open?! 杰瑞：（对克雷默）你让门打开着？ KRAMER: Uh, Jer, well ya know, I was cookin' and I, I uh, I came in to get this spatula...and I left the door open, 'cause I was gonna bring the spatula right back! 克雷默：嗯，你想啊，我正在炒菜，我到你家来拿把锅铲，然后让门开着，因为我还要把它还回来啊！ JERRY: Wait, you left the lock open or the door open? 杰瑞：等等，你是忘了锁门还是大门敞开着？ KRAMER: [bobs his head guiltily] The door. 克雷默：（晃头晃脑）城门大开。 JERRY: The door? You left the door open? 杰瑞：门？！你让门开着？！ KRAMER: Yeah, well, I was gonna bring the spatula right back. 克雷默：是啊，我正想把锅铲还回来呢。 JERRY: Yeah, and? 杰瑞：是吗，然后呢？ KRAMER: Well, I got caught up... watching a soap opera...[with a broken voice] The Bold and the Beautiful 克雷默：嗯，我被一出肥皂剧吸引了（声音颤抖）勇士与美人。 JERRY: So the door was wide open? 杰瑞：所以门就敞开着！ KRAMER: Wide open! 克雷默：开得大大的！ JERRY: [Elaine enters the living-room] And where were you? 杰瑞：（依莲进入起居室）你当时在哪儿？ ELAINE: I was at Bloomingdale's...waiting for the shower to heat up. 依莲：我正在布鲁明代尔血拼呢，等着水变热呀。 KRAMER: Look, Jerry, I'm sorry, I'm uh, you have insurance, right buddy? 克雷默：杰瑞，实在抱歉，我……嗯，你有保险的对吧？兄弟。 JERRY: No. 杰瑞：没有。 KRAMER: [looks shocked] How can you not have insurance? 克雷默：（震惊状）你居然没上保险？ JERRY: Because...I spent my money on the Clapgo D. 29, it's the most impenetrable lock on the market today...it has only one design flaw: the door...[shuts the door] must be CLOSED. 杰瑞：因为……我花巨资买了D29防盗门，号称是无法穿越的铜墙铁壁……不过我想这种门有一个设计上的瑕疵：这门……（关门）必须关上。 Kramer: Jerry! I'm gonna find your stuff. I'm gonna solve it, I'm on the case, buddy, I'm on the case! 克雷默：杰瑞！我一定会找到你被盗的东西的，我会搞定的，这事儿归我管了，兄弟，我管定了！ JERRY: Yeah, don't investigate, don't pay me back, it was an accident. 杰瑞：是啊，别调查了，别还我了，只不过是个事故。 KRAMER: [theatrical] I made a mistake. 克雷默：（戏剧化的）我做错事了。 ELAINE: [idem] These things happen 依莲：木已成舟。 KRAMER: [idem] I'm human 克雷默：我也是个正常人。 JERRY: In your way. 杰瑞：你这个非主流。 [Scene: Jerry's apartment. A policeman is filling out a report. Jerry and Elaine are there.] （场景：杰瑞住处，警察在写报告，杰瑞和依莲在场） POLICEMAN: Let's see, that's uh, one TV, a stereo, one leather jacket, a VCR and a computer...is that 'bout it? 警察：让我瞧瞧，哦，电视、音响，一件皮夹克，摄像机还有电脑……就这些？ ELAINE: Answering machine. 依莲：电话答录机。 JERRY: [disappointed] Answering machine. Oh, I hate the idea of somebody out there returning my calls. 杰瑞：（失望状）答录机，哦，我讨厌有人回复我的电话。 POLICEMAN: What do ya mean? 警察：你啥意思啊？ JERRY: It's a joke. 杰瑞：只是个笑话啦。 POLICEMAN: I see...Well, mister Seinfeld uh, we'll look into it and uh, we'll let you know if we uh, you know, if we find anything. 警察：了解……那么，宋飞先生，我们会调查的，一旦找到啥就会通知你的。 JERRY: You ever find anything? 杰瑞：你们找到过任何东西没？ POLICEMAN: No. [hands Jerry his copy of the report] 警察：没有。（给杰瑞一份报告副本） JERRY: Well, thanks anyway. 杰瑞：那就谢谢你了。 POLICEMAN: You bet. 警察：无所谓啦。 ELAINE: [Policeman leaves the apartment, while George enters] I didn't get that joke either. 依莲：（警察离开，乔治进门）我也没理解你那个笑话。 JERRY: The crook has the machine. The messages aren't for him. He's the crook: why would he answer...[turns around and sees George standing behind him] How did you get in here? 杰瑞：哪个无赖得到了我的答录机，那些留言不是给他的，他是个无赖：他干嘛要回答……（回头发现乔治站在屋里）你怎么进来的？ GEORGE: [makes some weird motions] I walked in, your lobby door is broken again. 乔治：（怪模怪样）大踏步走进来的啊，你们大堂的门又坏了。 JERRY: Again. 杰瑞：又坏了？ GEORGE: I don't know how you put up with this. 乔治：我不知道你怎么忍受这个。 ELAINE: Yeah, tell'm George. 依莲：是啊，教育教育他，乔治。 JERRY: [to Elaine] You would still wanna move in here? 杰瑞：（对依莲）你还想搬进这里？？ ELAINE: Yes! You don't understand. I'm living with Ethel Merman without the talent. 依莲：当然！你不理解。我和一个没有天份的歌手住一块儿。 JERRY: [to George] Is that uh, other apartment still available. [George shows him the keys] 杰瑞：（对乔治）那间公寓还能租嘛？（乔治给他看钥匙） [Scene: Comedy club.]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部） JERRY: I got ripped off for about the...18th time? And now, the first couple a times you go through it, it's very upsetting and your first reaction or one of your friends will say: "Call the police. You really should call the police." So you think to yourself, ya know, you watch TV, you think: "Yeah, I'm calling the police. Stakeouts, manhunts...I'm gonna see some real action." Right, you think that. So, the police come over to your house...they fill out: the report...they give you: your copy. Now...unless they give the crook his copy, I don't really think we're gonna crack this case, do you?...It's not like Batman, where there's three crooks in the city and everybody pretty much knows, who they are. Very few crooks even go to the trouble to come up with a theme for their careers anymore. It makes them a lot tougher to spot. "Did you lose a sony? It could be the Penguin...I think we can round him up, he's dressed like a PENGUIN! We can find him, he's a PENGUIN! 杰瑞：我大概被劫过18次……当你前几次经历这些时，你的第一反应或是你某个朋友的谏言是：叫警察，你真的需要叫警察，这很令人烦恼。你对自己说，你知道的，你看着电视，你想：是啊，我叫警察，监视、抓人……我想看到点真正的行动。没错，你这么想，警察来到你的房子，他们填表，那些报告，他们给你复印件，现在……我想除非他们也给那个无赖一张复印件，不然是破不了这个案子的。这不像是蝙蝠侠，整个城市就仨无赖，全世界的人都知道他们在哪儿。你很难找到他们。你丢了一台索尼？可能是企鹅干的……我想我们能把他包起来，让他穿成企鹅的样子。我们就能抓到他，他是只企鹅！ [Scene: The apartment on 83rd street. George, Elaine and Jerry are entering the apartment.] （场景：83街的公寓，乔治、依莲和杰瑞进门） ELAINE: [looks around] Oh, well, come on...this is an apartment, this is a home! This is a place to live...Oohhh, a fireplace, are you kidding me! Does this work? [takes a closer look at the fireplace] 依莲：（看看周围）哦，不错嘛，这是公寓，这是个家！这是个可以生活的地方……哦，一个围炉，不是开玩笑吧！这个能用嘛？（凑近去看围炉） GEORGE: I didn't know there was a fireplace. A fireplace, this is incredible. 乔治：我不知道那里有个围炉，围炉……太美妙了！ JERRY: How do you get all that wood in here? 杰瑞：你哪来那些木头啊？ ELAINE: They deliver it. 依莲：他们会送上门的。 JERRY: They deliver wood? 杰瑞：他们送木头？ ELAINE: Yeah. 依莲：是啊。 JERRY: Whatta ya tip a "wood guy"? 杰瑞：那你给“送木头的”什么小费？ GEORGE: [looking intensively at the form with the apartment description] I didn't know there was a fireplace? 乔治：（仔细看公寓介绍文件）我不知道这有个围炉。 ELAINE: Look! Look at...look at this! There's a garden. 依莲：看啊！看看这个……那是座花园！ GEORGE: A garden! I can't believe there's a garden! 乔治：一座花园！居然有座花园！ JERRY: Would I have to get a gardener? 杰瑞：我是不是还得雇个花匠？ ELAINE: Yeah, you can get a gardener. 依莲：是，你可以请个花匠。 JERRY: You tip him? 杰瑞：你也给他小费？ ELAINE: You can. 依莲：你可以啊。 GEORGE: [to Elaine] You don't tip a gardener! 乔治：（对依莲）没人给花匠小费！ ELAINE: You can tip a gardener. 依莲：你可以给花匠小费的。 GEORGE: You don't need a gardener. 乔治：你不需要一个花匠。 ELAINE: Jerry, you can barbecue back here [points to garden]. 依莲：杰瑞，你可以在那儿搞野餐。（指着花园） JERRY: They deliver the coal? 杰瑞：他们还送木炭？ ELAINE: Sure, it's...probably the same guy, who delivers the wood. 依莲：当然，说不定送木头的人也送木炭。 JERRY: Oh, than I gotta tip him. 杰瑞：哦，那我一定得给他小费了。 ELAINE: Oh damn, this place is incredible, look at all this great light! 依莲：哦，这地方实在太棒了，看看这些漂亮的灯！ JERRY: I don't have any plants. 杰瑞：我没有装饰植物。 GEORGE: I have plants. 乔治：我有。 ELAINE: Jerry, look at this closet! Look at this! I'm walking in it! [walks in the closet] It's a "walk-in". Can you believe it? I'm nuts about this, what do you think?! 依莲：杰瑞，看看衣橱！看看这！我能走进去！（走进衣橱）这大得能让人走进去！你能相信嘛！我快疯了，你怎么看？ JERRY: [closes the closet with Elaine still in it]...I like that. [opens the closet, Elaine walks out with an angry look] What do ya think, George? 杰瑞：（依莲在衣橱里就把门关了）……我喜欢这个。（打开衣橱门，依莲带着怒气走出来）你怎么看，乔治？ GEORGE: It's your decision. 乔治：这取决于你。 JERRY: [walks around with Elaine walking next to him, copying his every move. Suddenly Jerry stops walking; Elaine is not able to copy this "move"; they look at each other laughing] I'm takin' it, I'm takin' the place, I'm gonna take it, this is gonna be my new place, I'm livin' here...I'm movin'. 杰瑞：（和依莲一起绕圈子，依莲模仿他的一举一动，突然杰瑞停了，依莲不动了；他们相视大笑）我要了，我要这个地方，我就住这儿了，这就是我的新家，我要住这儿……我要搬家。 ELAINE: [laughing with joy] Your movin'? That means I'm movin'. [hugs Jerry] Gheeeeee [runs to George] isn't that incredible! 依莲：（乐开怀）你要搬家？也就是说我也要搬家咯。（拥抱杰瑞）呵呵（跑向乔治）真是太爽了！ GEORGE: Congratulations. [obviously not so thrilled by the fact] 乔治：恭喜你。（很明显不为所动） [Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry and Elaine are there.]
（场景：杰瑞的住所，杰瑞和依莲在那里） ELAINE: What about the couch? 依莲：沙发咋办？ JERRY: You like the couch? I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do. 杰瑞：你喜欢这个沙发？我告诉你我将拿它怎么着。 ELAINE: What? 依莲：怎么？ JERRY: You're movin' in, you're a good friend, I wanna start you off on the right foot. Give me...$150 dollars. [Elaine looks shocked, Jerry opens the door to the hall] Get it out a here right now, take it out the door, I don't even wanna see it, go, get it out. 杰瑞：你要搬进来，你是我的好友，我想你有个美好的开始……给我150块钱吧。（依莲震惊状，杰瑞开门）马上给我滚，把这个拿出我的屋子，我不想再看见它啦，滚。 ELAINE: A $150 dollars? A $150 dollars for what? For this couch? 依莲：150块？150块什么？为这个沙发？ JERRY: Yeah! 杰瑞：是啊。 ELAINE: For this couch?! 依莲：这个沙发？！ JERRY: [shuts the door] OK, you tell me, what is it worth? 杰瑞：（关门）好吧，那你告诉我这值多少？ ELAINE: OK, uuhh...I'll tell you what...I could go as high as uh... [takes a closer look at couch] I don't know, maybe...$20 dollars? 依莲：好……我来告诉你吧，我能接受的价格是……（仔细看看沙发）我不知道，可能20块钱！ JERRY: [has a "you-can't-be-serious-look" on his face; the apartment buzzer goes off; Jerry speaks over the intercom] Yeah? 杰瑞：（不可思议状，门铃响起，杰瑞对着对讲器）哪位？ GEORGE: [outside over the intercom] Yeah, it's George. 乔治：（回答）是我，乔治。 JERRY: Come on up. [opens the door; walks back to the couch] Oh, all right, forget it, I'm gonna take it with me now... [picks up the cushions] I'm just gonna pack up the cushions right now... 杰瑞：上来吧。（开门，走回沙发）哦，好吧，算了算了，我把这沙发带走……（拿起靠垫）我把靠垫打包先。 ELAINE: OK ok ok ok, you win: $40 dollars. 依莲：好好好好，你赢了：40块！ JERRY: You wanna get the other end, 'cause I wanna get it in the hall. [acts like he's going to lift up the couch] 杰瑞：你想帮我搬沙发吗？我想把这搬到过道去。（装作要抬沙发的样子） ELAINE: $50 dollars, OK? $50 dollars, is that all right? 依莲：50块，好了吧，50块还不够嘛！！！ JERRY: $50 dollars? 杰瑞：50块？ ELAINE: Uh-huh. 依莲：嗯。 JERRY: Thank you very much. 杰瑞：那就谢谢你啦。 ELAINE: Thank you very much. 依莲：谢谢你。 GEORGE: [walks in and closes the door] Hey, what's goin' on? 乔治：（走近门口）嗨，你在干嘛？ ELAINE: I just bought Jerry's couch for $50 dollars. 依莲：我花50块钱买了杰瑞的沙发。 JERRY: [to George] So did you bring the lease? [George takes the lease from his inside pocket and hands it to Jerry] All right, ghee, three years, that kinda seems like a long time. 杰瑞：（对乔治）你把契约带来了嘛？（乔治拿出契约交给杰瑞）好了，天，三年，很长的时光啊。 GEORGE: Oh, Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry Jerry [said very quickly], listen, if, if you are feeling uncomfortable about this at all, at all: do not feel like you have to take it. 乔治：哦，杰瑞杰瑞……听着，如果你觉得不是很满意这个，不要觉得你非得接受这个不可。 JERRY: Why? 杰瑞：为什么？ GEORGE: If you're having second thoughts, if you didn't want it, don't worry about it because uh, ya know, I, I...I could take it, ya know. [said with a "for-instance-look" on his face] 乔治：如果你有新的想法，比如你不想要那房子了，不要担心，你知道，我……我可以接受那套房子。（满脸诡异） JERRY: You could take it? You want it? 杰瑞：你也能接受？你想要那房子？ GEORGE: No, I don't want it. I want it, if you don't want it. 乔治：不，我不想要。你不想要的话，我就想要。 JERRY: So you do want it. 杰瑞：那么说你是真的想要啦。 GEORGE: No I, I want it if you don't want it! 乔治：不，我，你不要我才会要！ JERRY: You just said, you wanted it! 杰瑞：你刚才说了你想要它！ GEORGE: No, I'm saying, if a situation arose in which you didn't want it, I might take it. 乔治：不，我说：当你不想要那房子的情况出现时，我可能会接受。 JERRY: [picks up the lease and hands it to George] So take it. 杰瑞：（给他协议）那你收下房子吧。 GEORGE: [refuses to take the lease from Jerry; Elaine looks worried] How can I take it?! 乔治：（拒绝接受，依莲担忧状）我怎么能接受呢？ JERRY: How can I take it? 杰瑞：那我怎么能接受呢？ GEORGE: It's your apartment! 乔治：这是你的公寓！ JERRY: How can I want it now, if you want it? 杰瑞：如果你想要的话，我现在怎么能要呢！ ELAINE: Excuse me, uuhh, I don't mean to cause any trouble here, but George, if you take it, can I take your place? 依莲：不好意思，嗯，我不想引起任何麻烦，但是乔治，如果你要那房子，我能不能要你的住处？ GEORGE: Yes, but I am not taking it. 乔治：可以，但是我不接受这房子。 JERRY: I...am not taking it. [drops the lease demonstratively] 杰瑞：我……我不接受。（示威般的放下合约） ELAINE: Well, one of you better damn well take it! 依莲：好吧，你们两个家伙至少有一个得要了那该死的公寓！ JERRY: Well, whatta you wanna do here? 杰瑞：好吧，你打算怎么办？ GEORGE: I, I don't know. [makes a gesture, that he doesn't know] 乔治：我，我不知道。（表示不理解的姿态） JERRY: Do you wanna flip a coin? 杰瑞：你想抛硬币不？ GEORGE: ...Who flips?...You'll flip, I'll call. 乔治：……谁来扔？你扔的话，我来猜。 JERRY: OK, fine...[takes a coin from his pocket] This is the official flip! No crying, no guilt, winner takes all and that's it, agreed? 杰瑞：好……（拿出一枚硬币）这是正式的扔了哦！不许哭，也不必愧疚，胜者住新房，同意不？ GEORGE: I'm good. 乔治：没问题。 ELAINE: I don't know, who to rune for, George's place has carpeting. 依莲：不知道，我该去哪家呢？乔治的住处有地毯。 JERRY: All right, now you call it in the air. 杰瑞：好吧，在空中的时候就猜。 GEORGE: No catchin'. 乔治：不许接。 JERRY: No no. 杰瑞：不，不。 GEORGE: Flip it. [Jerry flips the coin] Heads! [the coin hits the table. It falls on the floor; they all look intently at the coin] 乔治：扔吧。（杰瑞扔硬币）正面！（硬币落地，大家都找寻） JERRY: Tails! 杰瑞：是反面！ GEORGE: No, it hit the table, it hit the table. 乔治：不，这碰到桌子啦，碰到桌子啦！ JERRY: So what? 杰瑞：那又怎样？ GEORGE: INTERFERENCE! YOU CAN'T COUNT THAT. COME ON, ARE YOU CRAZY?!! THE COIN CAN NOT TOUCH ANYTHING, it affects it. 乔治：干扰！这不能算数。得了吧，你疯了嘛！这枚硬币不能碰到任何东西，这会影响到结果的。 JERRY: You didn't call no interference! 杰瑞：你之前也没说不许干扰啊！ GEORGE: YOU DON'T HAVE TO CALL THAT. THAT'S A RULE!! 乔治：你不需要申明，这本来就是规矩！ JERRY: I don't believe this. 杰瑞：鬼才信你。 GEORGE: Oh oh oh, all right, fine, Jerry, you win. Take it, just take it! 乔治：哦，好吧，没问题，杰瑞，你赢了。拿走吧，拿走！ JERRY: I don't wanna win it like this! Elaine, what do ya think? 杰瑞：我才不想这种方式赢你呢！依莲，你发表一下意见？ ELAINE: I'd better not... 依莲：我不太想…… JERRY: ...Well, I'll tell ya what: I'll choose you for it. Straight choose, three takes it, no disputes...that's it, you gotta win three. 杰瑞：好……我这么说吧：就依你，五局三胜。 GEORGE: OK [they walk around each other]...OK. I'll choose you...whatta ya want? 乔治：好。（他们对峙状），好，我来选……你选啥？ JERRY: Odds 杰瑞：单数。 GEORGE: I want evens. 乔治：我要双数。 JERRY: Good. 杰瑞：好。 GEORGE: You got odds. 乔治：给你单数。 GEORGE: Right, ready. 乔治：好，开始。 JERRY: For the apartment. [they take their "choose positions"] 杰瑞：为了公寓。 BOTH: Once, twice, three, shoot! 一起：1，2，3，开始！ JERRY: Mine! 杰瑞：我赢了！ BOTH: Once, twice, three, shoot! 一起：1，2，3，开始！ JERRY: Mine! [George walks to the table to take a break] 杰瑞：我赢了！ BOTH: [they take their positions again] Once, twice, three, shoot! 一起：1，2，3，开始！ GEORGE: Mine! 乔治：我赢了！ BOTH: Once, twice, three, shoot! 一起：1，2，3，开始！ GEORGE: [Jerry wins, Elaine starts measuring up Jerry's couch] Congratulations...congratulations. 乔治：（杰瑞赢了，依莲开始检查杰瑞的沙发）恭喜……恭喜。 JERRY: Thanks. [George walks to the bathroom] 杰瑞：谢谢。（乔治走向洗手间） GEORGE: [screaming in bathroom] WHAT DID I PUT UP TO? WHAT DID I PUT UP TO? 乔治：（在洗手间怒吼）我把这么好的东西拱手让人啦！！！ KRAMER: [enters the apartment "Kramer-style"] Jerry, I think I'm on to something. I think I found your stuff. You know the Englishman, who lives down the hall? 克雷默：（闯进房间）杰瑞，我想，我在想些事情。我想我找到了你的东西。你知道那个英国人，住在过道底端的？ JERRY: Yeah. 杰瑞：是。 KRAMER: The last couple a days he's been acting very strange; I think he's avoiding me. 克雷默：最近几天他表现得很异常，我想他在有意躲避我。 JERRY: Hard to imagine. [ironically] 杰瑞：哦，还真看不出啊。（讽刺的） KRAMER: Yeah! And get this: I just got of the elevator with him and I tested him, I tested him, like I...this is what I said to him, like I, I was like this [shows how he was acting in the elevator], I went: "Oh, by the way, I now about the stuff." 克雷默：是啊！还有呢：我和他在电梯里我试了试他……我这么做（表演电梯里的动作）我说：哦，不好意思，那些东西…… JERRY: Right. 杰瑞：没错。 KRAMER: Ya know, very casually, so that he was gonna take me in to his confidence. 克雷默：你知道，很随意的，他会开始信任我。 ELAINE: So what did he say? 依莲：他又说什么了？ KRAMER: "What stuff?". 克雷默：“什么东西？” JERRY: Ooh, case closed! [ironically] 杰瑞：哦，结案啦！（嘲讽的） KRAMER: No, you don't understand, you see, he swallowed...see, the guy, he swallowed. Oh, he was nervous about something! Now, I'm gonna go over there, I'm gonna borrow some tee...if I don't get back in five minutes, maybe you'd better call the police. 克雷默：不，你不知道，你看，他在咽口水呢！明显紧张了！现在，我要去那里，问他借点茶叶……如果5分钟内我回不来，你最好叫警察。 JERRY: OK, starting [looks at his watch]...NOW! 杰瑞：好，5分钟倒计时（看看手表）……开始！ KRAMER: Yeah! [said in his own typical way and he runs off] 克雷默：好！（飞奔出门） [Scene: Comedy club]
（场景：喜剧俱乐部） JERRY: One of the problems in life is that when you're a kid, you have a certain way of working out disagreements...and those laws do not work in the adult world. One of the main way that kids resolve any dispute is by calling it. One of them say: "I got the front seat" [other kid's voice] "I wanted the front seat!" [first kid again] "I called it". And the other kid knows he's got nothing to say: [other kid's voice] "He called it, what can I do?". If there was a "kid-court of law" it holds up: [lawyer's voice] "Your Honour, my client did ask for the front seat"...and the judge would go: "Did he call it?" [lawyer's voice again] "Well no, he didn't call..." BANG! [imitating a hammer being hit by the judge]; [judges voice again] "He has to call it, case closed...objection overruled". 注：这段翻译完全失败，一点精神都无法体会。 杰瑞：人生的一个问题是，你儿时的那些处理争端的方式在成人世界里是无法运用的。孩子们处理争端的一个主要手段就是猜硬币。一个孩子说：我要坐前座。另一个也说：我要坐前座。当一个人说我说过了。另一个就觉得无话可说。他说了，我能怎么办。如果有个儿童法庭，会是这样的情况，一个说：庭上，我的委托人要求前座啦，法官会说：他说过吗？律师答：没有，他没有说……砰！他没有说，结案……反对无效。 [Scene: Coffee house, called Monk's; Jerry is sitting at a table, George is returning from the bathroom] （场景：咖啡馆，杰瑞在桌旁，乔治从洗手间回来） GEORGE: [walks towards the table] I love the mirror in that bathroom! I don't know what in the hell it is: I look terrific in that mirror. [sits down] I don't know if it's the tile or the lighting...I feel like Robert Wagner. 乔治：（走向桌子）我爱死那间洗手间的镜子啦！我不知道那是什么魔镜：我在那镜子看起来帅呆了。（坐下）不知道是材质还是光线……我看起来像罗伯特.瓦格纳。 JERRY: [bobs his head] It's a good mirror...[both look at their menus] So, what are ya gettin'? 杰瑞：（脑中浮想）真是面好镜子……（看菜单）那么我们点什么？ GEORGE: I don't know, I can't eat, ya, ya can't have anything anymore. Look at this, look at this: eggs: out, coffee: out, french fries: out, BLT: out!...I go to visit my grandparents: three big brisket sandwiches, I'm sittin' here with a carrot! They're closing in on a hundred, I'm sayin' to them: "How can you eat that stuff?!"...[they look at their menus again] I'm so sick about losin' that choose, you don't know. 乔治：我不知道，我不能吃，你不能再要什么了。看看这个，看看这个：鸡蛋，缺货；咖啡，缺货；炸土豆条，缺货；火腿、莴苣、番茄三明治，缺货。我去看我的爷爷奶奶都能收到三大筐的三明治，在这只有胡萝卜！他们就要关门啦！我要去跟他们讲：你能吃点啥？你是不知道，我恨死了没有选择。 JERRY: Oh, right, forget it, forget it, I'm not taking the place! 杰瑞：哦，对，算了吧算了吧，我不要那公寓了。 GEORGE: What?! 乔治：什么？ JERRY: How can I live there? 杰瑞：我怎么能住那里！ GEORGE: Why not?! 乔治：为什么不？ JERRY: Look at you, you're still thinking about it, I'll never feel comfortable. 杰瑞：看看你，你还在为那事困扰呢，我永远都不会安心的。 GEORGE: Oh, get out a here. 乔治：哦，省省吧你。 JERRY: How can I ever have you over? You'll sit there moping. 杰瑞：我怎么能这样对你呢，你在那里闷闷不乐呢。 GEORGE: Mope? 乔治：闷闷不乐？ JERRY: You're already moping!...Would you take the place? 杰瑞：你就是在闷闷不乐啊，你会接受那公寓吗？ GEORGE: No, impossible! It's your apartment. 乔治：不，不可能！那是你的！ JERRY: You found the place. 杰瑞：你找到的那个地方啊。 GEORGE: You won the choose. 乔治：你赢得了游戏啊。 JERRY: All right, forget it, it's over, I'm not moving. 杰瑞：好吧，忘了它吧，结束了，我不搬。 GEORGE: Well, me neither. 乔治：好啊，我也不搬。 JERRY: Definitely? 杰瑞：肯定？ GEORGE: Definitely. 乔治：肯定。 JERRY: Oh, than just get rid of it. You won't have any problem. 杰瑞：哦，那就这样吧，你不会有任何问题的。 GEORGE: No, it's not a problem, I can get rid of the apartment this afternoon. [a waitress approaches] 乔治：不，这不是个问题，我可以这个下午就处理好。（服务生过来） WAITRESS: What apartment? 服务生：什么公寓？ GEORGE: Oh, it's a great place, it's uh "two-bedroom" uh, west 83rd 'bout half block from the park. 乔治：哦，一个很棒的地方，“双卧”，西街83号，离公园半个街区。 WAITRESS: What's the rent? 服务生：租金多少？ [Scene: The apartment on 83rd street. The waitress bought it; Jerry, Elaine and George are invited, they're sitting on a couch, all three moping] （场景：西街83号，服务生租了；杰瑞、依莲和乔治在场，坐在沙发上，都很郁闷） GEORGE: I don't know, what we're doin' here, this is ridiculous. 乔治：我不知道，我们在这干嘛？真TMD可笑！ JERRY: She wanted to thank us for the apartment. [very irritated] 杰瑞：她想要感谢我们。（非常愤怒） ELAINE: I can't believe I lost the deposit on that u-hall. [I can't quite understand what she'd saying here]And I threw out my couch. [She slaps Jerry on the leg] 依莲：难以置信我没地儿住了！我还失去了我的沙发。（打杰瑞） JERRY: If only the coin hadn't hit the table. 杰瑞：要是硬币没有碰到桌子就好了。 GEORGE: The table is interference, you know it! 乔治：桌子是个干扰，你承认了吧！ JERRY: It is not! 杰瑞：这不是！ GEORGE: It is too! 乔治：这是！ ELAINE: My roommate starts rehearsal tonight on Carrousel. [irritated] 依莲：我的室友又要排练了。（抓狂） WAITRESS(CAROL): Hi. 服务生（卡罗尔）：嗨！ GEORGE: Hi, Carol. 乔治：嗨，卡罗尔。 CAROL: I just wanted to introduce you to my husband, this is Larry [points to her husband; Jerry, Elaine and George get up]. This is George, Elaine and Jerry [points to them] [to Larry] These are the guys who got us the apartment. 卡罗尔：我只是想让你们见见我老公，拉里。这是乔治、依莲、杰瑞，这些就是给我们介绍公寓的朋友们。 LARRY: Oh, you don't know how grateful I am, if there's anything I can ever do to repay you, I, I mean, we're just so thrilled with this place. 拉里：哦，你们无法想象我有多感激，不知道该怎么回报你们，我是说这公寓让我们兴奋极了。 CAROL: It's a dream. 卡罗尔：像梦一样。 LARRY: I'm running in the park now, I've lost weight, we're barbecuing every night and the rent is unbelievable. 拉里：我现在可以去公园跑步，我减肥了不少， GEORGE: We're really glad for ya. [very sadly] 乔治：我们也为你高兴。（非常悲伤的） ELAINE: Couldn't be happier. [idem] 依莲：是啊，再高兴不过了。（同样悲伤的） JERRY: It's wonderful. [idem; they sit down again] 杰瑞：美妙极了！（悲伤，他们都坐下） CAROL: Diane, Diane, come here. [she beckons a women; she comes to the couch] This is my new next door neighbour, Diane. [Jerry, Elaine and George get up; Diane appears to be very attractive] [to Diane] These are the guys, who turned this place down, can you believe it? [to Jerry, George and Elaine] Diane gave me the greatest backrub today, she's a masseuse! 卡罗尔：黛安，黛安，过来。这是我的新邻居，黛安。（杰瑞、依莲和乔治起身，黛安非常漂亮）（对黛安）这些就是不要这房子的人，你能相信吗？（对杰瑞们）黛安给我做了很好的背部按摩，她是个按摩师。 DIANE: How, how could you guys have turned this place down, it's such a great location and it's...so close to the park. 黛安：你们怎么会不要这公寓呢？这地段这么好……离公园又那么近！ GEORGE: We're aware of the proximity to the park, yes. 乔治：我们有考虑过公园的因素，是的。 DIANE: Well, it was nice to meet you. [she walks away] 黛安：那么，很高兴见到你们。（她走开） GEORGE: Nice meeting you. [shakes Carol's hand; they sit down again; Carol walks away] 乔治：很高兴见到你。 JERRY: How late are the stores open? I'm thinking of maybe uh, buying a new TV and smash it over my head. [two men are standing behind the couch talking] 杰瑞：商店什么时候关门？我在想，也许我可以去买台新电视，在我头上砸烂！（两个男人站在沙发后说话） RIGHT MAN: I get a call from Gilmore this morning and get this: they're restructuring the organization in Atlanta and I gotta be there on the first of the month. 右边的人：在哦啊上基尔默跟我说：他们在亚特兰大的地方要重组，我们下月一号就要到那儿。 LEFT MAN: Really? What are you gonna 'bout the apartment? 左边的人：真的？那我们该拿这房子怎么办？ RIGHT GUY: Well, what can I do? Give it up. 右边的人：我们能怎么办？只能放手了。 JERRY, ELAINE and GEORGE: What's the rent? 杰瑞、依莲、乔治：租金多少？！ 2月6日 Seinfeld S1 EP02注：这集的剧本提供者很有意思，经常会冒出一点自己的想法，所以翻译的时候有时候碰到点雾水。因为看了这么久，第一季的一些细节也许记不清楚了，不好意思。 1990年5月31日 情节概要： Opening monologue （等观众回应） Open at a video store where Jerry and some woman named "Elaine" are apparently looking to rent a movie for the night. Jerry shows Elaine some movie from the Adult section that's probably called "The Sperminator", or something... Jerry: Riverside Drive. at the bar the next night... They sit down at a table next to each other. The piano man plays your basic "one-step-up-from-elevator-music" (simply 'cuz you're not stuck in an elevator while listening to it). Across from Jerry is a strikingly beautiful woman. She speaks: Vanessa: How big a tip do you think it'd take to get him to stop? The guy beside Venus, er, I mean Vanessa interrupts to tell her about this unseen guy next to him. Elaine: No! No! *You* had wooden teeth! *You* had wooden teeth! *I* didn't have wooden teeth, *you* did! Helen: You know, you can't be so particular. Nobody's perfect. Helen: No, no, no, that won't do. He may have a "Z"... End Act II. Open at Jerry's apartment with a few people mingling about, waiting to go to the wedding. Jerry is talking to Carol <I miss the first few seconds here. Sorry> ，是吧。 Jerry: When you're on a stakeout, do you find it's better to stand up against the wall, or kinda crouch down behind a big plant?... 一个说“看啊，小兔子” 2月1日 Seinfeld S1 Ep01A TRIBUTE TO JERRY SEINFELD向杰瑞.宋飞致敬 写在前面：这是一部拍了9年（10年）的剧集，整个剧集是关于琐事（nothing）的。在看之前你是无法想象这样的戏居然也可以成为经典，看完175集后，我认为这是一部伟大的剧集。鉴于目前国内翻译版本的不尽如人意，我于是打算翻译一下 ，175集不是开玩笑的事情，以我做事的习惯来说，基本上是不可能的，算作挑战自己的一种行为吧——2009年，”宋飞传“20年了。 另：这在老美心中是一部必看的戏，而在国内属于典型的小众剧集，因此版权的问题无所谓，反正这翻译也没什么特别的精彩之处，只是工作量较大罢了。英文版来自于http://www.seinfeldscripts.com 1989年6月5日 In this episode, the predecessor to "Seinfeld" (1990), Jerry is expecting a woman that he met in Michigan to come and visit him in New York. Throughout the first part of the show Jerry and George are discussing the situation. Later we meet "Kessler" who comes in to Jerry's apartment to borrow some meat and uncharacteristically knocks on the door before entering. Written by Seinfeld Fan {onlyjoex@earthlink.net} 纽约拜访他。剧中，杰瑞和乔治先讨论了这一状况，然后，剧中另一主角“凯斯勒”闯入了杰瑞的居所，并借走了一 些肉，在进门之前，他异常的先敲门了。 杰瑞的房间之前敲门。 The Seinfeld Chronicles [Scene: Comedy club] out is one of the single most enjoyable experiences of life. People...did you ever hear people talking about "We should go out"? This is what they're talking about...this whole thing, we're all out now, no one is home. Not one person here is home, we're all out! There are people tryin' to find us, they don't know where we are. [imitates one of these people "tryin' to find us"; pretends his hand is a phone] "Did you ring?, I can't find him." [imitates other person on phone] "Where did he go?" [the first person again] "He didn't tell me where he was going". He must have gone out. You wanna go out: you get ready, you pick out the clothes, right? You take the shower, you get all ready, get the cash, get your friends, the car, the spot, the reservation...There you're staring around, whatta you do? You go: "We gotta be getting back". Once you're out, you wanna get back! You wanna go to sleep, you wanna get up, you wanna go out again tomorrow, right? Where ever you are in life, it's my feeling, you've gotta go. 。人们……你曾经听到过人们谈论“我们应该出去”吗？这就是他们所谈论的……这些全部的话，我们现在就在“外 面”，没人在家。没有一个人在家，我们都在外面！总会有人想找到我们，他们不知道我们在哪儿。（模仿对话） 个地儿，预约……然后你就四处张望，你该做什么？你说：“我们该回去了。”每当你出门在外的时候，你总想要回 去！你想要睡觉、想要起床，你想要明天再出去，对吧？我的感觉是：无论你在人生的何处，你总是想要走。 [Scene: Pete's luncheonette. Jerry and George are sitting at a table.] second button literally makes or brakes the shirt, look at it: it's too high! It's in no-man's-land, you look like you live with your mother. 看看：这（粒扣子）太高了！好像在无人区一样，你看起来像还和你妈住一起的样子。 the table] but George stops her] right...it's very challenging work. [ironically] 边……（讽刺的）这项工作还真是有挑战性啊！ and walks away] the show in Lansing...[looks in the milk can] There's no milk in here, what... she like? and really pretty and uh...the conversation though, I mean, it was...talking with her is like talking with you, but, ya know, obviously much better. 知道，显然（和她）要更好。 you! to come in for a seminar and maybe we'll get together. 下。 block] Claire, Claire, you're a woman, right? female point of view. accent "has to"] come to New York on business... to spend time with me? [stands up], I, I gotta go get my stuff out of the dryer anyway. 衣服。 laughing, Claire walks away with a smile] [Scene: Laundry. Jerry and George are there; George is staring at one of the dryers] away from the dryer; a man passes George and Jerry] softeners; this is not his first load. you....all right. Did she even ask you, what you were doin' tomorrow night, if you were busy? 干啥，你是不是有空？ night! staying at, you can't call her. That's a signal, Jerry, that's a signal! [snaps his fingers again] Signal! ，杰瑞，都是信号！ this is unbelievable. to be done by know, why don't you just see if it's dried? 烘干了没？ let it finish. Same thing with dead: like once you die you're dead, right? Let's say you drop dead and I shoot you: you're not gonna die again, you're already dead. You can't "overdie", you can't "overdry". 时候，你就是死了，对吗？打比方说吧，你倒毙了，我再开枪打你：你不可能再死一次吧，你已经死了。你不可能“ 太死”，就像没有“太干了（过于干了）”一样。 opens it: the dryer stops working and George closes the lid] [Scene: Comedy club] washing machine is the nightclub of clothes. Ya know, it's dark, there's bubbles happening, they're all kind a dancing around in there...shirt grabs the underwear: "C'mon babe, let's gather". You come by, you open up the lid and they'll: [shows how clothes are acting when you open the lid]...Socks are the most amazing article of clothing. They hate their lives, they're in the shoes with stinky feet, the boring drawers...the dryer is their only chance to escape and they all know it. They knew a escape from the dryer. They plan it in the hamper, the night before: [sock's voice] "Tomorrow, the dryer, I'm goin'...you wait here!" The dryer-door swings open and the sock is waiting up against the side wall. They hope you don't see him and then he goes down the road [shows how the sock is going down the road]. They got buttons sowed on their faces: join the puppet show...So they're showing me on television the detergent for getting out blood-stains...Is this a violent image to anybody? Blood- stains? I mean, I, come on, you got a T-shirt with blood-stains all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem right now...Maybe you oughtta get the harpoon out your chest first. 暗，那里有泡泡，那里有各样的舞蹈……衬衫抓住了内衣：来吧宝贝儿，和我玩玩儿。你经过，你打开舱盖门它们就 都……（表现出打开洗衣机舱盖时衣服的样子）……袜子是衣物中最奇妙的一样。它们厌恶它们的生活，它们与臭脚 一起生活在鞋子里，或是在无聊的抽屉里……它们心知肚明：烘干机是它们逃离现实唯一的出路。它们知道烘干机有 个出口。它们打昨晚在篮子里时就开始计划。（袜子的声音）“明天，烘干机，我要走了……你在这里等着！”烘干 机的门缓缓打开，袜子在边角上等待机会，它们希望你对它们视而不见，它们就能走到大路上（表现出袜子走在路上 ）。搞两粒纽扣缝在脸上，加入木偶剧团……电视上有在播清洁剂除去血渍的情景，这画面不曾令你反感吗？血渍？ 我是说……天啊，你有件沾满血渍的T恤衫的话，也许洗衣服对你来说就不算啥大问题了……可能你先要考虑的是把 鱼叉从你的胸口拔出来。 [Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry is watching TV] say anything, I taped it, hello... Yeah, no, I'm sorry, you have the wrong number...Yeah, no [somebody knocks at the door] Yeah? [to the door, while still at the phone] 不，对不起，你打错电话了……是，不……（有人敲门）哪位？（应门，仍在电话中） on the street? Yeah, no problem [hangs up the phone]. 挂断电话） name; maybe "Kramer" wasn't named "Kramer" in the pilot!] I taped the game, it's one o'clock in the morning! I avoided human contact all night to watch this. 不行！ pockets] You got any meat? and sticks his head in] Well what, what happened in the game anyway? 如何了？ happened! [takes some meat from the refrigerator and closes it] Ya know, I almost wound up going to that game. 赛了。 pages of a magazine. Suddenly he spots an article he likes and tears it out. Jerry looks at him with a "what-the-h...-are-you-doing-look" and Kramer asks:] Are you done with this? 的看着他，克雷默说）你看完了对吧？ you're done, let me know. fingers how close it was] you?...great...sure...What time does the plane get in?...I got my friend George to take me...[Kramer suddenly notices something in the Mets-game on TV]... 到？我朋友乔治会开车带我过去的……（克雷默突然注意到了电视上的比赛） write on] ten-fifteen...No, don't be silly, go ahead and ask...Yeah, sure...OK, great, no no, it's no trouble at all...I'll see you tomorrow...great, bye. [hangs up the phone; to Kramer:] I, I don't believe it...That, that was her. She wants to stay here! ，一点都不麻烦……那明天见……好的，再见。（挂断电话，对克雷默）我，不敢相信，那是她，她想要住在我这里 ！ [Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry and George enter, lifting a heavy mattress] from now on like he has a cigarette in his mouth] Have you got your end?...Your end's got to come down first, easy now, drop it down...drop it down, your end's got to come down. 你那边要放下来。 you. Why don't you bring in an extra guy too? [sits down] request? Whatta ya need? A flag? [waves with his handkerchief] This is the signal, Jerry, this is the signal! 号！ JERRY: [cynical] This is the signal. Thank you, mister Signal, where were you yesterday? at the couch] HO, HO, HO, GOOD DOG [etc.] getting' a drink of water. [sees the mattress on the floor] Is this for that girl? bathroom? They, they have a woman comin' over: "I've gotta tidy up? Yeah right, in these matters you never do what your instincts tell you. Always, ALWAYS do the opposite. 清洁工作？在这类事情上，永远不要做那些你自然而然认为该做的。永远，永远做相反的事儿。 bathroom and closes the door; to George, while pointing to the mattress] It's unbelievable. come out] You're on stage in 25 minutes. [Scene: Comedy club.] world of pain...and ya know, if a woman comes over to my house, I gotta get that bathroom ready, 'cause she needs things. Women need equipment. I don't know what they need. I know I don't have it, I know that...Ya know what they need, women seem to need a lot of cotton-balls. This is the one I'm, always has been one of the amazing things to me...I have no cotton-balls, we're all human beings, what is the story? I've never had one...I never bought one, I never needed one, I've never been in a situation, when I thought to myself: "I could use a cotton-ball right now"...I can certainly get out of this mess...Women need them and they don't need one or two, they need thousands of them, they need bags, they're like peat-moss(?) bags, have you ever seen these giant bags? They're huge and two days later, they're out, they're gone, the, the bag is empty, where are the cotton-balls, ladies? What are you doin' with them? The only time I ever see'em is in the bottom of your little waste basket, there's two of three, that look like they've been through some horrible experience... tortured, interrogated, I don't know what happened to them...I once went out with a girl who's left a little zip-lock-baggy of cotton-balls over my house. I don't know what to do with them, I took them out, I put them on my kitchen floor like little tumbleweeds. I thought maybe the cockroaches would see it, figure this is a dead town: "Let's move on"... The dating world is a world of pressure. Let's face it: a date is a job -interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job-interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it...ya know: "Well, Bill, the boss thinks you're the man for the position, why don't you strip down and meet some of the people you'll be workin' with?". 来我家，我需要使我的卫生间准备就绪，因为她需要“东西”，女人需要很多装备。我不知道她们需要什么，我知道 我没有这些，我知道……你知道她们都需要什么吗？她们似乎需要很多棉花球。这事儿我一直觉得很好奇……我没有 棉花球，人和人的差距咋就那么大涅？我从来没有过一个（棉花球），从来没买过，从来不需要，从来没有处在这种 情况：我会对自己说“我现在想用个棉花球”……我能立马摆脱这些……女人们需要棉花球，不是一个两个，而是需 要成千上万个，她们需要一袋一袋的，见过那么大的袋子吗？非常巨大的袋子，两天后，袋子都空了……女士们，棉 花球上哪儿去了？你们把它们怎么着啦！我唯一见到它们的时候是在垃圾桶里，看那两三个，看起来它们经历了一些 很可怕的事情……被折磨，被审讯，我不知道它们到底怎么啦……曾经有个女孩落下了一小包棉花球在我家。我不知 道如何处置它们，我把它们取出来，放在我厨房的地板上。我想也许小强会看见它们，以为这是座死城，让我们进驻 吧……约会是件有压力的事儿。让我们直面它吧：一场约会就像一次持续整晚的面试。唯一的不同就是：大部分面试 结束的时候你不会光溜溜的……难不成这样：好啦，比尔，老板认为你是这个职位的不二人选！你干嘛不脱光光，见 见你以后的同事们呢？ [Scene: Airport. Jerry and George are waiting for Laura] investigation. steps off the plane. feet apart? the warm look in the eyes? quality of the wetness in the eyes...[suddenly a woman approaches Jerry from behind and puts her hands over Jerry's eyes] is looking puzzled] [Scene: Jerry's apartment. Jerry shows Laura the apartment] down on the couch, takes off her shoes and opens some buttons of her shirt] So uh, can I get you anything? Uuhhh, bread, water...salad-dressing? ，水……色拉调料？ here tomorrow night too? tomorrow? Are you, are you doin' anything? open. -rides around Manhattan. glad you're here. [the phone rings; he picks it up] Yeah, hello...yes...yes, she is, hold on. [to Laura] Uhm, it's for you. 对劳拉）嗯，你的电话。 here tomorrow...yes, yes it's fine..no, we're goin' on a boat-ride...don't be silly...I'm not gonna have this conversation...look I, I'll call you tomorrow...OK, bye [she hangs up the phone]. Never get engaged. 这些了……嗯，我明天再联系你……好，再见。（挂断后）千万别陷在婚姻里。 roller coaster. it's a very stressful situation. [Scene: Comedy club.] I, I'm not getting the signals. I am not getting it! Women, they're so subtle, their little...everything they do is subtle...men are not subtle, we are obvious. Women know what men want, men know what men want, what do we want? We want women, that's it!...It's the only thing we know for sure, it really is: we want women. How do we get them? Oh, we don't know 'bout that, we don't know. The next step after that we have no idea. This is why you see men honking car-horns, yelling from construction sites. These are the best ideas we've had so far...The car-horn-honk, is that a beauty? Have you seen men doing this? What is this? The man is in the car, the woman walks by the front of the car, he honks: [imitates horn] 人，她们太微妙了，她们所作的一切小事都那么微妙……男人可没那么微妙，我们是明确的。女人知道男人要什么， 男人知道男人要什么，我们要什么？我们要女人，无非如此！这是我唯一确信的事儿：我们要女人。我们怎么得到她 们呢？哦，我们可不知道，我们不知道。下一步该怎么做，我们毫不知情。那也就是为什么你能看到男人不停的按喇 叭，在工地上叫嚣。那些是我们唯一能做的……按喇叭，多美妙啊！看到过男人这样吗？那个男人在车里，女人在面 前经过，男人按喇叭： "I don't think she likes me"...The amazing thing is, that we still get women, don't we. Men, I mean, men are with women. You see men with women. How are men getting women, many people wonder. Let me tell you a little bit about our organization. "Where ever women are?", we have a man working on the situation right now. Now, he may not be our best man, OK, we have a lot of areas to cover, but someone from our staff is on the scene...That's why, I think, men get frustrated, when we see women reading articles, like: "Where to meet men?". We're here, we are everywhere. We're honking our horns to serve you better. 嘛！男人，我是说，男人就是该和女人在一起。你看到男人、女人在一起，很多人不解男人是如何得到女人的呢？让 我告诉你一点点“组织”里的内幕吧。有女人的地方，都有个男人在现场。他未必是最佳先生，我们有太多区域要布 点，但总有个人在现场……那也正是男人沮丧的地方，女人们总是看这样的文章“哪里能遇见男人”。我们就在这里 呢！我们在任何地方！我们按喇叭，时刻准备着给你提供更好的服务！ 1月22日 私家祝福×牛年贺岁短信（原创）（藏头藏尾官方版）
牛气冲天盼有幸 年年有余祈祥福 祝酒歌中音谐和 愿许岁岁山河睦
（幸福多如牛毛版） 幸运女神常相伴 福禄双星共灿烂 多喜亦多财 如花开不败 牛年到 毛病少
（非主流版） 万一春节有局 事先务必叫我 如果非要送礼 意思意思即可 最无辜是奶牛 最无聊是生气 呆呆向前猛冲 定有一片新天 9月26日 Desperado亡命徒唯一一首翻译得不太离谱的歌词 Desperado亡命徒 亡命徒，你何时才能不再犯傻 Don' you draw the queen of diamonds, boy 朋友，别出方块Q Now it seems to me, some fine things 现在看起来，有些很美好的事情就在你眼前 Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no youger 亡命徒，哦，你已不再年轻 Don't your feet get cold in the winter time? 在冬天，你的双脚会感到寒冷吧 Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? 亡命徒，你为什么不醒醒呢？ 9月9日 中国每2分钟就有1人自杀 请记得我是心理咨询师下面只是今天看到的一则新闻而已
不过大家身边如果有想死的人，不妨找我试试……呵呵，反正找我也不会得到比死更差的结果了……啊哈哈哈
中国每2分钟就有1人自杀 据中国心理卫生协会资料显示，自杀在中国已成为位列第五的死亡原因，仅次于心脑血管病、恶性肿瘤、呼吸系统疾病和意外死亡。
而在15岁至34岁的人群中，自杀更是成为首位死因。在中国自2000年以来，每2分钟就有1人自杀、8人自杀未遂，每年约有25万人死于自杀，至少有100万人自杀未遂，自杀未遂者往往也造成不同程度的功能残疾。
相对于其他国家而言，中国相对高的自杀率还表现出一种独特的特征：农村的自杀率是城市的3倍，农村老年人自杀率高于城市老人5倍，全国90％的自杀发生在农村。中国女性自杀率比男性高25％，这一差异在农村年轻女性中更为突出；发达国家男性自杀率至少是女性的3倍。
正所谓：中国每2分钟就有1人自杀 请记得我是心理咨询师 9月8日 无题200809081318（一段MSN的签名）
男人就是商店，只有非常黑和稍微黑的区别，如果发现自己找来找去还是进了家黑店，请不要惊讶。
（随手附和之）
女人就是顾客，只有非常挑剔和很挑剔的区别，如果发现自己找来找去还是被挑挑拣拣，请不要惊讶。 8月12日 English Up 2 date（原创）English Up 2 date（原创）——首发于BBS.SGST.CN看看最新的英语单词（词组），可以从一个侧面了解英语（国家）文化
（单词来源：merriam-webster.com/opendictionary，按个人意愿节选之，这些词应该大部分没有出现在词典里吧） 1、revorce (verb) : to divorce again ——有创意吧，再次离婚……据说，在美国，早已有为离婚而举行的PARTY了，这世道真是…… 2、hyperpopular (adjective) : extremely popular——前缀hyper有“超级”、“很”、“非常”的意思，这个词大概就是超流行、劲爆的意思吧 3、salsero (noun) : one who loves to dance to salsa ——salsa是近年风靡所谓白领层的一种舞蹈，而这种舞蹈的拥趸就叫这个 4、tigermania (noun) : obsession with Tiger Woods——后缀mania就是“粉丝”、“疯狂崇拜者”的意思，tiger是著名的黑人高尔夫选手；有句歌词是这样的：the best gofler is black, the best rapper is white……说明美国近十年来的变化（因为传统上，高尔夫是白人的运动，而饶舌音乐是黑人的专利） 5、galpal (noun) : a female buddy or pal——女性朋友（闺密），gal=girl；pal=friend 6、petrolmania (noun) : concern with the the cost of oil——这个很有趣，“疯狂关心油价涨跌的人” 7、shlumpadinka (noun) : a woman who dresses like she has completely given up on herself and it shows : a dowdy and unstylish woman——不修边幅的女人——相应的，不修边幅的男人shlumpadinko——这两个词我都不知道怎么念……汗 8、crunk(adjective) : crazy and drunk at the same time——hard to imagine 9、smexy(adjective) : mildly sexy ——和8号词差不多，英语经常有两个词叠加成一个新词的做法，smexy很实用哦，可以解释为：低调的性感，不张扬的诱惑……另外，还有一个词sexify，就是变得性感的意思 10、tattology (noun) : the study of tattoos and their meaning——OMG，连纹身都有学问了……纹身学；另外，tats是tatoos的简称 （就10个吧，够累了……呵呵） 版权所有哦S.Y. 7月24日 Before You say "I Do"婚前，需要问的一些问题。（译稿，将原文中几个宗教相关的问题剔除了） 工作问题 所从事的工作是你主动选择的吗？ 金钱问题 常规收入来源？ 性问题 你最享受的性活动是什么？有特定的性行为会让你不悦吗？具体一些。 父母（家庭）问题 想要孩子吗？多少个？可以生育吗？ |
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